Chapter 35

THIRTY-FIVE

KYLE

I pace.I'm not sure why I'm the one pacing. I'm not the one having a baby. I hardly even know Ryan. But I really like her, and I know that Rider cares for her. She's part of his family, and these men and women, he loves them all fiercely.

"Shouldn't we have heard something by now?" I demand. "It's been a really long time."

Shawn is standing a few feet away, holding Brendan in her arms as she sways from side to side. She hums but then gives me a kind smile. She isn't making fun of me, but it's clear she thinks it's cute that I have no idea about babies.

Adam, Ryan and Atomic's son, sits between two of the men, playing on a phone as he waits for his new sister to enter the world. I don't know him very well yet, but I can't help but watch him and wonder if he's scared. Because I'm terrified.

"It can take a long time," she says.

I want to ask her what could take so long, but I decide against it. I don't know anything about babies, births, or anything else. I gave up knowing, caring, or even thinking that it was possible for me a long time ago.

I wasn't going to have a family with Xavier. Not after I saw the real him. So, this scenario wasn't ever going to happen for me. Except, now I want it. I want these people to stand in this room and wait to see my baby.

I want a whole room full of uncles who would kill for my baby, and I know they would—happily. I want built-in cousins and aunties. I want it all. For the first time in my life, I want everything that I never thought I could have.

"I'm worried," I repeat before I turn my back to her and walk over to the windows.

We're on the fourth floor, and I can see a courtyard where it appears nurses are having a break. I want to go down there and scream at them, ask them if they're even doing their jobs because Ryan hasn't had that baby yet.

I smell him before I feel his palm against my lower back. He touches his lips to the shell of my ear. "She's going to be okay, baby."

"How do you know?" I ask on a whisper. "I'm so worried."

There is a moment of silence. I wait for him to say something, but instead of speaking, he spins me around to face him. His palm slides against my cheek as he tilts my head slightly so I am forced to look directly into his gaze.

"Rider," I exhale.

He grins and opens his mouth, but before he can say a single word, we hear Atomic's voice boom through the room. It's loud, and Rider's spine straightens as he turns to look over his shoulder in the direction of the shout.

"It's a girl," Atomic announces to the room. "She's perfect. Eight pounds, three ounces. She's twenty-one inches long, with ten fingers and ten toes. Absolutely amazing in every way," he boasts proudly.

Tears fill my eyes. All the stress and anxiety leave my body in a whoosh of air. My shoulders even sag slightly. If anyone notices, they don't say anything, but then again, nobody is focused on me. Atomic holds all the attention, as he should.

"What's her name?" Shawn calls out.

They've been keeping the baby's name a secret this whole time. We knew that she was a girl, but that's all. Keeping my gaze on Atomic, I wait for his response. He takes one more step into the room, the smile on his face larger than life itself.

"Her name is Millie June Hughes."

That is cute—really cute. I don't think I could have ever thought of a name that cute in my whole life. I love it so much. Brendan Presley and Millie June. I'm not sure I could have a baby with this group. I can't live up to the baby name pressure.

He offers to let us come in to visit them when they're moved to their room in a couple of hours. A few of the guys leave, obviously not wanting to be part of any baby stuff. Hanging around in the lobby is one thing, but the actual hospital room with the recovering mom and brand-new bundle is a whole other story.

Rider, Shawn, and King stay. Eventually, men begin filtering out, but I notice that Brew stays. "He's Atomic's biological brother," Rider murmurs, noticing my stare and answering my unasked question.

"Oh, wow. Is anyone else related?" I ask.

He hums. "My father is still a member, so is King's, of course, Brew and Atomic. A couple of the guys said their little brothers want to prospect here shortly. A lot of us don't have real close relationships with our families," he says.

I get that. I don't want anything to do with mine, and Rider isn't super fond of his father. The whole concept of family is odd to me. I thought I wanted one with Xavier, that his parents were going to be amazing, but they weren't, and he wasn't. I just assumed I wasn't going to have one—ever.

"I knew about some of them, but I didn't realize so many people were involved," I say.

Rider hums, but he doesn't say anything else. Instead, he slides his arm around my waist and guides us over to the chairs where Brew, King, and Shawn are sitting. The guys start talking to Rider, but I stay quiet.

"You okay?" Shawn asks on a whisper after a few silent moments.

I slip my tongue out to slide it across my bottom lip, wetting it. I'm stalling on answering her, because I'm not really sure how to answer her. I am okay, but then again, I'm not. It also has nothing to do with the reason we're here, with Ryan and Millie.

"I'm okay," I lie.

She nods once, but she doesn't appear as though she believes me. Thankfully, she doesn't ask me anything more. Not that she can because Atomic appears again, and he says that we can go into the room since there aren't many of us left.

We follow behind him as he moves through the hallways. Then he stops in front of a room before he pushes the door open. There, sitting in the bed, propped up, with a pink blanket in her arms, is Ryan.

She looks beautiful, and she smiles a tired smile. "Come on over," she offers.

I want to run toward and away from her at the same time. I don't know what to do, so I stand in my place—frozen.

Shawn, however, is not frozen. She hands Brendan over to King before rushing over to Ryan's side. I watch as she sinks down on the side of the bed. Then Ryan slides her baby into Shawn's arms.

"She's perfect," Shawn whispers.

After a few moments, Rider's hand leaves the small of my back, and I watch as he moves toward them. I don't expect him to do what he does next, and it surprises me. He bends slightly and asks if he can hold her.

Shawn looks up at him in surprise, and I stare at him with my lips parted in shock. She hands the baby to him, and my entire body melts at the sight of this big man, wearing a leather cut, jeans, and big black boots, holding a tiny pink bundle in his huge arms.

"Come and meet Millie, Kyle. She's so perfect."

The chatter is low around us, or maybe it's just loud, and my hearing is muffled because I'm so focused on this baby, the fear and reality that surrounds this little creature in front of me. Or maybe I'm just focused on the man I have fallen in love with, holding this perfect little creature and wishing it were ours.

My feet move slowly, almost as if I'm walking through honey. Each step feels like it takes a lifetime. Then I'm finally in front of them. Slowly, I shift my attention down to the baby, and I stare at her wordlessly.

I have no words because this little baby has stolen them all. Every single one of them.

GNAW

Placingmy hand on her thigh, I drive Kyle's car back to the clubhouse. We've spent a lot of time at the hospital, and I need to get some work done. I also know that she needs to get ready for her shift at the bar.

There's a lot of shit that needs to be done, and we haven't had any sleep. We also both came, but I could use a more in-depth round of sex. I'd like to taste her, to feel all of her, slow and easy.

"Millie is perfect," Kyle whispers.

I hum because she is. The most perfect fucking baby, or at least until our baby arrives. Because I know without a doubt that our baby is going to be the most beautiful one in the world.

Hands down.

When I pull the car in front of the clubhouse, I'm not surprised to see remnants of a party. Likely a celebration of the new princess' birth. And the celebrations will continue for a while, especially when Atomic returns to the clubhouse.

Rim and Guts are both passed out on the front porch, with one naked clubwhore between them. I'm surprised at the sight, but only because they're outside, and it's well into the hot afternoon and they are not shaded.

Stopping in front of them, I wake them up and tell them to go inside. Normally, I would let them stay outside because this is their life. They do what they want. But I don't want anything to happen to them in the heat. It's going to be a hot one, and it's humid as fuck, too, already.

I guide Kyle through the bar, stepping over naked and half-naked bodies as we make our way to the bedroom. I have some scheduling work to do later, but I have her to do now. I watch as she moves over to the bed, and I close the door behind me.

For a moment, we just watch one another. No words are spoken, they don't need to be, but then I see an expression that I can't quite read cross her face. I open my mouth to ask her what's wrong, but she beats me to it by speaking first.

"Do you want children?" she asks.

The question surprises me. Not for any reason other than the fact that I wasn't expecting it. We've just started seeing one another, and while I know that our relationship has progressed at warp speed, I'm still a bit taken aback.

"I never really thought about it. With my childhood, the way my mother died, I didn't think kids would ever happen."

She doesn't reply, and then she sinks down on the edge of the bed, her eyes staying focused on mine.

"I never imagined them either. I just thought that I would forever be on the run from Xavier, and I knew I did not want them with him. So, I put that part of me out of my mind. My life had been surviving for so long that I never allowed myself to dream or imagine, not until I met you."

"Do you want them, Kyle?" I ask.

She dips her chin slightly. "I think I do. With you."

I walk toward her, closing the distance between us, and stand in front of her. She tips her head backward slightly, her gaze still focused on mine. I cup her jaw and slide my fingers through the side of her hair, gripping the strands at the back.

"I want everything with you, Kyle. I want a good life, happiness, and love. I'm not one to admit fear, but I have to tell you that the thought of kids does scare me, but at the same time, I want that."

She bites the corner of her lip, then releases it. "I know. I'm terrified, Rider. Completely and totally terrified, but we aren't our families."

"You're right," I say. "We sure as fuck aren't."

Leaning forward, I touch my mouth to hers. The conversation is finished for the day. I'm not my father, and I'm sure as fuck not Xavier. She's not her parents, either. I want to believe that we won't repeat any of their mistakes.

"I want a life with you, Rider," she breathes against my lips. "I want the ups and downs, the highs and lows. I want it all."

"There's nobody else I would ever give any of that to. We're going to be okay, Kyle. It's you and me, baby."

"You and me," she exhales.