38. Family Dynamics

38

FAMILY DYNAMICS

“ W hat do you think we are having for dinner tonight?” Kellen asked Regan the following week on Christmas Eve.

Zander would be over soon and had already met her brother. The two of them seemed to hit it off over the weekend.

Kellen had arrived on Saturday afternoon and they’d gone out to dinner. Zander had gone home that night and every night since, but he was staying tonight because she wanted to wake up with him on Christmas morning.

Maybe it was silly on her part, but her place was decorated and it was the first time since she’d lived here she wouldn’t be alone in the morning.

She wanted to make the two most important men in her life breakfast and share the time with them before Kellen got on the road to drive back home.

Tomorrow would be spent with Zander’s family and she was looking forward to it.

“Roast beef,” she said.

“With mashed potatoes, carrots and cornbread. Probably lemon cake too. I don’t even like lemon,” Kellen said.

She laughed. “I asked her to make roast beef.”

“Why?” Kellen asked. “I didn’t know you liked it that much.”’

“I could give or take it, but I wanted to show Zander some of what I’ve been trying to explain. I’m not being mean or anything, just sometimes seeing is the last stone that needs to be overturned.”

Maybe she still worried that Zander thought she could be cold and calculating or unemotional. If he saw some of the weird things she and Kellen had, it might make more sense.

“Did Lori serve that same meal last week?”

It was the wide eyes her brother was giving her. “She did. I told him if I knew it was roast beef I could have predicted the whole meal. I’m surprised he doesn’t think I’m messed up from our family. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I’m like them and a little unemotional. I think if he sees what we see or our confusion over it all, he might understand why after all these years I still doubt things about myself.”

“I’m the only one messed up,” Kellen said.

“No,” she said. “You’re not and stop thinking you are. They are the weird ones. At least I keep saying that as a reminder. I can’t beat myself up anymore or have these doubts and you shouldn’t either. I forgot to tell you that Lori is now buying Dad the same whiskey that she did Scott.”

“Dad is drinking whiskey?” her brother asked. “Since when?”

“No clue, but he had a glass with Zander and Lori explained why Dad was drinking it.”

“She didn’t want to waste it? She pinches pennies more than Dad does.”

“Yep. But you know, they are having a romantic cheese tour in the middle of a snowstorm right now. Good for them.”

“Hey,” Kellen said. “Whatever works.”

“As Zander said, maybe they are compromising and I’m just not seeing it. Or I’m being cynical and shouldn’t be. It makes me think I’m cold again and I don’t want to be.”

“You’re not cold at all,” Kellen said “Never think that. You’re reserved because your job calls for it. You have to be open-minded. Sometimes it’s just harder for you to shut off the reserved part of your brain, but I can see you do it with Zander and I’m happy for that.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I appreciate you saying that. So I’m not odd thinking that Dad drinking the whiskey her ex did and Lori making the cake and meal that Mom always did for him is weird.”

“Eww,” Kellen said. “When you say it like that it’s more than icky.”

She pointed her finger. “I thought so too. See, both messed up.”

She turned when the door opened and Zander walked in. “Thought what?”

“That what my father and Lori said last week was creepy. The meal and the whiskey. Kellen agrees.”

Zander shrugged. “That’s your family dynamics,” he said. “My family has their own quirks. Do I have time to shower before we leave?”

“You do,” she said. “Roast beef for dinner.”

“What?” he asked. “Your mother told you?”

Kellen laughed. “My mother makes a great roast beef. You’re in for a treat.”

Zander shook his head and climbed the stairs to shower.

“How are things going with work? Do you regret moving?”

“No,” Kellen said. “They are going great. I’ve gone out twice now with coworkers and seem to be fitting in more.”

“You’re more open and friendly than I am. You’ll be fine.”

“I went on a few dates too,” Kellen said.

“That’s great. Anything serious?”

“No. Just two dates and nothing more. Katie was nice and all but not my type.”

“No ten-year plan?” she asked tongue in cheek.

“God, I can’t believe Lori said that to you last weekend.”

“At least it was better than the children question.”

She and Zander still hadn’t talked about it and she wasn’t ready to.

She’d liked to have at least one child someday, but her business was growing and if she didn’t work, there was no source of income, so she wasn’t sure how that’d work.

She could take a few weeks off and then work part time doing video sessions.

Yeah, getting ahead of herself.

Zander could have a whole different opinion of that.

Would it stop her from being with a guy if they didn’t think the same way? No, it wouldn’t.

She wasn’t tied to having children.

She wasn’t tied to any straight plan right now.

Life wasn’t always neat and tidy. She learned that the hard way.

Make the best of it and that is what she was doing.

Planning never meant anything because the best laid plans still had big gaping holes in them.

Zander came down ten minutes later and they left for her mother’s house.

“So this is where you grew up?” he asked.

“Until we moved out after college,” Kellen said. “My father had an apartment not far away until he met Lori and then moved in with her after they were married. Kyle sold his house to move in here.”

“I asked Mom once why she didn’t want a new house with Kyle. To start fresh.”

“What did she say?” Kellen asked.

“That there was nothing wrong with this house,” she said.

It never occurred to her mother that maybe what was wrong were memories of a failed marriage.

It only reminded Regan that her parents didn’t think the same way she and Kellen did. They didn’t hold onto emotional memories, good or bad. Unless it had to do with food and drink.

Which had her suppressing the giggles over that silly thought.

“I’ve said it before,” Zander said. “To each their own.”

“It’s easy to say it,” Kellen said. “Until you witness it.”

They got out and went to the front door. Her mother came forward and gave her and Kellen a hug.

“Mom, this is Zander Conway. Zander, my mother, Deborah, and her husband, Kyle.”

She watched as Zander shook hands with her mother and stepfather. “Please come in. I hear you like whiskey. I sent Kyle to the liquor store to get some.”

Regan held her smirk in place and then whispered to him when they were walking down the hall, “She didn’t hear it from me. Bet it’s the same kind you had at my father’s.”

She was right when Kyle opened it and poured it straight into a glass without even asking if he wanted ice or not.

“Thanks,” he said.

“I’ll have a glass,” Kellen said to Kyle.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Kyle asked and looked at her mother.

Regan was going to growl if they said anything about Kellen being an alcoholic.

“Never mind,” Kellen said. “I’ll stick to water.”

She ground her teeth. “Mom. We’ve talked about this.”

“Kellen just said he wanted water.” Her mother turned to her boyfriend. “I heard you used to be a police officer. Was there a reason that it wasn’t a good fit for you?”

The wording of it was just too hilarious and exact.

She could tell Zander was stunned that this information was provided and it had to only come from one other source if it wasn’t from her. “Not everyone is meant to fit into a mold,” he said. “I enjoy being my own boss. You know, sometimes having a five- or ten-year plan doesn’t work out if you can’t control the narrative.”

She just about spit when Zander dropped that statement.

He turned and winked at her. She’d give him credit for having big balls.

“That is a wonderful way to think of things,” her mother said. “You have to be on the same plan or things don’t work out.”

“So that is what happened to you and Dad?” Kellen asked.

“Your father had a plan different than mine when you kids were out of school,” her mother said.

At least her mother answered that. “Considering that you and Dad are pretty much living identical lives to what you both had before, I can’t imagine what that would be.”

“What do you mean, identical lives?” Kyle asked. “Dennis and I are nothing alike. Your mother and I are already shopping for our retirement home now. Your father is busy touring cheese plants. I don’t even like cheese.”

“That’s it?” she said. “Your retirement plans didn’t line up? You and Dad divorced over that?”

No way it was something that...stupid. Something that was so far down the line and there had been so much of their lives left to live to get to that point.

“That isn’t all we had an issue with,” her mother said. “But I wanted to move somewhere. Just a different slower life. Your father is set in his ways.”

This was too much for her to comprehend. “Why not say this years ago when we asked?” Though she was positive she might have laughed and said they were joking.

“It’s between a married couple why they may or may not work. Your father and I decided that we might as well part ways and see if we could find someone else to meet or like our plans while we were still young.”

“That’s just fucked up,” Kellen said and walked over to pour a glass of whiskey with Zander.

She felt bad for her brother even if she felt the same way. Maybe he wasn’t beyond it as much as she’d hoped.

“You just stopped loving each other for that reason?” she asked.

“It’s easy to turn love on and off if you don’t have the same goals,” Kyle said. “The same thing happened with me and my ex. She wanted to have children and I didn’t.”

To her that was completely different than wanting to have a retirement home in a different city.

Raising children was an important responsibility that you had for your life. One that Kyle didn’t have to do because Kellen was already in college when her mother met and then married him.

“I just can’t,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot of things in my career, but this one takes the cake.”

“Speaking of cake,” Kellen said. “What’s for dessert?”

“Pecan pie,” Kyle said. “I’ve been dying for it. I told Deborah that I’m not a fan of lemon cake with roast beef. It’s too close to the texture of the cornbread she made.”

Regan started to laugh at Zander’s expression.

“What is so funny, Regan?” her mother asked. “You said Zander liked roast beef. You know what the meal is.”

“My favorite,” Kyle said. “I find it funny that Dennis loved it too. But Deborah makes it better than anyone else. Perfect every time. Just like your mother.”

“Okay,” Zander said on the drive home. “You win. That’s creepy. I can’t wrap my head around any of it. I don’t even want to try.”

“The only good thing I can say about today,” she said, “is that having Kellen here was a great excuse not to stop in at the Fierce Christmas Eve party. I just don’t want to see all those happy couples when this is what I was exposed to.”

“Hey,” he said. “I was exposed to one of those happy couples. There isn’t anything wrong with it.”

She turned her head to look at Zander. “You’re right. There isn’t. Maybe there is hope for my future yet. Just not set plans, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”