Chapter 15

January 17th

5:35 P.M.

"I can"t believeyou've never made your own pasta before," Scarlett said as she ran the pasta sheets through the machine, flatting them out so they could then be cut into spaghetti strips.

Tate chuckled. "I don't think I"m in the minority there, sweetheart."

There was no way on earth her body couldn't respond to that endearment. Never in her life had her parents or grandparents or any of her foster parents ever used one. In fact, there had been a time when her parents and grandparents referred to her simply as girl child, and her brother boy child. Apparently, it was supposed to help both of them prepare for the lives of military service they had planned for them.

Only her parents' view of the military was so very different from those she had met while at Prey.

Serving meant having a new family of brothers and sisters, but it didn"t mean you left your family at home behind. The men and women who were prepared to give the ultimate sacrifice to make the world a safer place for the people and country they loved were doing it for those families at home.

Unlike her own family who didn"t care one little bit about the people left behind.

Shaking off those feelings, Scarlett wasn't going to let her past reach out its tentacles and invade her present or her future.

"You haven't even made your own lasagna?" Surely, he'd at least done that. Hadn"t everybody made homemade lasagna at some point in their lives?

Another chuckle. "Sweetheart, I haven't made much of anything. I"m not a cook. Before my mom died, she did all the cooking, so we had homemade meals almost every night, but I never participated in their cooking. Then after, we mostly lived off takeout. In college it was more takeout, and then I enlisted. As an adult, I mostly cook whatever's quick. Throw a steak on the grill, or a premade dinner in the oven. Don't spend my time cooking, much less from scratch."

Staring at him, aghast, she shook her head. "So, you haven't made your own pizza? Or baked cookies? Or made homemade soup in the winter?" How had he never done any of those things before? Was he right? Was she the one in the minority making most things from scratch and spending hours cooking even though it was usually just for herself?

"You"re adorable." Tate leaned over the touched a kiss to the tip of her nose. "And, no, I"ve never done any of those things. But I can tell you've done them and more. What made you get so interested in cooking?"

"Cooking was one of my chores from about as young as I can remember. When I was really little, I used to help my grandmother cook, but then as I got older she left the chore to me. I decided if I had to do it, I may as well make it fun, and so I started looking up recipes, seeing what I could make, and then trying them all out. Some were epic failures, but others were big successes. There was a time when I lived for the compliments I got from my grandparents on my cooking, they were about the only ones I ever got. Lame, I know. I shouldn't need their validation," she said as she laid out the pasta sheets ready to cut.

"Hey." Tate took her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him. "Look at me, sweetheart." When she lifted her gaze to meet his she found it both tender and firm. "I get it. Trust me I do. Compliments weren"t a big part of my childhood either. There's nothing wrong with needing the adults in your life to care about you."

"Once my grandparents died, and Zander and I went into foster care, I never got to cook much," she said softly. Back then as a scared and angry thirteen-year-old girl, she'd missed the one thing that used to bring her joy. "So as soon as I aged out of the system and moved into my own place I started cooking again. As often as I could I'd make big meals, then deliver everything I couldn't eat to neighbors or friends. I did consider for a moment becoming a chef, mainly because I knew it would drive my parents crazy." When she gave Tate a cheeky grin he threw back his head and laughed.

"You would have been amazing as a chef just like you"re amazing as a scientist. I"d love for you to teach me to make all the things you love."

"You would?" Just because she loved cooking didn"t mean she expected Tate to like it too.

"Of course. I want you to share the things you love with me." The tenderness bled out of his gaze, which grew serious enough that Scarlett eased herself out of Tate's grip, positive that whatever he was thinking was something she didn"t want to hear.

Turning, she set up the attachment to the pasta machine so she could cut the sheets into spaghetti. Half of the sheets had been cut before Tate spoke again. Saying the words she had been dreading someone saying to her.

"Scarlett, I don't want you to think I"m angry, or that this means I don't trust you, or that anyone has any doubts about you, but you lied in the polygraph."

Just like that, her heart began to race, and her palms got sweaty. Her entire body clenched in denial as every drop of fear she'd felt in that room when that drug had hit her system came rushing back.

"You can trust me, Scarlett," Tate said gently. "I want you to know that there isn't anything you can"t share with me."

Maybe.

But not this.

This she wasn't going to share with anyone.

The last few days, with everything else going on, she'd managed to forget about those hours the drugs had taken over her body, filling her with that raging need and no way to satiate it.

He couldn't know about that.

Nobody could.

"Scarlett." When his hand touched her shoulder, she jerked away, stumbling backward and crashing into the counter.

"I can"t," she whispered, tears blurring her vision. She'd promised herself she would take that to the grave and intended to do just that.

"You can, sweetheart. You"re safe here. Whatever you need to say, you can tell me, and I swear unless it involves keeping you safe, I will never tell anyone. Don't hold it in, sweetheart. Let me share this burden with you. Already, I"ve hurt you so much, let me help you this time instead. Please, sweetheart."

She couldn't let him do that … could she?

No.

She'd promised herself nobody would ever know.

For some reason, when she'd made love to Tate she hadn"t even thought about what had happened to her in that dungeon, but now, the thought of him touching her made her sick and panicky.

"I won"t let you down again, Scarlett. I'll carry this load for you if you let me."

He sounded so serious, and he was so strong, would it help to tell him?

Before she could lose her nerve, she blurted the words out. "Raul drugged me. With an arousal drug. Then he and his men stood around and watched while I burned with a need I"d never felt before. It felt like I was going to die if I didn"t orgasm even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. They watched and laughed, and some of them got themselves off as I begged and pleaded to be touched. I"m so embarrassed." She wept as tears tumbled down her cheeks. "I asked them to touch me. I didn"t want to but it hurt so badly. I didn"t tell him the formula for the drug though," she added, worried he would doubt her.

"Oh, sweetheart, I know you wouldn't have. You"re so strong, Scarlett. So strong."

Carefully, he drew her against him as though he wasn't sure she would welcome his touch. But she did. She needed it. Scarlett curled her fingers into the soft material of his T-shirt and leaned against his solid frame, letting him take her weight.

"I didn"t want anyone to know," she cried, face pressed against his chest, her tears soaking his T-shirt. "That's why I lied. I wasn't ever going to tell anyone."

"I wish I'd known before we slept together, I would have made sure I didn"t do anything to trigger anything for you." There was regret in his tone, but he had nothing to be sorry about.

Pulling back, she tightened her grip on his T-shirt. "I wasn't thinking about Raul when you made love to me, Tate, I swear. All I was thinking about was you, touching me, making me feel good, and making me feel important and cherished. You saved me. Even though you thought the worst you still came for me and saved me. Even when your words were angry and you felt cold, your touch was always soft, always warm. I wanted you to be my safe place then, to hold me, and tell me everything was going to be okay because it felt like it wasn't, and I didn"t even know then what I"d been accused of."

Tucking her back against his chest, she felt his lips touch the top of her head. "I"m here now, sweetheart. Holding you. Being your safe place. My touch will always be soft and warm when it comes to you, and I won"t ever be cold toward you again. I"ve never been anyone's safe place before, but with you, I want to be, baby. I want to be so badly. I'll learn, I'll learn how to give you everything you need, you won"t ever want for anything again. Not attention, validation, or the words or the actions you need. I was an idiot to run from my feelings for you, and it's not a mistake I intend to repeat."

As badly as Scarlett wanted to believe Tate's words, and she did, she knew he would never intentionally hurt her again, and he would be her safe place, but would it be enough to protect her from the danger circling around her?

January 18th

7:52 A.M.

Scarlett kept stealing looksat him when she thought his focus was on something else.

Too bad for her that if she was in the room, his focus was automatically mostly on her.

It probably didn"t make him an ideal bodyguard, but on the plus side, there was literally nothing he wasn't prepared to do to keep his girl alive.

Things had been … different … between them since she confessed the lie she'd told while taking the polygraph. Not bad, not by any stretch, and Tate was honored that she had trusted him enough to open up and give him the whole truth, even the parts she was deeply ashamed of.

They hadn"t had sex last night. Given what Scarlett had been through he wasn't going to push her for anything she wasn't ready and willing to give. Since she hadn"t given any indication that she wanted anything other than to just be held, that's what he'd done.

As much as he loved her delectable body, it was her sweet soul that he loved more, and he had been perfectly content just to hold her close, making sure she knew that while she had faced that horrific ordeal alone she never had to be alone again. Whatever it took to help her heal he would do. If she needed time she'd get it. If she needed sex she'd get it. If she needed reassurance she'd get it.

For a guy who had spent a lifetime avoiding anything that even hinted at commitment, it was surprisingly easy to offer those things. His decision to not let a woman get close was his fear and resentment talking. Once he was able to shove those aside and see the good sides of love it was easy to let this woman in.

There was just something about Scarlett that called out to his soul.

Something he was done running from. Done hiding from. Done pretending didn"t exist.

Another sneaked glance came from Scarlett as he scrolled through the files he was supposed to be reading. Prey had sent some to him and Scarlett for them to go through while they went through the rest of the suspects, since time was of the essence they were dividing to conquer.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked. Just because he wasn't going to push didn"t mean he didn"t want her to know that there was nothing she couldn't come to him with. However big or however small, he was there to listen and help however he could.

Her gaze skittered away, back to her own laptop. She was fiddling with a ring on her finger, something he noticed she did when she was anxious or nervous, but not when she was lying. It was a tell he didn"t want to let on that he knew because he liked that there was a way he could tell that she needed him even if she wasn't ready to outright tell him that herself.

"Yeah, fine," she mumbled, although she was twisting her ring at a near-frenetic pace now. So fast he was surprised that it didn"t go spinning right off onto the floor.

Turning his chair so he was facing her, Tate reached out and grabbed the arms of her chair, turning it, too, so they were facing one another. Wanting to push her just enough to remind her she was safe here, that he wanted to be her safe place, but not so hard that he got her to shut down completely, he tugged her chair a little closer.

"Something is bothering you," he stated, trying not to let on just how badly he wanted her to be able to trust him. Telling himself that trust had to be earned was easier than actually living it. But there was no way he could just wipe away the pain he'd caused her. He had to work to prove to her that he could be trustworthy and dependable. Patience. That's what he needed to have. Not his strong suit but Scarlett was worth the effort.

"I … it's just … umm …" she stammered as he waited her out. He wanted her trust, but he wanted it given freely because it was real, not forced and fake.

So, he waited.

And waited.

Then was rewarded with Scarlett's nervous gaze shifting back to meet his. "Do you think … less of me?"

"Less of you? Why would I?" He wasn't following where she was going with this. There was nothing about Scarlett that didn"t make him think she was the most amazing, strong, and determined woman he'd ever met.

"Because of umm … what I told you last night."

He was still not quite sure what she was getting at. "About the drug you were given?"

A shaky nod. "I begged, Tate. Begged. For them to touch me. I hated the thought, but I was so desperate for something to release that need clawing inside me. If you hadn"t rescued me, I would have eventually caved and given him what he wanted to know." There was so much guilt and pain in her eyes that he couldn't not reach out to her.

Scooping her up, he settled her in his lap. "Sweetheart, that's the goal of torture. To break you. Almost every single person in the world, regardless of their training, is going to eventually break under that much pressure."

"I hate that I begged those disgusting men to touch me," she whispered, pressing her face against his neck.

He could not take away that experience no matter how much he wanted to. All he could do was be here to help Scarlett deal with the fallout. "You did the only thing your body could in the moment. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Scarlett. Nothing. Not a single thing."

"Then how come you didn"t want to make love to me last night?" There was a thread of self-doubt in her voice he ached to soothe away.

"Because I was trying to do the right thing and not push you into something you weren"t ready for." Now, he was having his own major bout of self-doubt.

"You weren"t worried about that before." Scarlett lifted her face to look up at him.

"Before I didn"t know the whole truth about what had happened to you." As soon as he said the words he realized he had confirmed Scarlett's fears that he did indeed see her differently now, even if that wasn't how he meant them.

"So, you do think less of me." There was devastation in her voice, and Tate hated that, once again, he had been the one to put it there.

Before he could offer reassurances that it wasn't what he meant, that he didn"t think less of her, he just wanted to make sure he wasn't going to do something that would hurt her, her laptop chimed with an incoming email.

When she went to shift off his lap, Tate tightened his hold, keeping her where she was and instead reached over to grab the laptop and pull it closer so she could see what Prey had emailed them.

Only Scarlett's eyes flew to his when she opened the email. "Tate, look," she said, pointing at the screen. "The email, it's not from Prey. Well, not really anyway. I think it's from the mole."

Shoving away his need to reassure Scarlett of his feelings for her, reminding himself that his priority had to be her life, Tate looked at the email. It was short, an address, an invitation to come and meet to talk, as well as a threat not to alert anyone else. While the person didn"t outright say that they were the mole, it was the only logical conclusion, and he wondered if whoever was trying to sell the formula and set Scarlett up had done so under duress. That had always been a possibility and the mole wanting to meet could reinforce that.

"We have to go," Scarlett said, already trying to scramble off his lap.

Instinct had him tightening his hold. "It could be a trap."

The sassy woman rolled her eyes at him. "Of course, it's a trap. I don't need field experience to know that, but it's also the only chance I might have to clear my name. My options are pretty limited, Tate. I can"t hide forever, so my only choices are to get arrested and spend the rest of my life in prison for crimes I didn"t commit or get abducted by Raul Castillo again and be tortured and then killed. This could be my only chance at getting ahead, at getting something that can be used so I don't wind up dead or imprisoned."

Could he risk Scarlett's safety for a chance at getting answers?

Didn"t seem like a good trade-off as far as he was concerned.

"You'll be safe here until we figure this out," he countered.

"I can"t stay here indefinitely, and you know it. What if your team gets called out? You've already been blowing off PT to hide out with me. We need to do this to get ahead, Tate, you know it as well as I do. You said you don't think less of me so show me that's true. I know how to shoot, I know self-defense, and you"re a SEAL. We can do this. I need to do this."

Damn.

She knew just how to tug on his heartstrings.

This would be a big risk, and he wouldn't have his team at his back. Raul Castillo was a dangerous man, and whether the mole was acting out of greed or being coerced, they had proven themselves to be dangerous as well.

Here was safe, but out there … was anything but.