Chapter 31

31

Zara

M y first full day with my daughter is nothing short of magical. Oriana threw a tantrum at breakfast when her toast wasn’t exactly the way she wanted it, too dark and crispy. I prepared another slice, one that looked identical to the first, and she devoured it. I know her fit was just about having control when she feels like she doesn’t have any, waking up in this new place with new people and not many of her toys or things.

After breakfast, she seemed happier as she played with the bags of toys Creed had sent over from FAO Schwarz. Her favorite, of course, was the three different princess crowns.

Oriana loved them all and wore them one on top of the other at the same time.

Creed stayed out all day, and I assumed it was because he’s not fond of screaming kids. Still, it was sweet of him to send toys for her to play with and luggage for me to pack it all into to take with us, along with the clothes and things he bought me.

While I have no idea how I’ll make a living wherever it is we’ll be sent to, it doesn’t really matter. I’d clean toilets or scoop giant elephant poop, anything as long as I get to be a part of my daughter’s life as she grows up.

Nobody is ever going to take her away from me again. I was weak before when they stole her from my arms. I knew Emilio was an asshole when he got me pregnant, but I never thought he’d take my daughter from me. I won’t make the same mistake of trusting the wrong people again.

Creed finally returns home late that night, after Oriana has been tucked in. I’m going to stay with her tonight, but I wanted to talk to my husband first.

“Hey,” I say in greeting. “Busy day?”

“Yes. And we have a few things to discuss.” He avoids looking at me as he removes his jacket, hanging it in the foyer for someone to come along and take it to be laundered for him. “I’m starving. Let’s talk while we eat,” he suggests, heading straight for the kitchen to give the chef his late order for dinner.

I go on to the dining room to wait for him, sitting not so patiently and trying not to think about what happened last night and how amazing it was until he kicked me out of his bed.

Creed enters the room with a wooden board full of cheese and crackers, some already in his mouth as if he couldn’t wait the few minutes for dinner.

“Are we going to talk about last night?” I ask him quietly.

“No. I’ve got everything arranged for you to leave tomorrow,” he says as he takes a seat at the head of the table, completely brushing aside what happened between us. It takes a long moment for his words to seep into my skull because I’m so annoyed with him.

“Tomorrow?” I repeat in surprise. “Wow. That was fast.”

“The sooner the better.” He focuses on piling cheese atop another cracker rather than look at me.

“And were you able to find space for the nannies too?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I mean, thank you. I think I would be fine with Oriana, but I know she would be happier to have them along until we get more comfortable with each other.”

“How did she do today?”

“Great. She was a little fussy at breakfast, but after she got some food in her belly, she had so much fun playing with the things you had sent over. Especially the princess crowns. Thank you for doing that.”

He nods but doesn’t respond. He just continues snacking on the cheese and crackers as if they require his complete attention.

“So, where are we going?” I ask to fill the silence.

“Lisbon, Portugal.”

“Portugal? Fun,” I say, meaning it. I’ve always wanted to travel but never thought I’d be able to actually afford a trip out of the country, since I can barely afford the gas to drive to New Jersey.

“You’ll need to make sure all your things are packed and you’re downstairs, waiting for your ride, at four o’clock tomorrow afternoon.”

“Oh. Okay. Four tomorrow.”

There’s a long pause where neither of us says anything. The only sound is the crunching of crackers, one right after another. Unable to take another second of the awkwardness, I reach for Creed’s tattooed hand that’s resting on the table. “Thank you for everything. I wish... I wish you could come with us.”

He quickly pulls his hand from underneath mine. “You’re welcome. Another thank you fuck tonight isn’t necessary. ”

“A what?” I ask, his rejection so badly stinging throughout my chest that I don’t think I heard him clearly.

“Last night when you thanked me with your mouth and pussy. A repeat is unnecessary.”

“You... don’t want to be with me again? Is that what you’re trying to say to me so crudely?”

“I don’t want you to fuck me because you feel obligated to do so.”

I shake my head, swallowing past the knot in my throat, my eyes burning. “That’s not...”

“Don’t lie to me, Zara.” The don’s tone is harsh, cruel, just like when we first met, and he wanted to kill me. And even after weeks together, he still doesn’t trust me. I don’t think he ever will because of Carmine.

“I’m not lying, Creed! You’re the first man I’ve ever been with who I chose!”

He lifts his dark blue eyes to hold mine. He blinks at me, as if in surprise, but there’s still some distrust in them. “You choose me for the wrong reasons.”

“What?”

“Emilio and Izaiah ruined you. And I hate them for that. But I forced you into a marriage to keep you close, which isn’t much different. It was wrong, and for that I’m sorry. You don’t owe me any obligatory pussy.”

“Obligatory...” I can’t even finish repeating that offensive remark.

“There are plenty of women who would give it to me for much simpler reasons.”

“You are so full of shit!” I push my chair back and get to my feet. “There are no other women, because you’re Accabadore . If they are, it’s only because they’re gold-diggers with ulterior motives.”

“Maybe so, but I guess I don’t find gold-diggers quite as deceitful. At least they’re honest about what they want from me, whether it’s my credit card or a giant diamond ring.”

“And you don’t think that I’ve been honest about what I want from you?”

“No, I don’t, Zara. I think you’ve been hurt, victimized for so long that you can’t stop trying to please people, even the ones who use you. It’s as if you think all you deserve is the abuse. You don’t even get why Emilio and Izaiah were manipulating you by using your daughter’s wellbeing.”

“They did it because they were sick bastards who would take whatever they wanted whenever they wanted it without caring about how I felt. I guess you’re not that much different from them, Creed.”

The muscle in his jaw ticks. “Other than the marriage, I haven’t made you do anything. Did you forget that you’re the one who came to my bed last night and climbed on top of me?”

“Don’t worry, I will never make that mistake again,” I tell him before storming out of the dining room.

“Good! I’m glad we finally understand each other!” he calls after me, his words so cruel that I nearly run into the staff bringing out the asshole’s dinner.

I hope the son of a bitch burns his fucking tongue on every bite of the steaming dishes.

Creed

I fucking knew it.

Zara just admitted that sleeping with me was a mistake.

Last night, she didn’t really want me, but I didn’t stop her .

And I fucking hate the scalding fire burning up my stomach, into my lungs when she walks out of the dining room.

I wanted to share a meal with her, one last meal with my wife before she leaves tomorrow. And I had to go and run my mouth, antagonizing her until she gave me exactly what I wanted from her — the truth.

But if I had asked her to stay with me, to sleep in my bed with me again tonight, I’d be no better than Emilio or Izaiah, forcing her to pleasure me out of manipulation, rather than doing it because she wants me.

While I’m angry at myself for losing out on spending more time with her, a small part of me is also relieved. Relieved I won’t have to worry about being inside her and doing something those stronzo s did, triggering her and hurting her even more than using her body. Zara would’ve done anything I asked because she’s so grateful to me for bringing her daughter back to her.

While I haven’t seen her with Oriana today, I had Matteo and Maurice send me reports and photos of them together all day.

Zara is a good mother. It’s a shame those monsters kept her from her daughter for so long and used the girl as blackmail.

I’m glad I killed Izaiah, and I’m looking forward to killing Emilio.

I’ll be ready to deal with the fallout when I do, whatever it will be, just as soon as Zara and Oriana are out of the country. I want them to get as far away from me, from Emilio, and the violence of the mafia once and for all.