37. Taylor

Taylor

May

" Y ou fuckers have exactly ten minutes to piss and grab your shit, then we're back on the road!"

Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I stick the gas pump into the tank of Salem's jeep while I watch Matty, Huck, and Logan disappear into the convenience store. We're somewhere just outside of Steamboat Springs, Colorado, so there's also a weed dispensary that Christian, Arya, and Xed just waltzed into. I've already been cooped up inside the jeep for six hours, and I'm going fucking crazy. The fact that I've also been stuck with Salem giving me the cold shoulder and a sulking Logan hasn't helped one bit.

Just four more hours. Four long hours until we get to Greeley, and then we can get this camping trip started. Then I'll get a tent alone with Huck. The anticipation is literally killing me, I swear. The last three and a half weeks since he showed me his sketchbook in my truck—which was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me, by the way—have been pure torture, having only been able to see him a handful of times due to his college schedule and finals coming up. Christian and I also started bussing tables at the Prospector during weeknights for some extra cash, so that's been throwing us off, too. He's leaving for Cali next weekend for his college graduation, and I'm dying to spend some time with him before then.

Shaking out the rest of the gas, I put the pump back and finish paying with my card before making my way over to where Salem stands with her back to me, snapping away at the Rockies in the distance with her camera. The sun is beating down on us, hot as hell, so I'm shirtless in a pair of sweats.

Sliding my arms around her waist from behind, I rest my chin on her head. "You still mad at me?"

Her camera snaps more shots. "Mm-hmm." Snap, snap.

"Come on, Sally Mal, don't do this to me. You know how much I hate the silent treatment."

I fucking hate it so much. She's barely spoken to me since the party at Xed and Matty's, but this morning, when I sprung it on her that Logan and Huckslee were coming with us on this trip...yeah, needless to say, she hasn't been in the best mood.

"I just don't get it." Snap . "Really, Taylor, I don't." Snap, snap, snap . "Because you've never bothered with any of my relationships before, so why do you care so much about this one?"

Snap, snap, snap, SNAP, SNAP.

Wrenching her camera away before she breaks it, I spin her around and stare down into her livid face. "I care because you were really happy, and I don't want to see you throw away something good because of a misunderstanding."

She rears back, smacking her lips as her gray eyes flash. "A misunderstanding? Really, Tay? He disrespected my wishes and proposed, knowing full well I'm against marriage."

"And you said no, so what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that he won't fuck me unless we're married," she shouts, grabbing her camera back. "So what future does the relationship have, really?"

"You were perfectly fine without sex for two whole years, though? Would you have still been with him if he hadn't proposed?"

Her nostrils flare as she huffs, brushing by me to march toward her jeep. "This really isn't any of your business."

"Well, we all know how good I am at minding my own business." I follow close behind, not willing to let this go because I'm sick of her shit lately.

When we get to the car, she whirls around and points. "You're only trying to get us back together because you're fucking his best friend."

"Uh, first and second off, not true. We haven't even fucked yet, so..."

"What, why?" Her delicate brows shoot up, anger forgotten. "You're definitely a ‘fuck on the first date' type."

I shake my head, adjusting my snapback before stuffing my hands in my pockets. "Nope. We aren't talking about my sex life if we can't talk about yours."

Growling in frustration, she yanks open the driver's side door and plops down into the seat, crossing her arms. "He only proposed because his parents made him, okay? They freaked on him once they found out we were living together unmarried. His dad threatened to– "

"SALEM, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!"

Christian's loud as fuck voice cuts her off when he practically skips out of the dispensary with a shit-eating grin, as shirtless as I am. Arya and Xed follow behind, both looking blitzed as hell. Two more issues to add to my ever-overflowing plate.

Ever since that night of the party, Xed's been spending all of his time more stoned than sober, and Arya won't leave the fucking apartment now that she and Christian are apparently dating. Seriously, if I have to watch her walk around in nothing but a towel any longer because she's hoping I'll initiate something or some shit, I'm gonna lose it.

"I got us some grade-A kush, my dude." Christian flashes his bag of weed to Salem, waggling his brows, and I punch him on the shoulder.

"You interrupted something, asshole. And you better not be smoking in my truck."

Arya giggles, rolling her eyes while she tugs up the hem of her dress. "Don't be such a downer, Tay Bae."

Kill me now, fucking hell.

"Yeah, Tay Bae, lighten up," Christian mocks, smooshing my face between his fingers while Xed chuckles, looking like he has no idea where he even is.

Pulling a Zippo and a pipe out of his leather jacket, he reaches into the bag to pack a bowl. At first, I think nothing of it, bullshitting with Christian and Salem, until he flicks the flame right there next to the pump. I react instinctually, smacking the Zippo out of his hand and accidentally hitting the pipe, which shatters when it hits the ground.

"What the fuck?! "

Everyone stares down at the broken bits of glass in shock while I jab a finger into Xed's chest. "You're near a fucking gas pump, dumbass. You really think lighting up right here is a smart move?"

"God, my bad." He holds up his palms, clearly trying to stay focused while he sways. I can smell the whiskey on his breath.

"What's going on with you lately? I know Matty and Hannah leaving is gonna be hard on you, but come on, man–"

His palms connect with my chest as he shoves me against the jeep hard, spit landing on my cheek when he snarls in my face. "You don't know fucking shit , Taylor. What, is your own life so miserable that you have to mess with everyone else's?"

" Pinche cabrón ." Christian jolts forward, reaching for Xed to pull him back, but I throw out an arm to stop him.

"Xed, take your hands off of me," I warn slowly, balling up my fists as I fight the urge to swing at him, reminding myself that whatever he's going through isn't his fault.

Huck's voice reaches my ears from behind. "What's going on?"

Out of my peripheral, he and Logan round the front of the vehicle, but I don't take my attention off Xed as he blinks slowly, gaze dropping to where he's still pressing me into the jeep. His eyes widen before he lets go, stepping back abruptly. Everyone's watching us, including Matty, and the two share a look before Xed scowls.

"You owe me a new pipe," he mutters, forcing me out of the way when he pulls open the back door, slamming it shut behind him.

"Fuck you." Pulling out my wallet, I slap some cash into Christian's hand, telling him to buy something for Xed as I move around to the passenger side. Huck and Logan slide into the back next to Xed while Matty and Arya wait for Christian near my truck since he's been driving it.

"Are you okay?" Salem asks gently.

I can feel Huck's eyes on the back of my skull. Xed scoffs, making me grit my teeth, and I pull open the glove box to rummage for my smokes.

"Just peachy. Let's get this shitshow on the road." Four more hours. Just four more hours.

After Christian returns to toss a new pipe at Xed through the open window, we take off again for the interstate. I connect my phone to the Bluetooth while I puff on my cig, throwing on some Lamb of God because I'm pissed off. The first six hours, we vibed to Salem's reggae music and Xed's techno, but now my bad mood is about to be everyone's problem. I don't give a fuck.

After a while of stewing, my phone vibrates on my lap.

Huckleberry: What was all that about?

I almost smile when I see his contact name, recalling our conversation where I called him my Huckleberry. He had no clue what I was talking about because he's uncultured and has never seen the movie Tombstone.

Me: With Xed? Fuck if I know.

He's been in a shitty mood ever since Matty dropped it on everyone that he and Hannah are leaving.

Huckleberry: Did he hurt you?

Me: Nah. Nothing I can't handle. I'm tough.

Huckleberry: Maybe on the outside. Tell me what's going through your head.

Me: ...are you saying my insides are nice and soft? ;)

Huckleberry: You're impossible.

And yes, they are.

And tight.

And warm.

Shifting in my seat, I lift my knee onto the dash to hide the chubby he just gave me. Every time we've been together, he's had his fingers inside me, slowly stretching, hitting that spot that has me coming like a geyser in under two-point-five seconds flat. In anticipation for tonight, I purchased a butt plug online which I may or may not be wearing right now, as a surprise for him. We both got tested last weekend, and I'm excited to take him bare.

Me: I bet they'd feel great around your cock.

Huckleberry: Do NOT give me a boner back here, it's impossible to hide.

Me: Your fault for mentioning my insides.

Huckleberry: Can we tone down the screaming music a little? I have a headache.

Me: You are a headache.

But I switch it to Post Malone because I know how much Huck likes him even though he pretends he doesn't.

Me: Better?

Huckleberry: I guess. Now tell me what's wrong.

Me: Why do you think something's wrong?

Huckleberry: Because you haven't smoked in over two weeks, and you only do that when you're upset.

Fuck, he's got me there.

Me: Just something Xed said.

It's fine. I'll get over it.

Just let me be a dramatic bitch for a bit.

Huckleberry: Okay, princess.

Me: Fuck off.

Really, though, I am bothered by Xed's words. What the fuck was he trying to say? My life is far from miserable. Maybe it was at one point...but things got better, even before Huckslee returned. Am I where I want to be in life? Not particularly, but I'm no longer where I was either, and that's what matters. And what's so wrong with me wanting to help my friends figure out their bullshit? Isn't that what you do for the people you love? It's what they would have done for me, I'm sure, if they'd known about my dad. It's what I wish someone had done for me. What I should have done for Huck.

So Xed can fuck off outta here because I'll never stop caring about the shit he's going through or any of them. I just wish he'd talk about it. Xed's home life was almost as bad as mine when Matty's parents took him in. Like Christian and I, the two have spent nearly every minute together since elementary school, and I know their bond only grew stronger when Hannah was born. Hell, Xed's helped raise that little girl so far. It must be eating him alive that he's losing them, but the asshole won't speak up about it. He's as stubborn as I used to be before Doctor Hart got me all up in my feels and cracked me wide open.

Shit, maybe that's what he needs. A good crack on the fucking head to knock all that shit inside his mind loose.

Metaphorically, obviously.

...or is it?

My phone vibrates again, distracting me.

Huckleberry: You're thinking so hard I can smell the gears turning from back here. Please tell me?

Me: Can't talk.

Planning operation ‘Get Xed To Open Up About His Feelings Without Hopefully Resorting To Violence But We'll See.'

I hear him snort over the music.

Huckleberry: Bit of a mouthful, if you ask me.

And do not turn that into a dirty joke, Logan's trying to peek at my phone.

Me: The urge to send a random dick pic just now was so strong.

Really, you should be proud of my restraint.

Huckleberry: You already scarred my best friend for life by kissing him. Let's not traumatize him with your dick, too.

Me: Worried he might see it and fall in love?

Huckleberry: I mean, I did, so yeah.

Whoooosh and there goes the fucking air out of my lungs. Goddamn, he has a way of leaving me breathless and speechless with just one text.

Me: Aw, shucks.

Thanks, bud.

Huckleberry: Annnnd I take it back.

Me: No take backsies. It's in writing now.

And just for the record, I'm in love with your dick too.

Admitting that in text is so much easier than telling him I love him in person, and I wish it wasn't. We already admitted our feelings to each other, so why must those three words be so hard? I do love him. I have for years. But despite his words, there's still that nagging voice telling me that my feelings aren't reciprocal. We only have until the end of July, and all of this is temporary. Maybe Huck was right when he said it might hurt less if we end this before it even begins. Though the last month with him has been easy and fun, my gut tells me that something is brewing on the horizon that has my heart bracing for a crushing blow.

The hours crawl by as we make our way toward Greeley. Christian's uncle owns a plot of land in the wilderness that he lets us camp on for free, and we make this trip yearly. In the past, it was always an excuse to get as shitfaced as possible and just vibe, but last year was my first time being sober, so in support of it, Christian and Salem were sober as well. We still had fun, but now that I've had time to adjust and we've brought a whole gaggle of friends along, I told them I didn't mind if they let loose.

Eventually, Huckslee and Logan make a game of coming up with names for license plate numbers they spot, Salem and I joining in while Xed dries out with a nap. It's surprising, at first, to see Salem actually speaking to Logan, but I try not to make a big deal out of it. We stop one more time for Christian to fill up my gas guzzler, and then finally, after the longest day of driving in my life, we're pulling off the road and into the trees.

His uncle's property is marked by bright green flags tied around trunks of tall pines, and Christian leads the way to the usual spot we camp at, our bikes and Logan's uncle's four-wheeler bouncing in the back. Our spot is a small area that we fenced in with logs a few years back, complete with a raised cinderblock firepit that Christian and I built ourselves. We picked the flattest part of the five acres with the best tree cover for shade.

"Some ground rules for you fucks who haven't been here before," Christian starts when we all exit our vehicles, "my tío marked his property line with bright green flags, do not go beyond those flags. They also glow in the dark."

Logan groans as he stretches his long legs. "And what happens if we do?"

"You will be shot on sight," I deadpan. Everyone except Christian and Salem stops to stare at me.

"F-for real?" Logan glances at Huck nervously, who blinks several times, and I smile grimly.

"Yep. There's an old man who lives in a camper on the property next to us, and he likes to use his shotgun."

"Found that out the hard way," Salem mutters, opening the back of the jeep to start unloading our camping gear.

Xed grunts, rubbing his eyes as he helps her. "I remember hearing this story the summer before junior year."

Huck cocks a brow. "What story? "

"This asshole," Matty throws a sweaty arm around my shoulders, shaking his head, "decided to sneak over there and steal the guy's propane. Needless to say, he was not happy."

With a snort, I shake him off. "Understatement. I almost took two buckshots to the ass."

"Good thing you're a squirrelly motherfucker who can run." Christian lowers the tailgate to grab out coolers of food. We set up camp, placing our chairs and supplies around the firepit. Salem starts to pull the tents out of the back of the truck when she stops short.

"Uh, guys? We have a problem." Turning around, she dangles two bags from each hand. "There's only two tents."

"What? No, no." Stepping up next to her, I peer into the back to see for myself. Sure as shit, it's empty, other than the dirt bike. "What the hell?! Who was supposed to pack the other tents?"

"Three guesses." Matt crosses his arms, throwing a look at his best friend, who groans and covers his face.

"Guys, I may have fucked up," Xed mumbles into his palms, and I growl in frustration.

"You are fucked up, dude! Seriously? What are we supposed to do with two tents?"

The truck door opens as Arya steps out dressed in a sports bra and leggings. "Hmm, I think since Christian and I are the only couple here, we should get a tent to ourselves."

No. This is not happening, goddammit.

Huckslee and I had a plan. We were going to force Logan and Salem into their own tent and have Matty and Xed share so that we could finally be alone somewhere other than the bed of my truck. This is bullshit .

There's a plug up my ass!

"I'll fight you for it." Lifting my fists, I advance toward Christian. "Square up."

He jumps back as I aim for his stomach, putting me in a headlock, both of us scrambling until we fall to the ground, dirt and rocks digging into my back when we roll around.

"Ah...shit...Huckslee, get your bro off of me!"

That comment earns him a kidney punch, and then his hand comes down between my legs.

"Ouch, fuck! Did you just flick my dick, dude?"

"Accidentally on purpose."

"Fuck you."

Matt grabs an ice-cold water bottle from the cooler and dumps it on us. "That's enough, you two."

"Daddy Matty's been activated," Salem laughs.

Shaking out his wet hair, Christian pins me beneath him while he hisses in my ear. "You're just desperate to get dicked down."

"No fucking shit!"

"Christian and Arya get the extra tent. That's final," Matt barks, and I shove my best friend off me as I roll to my feet, shooting him a glower. Huck shakes his head, rolling his eyes even though he flashes me a sad smile.

"Where the hell are we supposed to sleep?" He takes a tent from Salem and stares at it like it has the plague. "All six of us have to squeeze into this?"

Logan studies Salem from his peripheral. "What's the placement going to be? Like, who sleeps where? "

"Doesn't matter." I grab the tent, walking it over to a spot near the log fence. "We'll figure it out later. Let's just fall where we fall tonight."

"Of course, you would say that," Xed mutters darkly, and I throw him a wink over my shoulder.

"If you want to snuggle me, Xed, all you have to do is ask."

Christian smacks the side of my head. "Can we get this shit set up so that we can ride the bikes already?"

That shuts me up quickly.

Nearly an hour and several arguments later, both tents are erected, and we're peeling off into the trees on our bikes—which honestly is a terrible idea because I'm fighting a boner the entire time with the plug vibrating against my prostate. Matthew follows on the four-wheeler with Salem sitting behind him, her camera pointed at us to capture footage for our socials.

My jump at the qualifier earned me a new sponsorship, and I'm repping them with their brand on the side of my new helmet. Part of our contract entails daily social media updates from me with their company logo in the post; in return, I receive free gear. As someone who's pretty illiterate when it comes to this kind of shit, I'd be lost if Salem wasn't managing my online presence for me. She's a saint, and we should honestly start paying her soon.

Once the ‘work' is done, we have the fun, racing each other and jumping off small mounds while everyone else takes turns on the four-wheeler. I even let Huckslee have a ride on my bike, reminding me how fucking good he looks when he's racing. Ten out of ten. He needs to get back into riding because my mind is conjuring up all kinds of devious things I can do to him on a bike. The way his eyes heat with desire when I whisper that into his ear has my own blood running hot.

Christian was right about one thing, I'm fucking desperate for him. It's driving me crazy not to be able to touch him like I want, to run my hands over the hard lines of his shoulders and arms on full display in the sleeveless shirt he's wearing. He cut his hair again the way I like, short on the sides with longer curls on top falling over his brow, and I want to mess it up. Tug my fingers through it while he deepthroats my cock. At one point, he pulls his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face, flashing glistening abs, and I almost drag him behind a tree right then and there to have my way with him; consequences be damned.

"You're drooling, Taytortot," Salem snickers, passing over her camera to show me the photo she snapped of him, and you can bet I'll be adding it to the album on my phone of Huck that I shamelessly jerk off to.

When the sun eventually starts to descend below the treeline, we put the bikes away to get a fire going, all eight of us surrounding the pit to roast some shitty hotdogs and marshmallows. I'm about halfway through my fourth smore, enraptured with the sight of Huck licking melted white goo off his lips, when Arya pulls a baggie out of her bra.

"Who's ready to get this party started," she sings, holding up a plastic bag full of mushroom caps.

"Oh, hell yes." Xed is the first one out of his seat, reaching for the bag, but I snatch it before he gets a chance.

"Nuh-uh, nope." Pointing a finger at him, I shake the baggie. "You lost your party privilege by being a dick earlier. And I'm not about to babysit seven tripping assholes by myself. You and I aren't taking any."

His jaw drops, eyes widening as he glares at me incredulously. "Who the fuck died and made you king?"

"I did." Christian raises his hand, taking the shrooms from me. "My family's property, my rules. I ain't about to have anyone wander off where they shouldn't and get eaten by bears or some shit. Two of us need to stay sober to watch."

Logan's head snaps up from where he was skewering a marshmallow next to Salem. "Did you say bears?"

"Why does it have to be me?" Xed growls, flinging out his hands. "Why can't it be Matt?"

"Matty and Huck are leaving soon. They deserve to let loose one last time before training camp."

"And I don't deserve to let loose?"

A snort leaves my throat as everyone passes the bag around, pulling out caps. "You've let loose like every single day for a month. Give someone else a chance. If you wanna smoke, go for it."

Xed plops back down into his seat, seething in my direction, but I ignore him as I grab bottles of orange juice out of the cooler and hand them out.

Huck looks down at his drink with a raised brow. "OJ?"

"Helps hide the bitterness and enhances the trip," I answer, grinning. "You ever used magic mushrooms before?"

Logan answers with an uncertain no while Huckslee nods.

"Once, a few summers ago, but we didn't drink juice."

Matt opens his bottle, popping the mushroom cap into his mouth before taking a few gulps with a grimace. "The citric acid helps break down the psilocybin, so the effects hit sooner and harder."

"Bottoms up." Salem does the same, her eyes narrowed challengingly at Logan as if daring him to follow suit.

Christian downs his whole bottle before slapping Logan on the shoulder. "No one's forcing you, hermano . If you don't wanna do 'em, you can babysit with Tay."

"Please, please chicken out," Xed begs, sliding off his chair to his knees. "Come on, Logan. You're a better man than this."

Arya rolls her eyes, smacking her plump lips. "You just want him to say no so you can take some yourself."

"I never said I was a better man. And no one asked you."

"I've just about had it with your attitude." Christian shoves him over sideways, the two arguing while Logan deliberates. He glances at Huck, who shrugs before swallowing his cap with a giant swig, and excitement lances through me. I've never seen him high before, but I can't wait to experience it firsthand. After a few more moments, Logan meets Salem's gaze and takes the mushroom, not breaking eye contact while he swallows. A slow, dangerous smile spreads on her face, like a cat who just caught a mouse.

Yikes.

"Best of luck, buddy." I pat his arm with a snicker before scooting my chair closer to Huck, wanting to watch his eyes to catch the exact moment the trip hits.

Everyone bullshits around us for a while, but my focus is on him. The way his lashes fall over his cheekbones when he blinks, that husky tone to his voice when he laughs at something Matty says, the shadow of his jawline against the fire glow. When he notices my staring, he turns and raises his brows, amusement dancing across his features.

"What?"

You're beautiful.

"Nothing," I reply instead, resting my cheek in my palm. "Just waiting for you to freak out."

His eyes drop down to where my teeth sink into my bottom lip. "Why would I freak out? I've done this before, remember?"

"With caps?"

"No," he frowns. "What's the difference?"

"Oooh, boy," Matt laughs, shaking his head. "You're in for a wild night, man."

Logan's eyes jump around nervously. "What, why?"

Xed rolls his eyes. "There's a mass theory that the shroom caps are more potent than the stems, but it's all bullshit, in my opinion. It's all the same."

"Agree to disagree." Christian pulls Arya onto his lap. "Stems just make me chill. Caps make me contemplate life and the existence of outer space and shit."

"It's all in your head, dude."

Salem puts a hand on Logan's erratically bouncing knee. "Don't get anxious. You'll have a bad trip if you're anxious."

"I'm not," he says quickly, glancing down at where she's touching him, and Arya giggles.

"I have an idea," she announces, shooting a glare at Xed and me as we groan simultaneously. "Who wants to make this night even more fun?"

"We are not having an orgy, Arya," Xed grumbles, scrubbing his face. "Not everyone wants to see you naked. "

Christian grins widely, nuzzling his face into his girlfriend's neck. "Well, they should. I love showing her off."

"That's not what I meant," she protests, and I scoff as I lean back in my seat.

"Been there, done that. Literally. Hard pass."

There's a brief silence while everyone gapes at me before Arya jumps angrily off Christian's lap. "You guys are such fucking dicks!"

She hops the log fence and makes for the trees, disappearing into the dark before anyone can stop her.

Salem throws me a deadly look as she takes off, too. "Nice going, asshole."

"Hey! Salem, get back here," Xed shouts as Christian shakes his head at me and rises from his seat as well.

"Not cool, Tay."

Ah, fuck.

He goes after the girls, and just when I think things can't get any worse, Matty hops to his feet and runs in the complete opposite direction as everyone else.

"Every man for himself," he hollers, laughing maniacally when I call after him to stay put. "Catch me if you can, fuckers!"

"Goddammit." Xed sprints after him in a heartbeat, barely tossing me a glance.

Before I know it, I'm alone with Huck and Logan, both gazing at me wide-eyed. One look at their pupils tells me the shrooms have started to hit.

Fucking great.

"You two stay here," I growl firmly, heading toward where Christian, Salem, and Arya disappeared. "I mean it. Hold hands, sit on each other's laps, whatever you gotta do to stay in your damn seats. Do not go anywhere, or I swear to fuck, you'll be sorry."

Neither of them responds, and the way Logan's lid twitches gives me bad vibes, but I have three dumbasses to wrangle, so I can only hope that the two of them can hang on for the ride until I get back.

Because it's going to be a long fucking night.