3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Darren

I stared over Dillon's head, looking at the roster with Cade standing by his side. I knew he'd make starting quarterback, and I was on there, too, as the right guard offensive lineman, exactly as I wanted.

I gripped Dillon's shoulder, hit with zings I wasn't allowed to feel. "Holy shit, Vamp. You're our quarterback?"

He looked back at me and frowned. "Yeah, you got a problem with that, Darren?"

"Nope. I watched you out there. You've got game, man."

He clearly didn't believe me, judging by his sneer and scoff.

Dillon and Cade stepped aside to give the other teammates room to see if they made the cut or not, and I followed, determined to repair shit.

"I'm on the offensive line," I said. "That means we'll be playing together. We gotta trust each other, right?"

Dillon raised a brow and folded his arms. " Right …"

"So, we're partners now."

Cade scoffed, but I ignored him.

"Is that a fact?" Dillon asked.

I swallowed the lump of guilt. "Look, man. I'm backin' off, okay? Here's me wavin' my white flag."

"Okay, Darren. Let's say you are. If so, then I want you to stop calling me vampire boy, and you need to apologize to Cade for hitting him because that was some serious bullshit right there. I'm still fucking pissed about it. And I expect you to be a team player from now on. No more bullying. No more ‘ reputation to uphold .'"

I'd already stopped bullying and dropped David and Angus as friends, but he didn't know that.

"Fine. Cade, I'm sorry I hit you. That was bullshit of me."

"Uh… ah… okay. Uhm, thanks?" Cade stammered.

Dillon gave me a once-over and nodded before he bumped shoulders with Cade. "Come on. Let's get ready for training."

The practice had been long and brutal, even for me. We already had a game on Friday, and we had to push ourselves hard. And Dillon had been spot on, so I was confident this team would do well.

When I stepped out of the showers and was drying off by my locker, I eyed Dillon, staring at the other side of the locker room where track and field were getting showered and dressed. Cade kept glancing over at him, smiling softly with those dimples and lovey-dovey eyes. Jesus .

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Dillon was making his feelings for his damn stepbrother too obvious, and so was Cade. I needed Dillon to fucking focus.

At least whatever crush I'd been harboring for him was going away.

God, I really should just find myself a girlfriend if I could. Most of the kids at school were still skittish around me, so it probably wouldn' t be easy.

As I pulled on my T-shirt, Dillon and Cade left the locker room. I quickly pulled on my socks and running shoes, grabbed my backpack, and ran after them to tell them they needed to chill the fuck out.

When I stepped outside, I saw them walk around toward the back of the school, so I followed.

As soon as Dillon shoved Cade against the wall and smothered him in a deep kiss, that familiar ache hit me—not only from jealousy but also loneliness. Regardless, they had to take it down a notch, or else they'd both get kicked off their teams. And I needed Dillon to play so we could win.

I leaned against the wall, folded my arms, and watched them. I could've stopped them, but I couldn't peel my eyes away.

They didn't kiss for long before they grabbed each other's hands and turned to walk back to the front of the school. They suddenly stopped in their tracks when they saw me. Cade's dark brown eyes were wide, and his jaw dropped, but Dillon was suspicious. He didn't spook easily, and I respected that.

I stood straight and walked in front of them. "I knew you two had a thing going on. That day at the fair… that wasn't just any handholding. That was like, boyfriend handholding. People take me for an idiot, but I'm not."

Dillon went into protective mode and eased Cade behind him.

"So much for you not being a bully anymore," he said.

"Did you not mean it when you apologized?" Cade asked over Dillon's shoulder.

I wanted to be angry, but I'd never given them a reason to trust me. "I meant all that I said. We're a team."

"Then why are you here?"

When I walked closer to them, they took a step back. My dad would've loved their fear. I hated it. "You two need to be more careful. It took nothing for me to follow you both back here. People won't like a gay quarterback, especially gay for his brother. Trust me on this. "

"Stepbrother. And we already know."

"Stepbrother. Foster brother. Half brother. Full brother. People won't give a fuck."

"Why are you telling us this?"

"Because I can tell you're going to be an amazing quarterback, and I would like to win. No. I need to win. I've been studying football my entire life, and I know a good player when I see one. You just started playing and already made starting quarterback. That's saying something. I will protect this team, even if that means I have to suck it up and apologize or… keep your gay secret. By protecting this team, it means I have to protect you two numbnuts."

That wasn't quite the truth, but still, I didn't want to back down, either. This was serious.

"I thought you hated gay people," Cade said.

"I don't hate gay people. I was being a dick, as I told you. My dad is a fucking homophobe." Among other things . "He's a fucking dick, period. I plan on football taking me away from this fucking place and as far away from my fucking dad as fucking possible." That was a lot of ‘ fucks ,' but I needed to make my point. "Does that clear it up for you? I'm not gonna let you two ruin it for me. But… I don't hate you for being gay for each other."

I hated that they were together, and I hated myself more most of the time, but I really didn't hate them.

"I'll keep your little secret. Just don't be idiots about it. Be careful. If I found out easily enough, others will, too."

They looked at each other for a moment before Cade stepped forward and reached out his hand. I took it, and we shook as some sort of truce and a promise to keep secrets.

Dillon walked off without another word.

He still didn't trust me. I'd just have to prove to him otherwise.

I sat my lunch tray on the table and sighed at the pathetic piece of cardboard smothered in tomato sauce and cheese, trying not to let the loneliness of sitting by myself in the cafeteria get to me. It was of my own making. Sure, I could've sat with the football team, but it was fucking exhausting to pretend to be someone I wasn't, or to be myself, someone I didn't even know or recognize anymore—if I ever did.

I swear to fucking god; I had the body of a fourteen-year-old and the brain of a forty-year-old, making me feel weird and disjointed. In middle school, I sort of found my space in the world, but now that I was trying to do better, I'd lost my way, struggling to grasp threads to stitch something together that made sense and wouldn't unravel. Not having an ally or someone to cling to didn't help. I didn't want to care about not having friends, but I did.

Before I could take a bite of my pizza, Dillon came up and stood in front of me. He dropped a paper lunch sack on the table with a thud.

"Don't eat that shit. Eat this. Think of it as a peace offering and a bribe to get you to talk to me."

I set the pizza back on the greasy paper plate, grabbed the bag, and pulled out a homemade tuna sandwich on thick bread full of whole grains with lettuce and tomatoes. There was also a protein bar, a protein shake, some sliced mango, carrot sticks, and an oatmeal raisin cookie. It was the best lunch I'd ever had.

"That's some bribe," I said. "Where's your lunch?"

Dillon lifted another brown paper bag. He smirked and nodded toward the doors leading outside to the picnic benches.

I tossed my shitty lunch in the garbage, grabbed the bag, and followed him outside.

"Where's your shadow? "

"Inside eating. He knows I'm here to talk to you, but I figured you would open up more if we were alone."

The day was sunny, without a cloud in the sky and no humidity, which was unusual for the beginning of September, but a reminder that fall was on the way.

Dillon waved his hand at the first picnic table, which didn't have other kids eating on it, and we both sat.

I pulled out the sandwich from the parchment paper and took a large bite. God, it was so good—perfect. It even had bean sprouts on it.

"I guess I gotta bare my soul for this, huh?"

Dillon smirked and nodded. "You could say that."

"I like that you aren't afraid of me, Copeland."

"I am."

"You don't show it."

He just shrugged.

"Well, I guess this sandwich is worth it."

"What's changed?" he asked. He didn't need to elaborate.

"The day I ran into you and Cade at the carnival was the second time that day I'd hit someone. While I may be a bully, I don't physically hurt people."

"Wow, that makes it so much better."

"Are you going to let me finish?"

He waved a hand at me to continue.

"The first time was earlier that day. I'd punched my dad in the face. He'd hit me for the last time."

Dillon paused to take a bite of his own sandwich. "He fucking beats you?"

"He used to. He doesn't anymore. Not since then."

I sighed, put down my sandwich, and popped a slice of mango into my mouth. It was so sweet and tart. Mangoes were one of those fruits my parents couldn't afford, so we stuck with the cheap stuff. Extra grocery money went to my protein powders, so this was a rare treat for me.

I debated on how honest I should be as I ate another slice. I hated being vulnerable. Admitting feelings and my sexuality was a fucking big deal, which not even this amazing lunch was really worth, but I wanted Dillon to trust me. I also needed a friend and someone to confide in. If I could trust anyone, it would be him because not only did Dillon have integrity, but he had his own secrets, so he would get it. I had to expose myself if I wanted to repair shit.

"Fuck, I'd been in such a rage that day after my dad hit me. When I saw you coming out of the funhouse, holding hands with…" I was rarely ever embarrassed or that my face turned red, but it did then. "I'm bisexual."

I glanced up at him through my eyelashes to make sure he got my meaning. He furrowed his brow, thinking about it, not taking his eyes off me. In an instant, his blue eyes cleared, and you practically saw the lightbulb turn on over his head. "You were… jealous?"

I shrugged, lifted the sandwich again, and took another bite as my face grew hotter. "You're the reason I found out I like boys as much as I like girls, although I haven't dated either. You became my awakening."

"Damn, so Cade was right?"

"Yep, but my being in the closet wasn't the reason for my anger. It's just… you were someone I wanted and a reminder of what I'd never be able to have. And don't forget me being pissed at my dad. My head had really been fucked."

The gentle breeze blew his black bangs from his face, exposing how pretty he was. I squashed the pang. It was irrational to be upset over something you couldn't have. It was more important to fight for what you could have—my biggest lesson since the carnival.

"I don't know what to say," he said.

"You don't need to fucking say anything. It's just a self-discovery. Whatever. But after I punched Cade, and you punched me—nice swing, by the way—everything just sort of became a wake-up call. I spent the rest of the summer in virtual isolation and reflection. I don't want to be the very person I hate. I don't want to be my father, and I was turning into him."

Dillon twisted the cap on his protein shake bottle, opened it, and drank half of it. "And just like that, you changed?"

I scoffed, but I was also grateful he didn't rub my confessions in my face. "Fuck no, but… I'm trying. I'm also kind of lost right now, feeling like my body parts exploded all over the place, and now I've got to find them and put myself back together again."

Dillon nodded. "I noticed you don't hang around those boys anymore."

"Talk about a couple of assholes. Anyway, I had my own reasons for hanging around them."

He laughed and shook his head as he took a bite of his mango. "All right."

"All right, what?"

"Cade and I will give you a chance. Sit with us at lunch from now on, and let's try to get along."

"Will this friendship involve more lunch?"

He laughed again, a little harder this time. "Sure, I can bring you lunch from time to time."

"Good, because it's delicious."

I shoved the last bit of the sandwich into my mouth. "So, uhm, can you keep what I told you between us? It was brutal enough just telling you."

"Sure, your secret is safe."

"Not even to Cade. God, especially not to Cade."

"You got it."

We ate the rest of our lunch in silence, and I was glad to have a friend again, finally… sort of. I'd prove to him he could trust me and that I was working on my shit.