Chapter 60

ERIC

I stared at the monitor beside Riley's bed, my heart heavy with guilt and exhaustion. Yesterday had been a nightmare, and today wasn't much better. Nurses had been in and out every half hour, adjusting pain relief and checking the fluids being pumped into Riley.

At one in the morning, his temperature had spiked. A doctor was called, and they administered more antibiotics. Riley had been tossing and turning, groaning in his sleep. It tore me apart to see him like this.

If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be here. His arm and leg wouldn't be covered in stitches, and he wouldn't be having nightmares. No one should have to go through what he had experienced. Ever.

"Mr. Lanigan?"

I looked up at the nurse who had walked into the room.

"Alex Quinn is waiting for you by the nurses' station."

I checked my watch and frowned. It was five-thirty in the morning. "Thanks." I pulled myself out of the chair and quickly made my way down the corridor. For Alex to be here at this hour, something must have happened.

Rounding the corner, I stopped. My friend stood beside the desk with a pink helium balloon in one hand and two takeout bags in the other. The balloon read: Welcome to the world.

"Riley hasn't had a baby," I said, a hint of confusion mixed with exhausted humor in my voice.

Alex smiled. "It's the best the drug store could manage at this time of the morning. I thought he'd appreciate the sentiment better than wishing him a great 70th birthday. The nurses will look after the balloon while we have breakfast."

"I'm staying with Riley."

"We won't go far." He held up the two bags. "I have pancakes, hash browns, breakfast muffins, and coffee."

Emotion choked me. I'd cried so much over the last few hours that I didn't think I had any tears left, but I was wrong.

Alex handed the nurse the balloon and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I know I'm a great guy, but don't get too excited about the quality of the food."

A watery smile tugged at my lips. "It can't be that bad."

"We'll see. Let's go to the family room. The nurse said she'd call me if anything changes."

"Riley had a rough night. I should be there when he?—"

"He'll be okay. Come on," Alex urged. "The eggs will turn to rubber if we don't eat them soon."

I walked with Alex along the corridor, glancing into the rooms we passed, hoping those patients had a better night than Riley.

"Later this afternoon, Jonathan's bringing Riley some clean clothes."

"Thanks. I didn't think about what Riley would wear today."

"I've got a change of clothes in the truck for you, too. I can't guarantee they'll all fit, but you're welcome to try them. The kennel texted me last night. Sherlock's okay. He ate all his dinner."

More tears welled up in my eyes. "I don't know what to say."

Alex held open the family room door. "You don't need to say anything. You'd do the same for me if the situation were reversed."

Thankfully, the large room was empty. My tired gaze traveled across the navy blue sofas and chairs. Last night, a handful of people had been there, waiting for news about their family and friends. Everyone's voices were hushed, speaking in whispers as they tried to console each other. When I needed to call Riley's mom or reply to a message from the police, I took refuge outside the ward. Sitting on the hard plastic chairs in the corridor was better than getting more stressed by what was happening in the family room.

Alex emptied the bags of food onto one of the tables. "You'd better sit down before you collapse. Did you get any sleep last night?"

"I don't think so. What about you?"

"I went home for a couple of hours, then came back. I booked into a hotel not far from here. Sit."

I did as I was told—I was too exhausted to do anything else. The smell of bacon and eggs made my stomach rumble.

"Did you eat anything after I brought you dinner last night?"

I shook my head. "I wasn't hungry."

"It sounds like you are now." Alex bit into his muffin and sighed. "I'm happy to report that breakfast is delicious."

I lifted the muffin to my mouth and took a bite. Alex was right. "Thanks for being here." I wiped my face with the back of my hand as more tears fell. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's stress," Alex said softly. "Can I ask you something?"

I swallowed what I was eating and nodded.

"When Mike died, did you see a counselor?"

I knew where this conversation was going and it would be hard. "I saw a police psychiatrist for a while."

"And?"

I placed my muffin in its box. "I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Alex didn't seem surprised. "How are you feeling today?"

"Right at this minute?"

"If you like."

I studied the expression on my friend's face. Unlike my psychiatrist, he wasn't asking out of professional curiosity. He was asking because he cared. "I feel like I'm drowning and I can't find anything to keep me afloat."

"What would keep you afloat?"

I rubbed my hands across my eyes. "Knowing that Riley's all right. Going to sleep and waking up to find this was all a bad dream."

"We can get you help with some sleep, but nothing will change what happened."

I looked down at my hands. "Two days before Riley was hurt, I drove into Broomfield to look for an engagement ring. I love him." I searched Alex's face, expecting him to be shocked. "Does nothing surprise you?"

"You'd have to be blind not to see how much you care about each other. Does what happened yesterday change anything?"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest to stop them from shaking. "I can't do it."

"What can't you do?"

"I can't marry him. I can't have a relationship with him. What if someone else makes my life a living hell? Riley could have died."

Alex leaned forward. "You're the reason he lived. You found Riley and stopped Chapman from killing him. Then you climbed the tree to make sure he was okay. Without your help, he would have died before the police found him."

"He wouldn't have met Chapman if it weren't for me."

"Perhaps, but no one knows what the future holds. He could have been hurt when his apartment in Italy was broken into. He could have bought a ticket to Colorado on a plane that crashed, or he could have choked on a piece of apple. Our lives aren't full of signposts telling us where to go. We make the best decisions we can, then move on from there." Alex's eyes never left my face. "Promise me three things."

"I'll try."

"You'll come with me to see a doctor, then go back to my hotel room to sleep for a few hours." He held up his hand when I started to interrupt. "That's two things. You won't need to worry about Riley. I'll stay with him while you sleep. The third promise is that you won't make any big decisions until you find what you need to keep afloat."

"That could take months."

"It doesn't matter. If you love Riley, those feelings will still be there when you're ready to do something about them."

I breathed deeply. "How did you get to be so wise?"

"I'll tell you about it another day." Alex held up his muffin and smiled. "Bon appétit."