23. Taylor

Taylor

February

S moke swirls around the ceiling, dancing in the light streaming through the blinds.

I'm lying on the floor in my room, a cigarette in my mouth with a fan blowing toward the open window since we aren't supposed to smoke inside the apartment, and I don't want to make Baby Bones sick. Usually, I'd just step outside for a quick drag, but it's cold as shit, and I needed to lay on my back to think. Process the last few weeks.

Christian's in his room bumping tunes, ‘Killing You' by Asking Alexandria vibrating through the walls. He's the only person I know who cures a hangover with loud music. Before I got sober, any amount of noise after a night of heavy drinking was like nails on a chalkboard; unfathomable and to be avoided. But not Christian. Heavy breakdowns and excess amounts of coffee seem to get him going again.

He's been drinking a lot lately since we quit our jobs at the local Jiffy Lube. More than normal. I know it's boredom. Between the rally, my father's life insurance, and the content Salem posts of us on social media, we're doing fine financially, but it leaves us with too much time on our hands. Which leaves me lying here, poisoning the environment with my vices, overthinking.

And, of course, as always, my mind is on Huckslee.

Haven't seen or heard from him since the night he whooped my ass, which is to be expected. Can't really say I didn't deserve it. The moment Logan whispered to me that Huck was pissed off at me for touching his best friend, I may have laid it on a little thicker than I usually would have. Because I'm a dickhead, first and foremost, but I also wanted to see what he'd do. In hindsight, kissing Logan was not the best way to do that. I fucked around and found out.

And, unfortunately, there's a small scar on my chin from Huck's class ring to prove it. Honestly, I like it. Reminds me that maybe things aren't utterly hopeless between us. I'm not stupid; I know why he was mad that night. It had little to do with Logan and everything to do with the fact that I wasn't touching him . I could see it.

Maybe I'm a bit delulu, but I don't care. I'm holding on to that hope like it's a lifeline.

We got extremely lucky that the arena owners were cool with the whole thing and promised we'd still be invited back next year, so that's good, all things considered.

The sound of the front door slamming shut echoes over Christian's music, and I hear Salem call out from the front room .

"In here," I reply around my cigarette, glancing up when she appears in my doorway.

"I've got good news," she starts but pauses and makes a face when she sees where I'm lying. "Uh oh. Floortime, huh?"

Shrugging out of her winter coat and kicking off her boots, she bends down to give BB a pat before crawling over to lay next to me on the carpet, shoulder to shoulder.

After a minute, she speaks. "So. Tell me what's up."

"Huck still staying with you and Logan?" Apparently, he'd asked if he could sleep on their couch shortly after everything went down, stating that being in his dad's house again was what set him off.

"You know he is."

Sitting up, I put my smoke into the ashtray on my nightstand before stretching out on my back. "How's that going?"

She purses her lips under her septum piercing. "I stay out of his way and he stays out of mine."

"Don't do that." I turn my head to frown over at her. "Don't let what's going on between Huck and me ruin shit for you and Logan. I won't have that."

Her eyes meet mine as she lifts a brow. "And what is going on between you two, exactly?"

Ain't that the question.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," I groan, covering my face with my hands, and Salem just hums. Waiting for me to continue.

Taking a deep breath, I speak into my palms. "I have to tell you something." Hard swallow. "Right before school ended in the eighth grade, I kissed Huckslee under the bleachers in PE. And he kissed me back. I was so fucking happy that I fucked up—I was babbling about him at home, about how fun I thought he was, and how I couldn't wait to spend every day over the summer racing with him. Of course, my dad had to go and say some shit."

She's silent for a moment. "What did he say?"

"I'm not going to repeat the word he called me." I huff a humorless laugh. "Basically, he made it really fucking clear he'd take away my bike and keep me from racing if he found out that I was gay."

"Ah. So that's why everything changed between you two."

Blinking up at the ceiling, I give her a nod, not ready to meet her gaze yet. "God, I was such a little asshole to him, Salem. Didn't respond to any of his texts all summer and ignored him at races. When he got too close, I'd lash out."

"I remember."

"Motocross was everything to me. Is everything. I couldn't let it get taken from me. And then our parents married, and we moved in together. And I really fucking liked him. Some things happened between us...but then he won that scholarship, and I was so pissed off. So confused. It felt like he'd ruined my life. And when I saw him kissing Royce behind that curtain, I lost it. I was jealous, ok? So I snapped and made the biggest mistake of my life." With a groan, I turn away from her and curl onto my side, burying my face in my arms. "Everything's so fucking complicated."

"Hey." She crawls over my body to my other side, prying my arms away from my face. "Tell me why you're freaking out. Is it because he's a dude?"

I shake my head, and she blinks in surprise before nodding.

"Ok. Is it because he's your stepbrother? "

That makes me hesitate because I've actually never processed that.

"Mm-hmm." Salem nods again. "What else?"

Swallowing, I drop my gaze to our connected hands. "I ruined his life."

"No, you didn't, Tay," she sighs heavily, rolling onto her back, and I follow until I'm half on top of her.

"Yes, I did. I almost killed him."

"We've been over this. Your therapist has been over this. What happened was not your fault."

"But I was the catalyst. And he blames me."

She tilts her head. "How do you know? Have you asked?"

"He's made it pretty fucking clear with his actions toward me."

"Look, Tay, I think you're focusing on all the wrong shit here. You were jealous, so you opened a curtain. He was jealous, so he hit you. Those things are kind of far apart on the fucked up scale."

"It was more than that, and you know it." I squint down at her, frowning. "I outed him to the entire town and his dad before he was ready. Took that choice from him."

"Yeah." She reaches up to touch the scar on my chin. "Yeah, you did. But you didn't hit him."

My jaw tightens as I look away. "I've hit him before. Used to do it just to blame the bullshit from my father on him."

"You should talk to him. Really talk to him about it all. Everything, including the parts with your dad. I think he'd understand."

Shaking my head, I flop back over onto my back. "It doesn't excuse what I did. "

"No. But we can't change the past. Only move on from it. And you can't do that without bridging the gaps between you two."

I'm silent momentarily, listening to Baby Bones scuffle around the room. "What if I'm scared?"

Her hair brushes my shoulder as she turns her head to look at me. "Of what? That he doesn't feel the same way you do?"

"No. I honestly don't expect him to. I'm just…scared of how he'll make me feel when he rejects me. Which is really fucking hypocritical because of what I did to him in the eighth grade. And senior year."

"You have to face the music, Tay," she sighs again, and I nod.

"I know."

We're both quiet for a long moment, sorting through everything in our heads. After a while, she turns to me again with a pout.

"What?" I ask, grinning.

"So you're telling me I wasn't your first kiss?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"It's ok," she hums, looking pleased. "I took your V card and popped your ass cherry, so I win."

"Fucking Christ, Salem."

Cackling, she sits up to lightly punch me in the gut. "Ok, enough with this sad shit. Let's get down to business. I brought good news."

"Hit me with it."

"First, we need Christian. "

Heaving a heavy sigh, I get to my feet and offer her my hand. "I'll get the coffee started. You can be the one to drag him out of bed. He's hungover and moody as shit."

Ten minutes and three mugs of coffee later, Christian and I are curled on the sofa with Baby Bones between us while Salem paces the length of the living room.

"So after that stunt at the monster truck rally," she starts, "your TikTok accounts have started blowing up, which is really working for us. I also posted updates on Twitter."

"It's called X now," Christian grumbles into his coffee, looking like hell with bags under his eyes.

"Well, whatever. Point is, you guys are making an impression. Which leads me to the good news." She pauses, glancing between us excitedly.

When nothing more comes out of her mouth, I roll my eyes and throw a leg over Christian's lap. "What's the good news, Salem?"

"Why, thank you for asking, Taylor." Her hands clap together as she smirks. "You both received messages on your IG accounts from a representative of the...wait for it...Nitro Fuel Games."

Christian spits out his coffee as my lips part in surprise. "You fucking serious? What did they say?"

Nitro Fuel Games is one of the biggest action sports competitions of the year. The best athletes from around the country come to compete, doing their best tricks in freestyle motocross, bicycle motocross, skateboarding, and scooters.

"What do you think they said? You've both been invited to compete in their qualifier this April! "

"No way." I jump to my feet, accidentally scaring my rabbit, as Christian sets his cup down hard on the coffee table.

"Are you sure it's legit? It's not like a scam or anything?"

"Oh, it's legit." Salem pulls up her phone. "I have all the info being sent to your emails as we speak."

My fingers curl into my hair as I gaze at her, awestruck. "How did this happen?"

"I tagged them in the videos I posted of your stunts at the rally, and they apparently liked what they saw. You guys and twenty-three others will compete to win a spot in their FMX and Best Trick competitions in August."

Christian and I blink at her. "Only one spot?"

She nods, smiling. "Yep. Only one. They're picking someone from every state."

A slow, wicked grin spreads on my lips. When I glance at Christian, I see a matching one staring back at me.

"May the best rider win, motherfucker." He raises his fist to bump it against mine, and I feel absolutely ecstatic. On cloud fucking nine.

This is the shit we've been dreaming about since we started doing jumps in Christian's backyard when we were seven.

Plopping back down on the couch, I grab my coffee for a sip. "Where's the qualifier at?"

"It changes yearly, but lucky for us, it's at the motorsport's park near Gville."

Christian looks over and flicks my nose. "The same place you ate shit and lost your scholarship to your douchebag stepbrother, cari?o ."

"Thanks for the reminder, asshole," I mutter, chest tightening. He doesn't know about Huck transferring the scholarship to me. Nor does he know that violating my probation and getting thrown into jail lost me the scholarship, but I don't plan on telling him. It's tender, still.

"Alright, now that all that's out of the way." Salem picks up her mug and finally takes a sip because she's a psycho who likes room-temperature coffee. "On to the next point, I came over here to make. Your brand."

" T.O.T ?"

"Yeah. Videos of stunts will only get us so far, I want to start expanding outwards."

Christian rubs his temples. "You our manager now or something?"

"No, I'm your marketing manager." A pensive look crosses her face. "I was actually thinking of making Logan your manager."

"What, why?"

"Because he's graduating this year with a degree in business management," she deadpans, and Christian just nods.

"Shit, yeah. That checks."

Shaking my head, I set BB down on the floor before she destroys the leather couch. "What did you mean about expanding the brand?"

"I don't know, like branching out beyond just your rally performances." She takes up a spot in between us. "Any ideas?"

Christian snaps his fingers. "I got one. OnlyFans."

Salem bursts out laughing while I scoff.

"Uh, no. I'm a grower, not a shower."

"That's not even what that means," he grins. "And you show off more than anyone I know."

"Yeah, with my bike. Not my dick. "

"Ok, no OnlyFans," Salem says in between chuckles. "Any other ideas that don't involve getting naked?"

"Fuck, I'm out." Christian throws up his hands while I reach over to give him a shove.

"We could start filming YouTube videos."

"Of us doing stunts?"

"Yeah. Like, really cool ones."

Salem shakes her head. "I already post on YouTube for you guys."

"Damn." Christian lets out a low whistle, "give this chica a raise."

"You don't even pay me."

"What about clothing?" I suggest, watching them from the corner of my eye. Salem sits up straighter, looking like a light bulb just went off above her head, and Christian raises his brows.

"Clothes?"

Shrugging, I look down into my mug. "Yeah. Like t-shirts and shit. We can find an artist and make some sick stuff. Maybe even sell them at the rally next year."

Salem gasps, turning to grip my arm. "We can open an Etsy shop!"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever that is."

"I'm in." Christian punches me on the shoulder. "Only one problem. Who do we know that can draw?"

"I mean, I know someone." Inhaling deeply, I rub the heels of my palms into my eyes. "But you guys aren't gonna like who it is."