14. Liberating Experience

14

LIBERATING EXPERIENCE

R egan had no idea where her boldness came from, but she had to admit it was a liberating experience to have those words come out of her mouth.

She’d been more open with Zander than any other man she’d dated or even been in a relationship with.

It didn’t even bother her to say what she had about her parents, but it felt good to know she wasn’t alone in her thoughts about her parents’ marriage and the fact they remarried clones.

The appalled look on his face was almost comical.

“What are you the most excited to see?” she asked when they were walking in and waiting for their tour to start.

“You,” he said.

She laughed. “I meant here.”

“Oh. Well, you did say lions, tigers and hot PIs. So what are you most excited to see?”

He called her out on that.

She was tapping her finger to her chin. “Here, I’d say the lemurs. I remember them as a kid. Outside of here...has to be the hot PI.”

He leaned down and got close to her ear. “Did you think of me last night?”

She gulped and was positive he noticed. “Did you?”

“Kind of like the wardrobe game we are playing,” he said.

Which answered both of their questions without really doing it.

No way she was going to admit that she was so turned on over his kiss that there was part of her that almost let her hand slide down under the sheets and take care of business.

She didn’t. For a reason.

That reason was she liked the build up. She wanted the tension.

Then when the release came it’d be all the more spectacular.

“Could be,” she said, grinning. “You didn’t tell me what you wanted to see the most here.”

“The lions,” he said. “I love watching these fierce animals lying around watching us. They are deadly when backed into a corner, but beautiful when left to their own devices.”

Regan angled her head. “Now I’m going to pay more attention to them when we get there.”

“You should,” he said. “I think you’re a lion.”

“Oh really,” she said. “Why is that?”

“I think you’re regal. I think you’re confident in what you do and how you look, your life in general.”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

This was the whole “fake it until you make it” thing in life.

She’d done it for years.

Be the strong one for everyone else so they didn’t know she was terrified under the surface. If she remained calm, it calmed those around her.

Maybe she took her job too far into her personal life, but it was part of her coping mechanism.

“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said. “You couldn’t help as many as you do if you didn’t feel as if you had the ability to do it. And if you felt your own life was messed up, then you’d worry you couldn’t provide the right services for your clients. It’s not about money for you. It’s about results.”

She pursed her lips. “You’ve got me there. Though the money is nice and is needed to survive, it’s not my driving force.”

“No,” he said. “For me, the same with the money. And most jobs like the one I was on last night, they pay well, but it’s not something I’m driven to do. I get a lot of things like that. I’ve got all sorts of contracts for background checks and security issues to look into. They keep my staff employed and pay the rent. Puts money in my pocket too.”

“You like the ones where you make a difference,” she said. “Maybe can even save someone.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve got some cases now that just kill me and I may never solve. Missing persons that the police have just let be cold cases.”

She ran her hand over his arm. “That was why you left, right? You didn’t want to stop fighting for things but had no control over it.”

“That is part of it,” he said. “I have files that will never close and at times I have to tell the clients they might never get their answers, but they want to keep trying. They stay open and I look for new information now and again or new leads. One year, I found information the police couldn’t on a crime. Got the reward money too, though that hadn’t been the plan. It wasn’t the ending I wanted for the crime, but I did close the case. If my client gets something new, they come to me before they go to the police now.”

“Because they know you’ll look into it more?”

“Yes,” he said. “I have fewer resources but get more answers.”

“Oh,” she said. “I think you have a lot of resources and just don’t admit it.”

“I do,” he said. “I should have said less manpower. My point is, we all have reasons for what we do but sometimes have to do things that don’t drive us because we need to stay afloat.”

She was positive he was more than staying afloat. Miles talked to Betsy all the time and it seemed they were crazy busy.

Now with Zander’s father coming on too, work was flowing.

But she understood what it was like to have your work mean something more than just a paycheck.

“Looks like it’s time for the tour to start,” she said. “We can just enjoy and turn off the rest.”

“From now on, it’s about us and this date. Not even a business expense.”

She giggled and put her hand over her mouth wondering where that sound came from.

He reached for her fingers and pulled them away. “Don’t do that. I like when you don’t have as much control over yourself as you’re used to.”

“I’m not so sure I like it though.”

She wanted to think she’d analyze it later, but maybe she needed to shut it all off and just be here and see where it took her for once in her life.

They walked along and saw all sorts of tigers and bobcats, leopards, wolves, lemurs that made her laugh and brought back some childhood memories that weren’t so horrible.

When they got to the lions, she noticed them broken up into groups.

The guide explained that the women of one family were in one group of prides and the males in another group called coalitions.

Both groups were lying in the sun and just watching the tour group as if they were on stage and didn’t have a care in the world.

“I wonder if they are so relaxed because they are more active at night or this is just their domain and they know they rule it,” he said.

“I think it’s the second,” she said. “That confidence we talked about. They know they’ve got the power. No reason to show any weakness and they aren’t.”

“Having the power isn’t always a good thing though,” he said.

“It is when it comes to the survival of the strongest.”

“The skunk isn’t the strongest, but man, they could get an enemy to move away if they want.”

She laughed. “Scent is a pretty powerful sense. You use what you can when you feel you might be overpowered.”

“Fight or flee,” he said. “Both are powerful choices though many don’t think that.”

“See,” she said. “That is why we are here right now. That is why you and I can make this work.” He lifted an eyebrow at her. “I meant it could work if we want it to.”

“I agree,” he said. “But go on and say why you think that. What is your comment about?”

“Not everyone has to fight. Fleeing sometimes is the best option. It’s what you do to survive for another day. I tell that to my clients. You can fight to stay together, if they are a couple, or you can flee. Maybe in the end, fighting isn’t enough and they flee, but you should be open to trying both and doing what is best.”

It would always bother her that her parents didn’t try. They fled and that was it.

“You should,” he said. “There is no one answer that solves it all and it will never be that way.”

The tour group moved on. They were hanging back so that they could talk and not be overheard.

Zander grabbed her hand. “I think we’ve got an understanding of each other on a level I’ve never had before. Not sure how I feel about that either.”

“I know how I’m starting to feel,” she said quietly.

He looked at her, but she wasn’t going to elaborate at this point.

No reason for it.

Body tingles in her heart and lady parts were driving her to feel and say things she didn’t often.

Regan said she would go with the flow and that’s what she was going to do and see how the rest of the day went.