Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

February 8 th

5:44 P.M.

Empty.

Her house felt too empty.

Ella gazed around at the airy, open space. It was a huge family room that had sealed the deal when she’d been looking at properties to buy. There was a kitchen on one side with a big table then the other side of the room had an enormous fireplace and enough space for three big, comfortable sofas. Doors led out onto an enormous deck and into a pretty yard, a nice mix of trees, plants, flowers, and a grassy lawn.

When she’d bought the house, it was with a family in mind. She’d been able to picture kids running in and out through those doors on a warm summer’s day, and a husband grilling on the deck.

Slowly, over time, those dreams had drifted into the background, and now there she was, almost thirty, alone, not even a boyfriend, not even a prospect of a boyfriend. If that wasn’t bad enough, now she felt like she might lose the job she loved and the team she considered family.

Going back to Prey, working every day with Scarlett, Lucy, and Cassie, with Fox and the rest of the guys seemed impossible. How could she face them knowing what they'd thought of her? How could she ever trust them again? How could she have ever believed with the actions she’d chosen that they would ever think anything but that she was guilty?

Maybe that was the real problem. She was as frustrated with herself for being so na?ve as she was with everybody else.

Loneliness was like an ache in her chest, and as she wandered aimlessly through the living room and flopped down onto one of the sofas, she wished she’d taken Miguel up on his offer to drive her home.

Out of everyone, he seemed to be the only person who believed in her. Well, Miguel and Eagle. It did mean a lot to her that her boss had believed in her innocence, especially given that there had been a mole at Prey before and all the evidence pointed to her, but it wasn’t enough to ease the hurt of knowing her friends had thought the worst of her.

It wasn’t that she didn't understand why they’d thought it. She got it, she truly did. Evidence suggested it was her and she’d had to make it look believable if she didn't want to get her family blown up, but they hadn't even given her the benefit of the doubt.

She had to get over it, Ella knew that, too.

But how?

How was she supposed to forget they had believed she would betray them all and go back to work like nothing had happened?

What she needed was to stop thinking about it for a while.

To stop thinking about all of it.

The mole, the Reactivator, the threats, what had almost happened in the jungle. What would have happened in the jungle if Miguel hadn't been there. Maybe if she could just block it all out of her head, she could get a few moments peace.

Peace was what she needed, and some real rest. She should probably eat something, too, only the thought of food made her nauseous. It was still early but the idea of a hot shower and bed was appealing. There had been no real rest for her since those men forced their way inside her house, which meant she was definitely running on fumes.

Only as appealing as bed sounded in some ways, in others, it left her feeling swamped with loneliness all over again.

Tears were pricking the backs of her eyes when her phone began to chirp.

As much as she wanted to leave it and spend a little time wallowing in misery before she formed a plan for what her life was going to look like moving forward, when she saw her mom’s picture on the screen, she knew she had to answer. They didn't know anything about her being accused of being a traitor and rushing off to Mexico in an attempt to save their lives, and they never would.

Most of her job was classified and her family was used to her not talking about it, but this was one time she desperately needed someone to talk to. It was so tempting to just unload everything on them, knowing with absolute certainty that they would offer her the support she needed.

But she couldn’t do that.

So instead, Ella wiped her eyes to ensure there were no giveaways to the tears that wanted to fall free, and pasted on a smile as she scooped up her phone.

“Hey, Mom,” she said in as bright a voice as she could muster as she answered the call. “What’s going on?” Since there was no way she should have known about the fake siege in her parents’ street that had allowed Prey to get them out of the house without raising suspicions, she couldn’t ask about it even though she needed the reassurance of hearing they were okay even if they didn't know just how close to death they’d come.

“You won't believe it, Ella-boo,” her mom said, an excited smile on her face.

“Won't believe what, Mom?” she asked, playing along even though she knew where this was heading.

“We had the most surreal experience the other night. There was a criminal holed up in a house right down the block from us,” her mom exclaimed.

“A criminal? How do you know?” Even though she couldn’t talk about what had really happened it helped just hearing her mom’s voice and knowing that while she might be traumatized by this whole ordeal, they didn't even know there was an ordeal.

“Because a whole bunch of cops came to the door and told us we had to leave, that there was a wanted criminal in a house a few doors down, that he was holed up in there with hostages and they weren't sure what he was going to do so they were evacuating everyone. We had to get into a big, black car, and cop cars were everywhere in the street. They took us to a hotel and made sure we were settled, then a few hours later we were told it was all safe to return home.”

“You make it sound like quite the adventure.” Ella wished she felt the same about the whole thing, only from her point of view it had been nothing close to a fun adventure.

“Well, I guess it was,” Mom said with a chuckle. “No one was hurt, the man was arrested, and Rachel and Sarah thought the whole thing was a lot of fun. The hotel had a pool and they got to swim even though it was the middle of the night. The only ones who didn't think it was exciting were your sister, because she’d just worked a double shift and gotten into bed, and the baby, who did not appreciate the change in his routine.”

At least they were all still alive.

There would always be time to sleep, but if she hadn't made the choices she had, she and her other two sisters might be planning seven funerals right now, including picking out three small white coffins.

Whatever it cost her, Ella knew she had done the right thing.

The same exact thing any of the other women on Athena Team would have done if their situations were reversed. The same exact thing anyone else at Prey would have done. They would have put their own life on the line in an instant, without a second thought, if it meant protecting their families. So why was she the one being vilified for doing it?

“How are Elsbeth and the baby now?” she asked, wishing she could go over there and hug everyone to reassure herself they were okay. Only there was no way she could lie to her family in person. Pretending she was fine on the phone was one thing, but in person, she’d give herself away in seconds.

“Oh, they’re fine, sweetie, all fine. We all are. It was a shock at first, and definitely exciting, it gave me a little taste of your life. I know you mostly work in a lab, but you travel a bit. I know you were out of the country when this happened because I wanted to call you, but your boss told me you were unavailable. I don’t know the things you’ve seen, or the things you’ve had to do, my sweet little Ella-boo, but I know how proud of you I am.”

Her mom’s words soothed the rough edges of her pain at being let down by the people she loved. If her mom knew that she’d put herself in a precarious situation where she’d almost been raped, almost been kept as a sex slave for a notorious weapons trafficker, and had to kill said trafficker then her mom would take back those words and probably replace them with a you're crazy.

No.

There was no way her mom couldn’t be proud of her even if she’d chosen a very different life path than the rest of her family.

The truth of what happened was on the tip of her tongue, about to burst out because Ella couldn’t hold it in any longer, when two little faces appeared on the screen behind their grandmother.

“Auntie Ella!” six-year-old Rachel enthused.

“It’s Auntie Boo,” four-year-old Sarah protested, loving the nickname Ella had had since she was a baby and preferring it to Ella’s actual name.

Seeing the two little girls she adored didn't soothe her like it usually did. Instead, tonight it just made her feel that much more lonely. She didn't have kids, didn't have a husband, didn't even have a boyfriend, and while usually that was okay, tonight when she was already feeling adrift in the big, wide world, all it did was make the ache in her heart grow.

February 8 th

6:56 P.M.

Coming here couldn’t be considered a good idea.

Nor could it be considered to be in anyone’s best interests.

Not his and certainly not Ella’s.

Yet Miguel parked his car on the street outside the pretty family home that seemed too large for a single person and, at the same time, absolutely what he could picture someone like Ella living in.

He didn't just park his car. He climbed out of it and walked down the stone path through her front yard and up her porch steps.

Even though he had pretended to his brother and Ella’s friends that all he felt for her was compassion and all he was aiming for was being her friend, that felt like a lie when he was standing in front of her front door. It felt like more even though it shouldn’t.

For either of their sakes.

Being there could be a mistake. Ella had asked for time alone to process, and while he didn't want to disrespect her wishes, he couldn’t help but feel that what she really needed right now was to not be alone. When she’d been threatened the mole’s access to Prey had meant she had to fight alone. He needed her to know that she had someone at her back.

After he checked on her, if she still said she wanted him to go, then he would. Miguel had no intention of forcing himself on her. There was no possible way he could have gone home without knowing for certain that Ella was hanging in there.

So, to that end, he knocked on her door and waited.

While he wouldn't have been surprised if she’d gotten home, eaten, taken a steaming hot bath or shower, and fallen into bed, there were lights on—upstairs and downstairs—so he knew she was still up.

What was in question was whether or not she would open up and let him in.

Turned out he didn't need to worry about it. The door swung open, and she stood there looking small and lost. Her long blonde locks were twisted into a messy bun on the top of her head, she was wearing leggings and one of those huge, oversized hoodie blanket things that was white with pretty pink, yellow, green, and blue butterflies on it. Her feet were bare, and a rush of protectiveness hit him as he remembered the burns and blisters that littered the soles of her feet.

She shouldn’t be standing on them.

She shouldn’t be there alone.

Someone should be with her. Taking care of her. Making sure she was doing okay physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Or at the very least that she was hanging in there because there was no way she could be okay after everything she’d been through. One of those things on their own was enough to tear apart a person’s psyche, let alone the blow after blow that had battered Ella.

“Hey, honey, how you doing?” he asked, trying to keep his tone gentle but not patronizing. Because despite everything she had been through, Ella was still standing, she had managed to withstand all those blows and come out the other end. While she might not realize it yet, she was strong, and he found himself not wanting to leave until he knew she was aware that she could make it through this ordeal and come out the other side.

Ella shrugged, and he was pretty sure she was going to reiterate her need for time alone, but then she turned and disappeared inside her house, leaving the door open behind her.

Taking that as an invitation, Miguel stepped inside her home and locked up before heading down the hall the way Ella had gone. He found her in a huge family room at the back of the house, curled up on the sofa in front of the fireplace. With her legs tucked underneath her hoodie, and her face scrubbed free of makeup, she looked so young and vulnerable, and he felt an unfamiliar ache in his chest.

He and Luis had been messed up by their childhood only in very different ways. Luis had kept his distance from women, only allowing himself casual encounters because of one bad decision he’d made at the tender age of eleven that had almost gotten Miguel killed and them both arrested. On the other hand, he had kept things casual with women because he was more like their addict mother than he cared to admit. It was one thing to date around, have sex, a good time with no strings attached, but risking falling for someone and repeating his parents’ mistakes was something he had vowed never to do.

Which meant never allowing things to get serious. Women were for fun, he was respectful with them, always made sure they enjoyed themselves and knew the score up front, but never once had even a hint of a feeling beyond fun possessed him.

Ever.

Certainly never anything like this overwhelming protectiveness he felt when it came to Ella.

Shaking off the feeling, he crossed the room and dropped onto the sofa beside her. “Let me check out your feet,” he said, needing to do something so he didn't feel so helpless. Apparently, there was a flip side to protectiveness, and it was helplessness. He needed to fix this for Ella somehow, and since he couldn’t it left him feeling edgy and uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to,” she protested but didn't stop him when he reached out and snagged her ankles, twisting her so she was facing sideways on the couch and resting her legs on his thighs so he could check out the soles of her feet.

The blisters looked painful, and a couple were red and puffy like infection might be attempting to set in.

Good.

That was something he could fix.

“I don’t like the look of a couple of these,” he told her. “You got any antibiotic cream?”

“There’s some in the bathroom cabinet,” she replied, a little of the weariness in her eyes wiped away by curiosity.

“You have to try to stay off them if you want them to heal,” he reprimanded, knowing she’d really had no opportunity to do that. It was himself he was frustrated with. He’d known he shouldn’t have let her come home alone, he should have insisted on taking her. If she’d needed to be by herself, he could have stayed in a different room, or even in his car in her driveway, anything so she knew she wasn’t alone anymore.

Heading up the stairs, he located the master bedroom and was unsurprised to see the huge canopy bed littered with frilly pink and white pillows, the overstuffed armchair in the corner, and the little knickknacks on top of the nightstands and dresser. There were photos on the walls, and he knew when he saw all the happy family snaps of Ella with her parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews, that he was right about her.

She was everything he wasn’t.

She was sweet, and light, and wanted the whole fairytale romance. He was darkness that could destroy her if he let himself.

Something he couldn’t afford to do.

Protectiveness and friendship were all he could offer.

Nothing more.

Locating the antibiotic cream in her bathroom cabinet, he headed back downstairs to find Ella right where he’d left her on the couch. There was something in her eyes he couldn’t let himself acknowledge as she watched him sit down beside her and lift her legs again, so they rested on his thighs.

When he began to rub the cream onto all the blisters, Ella sank back against the cushions with a small sigh, and he knew he’d made the right choice in going there instead of heading home. He’d told Luis and the others that he’d support Ella and be the friend she needed when she felt betrayed by everyone she knew. Miguel was still determined to do it, but he realized with each passing second that it was going to be a whole lot harder than he had thought it would be.

How was he supposed to spend time around Ella and not fall for her?

It wasn’t something he could allow to happen.

Never could he allow himself to forget that his mother’s blood ran through his veins. There was only so much his foster parents could do and while they had been everything he could have hoped for in parents, it hadn't been enough to undo biology.

Addiction had come for him.

What had started as just smoking a little pot with his friends in high school had spiraled out of control. It had taken everything he had to pull himself out of that hole, to get clean, to get his cravings under control.

There was no way he could risk ever dragging anyone else down with him if the addiction he managed to keep on a tight leash of control should one day snap.

Especially not a woman like Ella.