Chapter 5

CHAPTERFIVE

Jody bolted up in her bed and listened hard. Knowing exactly what she heard, as she’d heard it more times than she could count, she threw back her blanket, leaped out of bed, and ran to her door. She whipped it open and practically threw herself at Mana’s bedroom door. She jerked it open, ready to scold Mana for getting home so late after curfew.

But instead of seeing her son standing in his room, looking sheepish and smiling at her, all she saw was darkness. The room was empty and cold.

The sound of Mana’s keys thumping down on his dresser was nothing more than a dream. Her imagination.

Stumbling backward, Jody’s chest heaved with a sob. Every time she thought she was finally coming to terms with the fact that her beloved son was never coming back, her mind had to go and play a cruel trick on her.

She spun and staggered back to her bed. Without thinking about what she was doing, Jody reached for her phone.

The last thing she’d heard before falling asleep was Baker’s deep voice in her ear. She’d seen him twice that week, both times in the mornings before he headed out to surf with the teenagers, but he’d called her every night. It was now Friday…well, Saturday, since it was well past midnight, and today she’d be going to have lunch with Elodie, Monica, and Ashlyn. Lexie had something come up and she couldn’t make it.

Jody was excited, but also nervous. Baker had reassured her that she had nothing to be nervous about and everything would go smoothly.

Then for some reason, maybe it was her nerves getting the best of her, but she’d dreamed about Mana for the first time in quite a while. She used to dream about him all the time, and when they’d faded away, it was both a blessing and a curse. She missed her son, desperately, and while dreaming about him was painful, at least she got to “see” him again.

Tonight, she’d woken with the sound of her son’s keys hitting the top of his dresser. It had been so clear. So real. And it had happened before. In fact, for a while after Mana died, she heard him all the time. Entering the house, flushing the toilet, talking on the phone in his room. Heard him so often, she’d begun to think she was going crazy.

The phone rang through the speaker in her empty room. Just as Jody was coming fully awake, and realizing it wasn’t a good idea to be calling Baker at—she looked over at the clock—three twenty-four in the morning, he answered.

“What’s wrong, Jodelle?”

Amazingly, he sounded completely awake and alert. It was too late to hang up and pretend she hadn’t called now.

“I…nothing,” she said.

“Talk to me. Now,” Baker said sternly. “You’ve got two seconds before I’m in my car headed to your place.”

“I had a nightmare,” Jody whispered, feeling silly that she’d woken him up.

“What?”

“A nightmare. Or hallucination. I don’t know what you’d call it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m fine. As fine as I can be. I’ll let you go back to sleep. I don’t know why I called you.”

“Don’t hang up,” Baker ordered, sounding much more relaxed than a second ago. “What was it about?”

“What it’s always about,” Jody said with a sigh.

“Mana,” Baker guessed.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me about it.”

Surprising herself, Jody did just that. She needed to talk to someone. Feel not so alone for once. “It happens every so often. It’s the same every time. I’m asleep, and I swear I hear the sound of his keys hitting his dresser. It was a habit for him. Whenever he got home, he’d go straight to his room and dump them on top of his dresser. He learned that from me. I always put my keys in the same place when I get home, otherwise I lose them. Mana had to help me search for them so often, we finally made a pact to always put them in the same place the second we got home. Mine are in a bowl on the kitchen counter. His was on his dresser.”

Jody closed her eyes and smiled sadly, remembering how hard it had been for both of them to get in the habit of putting their keys in the designated place.

“So you heard that tonight?”

“Yeah,” Jody said softly. “My brain tells me that his death was a horrible dream. That he’s home. I’m out of my bed before I even really wake up. I run to his room, ready to scold him for getting home after curfew, but all I see is that empty space. I go from being ecstatic to devastated in the space of a heartbeat. It still hurts, Baker. So damn much.”

“Are you cold?” Baker asked.

Jody wasn’t sure why he was asking for a moment, then she realized that her entire body was shaking. Even her teeth were chattering. He must’ve heard it in her voice.

“Freezing,” she told him.

“Where are you?”

“Lying on my bed.”

“Get under the covers.”

Baker was being bossy again, but Jody wasn’t quite herself, so she didn’t really mind. She bent her legs and pushed them under the sheet, pulling up the blanket as she lay down.

“Are you under them?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Close your eyes.”

“Baker, I’m sure you have better things to do, I’ll just—”

“Hush,” he told her, not unkindly.

Jody hushed.

“I don’t know what your beliefs are about God, Heaven, or what happens when we die, but I’ll tell you what I think.”

Jody nodded. He couldn’t see her do so, but he apparently didn’t need to in order to keep talking.

“You aren’t hallucinating. And you aren’t crazy. You and your son share a unique bond. You were close, very close, and I believe his soul is still here…watching over you. You dreaming about him, or hearing things like his keys hitting the wood of his dresser, is his way of letting you know that he’s near. That he’s protecting you.

“I also believe that when we’re born, we’re tasked with learning something about life. That might be love, that might be friendship, it might be what it’s like to be a parent, or to struggle through adversity and learn how to deal with it. When we die, the life we’ve led is reviewed…if we learned what we were supposed to, we move on to another life, another chance to learn something new. If we didn’t learn our lesson, we get a second chance to learn what we were supposed to in the next life.”

“You’re talking about reincarnation?” Jody asked.

“Yeah. I also think that souls reincarnate together. So the people you love the most appear in your next life in some way. As your friend, child, spouse, a teacher who touches you in some way. I think souls are linked…which means Mana’s waiting for you, Jodelle. Those dreams are his way of letting you know that he’s out there, watching over you, waiting until you can be reunited and start over together at some point in the future.”

Jody thought about Baker’s words. Some people would immediately dismiss them as being hokey or way too out there…but she liked the thought of being with Mana again in the hopefully distant future. Though, one thing bothered her about what Baker said. “I’m not sure my boy had time to learn whatever lesson he was supposed to learn,” she admitted.

“What were his best traits?” Baker asked.

Jody didn’t even have to think about that. “He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He literally made friends with everyone. He was always bugging me to stop so he could hop out of the car and give a homeless person money. Once, he even took off his own shoes when he saw a homeless man wasn’t wearing any. He helped younger kids learn how to surf, and I swear I never heard him say a bad word about anyone.”

“I’m thinking maybe whatever higher power is out there had other plans for your son,” Baker said quietly. “Maybe it wasn’t his job to learn a lesson in this life, but to be a lesson for others. To teach others how to be accepting, nonjudgmental, and kind.”

Tears welled up in Jody’s eyes. She liked that. A lot. Not the part where Mana had to die way too young, but that maybe, just maybe, others had learned compassion from his example.

“The way I see it,” Baker said, “is that you shouldn’t be afraid of your dreams, or of hearing Mana puttering around in the house. Embrace it, find joy that his soul is still out there and waiting until you can be reunited.”

The tears spilled over onto her cheeks. “I want to, but I miss him so much, Baker.”

“I know you do, Tink. I’m sorry I never got to meet him.”

“Me too. He would’ve liked you,” Jody said. Then something else struck her about what Baker had said earlier. “So…souls reincarnate together?”

“I believe they do,” Baker said.

“Do you think we knew each other in a past life?”

“Yes.” Baker didn’t hesitate even a heartbeat before answering.

“So I could’ve been your teacher or father?”

“Possibly, but I’m thinking not.”

When he didn’t continue, Jody asked, “Why not?”

“It’s probably too early for this conversation,” Baker said, avoiding an answer in a way that wasn’t normal for him.

“I’m sorry I called so late…or early,” Jody said.

“I don’t mean that. It’s just…we’re still getting to know each other. I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Baker, I called you in the middle of the night to tell you that I heard my dead son throw his keys onto his dresser…if anyone should be freaking out, it’s probably you,” Jody said dryly. Amazingly, she felt a hundred times calmer than she did when she’d picked up the phone. Usually after an incident like this one, she’d fall into a depression so deep, it would take several days to crawl back out. But after talking with Baker, and hearing his thoughts on the afterlife, she already felt better.

“You need me, you call. I don’t give a shit what time it is,” Baker said firmly. “Got it?”

“Yeah. And while I can’t think of any situation where you’d need me, the same goes for you.”

“Sometimes hearing a soft voice, one that isn’t asking you for anything other than simply to talk, is the most precious gift you can receive,” Baker said.

“Baker,” she whispered, both loving and hating his words.

“Soul mates,” he said quietly. “Sometimes there’s one person out there who’s it for you. Who’s been with you life after life. It’s fuckin’ hard to find them, especially when there are lessons to be learned in each of the lives we’re given. But I think in every life, you cross paths, and if your eyes are open to the possibility, you rejoice in having found the other half of your soul. You grab onto that person and hold on with all your worth. No matter what obstacles are put in your way, you hold the fuck on…and in return, are rewarded with a love so strong, so pure, nothing can tear you apart.”

Jody swallowed hard. Never in a million years would she have thought she’d be having a conversation like this, in the middle of the night, with Baker Rawlins. She wasn’t sure she completely believed what he was saying, but a warmth deep down inside her seemed to grow with every word he spoke.

Under his tough exterior, his gruff and sometimes scary countenance, he was a romantic. The dichotomy was a total turn-on.

“I know that sounds crazy,” Baker went on. “And it’s taken me way too fuckin’ long to get my head out of my ass, but I truly believe you’re that person for me, Jodelle. The second we met, something inside me clicked. I resisted our connection, feeling like after the life I’ve led, I was meant to be alone, but I can’t deny it anymore. That doesn’t mean we’re rushing things though. You need time to believe what we have is real, and I’m going to give you all the time you require. So we’re still taking this one day at a time. Baby steps, Tink.”

“Okay,” Jody said.

“You still cold?” Baker asked.

Jody thought about it for a second, then said, “No.”

“Good. You want to sleep or keep talking?”

“You said you were heading down to Honolulu to check on a friend tomorrow morning,” Jody said.

“Yup.”

“You need to get some sleep so you can do that,” Jody told him.

“Much rather talk to you, make sure you’re good. Won’t be able to sleep anyway if I’m worried about you,” Baker said.

Jody snuggled into her blankets a little more, turning onto her side and curling her knees up so she was in a ball. “Will you tell me about the friend you’re going to visit?”

“Of course. But before I do…you nervous about tomorrow…or rather, today?”

Jody realized Baker did that all the time. Turned the conversation around so they were talking about her and what she was doing. She didn’t mind, and it felt good that he was interested, but she wanted to talk about him sometimes too. “Yes, but in a good way.”

“What does that mean?”

“I haven’t been out with girlfriends in a long time. I grew apart from my old ones after I got married and had Kaimana. Then when I got divorced, it was all I could do to take care of myself and my son. I felt as if I was barely keeping my head above water. As Mana grew up, I got heavily involved in my work, trying to make enough to give my son everything he needed and wanted. When he died, just getting up every morning was a challenge. And when I finally did start to heal, I was busy with my work again, and going to the beach in the mornings and afternoons to watch over the kids. So I’m nervous, but also excited. I’m intrigued by your friends’ women and I want them to like me.”

“They already do,” Baker said.

“They don’t know me,” she protested.

“Doesn’t matter. They know you’re with me, and not being conceited or anything, but they like me, Tink, and they know that I’m no idiot. If I like you, that means you’re awesome. So you have nothing to worry about when it comes to them liking you. If anything, I need to be worried they’re gonna want to take up all your free time, and I’ll be left out in the cold.”

Jody laughed at that. “Um, not gonna happen, Baker.”

“I’m glad. They’re good people,” he told her gently. “They know what it’s like to be scared. What it’s like to feel like you’re completely alone in the world. Remember what I said about souls reincarnating together? These are your people, Jodelle. That sounds ridiculous, but I swear it’s true. All you have to do is be the person you already are. You know why Mana was as kind and considerate as he was, don’t you?”

“Why?” Jody whispered, almost overcome with emotion once more.

“Because he learned it from his mom. I’ve seen you with those kids at the beach. And with others. Those sandwiches you make aren’t just for the teens you keep your eye on. They’re for anyone who looks hungry. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the bag of flip-flops you keep in your van in case you run across someone who can’t afford to replace their own worn-out shoes.”

Jody closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“The friend I’m going to see tomorrow? His name’s Theo. He lives in Barbers Point near Food For All, where Elodie, Lexie, and Ashlyn work. He’s in his mid-forties, used to be homeless, and he saved Lexie’s life. He’s got something wrong mentally, but he’s the most talented artist I’ve ever seen, and somehow, even though we’re complete opposites…we’re friends.”

Jody smiled, not surprised that Baker had taken Theo under his wing. She asked Baker about Theo, about Food For All, how he got into surfing and other easy topics. Before she knew it, another hour had passed.

When she yawned for the tenth time in five minutes, Baker asked gently, “You think you can sleep now, Tink?”

Jody’s eyes felt heavy and she was more relaxed than she’d been in a very long time. “Yeah.”

“Good. Like this, Jodelle.”

“What?”

“Talking to you when you’re all soft and sleepy. It’ll be a dream come true when I get the chance to do it in person.”

“What?”

“Talk you down after you have a bad night. I’ll like it a hell of a lot more when I get to hold you while I’m doing it.”

Jody had not a doubt in the world that she’d like that better too.

Baker didn’t give her a chance to respond. “Have a good time tomorrow. Drive safe. Will you let me know when you get home?”

Again, that warmth spread through her. The idea that someone cared where she was and if she got home all right. “Will you let me know when you get home from visiting Theo? I’m gonna worry since I kept you up.”

“Yeah, Tink. I’ll let you know. Gonna want you to meet Theo at some point too. He’s gonna be extremely curious about you.”

“You’re going to tell him about me?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“Of course.”

“It’s only been a week since we decided to be more than friends,” Jody hedged, reminding him of something she knew he was well aware.

“Soul mates,” Baker said simply. “Go to sleep, Tink. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. You can tell me all about how great lunch went and when your sleepover with the girls is planned.”

Jody chuckled. “I’m not sure we’ll go from meeting for the first time to BFFs planning a pajama sleepover.”

“Don’t underestimate the power of Elodie and her posse,” Baker said with a laugh. “Have fun tomorrow. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

“Night.”

“Good night,” she said, then clicked off the phone. She lay there in a ball for a moment before rolling over, placing her phone on the table next to her bed, then rolling back to her other side. She closed her eyes and whispered out loud, “Good night, Mana. Love you.”

Feeling a million times better than she had when she’d woken up earlier, Jody closed her eyes and immediately fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.