Chapter 11

CHAPTERELEVEN

Ashlyn settled back in the chaise lounge on Kenna’s deck in the drool-worthy condo she shared with Aleck. The men had left the day before on a mission. Slate claimed it shouldn’t be a long one, and that he was ninety-nine percent sure there wouldn’t be AK47s, sand, or RPGs involved.

He’d meant it as a joke, but Ashlyn hadn’t exactly been thrilled with the statement. Because it meant in the past, and in the future, those things would be involved, a reminder that Slate and his friends were frequently in mortal danger. Intellectually, she’d known they weren’t exactly skipping through towns spreading love and cheer when they were deployed, but hearing it put so frankly was hard to take.

Dating a SEAL meant taking the bad with the good. And so far, Ashlyn had experienced mostly all good things with Slate. Deployments were part of dating a military man. She just had to suck it up. She’d missed Slate in the past when he’d gone on missions, but in a more abstract way, like she missed anyone on the team while they were putting their lives on the line.

Still…it was no longer the same.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Elodie asked as she plunked herself down in the chair next to hers. The sun was just beginning to set and the sky was lit up with oranges and purples. Ashlyn should’ve been focused on the beauty in front of her, but she couldn’t concentrate on the view.

“Yeah.”

“It’s different when you care about him,” Elodie said with certainty.

“Are we talking about how much deployments suck?” Kenna asked as she came out to the balcony. “Because I’m up for the conversation if that’s the case.”

“Try being pregnant and having your man putting himself in harm’s way,” Monica complained as she wandered out behind Kenna.

“Or planning your wedding and not knowing if your fiancé is gonna make it back in time for it,” Carly complained. “I mean, I know it’s weeks until our wedding, but SEAL missions can easily go from a simple weekend kind of thing to being gone for months.”

Ashlyn turned to Lexie, who’d been sitting with her on the deck before the others came outside. “You want to add your two cents?” she asked.

Lexie shrugged. “Don’t figure I need to. You’re now part of an exclusive club. The one none of us really wanted to join, but knew we had no choice if we were going to be with our men.”

“Lexie, Monica, and I are in the even more unique position of knowing exactly what our guys do for a living,” Elodie said gently. “We were smack dab in the middle of their missions when they met us.”

“Does that make it easier or harder when they leave?” Ashlyn asked.

“Both,” Lexie said. “Easier because I’ve seen firsthand how good the team is. How well they work together and how professional they are. Harder because I know the bullets that are flying around are very real. And how things can definitely go wrong.”

“Agreed,” Monica said, as she rubbed her growing belly bump. She had about three and a half months to go before her baby was due, and both she and Pid were anxious for her to be born.

“Like Lexie said, our guys are good at what they do. We just have to trust that they’ll come home to us,” Elodie added.

“I may not have experienced their expertise overseas, but when I was on that beach and there was a chance I might be blown to pieces, I had no doubt Marshall would do whatever was necessary to get me out of the situation,” Kenna said.

“But then you went and got yourself out of it,” Carly retorted with a smile.

“Yeah, but honestly, that was luck,” Kenna protested.

“Um, no, it wasn’t,” Carly said adamantly. “My douchebag ex was bound and determined to kidnap and torture someone. If he couldn’t get to me, you would’ve been a good substitute.”

“My point is that you and I, Carly, have still seen the team in action, even if we weren’t in some foreign country,” Kenna explained.

“No matter how scary it gets, no matter how worried you are and how freaked out you get when you watch the news, you have to stay positive,” Elodie told Ashlyn seriously. “The last thing Slate needs is to be distracted while on a mission because he thinks you can’t handle what he does for a living.”

Ashlyn thought about that for a moment and knew her friend was right. Slate needed to keep his mind on what he was doing, not thinking about how she was coping with his absence.

“So…have things gotten more serious between you and Slate?” Carly asked. “Last I heard, you guys were still casual.”

“We are,” Ashlyn told her. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t worry about him.”

“Oh, I know, I wasn’t implying that,” she said quickly.

“When we were just friends, I worried about him too,” Ashlyn said a little defensively.

“It’s different now though, isn’t it?” Lexie asked. “No matter how much you try to tell us that things are super-duper laid-back between you guys, there’s no way you can sit there and tell us that you don’t feel differently about his deployments now that you’re dating.”

Lexie was right. It was different. But Ashlyn couldn’t put her finger on why. She’d spent the night at his house the evening before he left, and the sex was more intense than ever. Still mind-blowing, and he’d still made her come several times before getting off himself. But it was more…intimate somehow. He didn’t seem as rushed or desperate. Slate had taken his time, been gentler with her…as if he wanted to prolong everything, as reluctant to leave as she was to see him go.

“It’s different,” Ashlyn finally admitted.

All five women nodded, no explanation necessary.

“I do have to say, I never really understood the need for you guys to all get together when the team deployed. I mean, I was certainly happy to join you and hang out in Kenna’s posh condo, but I didn’t get it. I do now.”

“What do you get, precisely?” Elodie asked.

“The need to connect with people who know what you’re feeling. Who won’t judge you for freaking out a bit about something you have no control over. About taking time, even if it’s only one night, to admit that you’re scared and worried and even a little depressed before putting on our big girl panties and getting on with life until the guys come home,” Ashlyn said.

“Exactly,” Lexie said softly.

“Yup,” Carly agreed.

“Spot on,” Elodie added.

Monica nodded.

“That’s exactly why I want you guys here,” Kenna said. “I know you’re feeling the same things I am, and it’s okay not to be strong all the time. We all know we need to suck it up and continue living our lives when the guys are gone, but it feels nice knowing we aren’t alone in our fears.”

“There are times when I want to say ‘screw this’ and go down to the justice of the peace to get married,” Carly admitted. “I mean, yeah, we have some time until our wedding date, but what if something happens to Jag? What if he gets deployed again and it’s a long-term mission? I just want to be his wife, and I feel selfish that I want to have some semblance of a traditional wedding.”

“Don’t feel bad about that,” Elodie said immediately. “You know Jag wants the wedding as much as you do.”

“I can’t help but think about Stuart missing the birth of our daughter,” Monica admitted. “Women have babies all the time without the dad being there, but he’s just so excited about seeing her born that it would kill me if he missed it.”

“Midas and I aren’t in any hurry to get married, but I know he worries about something happening to him every time he leaves. He put me down as the beneficiary on his life insurance, which I can’t stand to even think about, but he insisted that if we weren’t going to get married right away, he wanted to make sure I was taken care of, just in case,” Lexie shared.

“This military spouse and girlfriend thing isn’t for wimps, that’s for sure,” Kenna said on a sigh.

Ashlyn nodded along with everyone else…but all of a sudden, she felt like a fraud. She’d felt more a part of the group tonight than ever before, since she was now dating Slate. But hearing all of her friends’ concerns, she once again felt kind of like an outsider.

“Okay, this conversation has gotten too depressing,” Kenna declared. “We need to talk about something else for a while.”

“How’s the job going, Monica? Are you still loving working with the kids at the Head Start Center?” Carly asked.

“It’s awesome,” Monica said. “I’m actually going to miss everyone so much when I take time off after having the baby. But the good thing is that I can take her to work with me when I return, and I won’t have to worry about finding reliable and trustworthy childcare.”

After about thirty minutes of general chitchat about raising children in today’s culture, how the planning for Carly’s wedding was going, if anyone had seen or heard from the mysterious Baker recently (no one had), and discussing plans for an actual girls’ night out instead of just holing up in Kenna’s condo like they usually did, Lexie asked Ashlyn about one of their Food For All’s clients.

“I forgot to ask you yesterday when you came back from your deliveries, did you see Marcus? Was he okay?”

Marcus was one of their regulars. He’d broken up with his ex-girlfriend a while ago, who hadn’t taken the separation very well. In short, she went bat-shit crazy when he started dating someone else, and had decided if she couldn’t have Marcus, no one could. After weeks of harassing him, she’d broken into his apartment and beaten the shit out of the man. Someone had called the cops, and his ex was arrested.

Ashamed, Marcus tried to cancel his deliveries. He was already struggling to make enough money to support himself, let alone to give his new girlfriend everything he felt she deserved. Ashlyn refused to let him cancel, persuading him to stay on the program until he found better-paying work.

“His ex really did a number on him, “Ashlyn said. “I mean, I’m not naïve enough to think that women can’t abuse men, but I swear if the cops hadn’t gotten to his apartment when they did, Marcus might not have survived. He told me that she’d just run into the kitchen to get a knife when the police arrived.”

“Holy shit, seriously?” Elodie asked.

“Yeah.”

“But she’s in jail, right?” Monica asked, worry lacing her voice.

“For now. When I saw how badly injured he was, I made some calls,” Ashlyn said. “There are battered women shelters that help in situations like this, but there aren’t any battered men shelters that do the same thing. I get it, the majority of people in abusive relationships are women, but that doesn’t mean men aren’t in desperate situations as well. Anyway, after talking to three different organizations, I finally found someone who was willing to help. Marcus was reluctant to accept assistance at first, but I think his ex really scared him, and he knows if he doesn’t disappear, next time she might finish what she started.”

“The island’s not that big,” Kenna said. “Do you really think he can hide from her?”

“You’re right, it’s not. And no, I don’t. Crazy people have a way of finding their targets, as I think we’ve all learned firsthand.”

Carly winced and nodded, as did the others.

“He’s going to the mainland. I don’t know where, and I didn’t ask. But the person I talked to is part of an organization that relocates abused women. They had no problem using their knowledge and connections to help Marcus start over somewhere else.”

“Wow, that’s awesome,” Carly said.

“Sucks that he has to leave Hawaii though,” Lexie said.

“Yeah,” Ashlyn agreed. “But I could see the relief in his eyes the last time I delivered food, after he’d talked to the contact.”

“You’re amazing, Ash,” Elodie said. “I’m proud to call you my friend.”

“I felt bad that I didn’t try to get him help before he was beaten up,” Ashlyn said.

“You can only do what you can do,” Monica said. “Sometimes, even if people do all the right things, they can still end up in a shitty situation. I’m a big believer in karma, especially after what happened to me. Those who do bad things will suffer for it eventually. And those who do good will be rewarded.” The words were even more poignant because it was Monica who’d shared them. She wasn’t one to talk a lot, but when she did, she made it count.

“I know. I just wish that karma worked faster,” Ashlyn said.

“Sometimes it does,” Monica told her.

“Like in your case,” Carly said.

“Exactly,” Monica said with a small smile.

Ashlyn couldn’t blame Monica for being satisfied that the man who’d kidnapped her, and who’d planned for her and Baker to die horrible deaths in a lava flow, had instead suffered that fate himself.

“Anyone want a refill?” Elodie asked as she stood and stretched.

“Me!”

“Yes!”

“Count me in!”

“I’ll help you,” Ashlyn offered, standing and grabbing the other women’s empty glasses.

Everyone but Monica was partaking in the extra-strong margaritas that Elodie had a tendency to make. Partly on account of her pregnancy, but also because she didn’t often drink alcohol, even when she wasn’t growing a baby in her belly.

In the kitchen, Elodie turned to Ashlyn and put a hand on her arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, I just thought you looked kind of…lost there for a while.”

Apparently Elodie was extremely observant even when drunk.

“For the record, I think you and Slate are closer than you’re letting on.”

Ashlyn opened her mouth to disagree, but Elodie held up a hand, stopping her.

“No, don’t say anything. Just think about it. You and Slate were friends before you started dating. You’ve both been through all the shit that’s happened recently with Carly, Monica, and Kenna. That kind of emotional upheaval has a way of connecting people. I know you guys were always sniping at each other, but I think that’s because neither of you wanted to admit you actually liked each other more than you thought you should.

“And on Slate’s part, all the harping on your safety is a huge sign that he cares about you a hell of a lot. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t care so much about your job and who you might come into contact with during your deliveries. I think it’s great that you’ve moved your relationship forward. That you’re having sex. But I would hate to see you lose Slate, or him you, because you’re both too stubborn to admit that you want more than a casual relationship.”

Ashlyn wasn’t sure how to respond. It was a familiar argument from her friends.

She liked not having the pressure of being in a long-term relationship. She was enjoying not having to worry about telling Slate where she was all the time, or what he would think if she didn’t want to spend the night, or if she wanted to go out with her friends, or even stay home and veg in front of the TV alone. So far, things with her and Slate were pretty perfect, and she didn’t want to jeopardize that.

But Elodie wasn’t exactly wrong either—which was disconcerting. This first deployment after they’d officially started dating was harder than she’d thought it would be…and it had only been one freaking day.

“I really don’t mean to harp on you,” Elodie said when Ashlyn didn’t respond. “No pressure.”

Ashlyn chuckled dryly at that. “Right. No pressure.”

“Seriously. I love both you and Slate. Do I want things to work out with you guys? Duh, yes. But if they don’t, they don’t. It’s not going to make me like you, or him, any less. Unless you turn out to be as psycho as Marcus’s girlfriend. Then I’ll have to hunt you down and put a major hurt on you.”

Ashlyn had a feeling Elodie was trying to be funny, but she wanted to make sure her friend knew that she’d never, ever, be clingy and psycho with Slate. She respected him too much to hurt him in any way. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, but if and when he decides he wants to move on, I’ll let him,” she told her friend. “I value his friendship, so I’d like to try to remain friends after we stop dating. I hope we can do that.”

Elodie reached out and hugged Ashlyn hard. “Me too,” she said softly. “But more than that, I’m hoping you guys pull your heads out of your asses and realize that you’re actually perfect for each other.” Then she stepped back and turned to the blender. “Hand me the bottle of tequila, would you?”

Ashlyn shook her head, knowing Elodie had purposely changed the subject so she could have the last word on her and Slate’s relationship. She didn’t want to let her or any of the other women down, but Ashlyn simply wasn’t sure that she and Slate could last long term. Not when the biggest thing they had in common was an unwillingness to commit.

Putting that thought out of her mind for the moment, she grabbed the alcohol and watched as Elodie poured what was left of the bottle into the blender. They both grinned as she hit the blend button. The drinks were gonna be strong as hell…which was perfectly all right with Ashlyn. She needed to think about something other than Slate.

When the margaritas were mixed, Elodie filled each glass and grabbed two. Ashlyn managed to juggle the remaining three and they brought them back out to the balcony. They were greeted with cheers from Lexie, Carly, and Kenna.

“I’ll be right back, gonna go to the bathroom,” Ashlyn told the group.

“You need a buddy?” Kenna teased.

Ashlyn laughed. “Nope. If we were in a club, definitely, but I think I can make it to the bathroom and back without someone breaking in and kidnapping me.”

“Never say never,” Carly said, wagging a finger at her before taking a large sip of her drink.

Still chuckling, Ashlyn turned to head back inside.

The second she closed the bathroom door behind her, she couldn’t resist taking out her phone and opening the tracking app. It was stupid, she knew what she was going to see the second she clicked on the map.

The icon for Slate’s phone was right where it was the last time she’d checked…at the airport on the Naval base. He’d obviously turned his phone off before the flight and hadn’t turned it back on since. It was one more reminder that Slate was out there, risking his life, and she had no idea where he was precisely or when he’d be back.

Ashlyn missed him. More during this deployment than any of the others. Even her bed seemed too big now without him in it. Which kind of sucked.

Sighing, she put the phone back in her pocket before doing her business. Afterward, she washed her hands, took a deep breath, and headed back out to the balcony and her friends. She needed to follow their lead. Get drunk, be sad her boyfriend was out of town, then tomorrow she’d straighten her shoulders and get back to living.