Epilogue

EPILOGUE

S EVEN MONTHS LATER

Amanda shifted the fabric-wrapped bundle in her arms.

Wide eyes stared back at her, hazy blue that would probably turn warm brown, a patch of curly hair, and rosy cupid’s-bow lips.

Her room was dim, the drapes still closed, though morning light peeked in the gap between them. It was after nine—later than either one of them ever slept at home. In a hospital, one had to sleep between the interruptions of the nurses.

Beneath the window, her husband snoozed on the chair-turned-cot that looked about as comfortable as a park bench. His feet hung off the end, the blanket not long enough for his tall frame. They’d both stayed up too late deciding the baby’s name and had finally made a decision. Mostly, Mark hadn’t wanted to put the newborn down, instead nestling him against his muscled chest.

A beautiful picture she’d remember forever.

She’d been on bed rest for eight weeks, which meant Mark had been on daddy-duty and cooking-duty and errand-duty—all on top of work. There was no parental leave for people who owned their own businesses.

And then there’d been his worry for Amanda and the baby, which had kept him up far too many nights after her trip to the ER two months before.

But all was well. She was healthy. Her son was perfect. She bent low and whispered in his tiny little ear. “You’re the most beautiful baby in the world.”

“You said that about Sophie.” Mark’s voice was sleep-roughed. He shifted to face her. “And Madi.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was praying.” He swung his feet to the floor and stretched. “You were right. They were all the most beautiful babies ever.”

They were, even if logically—and grammatically—that didn’t make sense.

Mark crossed to the head of her bed and pressed his lips to her temple before bending to kiss his son’s cheek. “How are you, little man?”

His little face scrunched up as if he were considering his answer.

“That good, huh?” Mark turned to her. “How do you feel?”

“Good. Really good.” And tired, but she didn’t add that. She’d done nothing but lie around for months. No wonder she’d been so weak during labor.

None of that mattered now that her child was in her arms.

She reveled in his warmth and his sweet newborn smell . . . which was mixed with something slightly less enticing. “He wanted to nurse but had trouble latching on. He figured it out, gorged himself”—she grinned down at the infant—" and then slept.”

Mark’s brows lowered. “Did he cry? I didn’t hear. You should’ve woken me up.”

“It wasn’t like you could feed him.”

“True.” His lip quirked. “I could’ve changed him.”

“There’ll be plenty of time for that. In fact”—she handed him to his father—“I’ll let you do the honors.”

He did, using the foot of her bed so she could watch.

Ten little fingers. Ten little toes. His tender skin was still red less than twenty-four hours after his birth. He already had so many of Mark’s features.

He wrapped the baby back in the blanket and cradled him in his strong arms.

Though Amanda had prayed he would look like her husband, she’d prayed more that he’d be like him. Strong and gentle. Solid and truthful. Wise and godly.

Godly. That was what she prayed for most. As she learned about the God who loved her, who forgave her, and who’d died for her, she realized how her husband was becoming more like Jesus all the time. Oh, he had a long way to go, just as she did, but they were both learning together. Growing together. Teaching the girls together.

And now they had a son together. Though she couldn’t know for sure, she guessed he’d been conceived on Halloween night. In adversity, no question about it. In the eye of a very dark storm.

But also . . . in God’s perfect timing.

Yes, things had been hard and bumpy and sometimes, downright terrifying. But even in the midst of all of that, God had protected a baby she hadn’t even known existed. He’d grown a new life inside her.

New lives . Because Amanda was a new creation, too, thanks to God’s salvation. He’d found her in the trunk of a car.

Or, more accurately, she’d found God .

And then God had led Mark right to those scary woods.

She still marveled at the miracle of it all.

“Hey.” Mark perched beside her and brushed a tear from her cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

He started to say something, but his phone dinged. He grabbed it from where he’d plugged it into the charger and read the screen—scowling.

“What is it?”

“The girls are begging to see you. They’re on their way.”

Amanda’s empty stomach churned. “Now?”

He was typing a text. Frowning.

“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked.

“They’ll be here in five minutes.”

Five? Nice warning.

Amanda wanted to see Sophie and Madi, she did. She couldn’t wait to introduce them to their new brother.

It wasn’t them she dreaded.

Mark settled on the edge of the bed again and tucked a lock of her hair away from her face. “Mom promised to be nice.”

“It’s fine.”

“If she isn’t, I’ll send her away.” He took Amanda’s hand and squeezed. “He’s her grandson. We have to give her a chance.”

“I know.” Hard as it was, she didn’t disagree with Mark. Her parents would be in town by the time she was released from the hospital. Mark’s father and stepmom would come down at some point to meet the new baby. But Mrs. Johnson had offered to start driving down the minute Amanda went into labor. She’d seemed eager to spend time with the girls.

Amanda went to the restroom to freshen up. She looked tired. She was tired. But also, happy. Happier than she’d ever been .

She wouldn’t let Mark’s mother ruin it.

She brushed her teeth and hair, then changed into a fresh T-shirt and pajama pants. Her stomach still protruded, all squishy and ugly. But she’d had a baby. Surely, the dragon lady wouldn’t criticize her for a post-baby body.

Why did Amanda care? The woman had never liked her.

After she’d been assigned to bed rest, Mrs. Johnson had called and offered to come help with the girls. It had been so out of character that both Mark and Amanda had been stunned speechless. For a second. And then Mark had gently—but firmly—refused.

Not that they hadn’t forgiven her for meddling in their marriage, but forgiveness was one thing. Trusting her not to do it again was another thing entirely.

They’d avoided her at Christmas. Mark had taken the girls to see her twice this year—for a couple of hours at a time, no more.

Amanda hadn’t seen his mother since the whole crazy incident last fall.

She hadn’t felt sad at the loss.

But the dragon lady had started calling Amanda every day, just to check on her. And she’d been surprisingly . . . nice on the phone.

She’d sent a few boxes. Not showy, expensive gifts, either, but thoughtful things. A new cookbook she thought Amanda would appreciate. Two easels and paints for the girls. A box of summer sausages and cheeses for Mark. At Easter, she’d sent a gift card so Amanda could pick out dresses for herself and the girls—along with a huge box of candy.

As if she wanted to make amends.

It was just . . . weird.

Amanda was afraid to trust it. When a knock sounded on the hospital room door, she braced herself .

Mark peeked into the bathroom, still holding the baby. “You ready?”

She gave herself one more look, critiquing her hair that needed washing and her pale skin, which highlighted the dark smudges beneath her eyes.

She was who she was, and if Patricia Johnson didn’t like it, that was her problem.

Besides, Sophie and Madi were here. They were the ones Amanda wanted to see.

Mark waited until Amanda was back in the bed, then handed her the baby. He kissed her lightly on the lips. “I love you.”

How could she feel anything but pure joy? “I love you.”

He slid a hand down her hair. “You, me, our daughters and our son”—his voice hitched—“and God. That’s all that matters.” He walked down the short hallway beside the bathroom and opened the door. She couldn't see him from her bed.

“Daddy!” Madi yelled.

“Where is he? Is he here?” This from Sophie.

“Come on in, but be careful. Mommy’s still recovering, and babies are breakable.”

“Grammy told us already.” Sophie barreled around the corner, her sister on her heels. They stopped at Amanda’s bedside and looked up at her. “Are you sick?”

“Just tired.”

Amanda had expected the girls to be dressed in pretty little church dresses, hair brushed and neatly pulled back—all up to the dragon lady’s standards. But they weren’t. They both wore T-shirts and shorts, just normal everyday summer clothes. Their hair was messy, as if they’d just come in from playing.

“They washed their hands in the bathroom in the hall.” Mrs. Johnson hadn’t stepped into view yet .

“Thanks.” Mark stood at the end of the bed, facing toward the doorway. “You can come in.”

Amanda wished he’d let her stay where she was. She focused on her daughters. She wouldn’t let the dragon lady ruin this moment.

Madi climbed the side of the bed. “Grammy said making a baby is hard so we should be extra nice to you.”

“She did?” Amanda probably should’ve felt bad about the shock in her voice as her head snapped up.

The dragon lady now hovered between the end of the bed and the door. She was smiling.

Before Amanda could process that, Madi was settling onto the space beside her. Sophie tried to jostle in beside her little sister.

Mark scooped their older daughter up and carried her to Amanda’s other side, where she cuddled in.

“You guys ready to meet your brother?” Amanda asked.

“Uh-huh,” Sophie said.

Madi leaned forward and peeked down at the baby’s face. “He’s so little.”

“He’s bigger than you were when you were born.”

Madi’s mouth opened in a little O. “Nuh-uh. Really?”

Amanda kissed Sophie’s forehead. “And you were even smaller.”

“Wow.” Sophie’s voice was filled with awe. “Is he always gonna be so red?”

Mark slid a knuckle over the baby-soft scalp. “Being born is hard work. He’s still recovering. It’ll be fun to watch him change and grow, won’t it?”

The girls wanted to hold him, so Mark got them seated on a small loveseat and put the baby first into Sophie’s arms, then into Madi’s.

The dragon lady took photos of the three siblings, then directed Mark to sit next to them and snapped a few more.

By the time that was finished, the girls were done with the baby and back at Amanda’s bedside.

“Did you have fun with Grammy?” she asked them.

“Uh-huh,” Sophie said. “We went to the park after breakfast. Grammy went down the slide!”

Amanda’s gaze flicked to the woman standing beside Mark. Her back was straight, but where her face used to express disdain, now Amanda saw something else.

It was almost like she was worried.

It was so out of character that Amanda didn’t know what to think.

Baby in his arms, Mark said, “Your turn, Mom. Meet your grandson.”

She sent Amanda a questioning look.

“Go ahead.”

Mark shifted the infant into Mrs. Johnson’s arms, and she studied his perfect little face. “You make beautiful babies.” She directed the remark to Amanda.

“Oh. Thank you. I think so, but God’s doing most of the work. I just add sleep and calories.”

Mrs. Johnson smiled again. At least Amanda thought it was a smile, but it was so different from any expression she’d ever seen on her face that she wasn’t sure if she could trust it.

“Have you decided on a name yet?”

Amanda glanced at Mark, who cleared his throat. “His name is Joseph, which means God will give.”

“‘God will give.’ How fitting.” Patricia grinned down at the baby. “Hello, little Joseph. Or do you prefer Joey? Maybe someday, just Joe.” She looked at Mark again. “Does he have a middle name? ”

“Hayden.” Did she notice how her son stiffened? “After Dad.”

Amanda tensed. This would be the moment Mrs. Johnson transformed back into the dragon lady.

Her expression dimmed the slightest. “Joseph Hayden Johnson. Your father will be honored.” Then, she tilted her head to one side. “Isn’t there a composer named Joseph Hayden?”

Just like that, they were past it?

“Uh”—Mark glanced at Amanda—“I don’t know. We just picked the name last night.”

They’d been pouring over lists of names for months, but Mark had been determined to wait for God’s leading. And He’d led them both to the same name a few hours after Joey’s birth.

“I’ll look him up and share some of his music with you.” Mrs. Johnson moved to the head of the bed but spoke to Mark. “Why don’t you take the girls for a walk? I’d like to speak to your wife alone.” She turned to Amanda. “If that’s all right with you.”

Ten minutes before, she’d have refused outright, but his mother was obviously trying to be nice.

Mark turned to Amanda, waiting for her response.

“I guess.”

His lips tipped up in the sweetest smile, and he spoke to Sophie and Madi, who were playing a hand-clapping game. “How about a soda?”

Choruses of yays were followed by requests for their favorite flavors as Mark followed them toward the door. Behind his mother’s back, he lifted his phone so she’d see it. She got the message— call me if you need me .

And then they were gone, the door closing with a thunk .

Still holding the baby, Mrs. Johnson pulled the rolling doctor’s stool close. “Is it all right if I sit down?”

“Of course. ”

She did, then moved closer. She found little Joey’s fist, which he curled around her finger. “I wanted to talk to you alone.” It seemed to take courage for her to meet Amanda’s eyes. “I understand why you and Mark have been avoiding me, and I don’t blame you. I think, under the circumstances, I’d have done the same thing. I am ashamed to admit I was glad to hear you and Mark had separated. It was a vindication for me because I’d always believed he made the wrong choice when he married you.”

Mrs. Johnson had always been a forthright, straight-to-the-point kind of person, and today was clearly no exception.

Amanda kept very still, unsure where her mother-in-law was going. She wished she’d pulled her cell phone into her lap so she could call Mark back, but it was on the side table, just out of reach.

“But he didn’t.” Mrs. Johnson held Amanda’s eye contact. “He didn’t make the wrong choice. Mark chose you because he loves you. You're good for him. The right woman for him. And I . . . I’ve treated you terribly over the years. I was foolish and judgmental and bitter.” Her lips tightened at the corners, a hint of the contempt she’d so often shown her daughter-in-law. “I still am. A lifetime of bad habits and ugly thoughts aren’t so easy to overcome. It’s a daily battle.”

What was happening?

Amanda was afraid to move, as if whatever spell had come over the dragon lady would be broken.

“The point is, I’ve been horrid to you, very”—now, one of those lips quirked in amusement—“dragon-like.”

Oops. One of the girls must have overheard her calling their grandmother that and told her.

Ah, the honesty of children.

She was forming an apology when Mrs. Johnson continued.

“I’m sorry, Amanda. I know those are paltry words, but they’re all I have to offer. I hope you’ll forgive me someday. I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to show you that I’ve changed. Not that I have that much, but I am trying.” Now, she paused, and silence settled between them.

They were paltry words. Small and insignificant unless she meant them. But if she did, then they were . . . life-altering.

As someone who’d been forgiven much, she understood how powerful a simple I’m sorry could be.

Even so, it was hard to trust Mrs. Johnson. “Okay.”

The woman’s shoulders relaxed the slightest bit. “You’ve taught me a lot, you know.”

“Me?”

“Oh, don’t be so shocked. I can learn.”

Not that she doubted it, but that she had learned from Amanda . . . That was the shock.

“Mark’s father cheated on me a long time ago, and I let that betrayal define me. It was a blow to our marriage, but I wanted to save it. Truly, I did. I tried for years, but I couldn’t because I couldn’t forgive him. I was bitter and I was angry, and I hated him. I blamed him for everything that went wrong after that. And when I couldn’t stand to be around him anymore, I divorced him.

“Hayden remarried and was happy, while I wallowed in my bitterness, hating him all the more. I thought, what right did he have to be happy after what he’d done? But he didn’t let my hatred define him. He gave his life to Christ and found forgiveness—which only made me angrier.

“And then I found out that my son was unfaithful to you.”

Amanda felt the familiar stab at the memory of Mark’s betrayal. But the pain was a little less acute every time.

“What Mark did with Annalise was no different than what his father did to me. And when I found out . . .” She looked down at the baby, then over Amanda’s head toward the wall. “ I’m ashamed to say I looked forward to the day you learned about his unfaithfulness. You two were already separated. I figured that would be the last straw, and you’d divorce him.

“But Mark confessed everything to you, and you forgave him. You saved your marriage. You didn’t let it destroy you or your family.” She peered at Joey again. “And now you have a new little one, God Will Give. What a perfect name.” Her voice cracked. “God has given you a second chance—and this beautiful baby—because you were able to forgive.”

Amanda swiped away the moisture on her cheeks. “Mark pursued me even when I was awful to him. He never gave up on me. He risked his life for me. And he forgave me.”

“Yes.” She smiled that rare, genuine smile. “My son is rather amazing.”

“I agree completely. I’m very blessed.”

She was nodding. After a swallow, she said, “So is he, Amanda, to have you and this family you’ve given him.”

Oh.

She blinked, but the tears wouldn’t be stopped.

“I know I have a long way to go to earn your trust back.” Again, she straightened as if preparing for battle. “But I’m determined to do it. I’ve learned—first from you and Mark, and now at church and working with a Christian counselor—that forgiveness is the cure for my unhappiness.” She kissed Joey’s head. “I am still who I am. I can be tough and judgmental. I can be harsh and difficult to get along with. It’s probably going to take the rest of my life to overcome those things.” Her smile was slight. “I know I’m unworthy to be a part of your family.”

This woman who’d treated Amanda so badly for her entire marriage was unworthy. But then, so was Amanda. So was Mark.

That still, quiet voice Amanda was learning to recognize as the Lord’s spoke into her heart. You changed with My help. And now you’re free. Do you doubt My ability to change her?

Amanda could choose to hang onto her fear, or she could trust the God who’d saved her, over and over.

The God who loved Patricia Johnson the same way that He loved Amanda.

She reached toward her mother-in-law, and the woman took her hand. “I forgive you, Mrs. Johnson.”

“Patricia. Or Pat, if you prefer. Let’s retire Mrs. Johnson, and hopefully, dragon lady.”

Amanda flushed, her cheeks hot. “I’m sorry about that.”

She shrugged. “Well earned, I’m afraid.”

Amanda didn’t disagree. “Patricia, you are welcome in our family.”

The door opened, and then a knock sounded. “We’re back,” Mark called.

The girls barreled in, each holding a can of soda.

Mark followed, looking from Amanda to his mom, who’d turned toward him. His brows lowered. “Everything okay?”

Amanda smiled to put his mind at ease. “It’s perfect.”

Mrs. Johnson—Patricia—snatched two tissues out of the box on Amanda’s bedside table and handed her one before wiping the moisture from her cheeks. She kissed little Joey on the head and then transferred him to his cradle. “We’ll get out of your hair now. I’m sure you need to rest.” She hugged Mark. “Thank you.”

“Uh, okay.”

“Come on, girls. Give your mother a kiss.”

Sophie and Madi did, and then Mark walked the three to the door.

He closed it and returned to her side, settling on the stool Patricia had just vacated. “What happened?”

“She apologized. ”

His eyebrows moved toward his hairline. “I’m sorry. I was asking about my mother .”

“I know, right?” Amanda recounted her brief and shocking apology.

“Wow.” He shook his head. “Wow. What did you say?”

“That I forgive her.”

“Just like that?”

“I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but forgiveness never is. It’s impossible, at least for me, to truly forgive someone without God’s help. But He’ll help me, just like He helped me forgive you. And even Gabriel.”

Darkness crossed Mark’s features. “I’m not there yet. Not sure I ever will be. At least we know he’s gonna rot in prison.”

He’d been given a life sentence for the murder of that brave teenage girl.

“I can be happy he’s being punished and forgive him at the same time,” Amanda said. “And so can you.”

“I’ll work on that.”

She grinned, knowing her husband, for all his anger, would find a way to forgive the man who’d tried to kill her, not because Gabriel deserved it but because God deserved their obedience.

“God will help your mother to become the woman she wants to be, the woman He created her to be, just like He’s helping me.”

Mark perched on the side of the bed, his expression filled with tenderness. “I’ve loved you since the day we met, as crazy as it felt at the time—two lost souls brought together by God’s amazing grace. You were gorgeous then, but wow.” He cupped her cheek. “The Lord looks beautiful on you.”

She traced his strong jaw with her fingertips, then slid her hand around to the back of his neck. “Thank you for saving my life, again. For being a wonderful father and husband. Thank you for not giving up on me. ”

“Never.”

He touched his lips to hers, and the love in his kiss added finality to his declaration. This man, her husband. Forever.

I hope you enjoyed the Expanded Edition of Finding Amanda, my first full-length novel.