Chapter 4

CHAPTER

FOUR

SPENCER

I’m on my second cupcake when I hear a noise outside, an all too familiar noise. Running over to the peephole, I peer out. I don’t know what I expect to see, but it isn’t Atomic, with his bike parked next to my car as he moves toward the motel room door.

I’ve finished my work for the evening, enjoying a bit of downtime watching television. The sight of him, even through the peephole, is almost unbearable. He looks so much like Brew that my breath hitches.

Even though I watch him lift his hand and knock, I still jump when he does. Reaching for the knob, I slowly turn it and tug the door open. I step to the side but don’t speak as he passes by me and enters my room.

He doesn’t say a single word as he moves straight for that bakery box, as if he knows exactly where it’s from and the contents. I’m surprised to see him make his way toward it. I don’t remember him eating a lot of sweets years ago. He seemed to be more of a foodie rather than a bakery lover.

“You went to Shawn’s, I see,” he mutters.

“Shawn’s?” I ask, closing the door behind me.

I’m sure I should feel uncomfortable having this man just appear in my room, but I don’t. Atomic is Brew’s brother. To fall in love with Brew means to love his brother as well, and I made sure I knew everything there was to know about Atomic.

“What are you doing here?” I ask softly when he doesn’t respond.

Atomic turns his head, tilting it to the side. His eyes find mine as his lips twitch into a smile. When he speaks, I’m taken aback by his words. It’s not quite what I expect him to say.

“Shawn is the bakery owner in town, probably had a baby strapped to her chest. She’s King’s old lady.”

Staring at him, I blink, unable to speak. But I am able to mutter a question, a burning one. “ She is an old lady?” I ask, needing clarification.

Atomic chuckles. “I got one, too, babe. And two kids now.”

“Atomic,” I breathe.

He watches me, his eyes dancing as he does. He’s happy. I didn’t know this man could ever look so… at peace. I thought that because their lives were so wild and crazy, they only knew chaos. But this isn’t chaos on his face. It is peace.

“It’s a good life, babe. You should really look a bit deeper into it. We aren’t the same men you remember us to be. Probably never really were.”

Pressing my lips together, I roll them a few times. I want to roll my eyes at his words, but that girl at the bakery, she was so sweet, and I just can’t imagine she would be with someone who wasn’t… at least semi-good.

As I slide my tongue over my lips, thinking, I taste honey on them from the cupcake I devoured a few moments ago. Sinking down on the chair at the small bistro table, I can’t take my eyes off his. Those words are poignant.

We aren’t the same men you remember us to be.

My lips twitch into a smirk. “But at the same time, you are, right?”

Atomic’s eyes search mine, and he laughs again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this man smile as much as he does right now. Maybe he’s telling me the truth. Perhaps things have really changed down at that clubhouse.

“If that’s the case, Atomic, if you aren’t the same, then why is my brother in jail?” I demand.

He moves over to the chair across from me and lets out an old man groan as he sinks down into the cushion. I almost laugh. It’s kind of cute. He’s aged in the ten years I’ve been gone, but not in a bad way. Much like Brew, he looks hot as hell. Which is really not fair.

“The courts are going to make an example out of Humble. As much as I want to promise you that he will get off free, he won’t. Best we can probably do is have him take a plea deal.”

Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip again, I hold back the scream I want to release in Atomic’s face. He’s called my brother by his real name. He’s being real with me, serious and respectful. I like that. And I hate it at the same time.

“Tell me…”

He hums, waiting for me to continue.

“Do the men still have clubwhores? Is it still ‘what happens at the club stays at the club’?” I ask, wondering how much has really changed and how much has stayed the same.

Atomic shakes his head, his eyes not leaving mine. “That stuff doesn’t go away, Spencer. But if you’re asking if I, King, or Gnaw partake, the answer would be no. For our own reasons, we’re committed to our women.”

“Gnaw?” I ask.

He smirks again. “Yeah, he just claimed his old lady, Kyle. Sweet girl.”

My head is spinning with his words. I cannot believe the three of them have old ladies and kids. Plus the fact that he’s also telling me they’re devoted to their wives. It’s nothing like the club from ten years ago, that’s for sure.

There wasn’t a single man who was devoted to anyone but himself and his own dick. I’m not sure what to say, so I don’t say anything. Instead, I stare at him, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do next.

Atomic doesn’t seem bothered by the lull in conversation. A few moments later, he stands, sliding his palms down the front of his jeans.

“Nothing’s set in stone, babe. But I want to tell you how sorry I am for the circumstances. I hate that this shit happened. I love Clink.”

Tears fill my eyes, threatening to fall at his words. I should not be moved by them. I should be downright livid. And I was, but I’m not sure I feel the same way anymore until…

“You will always be family, Spencer. You can stay here as long as you want. I’ll even put you up in your own place if you decide to stay.”

“Why would I?” I say without even thinking of my words.

Atomic’s eyes widen. He places his palms on the table, his gaze searching mine before he speaks. “This is your home. Humble will be close by, most likely. It would be a good time to reestablish yourself.”

I think about his words. I like the sound of reestablishing myself, but I don’t let him see how much. I am already established in Austin, but I can’t imagine driving this far to visit Humble because I will visit him regularly wherever he is placed.

A few moments later, he leaves me alone with my thoughts, reminding me to come by the clubhouse tomorrow afternoon to discuss everything that’s going to happen with Clink and the process of the whole thing.

The process of jail, a plea deal, and prison.

The thought of it all makes me physically ill.

Once Atomic’s gone, I change into my pajamas, turn the lights off, and lie down in bed as I stare at the television in front of me. I zone out completely and eventually fall asleep. My dreams are in vivid color, and in every single one, an image of Humble appears.

There is one simple fact—I miss my brother.

brEW

There’s a knock on my door, and I try to ignore it, but it comes again. I start to tell the person on the other side to go away, assuming it’s Firecracker, but when the loud knock comes again, I realize the person isn’t going to disappear.

I unlock my door and pull it open, surprised to find Atomic standing on the other side. Stepping to the side, I watch as my brother walks past me and into my bedroom. He doesn’t say anything. I almost ask him why he isn’t at home with his wife and kids, but I decide against it, not wanting to sound like a smart-ass.

“I went to see her,” he announces.

I don’t have to ask him who her is. I already know. Arching a brow, I don’t say anything as I wait for him to enlighten me on not only why he went there but also what was said. He walks over to my window and looks out at the darkness before he turns to face me.

“Told her that we had her back, that we have Clink’s back…”

“And?” I ask when it’s clear he has something else to say but isn’t actually saying the words.

I know my brother well enough to know when he’s still got something on his mind. More was said than just that, especially since it was Spencer he was talking to. He rocks back on his heels but doesn’t speak right away.

“Grover?” I ask, using his given name, something that neither of us does often. We may have grown up calling each other those names, but by the time we were prospects in the club and got our road names, the old parts of us ceased to exist, including our names.

“I told her what the club is like now. That we’ve got kids, wives, and we don’t fuck around on said wives.”

“You’re making promises for me?” I ask. “Seems pretty forward of you.”

He snorts as if he thinks I’ve asked something funny. I’m not saying that his promises are wrong. I’m old enough to know who and what I want. I also don’t believe that Spencer walking back into this club is by mistake. I don’t want to go into anything with the idea that I’ll be fucking someone else.

She’s what I want.

However, I also know that what happened between us is fucked up.

I fucked it up, and even though she’s ten years older now, I can’t help the guilt that still consumes me over it. I’m not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself, and at the same time, I don’t think I can be around her and not want to be inside of her.

So, it’s all a conundrum that I don’t think I can pretend doesn’t exist. “I’m making promises for you, Brew. Because I know who you are and what you want. Don’t try and act like you don’t give a fuck.”

Clearing my throat, I lift my hand and run my fingers through my hair. “At the risk of sounding like a complete fucking dick, how do you know what I want?”

Atomic lets out a burst of laughter. “Brother,” he says, “I see the way you look at me and Ryan. Nobody is that fucking blind. You want it, too, no matter what you say. And you deserve it. I also know that she’s the one who got away.”

“She was too fucking young,” I grind out.

Atomic nods once then turns to the window again before he shifts his attention back to meet mine.

“She was,” he says, agreeing with my words, as he fucking should. “But just because it was the wrong time then doesn’t mean it isn’t the right time now. I won’t say anything else, but there’s a reason you’re single. There’s a reason she’s here.”

“You think really highly of this situation,” I say, chuckling. “But I’ve made it clear. Got no woman, got no plans to get one.”

Without a response, Atomic walks past me, reaching for the door. He jerks it open and takes a step out of the room and into the hallway before he stops. I watch him turn his head, looking over his shoulder at me, his eyes finding mine.

“You can maybe talk yourself into the idea that you don’t want a woman, but you can’t talk me into it. And you want that one. The one who came to the clubhouse all pissed off, driving a stupid-as-fuck electric car. The one who lives in the city of fuckin’ weird and is trying to pretend to be something she ain’t. You want it all with Spencer. And you want to own her ass.”

He leaves me standing in the middle of my bedroom in silence, shocked as fuck that he’s said what he has… and that he’s right about it all. Once he’s gone, I shove my hand in my pocket and pull out my phone.

I want to call her, but I can’t. I want to go see her, but I don’t—won’t… whatever. I’m not quite sure what the fuck it is that I am going to do with her. But as much as I don’t want to admit that my brother is right about anything, I know that he is about this.

I want it all.

I want to own her.

Every inch of her.