CHAPTER ELEVEN

REBEL

The Next Day

As I sit on the edge of the bed in my old room at the Phoenix clubhouse, I stare at the worn wooden floorboards, lost in my thoughts. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I left Houston, and already, the weight of my decision is bearing down on me, pressing against my chest like a vice. The sound of the clubhouse echoes faintly through the walls—muffled laughter, the low rumble of bikes coming and going, the distant chatter of familiar voices—and it’s comforting.

But not enough to fill the emptiness inside me.

The girls are safe, and that’s what matters.

Phantom is keeping watch over Kenna and Kinzley while I’m here, taking a moment to just… breathe. I rest my hands on my belly, feeling the slight movement of the baby boy growing inside me, and I close my eyes, trying to quiet the doubts that swirl around in my mind.

I left Six.

I left Houston.

I left everything I knew to come back here.

And now, sitting in this room, I wonder if I made the right choice.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel at peace again.

A soft knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts, and I glance up, my heart giving a little jolt when I see Avery peeking in. Her face lights up with a warm smile, her eyes full of understanding. “Hey, Thay. Mind if I come in?”

I manage a small smile, nodding. “Of course, Ave. Come on in.”

She steps inside, closing the door gently behind her before crossing the room and sitting down beside me on the bed. She’s quiet for a moment, her eyes searching my face. “How are you holding up? Really? Don’t bullshit me! I’ve known you for too long for you to try and play this off with an ‘I’m fine,’ ” she berates.

I let out a shaky breath, shrugging. “I don’t know. I’m… I’m trying. It’s just… everything feels so messed up right now. I keep wondering if I made the right choice. If I should’ve stayed and tried to work things out with Koda instead of running away.”

Avery reaches over, placing her hand over mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thay, you’re not running away. You’re doing what you need to do for yourself and your kids. And that’s okay. Sometimes, we need to take a step back to see things clearly and for how they really are.”

I look down at our hands, tears welling up in my eyes. “I love him, Ave. I love him so fucking much. But I’m scared. I’m scared of what might happen if I stay. I’m scared that one day, the danger is going to catch up to us, and I’ll lose everything. I’m scared that he doesn’t see the risks the way I do. That he’s trying to change the way the club does things because of family history, but we all know that clubs only work one way.”

Avery’s face softens, and she nods, her eyes full of empathy. “I know, Thay. Loving someone like Six… it’s not easy. It’s never been easy. Loving someone in this life, it’s a constant battle. Shotgun and I… we’ve had our rough patches. We’ve had moments where we weren’t sure if we’d make it. But we did. Because we love each other. And at the end of the day, that’s what matters. If the love is there, then you’ll find a way to make it work.”

I wipe at my eyes, my chest tightening. “But what if it’s not enough? What if I can’t protect my kids, Ave? What if I can’t protect myself?”

Avery wraps her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her side. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Thay. And you’re absolutely not alone. You have us. You have your family. And you have Koda. He’s not perfect… fuck, no one is. But he loves you. And you love him. That’s a start. You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to have doubts. But don’t let that fear be the thing that drives you from what you want.”

I lean into her, closing my eyes as the tears spill over. “I just… I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make it work. Especially with Amber hanging around like a damn leach!”

Avery sighs, rubbing my back gently. “One step at a time. One day at a time. You’ll figure it out.”

I sniffle, nodding against her shoulder. “Thanks, Ave. I feel like I’m falling apart.”

Avery smiles, her voice gentle. “Oh, honey, you’re stronger than you think. I’ve seen you go through so much, and every time, you come out on the other side even stronger. You’re brave. You’re an amazing mother. And I know that you love Six, just like he loves you. You’ve both made mistakes, and that’s okay. But love is about fighting through the hard times. It’s about being scared and doing it anyway because it’s worth it.”

I nod, my tears flowing freely now, my chest tight with all the emotions that have been pent up for so long. “I just… I feel like I’ve lost myself in all of this. I don’t know who I am without the club, without Six.”

Avery shifts, turning to face me more fully, her expression serious but filled with compassion. “Thay, you’re not lost. You’re still you… an incredible, strong, tough-as-hell woman. You’re just in a rough patch right now. And that’s okay. You’ve had so much thrown at you, so much pressure to be everything for everyone, all the time at such a young age. But you’re allowed to take a step back. You’re allowed to need help. You’re allowed to be vulnerable.”

I look down, my hands trembling as I wipe at my eyes. “I just feel like I’ve let everyone down. Koda, the girls… myself. I promised to keep them safe and look where we ended up. It feels like I failed. I’m supposed to be the First Lady of Houston Defiance… what a fucking joke is that?”

Avery shakes her head firmly, her eyes locking onto mine. “You haven’t failed, Thay. You did what you needed to do to protect your girls. You made a hard choice, and that takes courage. You’re here because you love them, because you love Six, and you want what’s best for all of you. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is step away and take a breath. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re taking care of yourself so you can take care of them, take care of your club, like a good First Lady should do.”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling a slight weight lift from my chest at her words. “I just wish I could see the future, you know? I wish I knew that everything would be okay.”

Avery smiles softly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face. “I wish I could tell you that too. But none of us know what’s going to happen. We just have to take it day by day. And I promise you, whatever happens, you’re not alone. We’ll figure it out together. And Koda… he’ll be there when you’re ready. He’s hurting, too, you know. He loves you so much, Thay. He’s just trying to find his way, just like you are.”

I nod, my heart aching as I think about him. The image of his face—the way his eyes soften when he looks at me—floods my mind. “I miss him, Ave. I miss him so much. Even when I’m angry, even when I feel like I can’t breathe because of everything that’s happened… I still miss him. I still love him.”

Avery wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “I know you do. And he knows it too. It’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to be angry and love him at the same time. Relationships are messy. They’re not perfect. But that’s what makes them real. And your love for Koda… it’s real. It’s worth fighting for.”

I cling to her, the tears streaming down my face as I let myself feel all of it—the pain, the love, the fear, the hope. “I just want to be happy again. I want my family to be happy.”

Avery rubs my back soothingly. “You will be, Thay. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will be. You’re taking the steps you need to get there. And we’re all here to help you.”

I pull back slightly, looking at her through my tear-blurred vision. “Thank you, Ave. I don’t think I could do this without you.”

She smiles, her own eyes glistening with tears. “You’ll never have to find out. We’re family, Thay. And family doesn’t let each other go through the hard stuff alone. Now, how about we get you out of this room? You can’t stay cooped up in here forever. Come on, let’s go spend some time with everyone. They’ve missed you.”

I take a deep, shaky breath, nodding. “Okay. One day at a time, right?”

Avery nods, her smile widening. “Exactly... one day at a time.”

I hesitate, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. I’m scared to face everyone, scared to admit that I left Houston, that I’m struggling. But Avery is right. I can’t stay hidden away in this room forever. I need my family. I need the people who love me. And maybe, just maybe, I need a little bit of this place—this home—to help me find my way again.

I blow out a heavy breath, nodding. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Avery stands, holding out her hand to help me up. I take it, and she pulls me to my feet, her smile warm and reassuring. We head out of the room together, and as we walk down the hallway, the sounds of the clubhouse grow louder. The laughter, the music, the clatter of dishes—it all fills the air, wrapping around me like a comforting embrace.

We step into the main clubroom, and the second I’m spotted, there’s a chorus of cheers and greetings. Kennedy rushes over, wrapping me in a tight hug, her face lighting up with joy. “Thay! It’s so good to see you.”

I hug her back, my heart swelling with a mix of emotions. “It’s good to see you, too, Kennedy.”

The rest of the club gathers around, each of them taking turns hugging me to tell me how glad they are that I’m here.

It’s overwhelming—but in the best possible way.

It’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Like I can finally breathe again.

Shotgun steps up, his eyes soft as he looks at me. “You okay, kid?”

I nod, my voice thick with emotion. “I think I will be.”

He pulls me into a hug, his arms strong and steady around me. “Good. You’re home now. And we’re not letting you go anywhere.”

I laugh through my tears, holding onto him tightly. “I’m not going anywhere, Shotgun. Not for a while, at least.”

He pulls back, giving me a nod. “That’s what I like to hear. Now, come on. We’ve got food, we’ve got drinks, and we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

I glance around the room, taking in the faces of the people I love, the people who have always been there for me. There’s something comforting about being back here, about being surrounded by the people who know me better than anyone else.

It’s not Houston.

It’s not the life I’ve built with Koda and the girls.

But it is home .

And right now, that’s exactly what I need.

I finally feel a smile tugging at my lips as I follow Shotgun and Avery farther into the room. The chatter resumes, the laughter picking up again, and it’s like I never left. I know there’s still so much to figure out and to work through. But for now, I’m here. And I’m surrounded by love.

The evening goes on, the club filling the room with warmth and joy. Kenna and Kinzley eventually come back from their naps, their little faces lighting up when they see me. Kenna runs straight for me, her arms wrapping around my legs. “Mama!”

I scoop her up, holding her close, my heart aching with love for this little girl. “Hey, firefly. Did you have a good nap?”

She nods, her eyes wide with excitement. “Uh-huh! And Pops said we can have cookies.”

I laugh, glancing over at Shotgun, who’s standing nearby, a guilty smile crossing his face. “Oh, did he now?”

Shotgun shrugs, raising his hands in mock surrender. “What can I say? She’s hard to say no to.”

I shake my head, smiling as I set Kenna down. “All right, all right. You can have your cookies, but only one, okay?”

Kenna’s eyes light up, bouncing up and down on the spot, her laughter echoing through the room with her excitement. Kinzley toddles over, her little arms reaching up for me, and I lift her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

As if she could overhear our conversation, Avery glides in like a stealthy Christmas elf. A plate of cookies in her hand, instantly offering them to my daughters. “Here you go, girls. But listen to your mama, okay? Only one for now.”

The girls nod eagerly, each taking a cookie, their faces lighting up with delight as they take a bite. I watch them, my heart swelling with love.

It’s moments like this that remind me of what really matters.

My family, my children, the people I love.

No matter what happens, no matter how hard things get, I know that I have them.

And that’s enough.

Avery catches my eye, giving me a small smile. “See? Everything’s going to be all right, Thay. We’ve got you.”

I nod, my eyes misting over as I smile back at her. “Yeah. You’ve always caught me when I fall.”

Avery weakly smiles at me. “You’re not falling, Thay. You’re just trying to find your feet. There’s a difference, and we’ll be here to help you stand, the whole way. As I said… we got you.”

Shotgun slides in beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Yeah… we got you, Thay. Fucking always. Now, enough with the emotions. Let’s have some fun tonight, yeah?”

Finally, a smile crosses my face as I cuddle into Shotgun’s side. “Sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a damn long time.”

The room floods with warmth and laughter, the love of my family engulfing me like a comforting blanket. I know that things are uncertain and there’s still a lot to figure out. But for now, I’m here. And I’m surrounded by love.

And as I sit here, watching the people around me, my thoughts inevitably drift back to Houston.

Back to Six.

I wonder what he’s doing right now.

Is he thinking about me the way I’m thinking about him?

I can’t help but feel the emptiness that comes from being separated from him.

It’s like a part of me is missing, and no matter how much love I feel here, it doesn’t fill that gaping void.

I miss him.

I miss the way he makes me laugh.

The way he holds me when the world feels too heavy.

The sound of his voice and the warmth of his touch.

I know I had to leave.

I know I need space to clear my head.

But that doesn’t make the ache in my chest any easier to bear.

I love him, and being apart from Koda hurts more than I ever could have possibly imagined it would.

Avery is right—relationships are hard. They take work, patience, and forgiveness. And maybe, just maybe, I need to find a way to work through the fear and the doubt that’s keeping us apart. Because at the end of the day, I know I still want him.

I still want our family.

I still want our life together.

I let out a quiet sigh, my gaze shifting to Kenna and Kinzley as they play, their laughter filling the room. I need to be strong for them. I need to figure out how to make things right and how to protect them without losing the love that Koda and I have built.

Maybe, when the time is right, I’ll find my way back to him. Back to Houston. Back to the life we built together. Because no matter where I am, no matter how far apart we are, my heart will always belong to Koda.

I just hope that when I’m ready, he’ll still be there waiting for me.