Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

CERENITY

" M iss, can I have your identification and phone, please?" the security guard asks.

"Why do you need my phone?" I ask, unease filling me as I quickly text Auggie that I'm here and may not have my phone after I enter.

Auggie: Is that a new security practice?? I don't fucking like it.

Me neither.

"It's for the patients' confidentiality," the guard explains.

"For your safety, I need you to know that my pack knows where I am and will not hesitate to burn this place down in an effort to find me," I say, making certain I push the voice memo button down on my phone, since it's still open to Auggie's number.

"Seriously?" the guard grunts.

"Oh I'm very serious," I say with a smirk. I want him to think I need a savior, because my secret weapon is that people don't see me coming until it's too damn late.

"Fine, fine. Damn, nothing is going to happen. It really is just policy," he complains. "There's a new doctor who took over, and these are his rules, not mine."

Nodding, I send the voice memo and lock my phone before handing over the items he asked for.

"I'm going to call up to the Institute and let them know you're on your way up to see Olivia Quinn. I'll hold these for you," the guard says, tossing them into a container and putting it to the side as he waves me forward.

Institute.

Fuck, I don't know why it makes me shiver to know they changed the name, but it does. Driving forward, I berate myself as I think. I have been paying the bills, checked the monthly newsletter they send me, but didn't look any closer.

Something doesn't feel right here.

My mother took the last name Quinn when she changed her name and ran. It made the most sense, especially with how terrified she's always been that they'll find her.

I used to be able to simply walk into the assisted living center, but now I have to wait outside of the main building for them to buzz me in. Taking a deep breath, I clear my face of my emotions, leaving the perfect mask of being unaffected.

Stepping inside, I nod to the nurse who is also working the front desk.

"Hello, Miss Quinn, I'm so glad you were able to come in to see your sweet mama," she coos with derision.

I don't care what she thinks as I sign myself in. I did what I was told was best for my mother. Unfortunately, it took me longer than I'd like to admit after the last time. Mama hit me and told me I ruined her life and that they'd come for me next.

My heart starts to pound a little harder as I put down the pen and glance up at the nurse.

"Can you take me to her?" I ask. I'm not here to win any congeniality awards. It's freezing in here, and the pens thrown on the desk are bothering me. Blinking at the nurse as I force my eyes to stay on hers, I wait for her to respond.

"She's outside, enjoying the weather," she says, getting up to take me. The walls are a bright white, while the tile flooring is a sickly green and beige. They remodeled, because this place was very different three years ago. The colors were softer, and it had a more natural vibe.

"How long have you worked here?" I ask, because I don't remember her.

"Just over two years now," she says cheerfully as we walk. Nodding, I notice how overmedicated some of the patients look, and I decide to begin looking elsewhere immediately for my mother's care.

How could I have been so stupid?

I'm still berating myself even as I'm taking everything in, and most importantly, watching my surroundings for anyone who may want to hurt me. Walking outside, I see my mom sitting under a tree, looking out at the pretty lake.

It's about one in the afternoon now, so the sun is high in the sky, reflecting over the water.

Wondering why there aren't more people out here, I finally see the orderly who is standing close to the building, attempting to blend in. Well guess what, motherfucker, I see you. The nurse tells me to let the orderly know when we're ready to go back in and leaves me to walk the rest of the way alone.

Standing awkwardly, I shake out my hands as I take a deep breath. It's beautiful out here, and it helps to be outside instead of inside of what feels like a prison.

"Hi, Mama," I say softly, taking another step toward her. It feels weird standing while she sits on the ground, but I'm wary of being hit by her again.

"I'm not your mama," she says softly, shaking her head. "My baby has been gone for a long time."

Swallowing hard, I look for signs that she may be over medicated, but it's hard to tell, since it's been so long since I've seen her.

"No, Mama. It's Cerenity. I'm here," I try again.

"No, she's supposed to be gone, where it's safe," Mama snaps, her hands fisting.

"Okay," I say, licking my lips as I think. "What are you protecting her from?"

"Them. Those alphas who keep whispering through the bond that they want me to come home," she rasps. "I would rather stay in this hell hole forever than let them touch me."

Whispering… oh, Mama.

Dropping to my knees next to her, I ask the question I've been thinking about all day.

"Did they bite you?" I whisper, my fingers tightly curled into fists. My breaths are coming shorter despite trying to keep a cool demeanor, and my heart is pounding. If they're bonded, it means they'd be hounding her every time they got close, causing her to run over and over again in panic.

Fuck.

"Her fathers?" Mama asks absently, pushing her thick brown hair away from her face. She's so calm, she has to be on some kind of medication. I want to get her reevaluated, because I'm no longer sure if she's actually schizophrenic or if her bond has been breaking her down.

"Yes," I whisper. I want to shake her, get her to answer my questions, but I won't.

"They bit me often," she says, looking out at the calm water of the pond. "First, it was to hurt me, because it was fun for them, but then I ran the first time when I found out I was pregnant. Something told me it was a girl, and I couldn't let them hurt her. They'd sell her or kill her."

"How did they find you?" I ask. I need to know when they bit her to bond with her. There's this driving need to know if my instincts are right.

"The first time I ran was just dumb luck on their part," she rasps. "They had their cop friends help find me, and the pack was there waiting for me at the station when I disembarked. They beat me, raped me, and bit me for months after they found me, trying to force the bond. It wouldn't take for some reason. Finally, they just beat me down so much they broke me and the bonds snapped into place, even if I refused to solidify them. I waited till they were all asleep, proud of their work, and then disappeared."

"That's when you called the woman who you met in the grocery store," I mutter, remembering what she told me when I was younger. Her eyes snap over to gaze at me, realizing she never mentioned that.

"Cerenity," she whispers. "You can't be here. They'll find you."

"Mama, you don't have to worry about me. I promise. I have a pack, and they're good alphas. They'll kill for me to protect me and have," I tell her. "I also learned how to protect myself. Please, tell me why you're so afraid?"

Her hands are shaking, eyes wild as she struggles with the fact that I'm here.

"The bond tells them things that I can't keep from them if they get too close," she says softly. "Sometimes it's whispers, other times it's feelings. The problem is that it works both ways since it's so warped. They forced it on me, and I've never been the same. My anxiety is all over the place, I jump at shadows. I don't know what's real or not."

Tears are falling before I can hold them back. "You're not crazy, are you?" I gasp. "I thought something in you broke, so I found this place to try to help. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you here."

"I wanted you to leave me," Mama insists, her chest heaving with emotions. "I didn't want you too close so they wouldn't find you."

"How much can they tell? I've never heard of a pack bond working like this," I say, glancing at the orderly. Thankfully, he looks bored and isn't really paying attention to us.

"It's not supposed to," Mama sighs. "I'm not taking my medication anymore, I just lock everything in my head now. This place isn't terrible, even if the new doctor is a little odd. Lately, I see flashes of blood in my mind that I think is coming from the bond. It's terrifying, because I don't know what it means."

Frowning, I don't know what that could mean, except that they may be killers as well. My stomach twists in pain, making me wince. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Now?! I must have made a noise, because Mama's eyes narrow on me.

"What's wrong with you? Did your alphas hurt you somehow? Why are you making that noise?" she asks.

My mother is brutal when she finds a thread to pull when she thinks something is wrong. Shifting, I tell myself I'm fine, I have plenty of time to get home. I'm good.

"Your doctor called me and said I should come see you," I say slowly. "It's one of the reasons I'm here. I've been thinking of coming, but he was insistent. Any idea why?"

Making a sound that tells me she noticed I'm deflecting, she shrugs. "Dr. Brunes mentioned that he wanted to see if there was a family member he could speak to. I told him my family was dead or estranged," she explains.

"He said it may be important to my treatment plan, but since the plan is bogus because I don't really think I'm sick, I tried to deflect. Since I know what that looks like, tell me why you look like you have ants in your pants, Cere," she says.

The words make me giggle, even as I rub my stomach. "I think my heat is starting. It's just a twinge, but there's not been a twinge all day, and now it's poking its ugly head," I explain.

"Where are your alphas?" she asks, eyes wide.

"Waiting for me to tell them when I need them," I say. "They're working on things, and I kept telling them I'm fine because?—"

"You're an idiot?" Mama asks, making me splutter.

"I guess that's exactly why," I admit. "Our relationship is new, but they're all scent matches. I fought it really hard, though. I wanted nothing to do with them."

"Because of your fathers," Mama says so softly I almost don't hear her. Her eyes close for a second, and goosebumps rise over her skin. She's visibly trembling, the way she would whenever she'd tell me we'd have to run or take another train.

Shit.

"You have to go," she gasps. "Please… I can't."

"I'll go," I promise, squeezing her hands tightly. "I'm going to figure something out, though. You can't stay here, Mama."

Opening her eyes, I can see the terror in them. "I have to."

Only for now.

Getting up, I leave my mom outside in the picturesque sunshine, telling myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Their security is solid, even if I'm not a fan of anything else.

"Leaving so soon?" a man asks as I get closer to the front desk.

"Yes, and you are?" I ask with a tight smile. My body isn't on fire yet, but I have to get the fuck out of here.

"Dr. Brunes, we spoke on the phone," he says as he reaches out his hand to shake it. Giving him my hand, I shake it as limply as possible. There's nothing to see here, I'm just a tiny omega.

"We did. Hello," I murmur. "Mama was enjoying herself outside, so I told her I'll be back another time. I need to get home to my pack."

I don't know how much of a ‘proper' omega I need to be, but it's late afternoon by now. The sun is going to be setting as I drive home. If I need to, I'll pretend to be hurrying home to make dinner. I talked to my mom for several hours, the time passing rapidly.

"I didn't notice you were part of a pack when I was doing some research on you," he says pleasantly as he steps closer to me.

"It's still pretty new," I murmur, straightening to my full height. It's not much, but I refuse to slouch or cower in front of him. "We are putting in our paperwork to submit our decision to become a pack to City Hall this week through Omega and Pack Affairs. That's about as official as it gets."

"It is," he says, almost looking disappointed. This guy is seriously creepy. I know my mom wants to stay here, but I'm really uncomfortable around him. He appears to be a middle aged beta, about medium stature, and clean shaven with bushy brown hair.

Dr. Brunes should seem more safe as a psychiatrist and unassuming, but doesn't seem to have any kind of scent.

His entire demeanor feels performative, and I can feel that something isn't right. Glancing over at the desk, I see the nurse.

"I need to be buzzed out please," I say pleasantly. "I need to leave."

There's no reason for them to keep me. I make certain all the warning bells currently screaming at me are well hidden as I keep my gaze on the nurse. Looking between us, she nods and hits the button to open the door.

Stepping around him, I walk out, refusing to look as if I'm hurrying, despite the next wrenching pain in my stomach.

"Almost there," I mutter to myself as I get into the SUV. Turning on the vehicle, I take deep breaths as I push the gear lever into reverse.

Swallowing hard, I realize the doctor is standing outside of the facility, staring at me. Shifting the SUV again into drive, I push the gas pedal down carefully so it won't jerk the vehicle.

Just need to get home. Come on.

I'm slightly rattled at the guard gate as the man takes fucking forever to give me my things.

"Thank you," I say, gritting my teeth. Somehow, he turned the ordeal into thirty Goddamned minutes, because I had to sign out since I didn't do it at the desk. Closing the window, I mutter, "Fucking finally."

Taking deep breaths, I text Augustine that I'm driving home. I don't know why I didn't also tell him my heat is coming, but I know he's busy. It's stupid. I've ridden out so many heats alone, I can ride this out until after the fights. It's fine.

The tearing pain almost takes out a stop sign or two as I drive, and I take deep breaths as I go.

"I have my nest, my vibrators, it's fine. I'm fine," I sing-song to myself. "Fuck, this may be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life."

I don't know why, but I hate feeling as if I need to lean on someone. I'm so used to doing things alone, even though Augustine is right there so often.

"What are you trying to prove?" I mutter as I drive into the apartment complex. I'm slicking everywhere. My entire driver's seat is a mess, and my pants are incredibly uncomfortable.

Pulling into my assigned parking spot, I bail out and lock the door. Hobbling at this point, I curse my way up all three flights of stairs before locking myself in my apartment. I'm perfuming like crazy, and I likely just threw every alpha male in my building into a rut.

Hope they have someone to fuck it out with, because it won't be me.

I'm so fucking hot. Layer by layer, I pull off my clothing until the ground is littered with my clothes as I move through my apartment to my nest. Usually, it would drive me wild to leave them there, but I can't be fucked to care.

God, I wish I had a knot and a dick to fuck me with though. It would be so nice. Whining, I shake myself as I walk to the bathroom. I need a cold shower. My skin feels as if it's boiling, and as I ghost my fingers over my body, it physically hurts.

Turning on the water, I walk into the shower stall, closing my eyes as the liquid washes over me.

I wish it was ice. God, it would be so nice to do one of those ice baths I've seen on the Clock app. I'd just fucking sit in there for hours. I know people say just a few minutes, but nah. Go for hypothermia, baby!

"Whoa, no more intrusive thoughts for you, baby girl," I mutter as I shake my head.

Starting to feel cooler, I ghost my hands to my breasts, squeezing them gently. Everything feels so good, sensations are heightened, and fuck… Mewling, I push the fingers of my other hand deep inside my pussy, trying to remember how Augustine helped me come when I was using the toy.

I need really big toys, apparently. My clit is swollen and sensitive, begging to be touched.

Three fingers deep inside my wet pussy, I rub my clit furiously and roughly. I don't need gentleness, I need an orgasm. Right now.

I'm so close when my body cramps so hard, I bend in two. Ouch.

Turning off the water, I dry off quickly, panting as I walk into the nest. The clock must be broken, because it says it's eight o'clock. Fuck, and it's completely dark too. It's fine.

Grabbing as many vibrators as possible, I get to work to attempt to have an orgasm. I feel like I'm on fire, and even my hands are cramping. Screaming, my hands fist the sheets as I writhe.

Slick slides down my thighs, the large toy is half inside of my pussy, and I'm fucking desperate.

Breathing hard, I throw the toy across the damn room. God, why aren't my alphas here? Why was I so stupid? Standing, I start to throw things, whimpering as my stomach cramps so hard I see stars. I can't remember where my phone is.

"Where is it?" I cry, feeling pathetic as tears stream down my face in frustration. Pulling off the blankets, I tear one in my hurry to pull it out from under the mattress. Touching the rip, my lips start to tremble in sadness. I love these new sheets.

Another cramp makes me feel as if it's ripping me in two and I gasp. I hear you loud and clear. Holy fuck me. I trash the nest as I search for the damned phone, realizing too late I left it in my pants pocket.

Crawling along the mess of curtains that were over the bed to create a canopy effect, I whine in pain. I didn't mean for the curtain rod to fall on me, when I kneeled on the mattress, my knee pulled it all down on top of me. My head hurts where it fell.

"Stupid. So fucking dumb," I grumble. I can't even crawl properly because it hurts so much. My eyesight is shot because the hall light is hurting my eyes as well. Wiggling down the corridor, I slap my hand along the way, desperately trying to find my pants.

My lungs feel as if they're going to explode because I'm in so much pain, and my nervous system is in overdrive. Especially after my trip to see my mom, I've already had a really emotional day.

This is simply the cherry on the shit cake.

Finally, my fingers close on the phone inside of the pocket, and I force my trembling, semi numb fingers to pull it out. I read once that omegas can go into shock if they don't get a knot during a really rough heat.

I thought it wasn't possible, but I'm getting an education today. My body knows it has alphas, and it's incredibly angry that they're not here.

Blinking hard, I find the first person's text I can and text:

Help Me!

Curling into a ball, I throw my phone as I sob. Every cramp hurts more and more, and all I can hope for is a black pit of blissful unconsciousness.

Please, please see my text and come.

This is what I get for ignoring every single one of my instincts.