Chapter 8

Tori Townsend

"The lilies came in beautifully," I say to Tegan as I take a sip of coffee.

The donut shop is full of people this morning, and although I usually like to be surrounded by people because I'm an extrovert, I just have no interest this morning.

All night last night, I dreamed of eyes staring at me under the shine of headlights as well as the sounds of the accident. That wasn't the only thing I dreamed about though. I received small reprieves with the man in my backyard. The leather jacket. The faint smell of him that the wind brought to me. The intense expressions he wears. Even my subconscious is curious about him. Maybe a little more than curious.

I take a quick glance around at the patrons to force my mind to drift in a different direction than Killian. Cole already left to go do some work on one of Derek's rentals, leaving me and Tegan alone to talk. I can tell by the way she's fidgeting in her seat that she wants to say something, but so far, she hasn't said anything important in her attempt at small talk.

I'll be driving her to my store today, and Cole will be picking her up after her shift. I love my time with my best friend, but I can't stand the stolen, concerned glances. They hurt worse than the dreams. They're just a reminder of what I've done when all I want is to pretend that things are normal. More than anything, I want to act like it didn't happen because, maybe if I do, I won't feel like this. This empty feeling, this hollowed-out self.

She sets down her glass of juice. "I didn't expect them to bloom so well. Must be all the rain."

I give her a small smile that I know doesn't reach my eyes because the only way that I know that they're beautiful is thanks to the car crash. I may have only seen them in the dark, but they were stunning.

I've been thinking about going there to think and maybe find some sort of closure. I just haven't had the guts to yet. At least, not alone.

She must know I need a change of subject because she asks, "Is Josiah working today?"

"I offered for him to, but I left it up to him. He never said if he was going to or not."

"He seems like a nice kid."

I nod. "I think I got lucky there."

She takes a bite of her donut. After she swallows, she adds, "Most kids his age aren't as hardworking, but I think he has a thing for you. Aim to impress and all that." She chuckles and dusts sprinkles off her sleeve.

"What?" I blink, shocked. "What makes you say that?"

She shrugs, but a smile grows on her face. "He asks a lot of questions about you. Innocent questions, but it's cute. "

"Great," I mumble, flare my nostrils, and look away.

Her laugh is musical. "It's a little crush and it's adorable. Just take it as a compliment."

I sigh and look back at my friend. "That's not what I need right now."

Her smile fades at the seriousness of my tone, and she reaches for my hand. When she takes it into hers, she murmurs, "Do you want to talk yet?"

"There's nothing to talk about." How do I tell her that my debt will never be paid? How do I tell her that no amount of listening will ever change the fact that I killed someone? It's something I'll always have to live with and a situation that I'll have to find a way to make peace with, but only on my own.

She closes her eyes in frustration, but she still gives my hand a squeeze. When she opens them, she takes back her hand. "Okay. But I'm here."

"I know," I whisper.

I was so lost in the direction of our conversation that I didn't see the shop's door open and the person who strode in. Not until he's by our side and his cologne takes up our space.

Glancing up in surprise, I greet Pierce. "Hey," I say clearly. He's clean-shaven, and his uniform is wrinkle-free. As always, he's well put together.

"Sheriff," Tegan says, forcing the corner of her lips to tilt up. Though he's done nothing to her, it's obvious that she isn't a fan of him. I don't blame her. If I was shot by a sheriff, I wouldn't trust another one again either. But Pierce is a good guy, and as far as I can tell, he doesn't wish harm on anyone. He's not like the last sheriff, a slimy bastard who had the wool pulled over all our eyes until he put a bullet into Tegan's back .

"Ladies," he greets back. Dutifully, he ignores Tegan's expression. "Enjoying breakfast?"

Both of us nod. "What are you doing here?" I know that he doesn't drink coffee, and he's more of a health nut. I've never seen a donut in his hand.

He swivels his hips to face me better. "I came to talk to you, actually. I saw the car out front and decided a face-to-face conversation was better than a phone call."

I scowl a little. "About what?"

Sneaking a glance at Tegan, he rocks back on his heels. "Think we can talk in private?"

I turn my scowl to Tegan, who only narrows her eyes at him. "Whatever you're going to say," I begin, looking back at him, "You can say in front of her because there's a one-hundred-percent chance that I'm going to tell her anyway."

His lips thin out. I know he's not happy about that, but honestly, I can't deal with another ‘go out with me' conversation. Tegan would be a good buffer when I turn him down again. "It's about the woman."

"From the accident?" Tegan asks when I sit there too long, feeling punched in the gut while I blink rapidly at Pierce.

He nods but keeps his studying gaze on me. "Are you sure you don't want this to be private?"

I bite my bottom lip but shake my head as I push a hand through my hair. "No, no. Like I said, I'll end up telling her anyway."

"Okay, if you're sure," he says, drawing out the sentence. He sucks in a breath and crosses his arms over his chest.

"I am."

Tegan leans a little closer to him and lowers her voice. "What did you find out?"

"There was no identification on her," he starts.

"Fingerprints?" I ask. With any hope, she was in the system.

My hopes are dashed when he gives a small shake of his head. "Her teeth were removed, and her fingerprints were burned."

Tegan curses under her breath.

"We did find one thing though: the branding. Did you see the lily tattooed on her wrist?"

"How is that going to help?" I ask because it was just a flower. A weird coincidence that she died in front of a field of lilies, but still, just a flower.

His eyebrows pull down. "I don't know, but it's one more thing we do know about her than we knew before."

It's a little concerning that someone went so far as to remove any way to identify her, and it does nothing to squash this guilt inside me. I don't know what I was hoping for, but if we can't find her family, there's nothing I can do to apologize.

"And the baby?" I ask softly.

He swallows thickly, and I can tell he doesn't want to say what he's going to mutter next. "She was eight months pregnant. A boy."

I look down at the steam coming out of the hole in the lid on my coffee. A lump forms in my throat, and the threat of tears pricks my eyes.

Pierce places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, Tori," he whispers sympathetically. "She was running from whoever was in that van. You just happened to be there, and it just happened to be you who…"

"Killed her," I finish for him, my tone as dead as I feel.

He crouches so that he's more at eye level with me. "We found bruises around her wrists, on her knees, and along the bones of her ankles. She was being held captive." Tegan gasps, but he continues, "With how far along she was, she wouldn't have been able to run far from that man. I know it doesn't help any, but chances are you set her free."

I swipe away a tear angrily. What he said does nothing to squash the guilt. "What's being done to look for the man?" His bright orange coat flashes in my mind, and it's enough to make me look into Pierce's eyes.

He twists his lips to the side for a moment. "We're looking for black vans in the area, but so far, we haven't come up with anything. They may have just been passing through."

I give him small nods even though all I want to do is yell at him. It's not his fault that he knows nothing, and I know that, but I'm frustrated. Someone needs to be brought to justice. "What's being done with her body since you can't find any family?"

He balances his elbows on his knees and pops his knuckles. "She'll be cremated and then buried in the cemetery."

Swiping away more tears, I frown and blurt, "Give her ashes to me."

"What?" Tegan and Pierce say together.

"I'm not giving up on her." My voice is clear and confident. "And until the family is found, I'll hang on to the ashes so they can bury her where she lived."

He stares at me for a moment, eyes taking in my face, but he says, "Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure." I can tell Tegan wants to protest, so I switch the subject before she can. "Did you find anything out about Killian?"

He rises back up and crosses his arms back over his chest. "I've been busy with the woman, but I plan to look into him today. "

"You're having your B&B guy looked into?" Tegan asks, exasperated.

"Maybe." I cringe a little, but my guilt transfers from the accident to the invasion of privacy. It's a welcome transition because one hurts more than the other.

"If you want to come by the station, I'll bring food, and we can look into him together," Pierce asks innocently. I'm not a fool though. I know what a date sounds like.

Tegan's eyes widen, but I shake my head at Pierce. "I have too much going on, and I trust that you'll be able to find out about him without my help."

His expression puckers for a moment, as if he just sucked on a lemon wedge. "If you're sure."

I clear my throat a little, ridding the rest of the tears so that he takes me seriously when I proclaim, "I am."

Rubbing his neck, he sighs. "Well, I'll let you know what I find then."

"Thanks," I say quickly, effectively dismissing him. He gets the hint, tips his head at us in farewell, and strides out of the shop.

When he's gone, Tegan whispers, "Ouch," with a grin.

I take a sip from my coffee. "I don't know how much clearer I can be."

She lifts her donut to her lips. "So you're really looking into him?"

"I shouldn't, and yet, I am."

Her cheeks bulge from the bite until she chews and swallows it down. "Cole doesn't like him either."

"How does Cole know who he is?" I ask, cocking my head to the side.

"He met him with Derek. He said the interaction was brief, but it was enough for Cole to decide he didn't like what he saw. "

"Interesting," I mumble. I run my finger along the rim of my cup's lid.

I glance up when she adds, "But if you ask me, I think you should give him a chance."

I lift my chin and look down from my cheekbones at her. "And why is that?"

"Well, for one, I've never seen you this interested in a guy, albeit he might be some bad guy. And two, I know from personal experience not to judge a book by its cover."

My eyebrows flick up into my forehead for a split second, and I lower my head back down. "True. Well shit, now I feel horrible."

"For?" she asks, licking some frosting from her fingertip.

"For having Pierce look into him."

Waving a hand in the air, she chuckles. "Honestly, I just think you're fascinated by him."

I tuck my lips between my teeth and refuse to answer that. Instead, I lean to grab my purse from the floor and dig around inside for my phone. When I grasp it, I yank it out and swipe through my password.

"What are you doing?" she asks, leaning into the table to try to peer over it.

"Telling Pierce that I've changed my mind."

"I doubt that's going to stop him from looking into him."

I glance up at her. "Maybe." I curse under my breath. "I knew it was a mistake to ask for his help in the first place, but now I feel like a horrible person for invading Killian's privacy. He's done nothing to deserve it."

She wipes a growing smile from her face with a napkin.

"What?" I demand when she doesn't say anything.

"Nothing," she quickly says.

I set my phone on the table. "Spit it out, Tegan. "

"Well…" She shifts a little in her seat. "Normally. you don't care about this kind of thing. Why is Killian any different?"

I scratch at my cheek as I think it over. I mean, I know the answer to that – I'm curious about Killian. However, I'm not going to tell her that because she'll read too much into it. More into it than I'm even ready to admit to myself because calling myself a whore is just a little too much for me right now.

She chuckles under her breath, and I open my mouth to deny whatever she's thinking, but she shoves the last of the donut into her mouth and stands up. Around a mouthful of food, she says, "Come on. We're going to be late."