Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

AMARA

Days later, my bodyguard, Roy, drops me off at campus. As soon as I step out, a grin spreads. I’m finally here. Finally in college like I’ve always wanted.

Who would’ve thought?

The buzzing of students rushing to classes has me giddy with excitement.

When my phone vibrates, I take it out of my backpack and read a text from Em.

Emily

Kick ass today!!! I’m so proud of you! Can’t wait to see you graduate. With your permission, I would very much like to rub your certificate in Desdemona’s face.

Amara

I think we can arrange that.

Emily

It’s a date! Now go! Then call me and tell me all about it.

Amara

I will! Thank you, Em. I love you.

Emily

Back at you, mama! Talk later! XO

Amara

XO

Before I can place the phone back in my pocket, another text comes in.

Fionn

I’m proud of you, baby girl. Good luck today.

My body grows warm. It’s nice to have someone other than Emily tell me they’re proud of me.

Amara

Thank you for this. I hope you realize how much it means to me.

Fionn

Anything you want, I’ll make it happen.

My heart swells. Things have been good between us in these last few days. We’ve spent time as a family—going horseback riding, playing with Fia, going on walks with Max.

It all feels real.

And though I’ve tried my hardest to forget what he does and what I saw at Caellach, it’s still difficult for me to pretend he isn’t two different people: the man he is with us, and the man he is to the rest of the world.

Placing my phone back in my bag, I turn to Roy. “Okay, I’m off. I’ll see you when I’m done?”

“I’ll be right behind you, ma’am. I’m instructed to go wherever you do.”

“Oh.” I form a tentative smile as the surprise sinks in. I didn’t realize that. “Well, then follow me, I guess.”

“I’ll do my best not to disturb you.”

“Will you be in the classroom too?”

Please say no.

The last thing I want is to draw unnecessary attention to myself.

“I will be right outside.”

Phew.

“Alright.” I start for the library, a few minutes’ walk, and when I arrive, I find Lilith and Patricia both waving at me.

What the…

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Surprise!” Lilith throws her arms around me. “We wanted to be here for your first day and show you around a little. We’re very proud of you.”

This is the same college all three of them attended. It sucks we couldn’t all go together, but that’s okay. I’m here now.

Patricia’s softened gaze has me giving her a tight hug.

“Thanks, you guys. You’re so sweet.”

“We know.” Lilith gets all sassy. “And look at you with your cute clothes.” She gives me a once-over. “Doesn’t she look fierce?”

Patricia nods. “So fierce.”

She eyes my skintight jeans and black top with three gold-tone buttons on each shoulder. Which, by the way, cost a small fortune. Fionn has spared no expense with my new wardrobe, though it still makes me uncomfortable to wear such expensive things.

“Is that Balmain?” Lilith grins with a curve of her brow. “That man is treating you right, I see.”

“No clue.” I shrug with a laugh. “I’ve never been one for brands, so your guess is as good as mine.”

She peeks at the tag. “Yep. I was right.”

“Good for you.” Patricia places a palm on my forearm. “You deserve it after all you’ve been through.”

“She’s right. Enjoy every minute of the princess treatment.” Lilith curls an arm around my back. “Now the real question is…” She gives me a suggestive glance as we start toward the library. “Does he treat you like a princess in the bedroom too?”

“Stop!” I elbow her with a giggle. “A lady doesn’t talk about such things.”

“Mm-hmm. He’s totally boning the shit out of you, isn’t he?”

My mouth pinches, fighting a wide grin. “He totally is.”

“Oh shit! I knew it!” She chuckles.

Patricia rolls her eyes at Lilith. She’s always been more like me, more timid when it comes to sex. But Lilith and Em, they’re open books. I love how different we are and how well we complement one another.

They take me through the campus, showing me the buildings I’ll have all my classes in, before we make it back to where my poli-sci class will be.

“Okay, call us if you have any problems.” Lilith starts walking backward, grinning with a wave, and almost runs into another student.

“Bye.” I shake my head as I get into the auditorium, finding a spot in the middle of the room.

The professor stands before us in front of a large whiteboard—short, trimmed beard, his black-framed glasses sitting across the bridge of his narrow nose. He doesn’t look much older than Fionn.

“Alright, everyone, let’s begin. My name is Doctor Samuel Wright, and this is Political Science 101.”

The lesson picks up, and I take down every bit of information, hungry to learn everything.

FIONN

“What do you wanna see first?” I ask Fia when we arrive at the zoo.

I figured we could have a fun day together while Amara is at school.

“Monkeys!”

“Okay, monkeys it is.” Picking her up, I place her over my shoulders as she giggles. “You okay up there?”

“Yes! This is fun, Daddy!” She wraps her arms around my neck, and every inch of me comes alive at hearing her call me that.

“I think they may wanna add you to the zoo. You’re like a little monkey too.”

“No, I’m not, silly.”

Her laughter causes me to grin.

“I love you, princess.”

“Love you too, Daddy.”

My damn heart right about rips open.

We walk around for twenty minutes, seeing the giraffes and the lions next, her excitement growing.

“I want cotton candy. Please, Daddy?”

I glance to my right at the small stand with someone selling premade ones in all various colors.

“We have to grab lunch first.”

You’re a dad now. Gotta be responsible and put your foot down.

“Aww, but I really want cotton candy.”

Oh fuck. Not that sweet tone of voice.

I’m no match for it.

“What color do you want?”

“Pink!”

We head for the stand, just as a man buys two for his sons.

“Pink, please,” I tell the elderly woman.

“Sure. That’ll be eight dollars.” She glances up at Fia as I hand her the cash. “She’s precious.”

“She is. Thank you.”

I pass the cotton candy to Fia, and as we start toward the next exhibit, she’s dripping that sugar all over my head.

But I don’t care. Because this is exactly where I want to be. With my daughter. Sugar and all.

As we start toward the next exhibit, my phone rings. When I check who’s calling, I find Madison’s name on the screen. Hopefully she has the info I asked for.

“Yeah?” I answer.

“I have the intel you wanted.”

“You have his name?”

“And the birth certificate.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

Amara will finally have the answers she’s been looking for.

AMARA

As soon as I get home, I can tell there’s something off with Fionn. He’s been tense since the moment I walked through the door twenty minutes ago. Fia told me all about her day at the zoo, while he barely even smiled.

What could be the matter?

“Is something wrong?” I whisper as Fia rushes over to play with her dollhouse in the den.

He drags in a long breath. “I found your father.”

My insides tremble with panic, heart beating right out of my chest.

“What?” I whisper, my vision growing hazy as I swallow down the thick ball of dread. “Are you sure?”

He nods. “He had a different name when he lived with your mother. It’s why it took me a bit longer to find him because he was careful, but it’s him.”

Why would he do that? Why would he lie?

I chew on the inside of my mouth. I don’t know what any of this means, and I don’t even know if I’m ready to face him.

What if he doesn’t want to know me? What if he tells me to go?

I bury my hands in my hair, squeezing my head like it’s going to help me answer my questions.

“Can you show me? Can I see his face?” I squeeze my temple, a headache forming there.

“Let’s leave Fia with Louise and head upstairs.”

He disappears into the kitchen for a few moments and returns with Louise.

“Mommy and Daddy will be right back, princess,” he says to her, taking my hand in his to help me off the sofa.

Louise looks curiously at me, but doesn’t ask any questions.

“Okay, Daddy.” Fia continues to play as he leads me toward the stairs, while I’m trying to control my unsteady pulse.

He actually found him. He did what he promised, and now I’ll have to face my past. Face that dream of a little girl that has consumed me for far too long.

But I know I need to get this over with. I want to know what he found, then I want to see my so-called father and end this.

With every step, my legs grow heavier, like they’re held down by an incredible weight.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he says, but his words don’t bring me comfort.

When we enter the bedroom, there’s already a manila folder waiting for me. My gut twists into knots as I step closer, releasing his hand.

“Is that him in there?” My heartbeats thump louder and louder.

“Yeah. His real name is Lloyd Young. Your mother knew him as Timothy Lee.”

With quivering fingers, I lift the folder, settling on the edge of the bed. “Do you know why he had two names?”

He sighs, sinking into the spot beside me. Clasping my cheek with his warm, caring hand, he takes a long pause before he shatters whatever was left of my heart.

“He had two families, baby.”

My chin trembles, tears pooling. The betrayal hits me hard.

“He was married and had a son when he met your mom and started up with her. Guess he couldn’t do it anymore, so he left.”

Sniffling, I pinch my eyes shut. We were his throwaway family. We meant nothing.

“Hey, don’t do that, baby. Don’t cry, because I can’t watch it and not do something to fix it.”

Staring back at him, I find his features entranced with equal parts anger and anguish.

“I’ve thought about killing him for this, but I thought I’d give you the chance to meet him first at least.” He cracks a smile, and that has me returning a broken one.

“Right now, you killing him doesn’t sound so bad.” I bite down on the inside of my cheek, trying to temper my rage and sadness—so deep, I don’t know how I will climb out. “I want to see him.”

“Now?”

I nod. “I won’t be able to sleep unless I look him in the eye and ask him how he could do that to me. How he could’ve just left his other child.”

He nods with understanding. “Alright. We can go. It’s only a forty-five-minute flight.” He picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles. “But I swear, baby, if he says one wrong thing to you, he won’t survive it.”

My heart pumps faster and I nod, accepting his conditions. Maybe a good punch in the face would serve the bastard right.

Even though I know for certain a punch is not at all what Fionn meant.