Chapter 13

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

Jody, Ben, and Baker had fallen into an easy routine over the last week and a half. Ben was back at school, and the three of them would go to the beach in the mornings for surfing, then when Ben went to class, Jody went home to work, and Baker either went to his own place or headed down to Honolulu to the Naval base.

Then he’d come back to her place in the afternoons, and the three of them would eat a big dinner Jody made. Ben would either do homework or they’d all watch TV until it was time for bed.

Baker had slept in Jody’s bed every night. They hadn’t done anything more than make out and sleep, but Jody didn’t feel an urgent need to rush things. Nor was she freaked out that, after all their sex talk, he hadn’t made a move toward changing the nature of their relationship. She was…comfortable.

That wasn’t to say she didn’t get horny and didn’t sometimes touch herself during the day when she was alone. She absolutely did. But she liked the intimacy of being with Baker without the pressure of sex getting in the way.

She also loved sleeping with him. Adored falling asleep in his arms and waking up the same way. Outside of bed, he was constantly touching her, but not in an aggressive or overly suggestive way. He rested his hand on her belly or under the hem of her shirt, his open palm on the small of her back. Wrapped his hand around her neck and kept her close. And his kisses made her feel as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

Yes, it was safe to say, she was enjoying having Baker in her life. He was overprotective, even borderline paranoid at times, but when he got too over-the-top, she thought about all that he’d seen and done in his lifetime, and she let it go. There was a reason he was the way he was, and honestly, Jody liked that he cared enough to remain hypervigilant.

They were working slowly to encourage Ben to open up to them about why he’d moved out of his parents’ house and begun living in his car, but so far he hadn’t said much. Baker had done more research on Al Rowden, but on the surface, he was exactly what he seemed to be—a well-respected and popular juvenile judge.

Emma, Ben’s mom, was more of an enigma, and even Baker hadn’t been able to get access to the files on her from when she was hospitalized. He had a friend named Tex who he said could probably get them, but the man was currently helping another friend with an issue, so Baker was reluctant to bother him.

They’d talked about it more than once and had agreed to back off until Ben was ready to share. He was safe, going to school, and seemed to be relaxing. That was what they considered most important.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Baker asked.

They were in bed, reluctant to get up and start the day, and her head was tucked against Baker’s chest, his arms around her. They were as close as two people could be. Jody could feel his morning erection against her thigh, but he didn’t pressure her to do anything about it. He’d told her more than once that having an erection was his normal state when he was around her, especially when he woke up with Jody in his arms, her scent all over his skin.

“Honestly?” she asked.

“Always,” Baker said.

“I was thinking about how nice this is. Having you here.”

“Yeah,” Baker agreed, pulling her even closer.

“And trust,” Jody blurted.

“What?”

“Trust. I think that’s what I’m supposed to learn in this life. You know how you said you believe we’re supposed to learn something in each life we live? Well, that’s what I think I’m supposed to learn.”

“You have a hard time trusting?” Baker asked.

Jody shrugged. “I didn’t think so, but I’ve been pondering it since we had that discussion. I go to the beach to watch the kids surf in the mornings because I don’t trust that they’ll be safe. I think my relationship with my ex suffered not only because he was a jerk, but because I didn’t trust him—and I wasn’t wrong to feel that way. He wasn’t trustworthy in the least. I haven’t been in another relationship since because I think deep down, I didn’t trust anyone to have my back. Not to turn on me, tell me I needed to move on from Mana’s death. I don’t even have friends, because I don’t trust that they’d understand my grief.

“Then I realized that wanting Ben to trust me, trust us, with whatever is going on…it’s hypocritical. Why should he trust me when I don’t trust others? It’s hard to put yourself out there like that. To open yourself up to hurt and pain if the person you’re trusting betrays you. Mana trusted everyone and everything. He was open and honest with just about every person he met. I want to be more like him, but I don’t know how. I mean, with some things, I have no problem. Like trusting Ben not to hurt me or steal from me while he’s staying here. But in other ways, like emotionally, I have a harder time. Do you think it’s ever too late to learn what you’re supposed to in a lifetime?”

“No,” Baker said immediately. “It’s never too late.”

“I hope not. And maybe I won’t have to worry about it…because I’m starting to think I can trust you, Baker.”

His arms tightened. “You can. And I know saying the words doesn’t make it so, but no matter how long it takes, I’ll prove to you that you can one hundred percent trust me. With your heart, your innermost thoughts, your memories of Mana, your beliefs…and of course, physically.”

“Your job scares me a little,” Jody admitted softly.

He tensed against her.

She went on. “I mean, I’m proud of what you do, and I have no doubt that you’re making a difference in the world. I know you said you’re really good at it, and that it’ll never touch me, but what if it does? What if someone uses me to get to you? But what truly scares me the most is that it might take you away from me. That you’ll get arrested or killed. I know that’s not fair, and you can’t prevent every little thing…but I can’t handle losing someone else I care about. It’ll break me. Especially considering how deeply I’m falling for you.”

Baker rolled until Jody was on her back and he was hovering over her. She had no choice but to meet his gaze. “I think you know better than most that there are no guarantees in life.”

Jody nodded. “Which is why I’m scared to trust that what we have is gonna last. Or that you aren’t going to get hurt or end up in jail.”

“What can I say to make you feel better about where we’re going?” Baker asked.

“I don’t know.”

Baker looked frustrated, which was extremely rare—and it hurt Jody’s heart. “I didn’t start this conversation to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. And I never want you to hold back when you’ve got a concern. I’m not a Boy Scout. You know that by now.”

Jody nodded.

“I swear to you that I’m good at what I do. I cover my tracks and there’s no way anyone will be able to bring charges on me. For anything. Not only because I’m a fuckin’ ghost when it comes to finding information, but because I’ve got people very high on the food chain who will have my back if the shit hits the fan.”

Jody wanted to ask who those people were, but she knew Baker wouldn’t tell her. It was probably better she didn’t know. “You get mad though,” she said softly.

“What?”

“When you think people might hurt me. You get mad,” she repeated. “I worry that you’ll do something to someone that you can’t take back. I don’t want to be the cause of you getting in trouble.”

“You know I’d never hurt you, no matter how mad I get, right?”

“Yes. But that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s lashing out at other people that I’m worried about.”

“So you trust me not to hurt you, but you can’t trust that I won’t hurt other people who have done you wrong?”

Jody bit her lip. She knew it was ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. “My trust button is broken.”

“It’s not broken,” Baker insisted. “And it’s not that you don’t trust me; you’re worried about me. You’re worried about your own heart and what opening it up will do to you if I do something stupid.”

Jody didn’t respond, just stared up at him.

“Right. I give you my word, Jodelle, that no matter how pissed I am at someone, I will not do anything that will take me away from you. That doesn’t mean I won’t make them pay in my own way…but I won’t do something the police can’t ignore. Like beat the shit out of someone or kill them. Does that make you feel better?”

Surprisingly, it did. Jody had a feeling when Baker Rawlins gave his word on something, nothing would make him break it. She was a little worried about the whole “pay in my own way” thing, but maybe that was a concern to talk about at another time.

“Yes,” she said softly.

“Good. And as far as the trust thing goes…you’ll get there.”

“You sound so sure.”

“I am. Because you’re you. I don’t trust easily either, but I don’t think that’s my lesson for this life.”

Jody stared up at him, intrigued. “No? What do you think you need to learn?”

“Love.”

Her heart started beating faster.

Baker went on, “My parents were older when they had me. I was kind of a surprise baby, and I’m not sure they really even wanted kids. They weren’t abusive, but they were more into their own lives than into raising a child. They were in their sixties by the time I graduated high school, and I think they were relieved I went into the Navy when I was eighteen and left the house.”

“Were they proud of you?”

“Yes.”

His answer came without hesitation, which Jody liked. “Good.”

“They’re both gone now, but I spent so much of my time feeling alone growing up, I just got used to it. Too used to it. I didn’t let anyone in, was determined to become a SEAL, and then my focus was on missions. I had some girlfriends, but never felt all that upset when they broke up with me. Had a bad experience with a woman I thought I loved. Turned out she was just with me for money. Had actually planned to kill me to get my Navy life insurance. Needless to say, that turned me off love altogether.

“It wasn’t until I started gettin’ to know my friends’ women, and seeing how their husbands reacted when they were in danger, that I started to understand love. Mustang, Midas, Aleck, Pid, Jag, and Slate would do literally anything for their women. Anything.

“Then I met you, and I tried to keep my admiration for you separate from any deeper feelings, but realized I was failing spectacularly. The thought of you in any of the situations Elodie, Lexie, and the others found themselves in makes me literally break out in hives. And witnessing the love you had, have, for your son makes me understand the emotion that much more.”

Jody wasn’t sure what to say, especially about the woman who was crazy enough to want to kill Baker for money, so she simply squeezed his sides, where she was already holding onto him tightly.

Baker smiled. “I’m not saying I love you yet. It’s too early for that, and it would freak you out. But if I could love anyone, it’d be you, Jodelle.”

“Baker,” she whispered.

He leaned down and kissed her gently. “We’re both kinda fucked up,” he said.

Jody couldn’t help but laugh at that. He wasn’t wrong. “Yeah.”

“But together, I’m thinking maybe we can get unfucked.”

“I hope so.”

“You can trust me,” he said seriously. “I know those are just words to you right now, but I’m telling you, one hundred percent honestly, you can. I’ll treat you with care, always come for you if you need me, and you can share your innermost thoughts with me. I won’t betray you, and if you give me your trust, I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you that you haven’t made a mistake in doing so.”

He didn’t give her a chance to respond before saying, “I want to take you out tonight. On a date.”

“Okay. Although don’t you think it’s a little weird that we’re going on our first date when we’ve been sleeping together for over a week?”

“I’ve had to share you with Ben. Not that I don’t like the kid. I do. But I want you to myself, at least for a few hours.”

“I’d like that too.”

“Good. You gonna be done with your work by the time Ben gets home from school?”

“Yes.” She had no idea what she needed to get done today, but she’d make sure she was finished by four. Then something else struck her. “You think it’s okay for Ben to be in the house by himself now?”

“Thought it was okay even back on that first day,” Baker told her.

Jody frowned. “But you said—”

“I know what I said, but I was making a point. A point he got loud and clear. You aren’t alone, and you’ve got a champion. Not only that, but there’s no way he’ll do anything to fuck up the situation he’s got going. Safe place to sleep, food in his belly…he knows what that kind of security means now, and he’s appreciative.”

That made Jody feel good. She nodded.

“It’s getting late. We need to get up if Ben and I are gonna get to the beach and get some wave time in.”

“Okay.”

“You good?”

“As good as I can be after our deep and intense conversation, yeah.”

“You aren’t, we can lie here as long as it takes for you to become good,” he said.

Jody’s heart melted once more. “I’m good, Baker. Promise.”

“Okay. You need to talk this shit out more, give me a yell.”

Yes, it was official—Baker was the best man she knew.

“All right. Is this date tonight the dress-up kind, or more of a shorts and flip-flops thing?” she asked.

“Are there any five-star restaurants up here in the North Shore?” Baker asked.

“Um, no, but we could go to Honolulu.”

“Nope. Not driving all the way down there twice today. Besides, I’m not the kind of man who likes that shit. That a problem?”

“No. I prefer being casual.”

“Fuckin’ perfect. Okay, now I’m really getting up.”

“I’ll go and make breakfast sandwiches for the surf kids while you’re changing.”

“Okay. I’ll finish them up when I’m done and you can have your turn.”

Just another way Baker was amazing. “Sounds good.”

He stared down at her but didn’t make a move to get up.

“Baker?”

“I’m lucky as hell,” he said quietly. “I know it. Don’t deserve you, but gonna go out of my way to be the man you can trust, Tink.” Then he kissed her deeply, before climbing out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

Jody lay on the bed staring at the ceiling for a long moment. Then she climbed out of bed with a smile.