30. Chapter 30

Chapter thirty

W e are finally walking to the train station. Mabon is back in his human form and is a lot calmer now. There is a bounce in his step and his bright blue eyes are taking everything in with eager curiosity.

I’m glad he has managed to pull himself together. I’m terrible at providing emotional support. I never know what to do. I just get distraught too and that’s no good for anyone.

I cast another worried glance over him. He seems a little subdued, but I genuinely think he is okay now. As for me, I have no idea how I’m feeling. Conflicted, mostly. With a fair dollop of distress. Last night was incredible. Easily the best sex of my life, even though it feels like I say that after every time I sleep with Mabon. I think every time it gets better. More meaningful. More intimate.

At least that is what I thought. But if Mabon only did it out of misguided necessity, then last night meant nothing. Except that Mabon believed he had to give himself to me. Which makes me so much worse than a pimp.

“Oh!” squeals Mabon suddenly.

He stops walking and bends down. He picks up a key from the pavement and brushes it off on his jeans. Then he holds it up and twists it in the sunlight. The alloy metal gleams weakly.

“Pretty,” coos Mabon.

He wasn’t like this in the palace, but I guess nothing there was new. He wasn’t like this in the bunker, but there definitely was nothing to coo over there. A shudder wracks my body and I shove the dark thoughts down.

He admires the dirty old key for a moment longer and then carefully puts it in his hoodie pocket, along with his other pieces of junk. I suppose it is okay. The key looks like it has been lost for a while and I very much doubt we could find its original owner.

I shake my head but say nothing as we resume walking. The crowds start to thicken as we get nearer to the centre of town. Mabon steps closer to me. Then he tentatively takes my hand. The feel of his cool fingers against my own tingles, and it sets butterflies off in my stomach. Mabon shoots me an apprehensive glance, and when I don’t snatch my hand back, he smiles.

A beautiful, dazzling, sweet smile. Complete with dimples. He tightens his grip on my hand and starts all but skipping along beside me. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. My heart is doing strange things. Is this what a swoon feels like? Am I swooning?

He stops walking suddenly. “What are those?” He points through the open door of a small convenience store. I squint into the gloom of the shop.

“Chocolate bars?” The crowded display is the only thing I can see.

Mabon tugs on my hand and the next thing I know, we are standing in a rather grimy shop. Mabon runs his hand over the selection of chocolate and makes a noise that sounds like a purr.

“That’s chocolate. It’s food,” I explain.

Mabon turns to me with wide, bright eyes. “It is for eating?”

I nod and then hastily add, “Once you take the wrapper off!”

Mabon snatches up a chocolate bar with a shiny purple wrapper and then another one that’s covered in dark blue. He goes to put it in his pocket, but I stop him.

“Let’s pay for it first.”

I feel a strange sense of loss as I pull my hand away from Mabon’s. But I need both of my hands if I’m going to get these treats for him.

He watches with fascination as I pay the wizened, slightly grumpy shopkeeper. And then he beams with delight as I give the chocolate bars back to him. We walk out of the shop and I show him how to open the wrapper. He gasps in outrage when I tear it, and he snatches it back from me.

He cradles it to his chest like it is a wounded animal. He mutters something under his breath. Then he very carefully eases the chocolate out.

I’m standing here with bated breath, desperately keen to witness Mabon’s first taste of chocolate. Nothing has ever felt so important. So monumental.

He takes a big bite with gleaming white teeth. A huge smile stretches across my face as his eyes light up with wonder. His pupils widen and darken. A rosy glow tinges his pale cheeks.

“Mmmm,” he says with enthusiasm.

I force a swallow down my throat. Dear lord. I need to focus on how adorable Mabon is being, and not turn it into something sexy. My brain is observing all the pleasure signals and getting confused. That’s all it is.

He quickly devours the rest of the chocolate bar and then very daintily opens the next one without tearing the wrapper. He consumes the second bar with unrestrained joy, and I’m turned into a quivering mess.

I watch helplessly as he neatly and diligently folds the wrappers up and places them in his pocket, amongst his other treasures. I shake my head in a vain attempt to clear it from my very inappropriate thoughts.

“You’re like a magpie,” I tease. There. Light-hearted and entirely innocent.

His head snaps up, and he gives me a sharp look. Oh crap, please don’t tell me that’s insulting in fey culture?

“Why do you say that?” he asks.

I shrug. “You like to collect random shiny shit, like magpies do.”

Mabon glares at me. “My pretties aren’t shit! They are pretty!”

“Okay. Yes. You are right. I’m sorry.”

He gives me a suspicious look, but then sniffs and nods his acceptance of my apology.

I sigh and we start walking again. A few moments later, his hand slips back into mine and my heart goes all crazy again. Who knew that holding hands could be so wonderful? It never felt like this with my ex-girlfriends. Maybe that’s why they are my exes.

That feels like far too profound a revelation to deal with right now, so I shove it aside and look for the next sign showing the way to the train station instead.

I find it and it is pointing right, so we turn the corner and the station comes into view. It’s not that busy, being as it’s a small town on a weekday late morning, long after commuting time. But there is still a fair bit of bustle.

My attention is drawn to two men standing by the main entrance. An entirely innocent thing to do, but for some reason, it has aroused my suspicion. I bundle Mabon to the side so we are covered by a bus idling at a stop.

I crane my neck to observe the men. They are just standing there chatting. They don’t have any luggage, which isn’t that unusual. But they do seem to be paying rather close attention to everyone walking past them and into the station.

Shit. Surely they are not Resistance? They have no idea where the toadstool ring took us, so how would they know which train station to watch? Unless they are watching them all?

My stomach ties itself into knots. I know that every town and village has a Resistance Cell. Sometimes more than one. They have the resources to do it.

But how would they know they needed to? Surely they must assume that Mabon pinged us all the way to safety? They wouldn’t know of the limitations. Or would they?

Do they have spies in the palace, much better ones than me, to tell them Mabon isn’t there? I suck in a breath. It’s possible. Anything is. Look at the fucking bunker they took us to. The equipment they had. The Resistance is way more sophisticated than I was aware of. It would be dangerous to underestimate them.

As I watch, a woman in a smart suit passes the men. She gives them the thumbs up and then turns her hand slightly to the left. One of the men returns the gesture.

Fuck. They are Resistance.

I grab Mabon’s shoulder and quickly hurry him away, around the corner and out of sight. The old building next to us has an alcove, so I shove him into it. Hopefully, it just looks like we are smooching.

Mabon gives me a questioning look.

“Can you change my appearance?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not without enemies sensing my magic.”

Shit. This isn’t good at all. Damn it. I need to think.

Mabon gives me a very sheepish look. The blush on his cheeks is the cutest thing I have ever seen.

“I’m…I’m not actually very good at magic,” he says softly. “I’m quite terrible, actually.”

I blink at him. I have no idea what the standards are in magic. Or even what is and what is not possible. I have nothing with which to judge him by. He didn’t have to tell me because I never would have known.

“And now you know even more of my secrets,” he says sadly, and he drops his gaze.

My fingers find his chin and I tilt his face up towards mine until he looks at me again.

“You are much better at magic than I am,” I say.

He gives me a wry smile, and the urge to kiss him is overwhelming. The only thing giving me the willpower to resist is the fact that we are a few hundred feet away from Resistance members.

Maybe they haven’t been placed there specifically to look for us. They could just generally be keeping an eye on comings and goings. Building up intelligence. But surely they would have been told to keep an eye out for a fey travelling with a hulk of a man? Sending an order out like that would cost nothing and could gain everything.

Damn my height and build. I’d give anything to be unremarkably average. But then I never would have caught Mabon’s eye.

Something shifts deep in my soul at that thought. A deep, profound acceptance. Despite everything. Regardless of all the negatives, nightmares, chaos and drama that has happened since Mabon first claimed me, I’m so very glad that he did. I’m glad I met him. I’m so thankful he is in my life. For however much longer that may be.

I take his hand and pull him down the street, away from the train station.

“Where are we going?” Mabon asks as he obediently follows me.

“To find a new hotel to hide in.”

We need to get off the streets, out of view. I need time to think of a new plan.

“Oh goodie!” he exclaims brightly. “I’m horny!”

Oh lord save me. Except I think it is far too late for that. There is no saving me now. I’m past redemption.

But I have to try to make amends. I need to do better. Be better. Mabon isn’t going to like it, but I have to stop things from getting worse. I don’t regret meeting him and I’ll never feel remorse for having shared his bed. But that all has to change.

I have to stop sleeping with him.