8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Christian

Darren was so nervous and sweet around my family, and I was thrilled he'd already met Grandma and that she liked him. I had stressed out because Mom had gone into mama bear mode, worried about her little boy going on his first date, especially when she learned the date played on the football team and stood over half a foot taller than her son.

God, I was still embarrassed at how she acted. Even now, my face burned.

At least Darren was chill about it.

When we reached the theater, he bought the biggest tub of popcorn I'd ever seen in my life, along with some Twizzlers and two sodas.

The movie was awesome and scary, and by my third jump scare, Darren boldly took my hand and held it on his thigh, which was bigger than both of mine combined. For someone who was in the closet, I liked how he took advantage of moments like this to open up .

He made me feel safe and shielded, even though it was just a silly movie. When I snuggled into him, I rested my head on his shoulder, and he placed his head on mine. I smiled and squeezed his hand. He smelled of fresh soap and something uniquely him; like leather and the woods. I took a deep breath of him without trying to be weird about it.

My first date ever felt absolutely amazing, and Darren was the perfect gentleman.

When the movie ended, Darren dropped my hand. It left me cold, but I understood why.

The early November evening grew chilly, and I shivered. My sweater wasn't warm enough. Of course, my perfect gentleman removed his horse blanket for a coat and draped it over my shoulders, which was heavy as hell. It wasn't just his sweetness that surprised me, but he did it in front of the movie crowd.

"Thanks," I said, feeling like that simple word wasn't enough.

He smiled shyly and shrugged, shoving his huge hands into the pockets of his jeans. "You wanna go for a drive? I know of a spot that has a beautiful view where you can see all the stars and Leesburg in the distance.

"I'd like that."

We drove the windy road full of dense woods until we crested a hill, opening up the area to the surrounding hilly fields. Once we reached the top, Darren pulled over to the side of the road, put the truck in Park, and jumped out. He rushed over to the other side and opened my door. God, he was so sweet. I didn't think a city boy would've done that for me. That was what the country bred into men.

Once I jumped down, Darren reached inside the truck and pulled out an old plaid blanket.

Before I could protest, Darren lifted me off my feet and plopped my ass into the bed of the truck, and then he jumped in with me.

"Lean against the cab there, and I'll put the blanket over us so we don't get cold."

We rested our backs against the truck's cab, and Darren draped the blanket over us before wrapping an arm around my shoulders, which weighed as much as I did.

I hadn't expected Darren to be so sweet and thoughtful. My heart beat a little faster at our closeness, but I felt comfortable, too. His huge body emitted a lot of heat, so I wasn't cold at all.

"My house is down the hill there," he said, pointing. "It's nothing like your house, which is full of warmth and love. Even if your house were as small as mine, yours would be rich because of that. Home isn't how big your house is or how pretty it is. I know that well enough."

"Is your house not like that? You said your dad wasn't very nice, right?"

He shook his head, resting it against the truck as he stared up at the stars. "No. One day, I'm going to get out of here. Loudoun County is beautiful, don't get me wrong, but Dad ruined this place for me. I can't appreciate beauty when it's filled with hate."

"Hate? Is he that bad?"

"He's worse."

I reached under the blanket and grabbed his other hand, playing with his calloused fingers, saying nothing, so I didn't interrupt him.

"There's been nothing but ugliness surrounding me… until you, that is."

Call me swept. He literally swept me off my feet.

"He used to hit Mom and me, using ‘religion' to justify his reactions. It was only after I grew stronger that I could fight back. I punched him once, and he's never touched me again, but it didn't stop him from hurting Mom. I had to step in and stop that, too."

"Oh, god. I'm so sorry, Dare."

He looked down and smiled at me. "My parents named me Silas. I hate the name, so now they use my middle name. Dillon calls me Dare, too. I like it, like you're daring to take a chance on me."

Dillon also took a chance on me .

"He and Cade… they're the reasons I've made the biggest change. I used my father's bullying and homophobia… no, I internalized that shit and took it out on them. It was my wake-up call. They did nothing wrong. It was all me and this hatred, not only for my father but for myself. Everything I'd gone through made me despise religion. I stopped going to church, too. I can't…"

It was amazing to learn things about people once you had it in your head they were a certain way. You discover little hints about what shaped them into the people they're becoming. I was so sad for him, but you saw how Darren fought his very being to not be like his father. It was a little scary. He was strong on the outside, but I didn't know how strong he was on the inside. He definitely had some anger issues. Would he revert to his bullying ways?

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and a chance. If I didn't, who would? Dillon and Cade did, and they were the very ones he used to bully. If they could forgive Darren, then I could at least hope he could fight how he was raised.

When I said nothing, he looked down at me again. "I'm sorry. This is a mood killer, isn't it? And I'd brought you out here to kiss you, not to bare my soul."

I smiled, feeling the heat on my face because I wanted to kiss him, too. It would be my first kiss. "Don't be sorry. I like learning things about you. Every time you speak, I learn more, and you keep reshaping my view of you. I like it. You're so open and honest. And yes, I'd like that kiss."

Darren lifted me onto his lap and cradled my back as if I weighed nothing.

"I've never kissed anyone before," he drawled. "I dated a girl for a short while, but it never happened."

"Neither have I."

I became the bold one, reaching for his freshly shaven face, which was baby-smooth to the touch, and pulling him to me .

My eyes slid shut when his lips rested on mine. They were warm and soft, making my body tingle all over.

Soon, our heads and mouths were moving, and the kiss turned sloppy, especially when our tongues started exploring. Darren's taste was still sweet from the soda he'd finished when the movie ended. There was a lot of saliva, but I didn't care. My first kiss was perfect— our first kiss.

God, my heart beat so hard and fast that I worried it would leap out of my chest while my stomach dipped like driving too fast over the hills.

When we pulled away, his lips glistened in the moon and starlight. We stared at each other for a beat before we sat up.

"That was nice," he said.

"I liked it."

"Now I have something else to think about when I'm sitting inside Baby Girl here. Something good for a change."

"Your truck?"

He nodded. "Yep, I like to sit in here when I'm stressed and need to… let shit go. Now I can sit inside and think of you and our first kiss." His brows furrowed, and he frowned. "That's corny, right?"

"No, not corny at all."

He rested his head against mine and held me tighter. "What's your dad like? I bet he's better than mine."

"Well, he doesn't hurt me physically. And he seems to have accepted the way I look and that I'm gay, but…"

"But what?"

"I shouldn't complain. You have it so much worse."

Darren lifted my chin with a finger to make me look at him. "Don't do that. Just because I've had a rough childhood doesn't mean that you're not allowed to hurt."

My breath caught. The one thing that drew me into Darren the most was his level of intelligence, not just from his grades, but also his ability to grasp empathy and understand he's not the only one suffering. It was hard to believe he'd been a bully, but perhaps that was why he could pull himself out of it. Maybe it was his suffering which allowed him to see more than others.

"Thank you for that, but still…" I sighed.

"Tell me."

After his story, I didn't feel I had the right to talk about my life since it was pretty good, all things considered, but since he was pressing me.

"Dad's fine. It's just now that we're out in the country, he's struggling to visit me. When it's his turn to have me, he's always too busy. Since we moved here over the summer, I've only seen him once. We've talked on the phone a couple of times, but usually when he calls, it's to say he can't make it. Mom's even offered to drive halfway so he wouldn't have to come so far, but nope, he can't do it."

"If he loves you, he should make time for you."

I shrugged. "I think he loves me, but I also wonder if he's found someone to date, so he's spending all his free time with her. Dad and I aren't as close as Mom and I are, but we always got along, and I thought he loved me. He told me he did."

"You should tell him how you feel."

"Honestly, I'm afraid to. What if he says…" I didn't even want to think those negative thoughts.

Darren kissed my head, which was such a sweet and intimate gesture, easing my worries. "I get it, but I struggle to see you being afraid of anything. You're so bold with your life."

"I wouldn't be if I didn't have such a strong support system."

"Of course. It's hard to be brave when we're all alone."

I reached for his face again and gently ran my fingers through his hair, which was silky soft. "But you did. You fought back and grew all by yourself, and you're still technically just a kid. It doesn't get any braver than that."

He pulled away and rested the back of his head on the truck again. "Thanks. I'm really trying, and I'm still terrified I'll end up like him; angry, resentful… hurting others to make me feel better. I was on that dangerous road. It's why I've got to get out of here. My education and football are my way out. Nothing will get in the way of my goals."

I read between the lines. Not even for someone Darren cared about. It made me sad he had to face those decisions, but I understood them, too. This was only our first date, so I had no expectations, but I really wanted him to like me. To want me.

It was his turn to touch me, and his hand was so big it covered half of my face. "But for the right person, I would burn the world to the ground."

My breath caught, and my heart stopped beating. It was a wonder I didn't keel over and die. That was the scariest, most romantic thing I'd ever heard in my life, and I had no words. I was dumbstruck… awestruck.

"I want you to be mine, Christian. And I want to be yours. You're fucking perfect. I… need you. I need someone like you in my life, and…"

Jesusholyhell .

He was definitely coming on strong, but it didn't make me nervous because I knew where I stood with him. Darren's words were just more proof he was a force of nature, and that if he wanted something, he'd claim it with all his energy put into it. He'd never do anything half-assed.

I still couldn't find words, so I just nodded and said, "Okay."

"I'm not stupid. I realize I'm coming on strong, but I've never been subtle." Apparently, he was a mind reader, too.

"It's fine… it's good. I like that about you."

His hand moved from my face, carding through my hair. "Can I kiss you again?"

I nodded.

He lowered his lips to mine as we explored and learned how to kiss better. It couldn't be better, no matter how much we eventually practiced, because I would never forget our first messy kiss.

When he pulled away, his face hovered over mine. "Next time, wear your lip gloss."

"You really like that?"

"Yep. What flavor is it? Or does it even have one? "

"I've got different ones."

"Do you have raspberry?"

I shook my head. "I have bubble gum, cherry, strawberry, and peppermint."

"Too bad. The flavor reminds me of your hair."

God, this boy… Who knew Darren would be such a romantic?

"I'll try to find some."

"Good."