39. Chapter 39

Chapter thirty-nine

“ T here is no more wild,” says Mabon. “It’s all humany from now on.”

He gestures at the urban landscape before us. Once we walk down this hill, there is nothing but concrete jungle. The very outskirts of London.

We’ve reached the end of Epping Forest, but it is a good fifteen miles to Buckingham Palace, and every inch is a city street.

“It will be fine,” I say confidently as I take Mabon’s hand and stride forward.

Apart from Mabon’s now neat and perfectly done up hair, we are looking even more scruffy than we were last time we had to pass through civilization. We really look homeless now, so I’m fairly confident no one is going to see us.

Mabon allows me to lead him and we step into London. I don’t know every corner of my home city, that’s impossible, it’s far too vast, but I know what general direction we need to go in. It is probably best to avoid the tube, but we might be able to hop on a bus to eat up some miles.

There are cameras everywhere in London. Millions of people. Is that a thousand eyes or a crowd to get lost in? I really have no idea. But this is the home stretch now. If all goes well, I’ll have Mabon back at the palace by nightfall.

And I’m not going to think about what happens after that. I simply can’t. Thinking about it will destroy me.

I have to focus on the here and now. One step at a time. With that thought in mind, that derelict industrial park looks like a good place to cut through. No people. No cameras. The urban equivalent of the wild.

I lead Mabon into it and we walk along in easy silence. The clouds are clearing and I think the sun is going to make an appearance. The air is beginning to smell like London, and therefore home.

As we cross an abandoned car park littered with tall stringy weeds, I start to feel hopeful. The journey has been long and eventful, but the end is in sight.

It’s impossible to be in a bad mood because I’m still buzzing from last night. The image of Mabon riding me against the backdrop of the lightening forked sky is branded into my soul. I’ll never forget the sight of him unbinding his hair. And the way he looks with all his hair loose. I thought he was stunning before, but there really is no comparison.

It has changed me forever.

Nevermind the implications of what it means.

Last night was profound in ways I don’t think I’ll ever be able to process.

Suddenly, a loose stone skitters out from under my shoe. It slides across the broken concrete of the forgotten carpark. The sound echoing loudly in the eerie quiet.

Then all hell breaks loose. Between one breath and the next, everything changes.

Tyres screech. Boots thud. Black vans surround us. Balaclava clad men jump out of the back doors. Adding to the people who ran up to us. Guns point at us. Everything is happening so fast.

Mabon screams. I whirl to face him. He is on the floor, covered by a large net that is burning him. The stench of scorching flesh is horrendous.

My hands grab at the net, it is weighted, but nothing I can’t handle. I heave. I need to get it off of him. There is no time to think. No time to do anything but act. Not enough time to save him.

Then there is a loud bang and everything goes dark.

No sight. No sound. No sensation.

Nothing but pure nothingness. I can’t even feel my body. I’m not sure I have one anymore.

I exist in the void for both eternity and also no time at all. Slowly, the sound of running water surrounds me. A semblance of reality forms. It’s dark, very dark, but I can just about make out a large onyx river. I’m standing on its dusty shore. And there is a cloaked and hooded figure standing in front of me. The lower half of their body morphing into the curling prow of a small wooden boat.

“Am I dead?” I ask.

My voice doesn’t echo. At all. It is like being in a soundproof room. Or a place where sound doesn’t exist.

“Yes,” says the being before me.

Grief washes over me. Heavy. Suffocating. All-consuming. It’s not for myself. It’s for Mabon. I’ve left him. Exactly when he needed me the most and now I cannot help him.

“They shot me?”

“In the head.”

Well, that is gross and deeply unsettling. At least it was quick, I suppose. I didn’t feel a thing.

The creature stares at me. A faceless shadow in a cowl. Utterly motionless. The moment stretches and stretches.

“Aren’t you supposed to take me across?” I mean, this has to be the ferryman, right? He takes souls across the river. That’s what happens? I wish I had paid more attention to the stories about the afterlife.

“I am bound not to ferry one who carries Queen Mab’s token.”

The words linger. Meaningless sounds. It takes a long time for me to make sense of them.

Who is Queen Mab? My thoughts move like treacle, thick and sluggish. Mabon didn’t like being called Mabs because it made him sound like his mother. And really, what connection do I have to any other queen?

Queen Mab must be Mabon’s mother. But she has never given me a token. However, her son has given me an earring.

My hand goes to my feathered earring and then I jolt. Apparently, I have a ghostly body. I don’t think I had it a moment ago.

The ferryman shakes his head.

I’m so confused. Then I remember and my hand moves to the other earring Mabon gave me. The plain gold one. The one I had forgotten all about. The gift he gave me in exchange for getting him away from Duke Carian.

The earring that is actually a token from Queen Mab that means the ferryman cannot take me to the afterlife.

The ferryman slowly nods his head.

What the actual hell? This cannot be happening.

Mabon gave me immortality?

Back when we barely knew each other?

“Are fey immortal?” I splutter suddenly as the suspicion hits me.

“No. Long lived. Not immortal.”

Oh lord. I think if I had a real stomach I’d be sick. Mabon gave me his own immortality? This makes no sense at all. Why would he do such a thing? Getting him away from Carian wasn’t that big of a deal. I know it wasn’t. People don’t go around giving away their own mortality.

Unless they are in love.

But he can’t have fallen in love with me so quickly? Surely? I don’t understand. But maybe fey do fall in love like that. Perhaps they look at someone and go, yep, that’s the one. Maybe they have the power to recognise their soul mate.

A thousand emotions hit me with the strength of an exploding star. I’m so overwhelmed that I feel as if I am spinning.

But he only unbound his hair for me last night?

Now I am doused with coldness. But a moment later, warm realisation dawns on me. He was waiting until he was sure I felt the same.

I think. I don’t know. I could be making this all up. I have no idea and nothing makes any sense. I do know one thing, though. I know it with a certainty that burns.

“If you can’t take me, send me back! I have to help him!” I blurt out forcefully.

I have never felt more frantic. I’m terrified. Desperate. Mabon needs me. Puzzling out why he gave me such a gift is not important right now. Nothing is. The only thing that matters is Mabon’s safety.

“Your body is uninhabitable. The healing is not done.”

Damn it! This cannot be happening. I cannot let it happen. The Resistance aren’t going to wait around for me to come back to life. I’m going to wake up in an empty car park and Mabon is going to be long gone.

“This token is not supposed to be mine! Queen Mab’s son is in danger! Take me across your river and help him instead! Please!”

It’s a bargain I am very willing to make. It is fair and justified and oh so worth it.

“No. Once it has been given, it cannot be returned. Even if it could, I am not beholden to aid, only to not ferry.”

My scream of frustration should roll out. It should echo and reverberate. Instead, it fills the space between us and hangs there. All my rage, anguish, and heartbreak on full display.

The ferryman stares at it. He intimately examines my soul while long, long moments pass.

“Revoke your gift and I will help your beloved.”

Is he teasing me? Is this the cruellest joke in the history of the world? Offering me this glimmer of hope is a savage thing to do.

“I don’t understand?”

He has been patient so far. Hopefully he will explain.

“Give up immortality. Revoke the ring’s power, so I am free to take you across next time you arrive on my shore. In exchange, I will help your beloved.”

My soul is trembling.

“Free him from his enemies, alive and unharmed, and you have a deal.”

I need to be clear because I’m pretty sure all paranormal beings are as tricksy with deals as the fey are.

“Deal,” says the ferryman.

“Deal,” I reply, with no hesitation.

But now my mind is whirling. Is this really the right thing to do? Maybe I should keep my immortality and go after Mabon? But no, that won’t work. I’ll be immortal, not superhuman, and once they have him in a bunker, I won’t be able to get him out. I’ll be an enemy, on the outside, just one human with no powers.

I could maybe run to his family for help, but presumably the Resistance wouldn’t take prisoners they didn’t think they could keep. Mabon said the bunker was warded against magic. And even if his family could bust him out, in shitty fey culture he would be seen as weak and his fey enemies would devour him.

No, I have made the right decision. I know I have. This is the only option. The only way I can save Mabon.

“Hold the token in your palm and say, I revoke you, three times.”

Hurriedly, I scramble to do as he says.

“I revoke you. I revoke you. I revoke you.”

The last syllable hangs in the space between us, and suddenly I’m gasping in a huge lungful of air. Into my body. In the middle of an empty carpark. Mabon is on his knees beside me, hands twisted into my top.

“Blake!” he sobs.

“I’m fine!” I wheeze.

The vans are still here. As are the guns. There is a lone, discarded boot. But no people at all. I don’t want to know what happened to them. I really don’t. I’m going to block it from my mind forever. Denial is a coping mechanism for a reason.

“Are you alright?” I ask as my gaze frantically runs over Mabon. The net was burning him and it was awful. It seems to have disappeared along with all the people, thank heavens.

“Yes, the burns are already healing.”

I stare deep into his amethyst eyes. He was in his human form when the Resistance attacked. I guess he is understandably too frazzled to maintain it right now.

“You made a deal,” he says sadly.

“It was worth it, Mabpie,” I say. “Very worth it.”

Then I pull him down into my arms and kiss him.