Chapter 1

DAVINA

The scent of the woods smacks me in the face, all pine and moss with a touch of rain. It should feel comforting, especially considering it has been years since I last stepped foot in the state. Yet, here I am, heart pounding through my chest with palms so slick I’m surprised they’re not dripping onto the concrete. Even though Christmas is only a few days away, home isn’t a place I really want to be.

Crisp winter air chills my skin as I wait for my ride—one of my brothers apparently on their way to pick me up. It has the tip of my nose stinging, shivers rolling their way down my spine. I rub my hands up and down my arms to heat myself, but it does nothing to help the icy wind getting through my coat.

I’m completely acclimatised to the beachside life, falling asleep to the crashing waves outside my apartment complex and sitting on the balcony to watch the sunset when I don’t have work. The stunning pink of the sky as the sun sets helps settle the restlessness of my wolf side, taking the edge off just enough to skate by.

A horn beeps loudly right in front of me, almost overpowered by the bass of the music blaring from the obnoxiously loud speakers. Sure enough, my asshole of a brother hangs out the window, slamming his hand into the driver's side door, a shit-eating grin spread across his face. He hasn’t changed a bit.

“C’mon, bitch. Get in!” he yells, throwing himself back into the seat, his hands thrumming against the steering wheel to the beat. I haven't seen anyone from the family since I left after senior year, needing to escape the clutches of this fucking town and most of the people in it. Moving to the back of his Jeep, I pop open the trunk and load my suitcases before jumping into the passenger seat. “They weren't wrong, were they?”

Felix stares at me, inhaling deeply while a rumble fills his throat. His megawatt smile disappears within seconds of being in a confined space with me. I’m not sure why he’s concerned at all—my designation doesn’t affect him. I’m honestly surprised he picked up on my scent in the first place; none of the betas back home have any issue with it.

“Just fucking drive, Felix. Get me home before I change my mind and go back. The airport is right there.”

He puts the car into drive and rolls out onto the street, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel, each knuckle blooming shades lighter than moments ago. I told my parents this would be the case, that I should just steer clear and they could come visit me after the holidays. What’s another missed Christmas? They’re fine without me here. Between Felix and Ledger, they have their hands well and truly full—but what would I know?

We weave in and out of the mountains, the snow falling a little heavier the closer we get to my parents' property. Christmas time here is whimsical, just like the movies: snow and hot cocoa by the fire, freshly cut trees decorated in green and red. Where I live, it’s less cozy, with shades of beige in place of traditional colors. Nothing like the holidays I grew up with.

My family home is in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by dense woodland, perfect for our kind. Growing up here was peaceful, running at the lake in summer, being a part of a wider pack. Then, puberty hit. It changed everything for me, and not for the better.

“They miss you, you know,” Felix mutters, turning down the music but keeping his eyes forward, his jaw tightly clenched. “Mom cries every year around the holidays.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, tears stinging the inner corners of my eyes, hating that he’s bringing this up, as if I don’t already know. She calls me every Christmas Eve, weeping into the phone after a few too many red wines, but she never leaves the comfort of the town to come see me. If this trip turns into a let’s make Davina feel terrible game, I'm out. Christmas at home is lonely as fuck, but it’s better than being made to feel like shit or unwelcome.

“Nothing stopped anyone from coming to see me, Felix. I never hid where I lived. You all knew where to find me. I worked fucking hard to build myself up, brick by brick after leaving this place, so excuse me for being hesitant to step foot back here.”

Tears roll down my cool cheeks, unable to stay contained for another moment. The steady streams run tracks in my light dusting of makeup, but I don’t bother trying to wipe them at this point. Felix has already seen them; what’s the use in hiding it from him now?

“We were away for training, Davina. What did you want us to do? If we knew how bad it was, we would have tried to come home, but you didn’t tell anyone until you were already fucking gone. You can’t expect us to read your mind. We couldn’t fix a problem we didn’t even know existed.”

Memories I’ve worked hard to suppress come back by the second, playing in my mind like a reel. The taunts, the pushing, being chased by shifted wolves through the woods behind the school with them snapping at my feet like rabid beasts. Each silver scar on my heels throbs at the thought, the slash of their teeth feeling like it happened only yesterday.

I don’t blame my brothers. Their protection and that of their best friends felt like a shield, protecting me from the savagery. They kept me safe from everything until they left for their year of training, leaving me to fend for myself—easier said than done as an unrevealed wolf with no designation yet.

The trees become denser, darkness looming beyond the rows lining the road. Every bend has my heart racing, dreading the moment the car stops and the familiar scent of home makes its way through my system. My sense of smell is heightened now, those more primal changes hitting me later than everyone else. When my classmates were falling into line with the pack in their respective places, I was left behind.

My parents are betas, as are my two brothers. Both of them are high-ranking members of the pack, exactly where they are destined to be, but I was nothing and treated as such. No one expected that I was going to be an omega; I know I sure as hell didn’t.

Rounding the corner, a warm glow pushes through the pines, bright colors reflecting off the snow. My family home hasn't changed a bit, looking like an elf threw a light grenade at the house and called it a day. Strings upon strings of multi-colored lights are strewn across the roof and gutters, with ice-white icicles lining the front patio. A laugh escapes my lips at the sight, even the twenty-year-old, badly beaten-up wire reindeer placed haphazardly in the snow. There’s no rhyme or reason, but at least they still try, I guess.

The large, double-story house sits in a small clearing close enough to the trees, so close that you can reach out of the windows and touch one. It really is beautiful, especially at this time of year—big windows to feel closer to nature, a fireplace that gets lit the moment my dad wakes up each day. Smoke swirls with the frost above the house, drifting up into the orange-hued sky. The scent alone has my heart aching, pining for a time when things were simple, when Christmas was, in fact, my favorite time of year.

The moment Felix turns off the car, my mom swings the front door open and runs barefoot through the snow. I know we’re hot-blooded, but damn. She has her bright red apron tied around her waist, accentuating her curves, ones she passed down to me and then some. Cracking open the car door, I step out and open my arms, waiting for her to slam into them. Her scent hits me first, the sweet notes from her baking pushing through the otherwise woodsy smell surrounding us.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she cries, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me in so tight, it’s hard to breathe. “I’ve missed you so much!”

My father waits in the doorway, watching the exchange silently while Felix unloads my suitcases and carries them to the house like they weigh nothing at all. He doesn’t take them inside, though, plopping them beside the door with a curt nod to our father. My mother's words don’t stop, her mind working overtime to string the sentences together in a way that makes sense. Unfortunately, they all end up rolling into one.

“Mom, slow down. It’s okay. I’m here for a few weeks. We have all the time in the world,” I manage to get out when she stops to take a much-needed breath.

“You can have the cabin, pup,” Dad nods, turning on one foot and making his way into the house without another word. No hug, no conversation, cut off before it even begins. I know my absence has hurt the family, each person in their own way. It’s something I take full responsibility for and always have, but if he didn’t want me here, he probably should have done something about my mother's persistence.

“Oh, Davina, honey, it’s not what you think.” She smiles, running her thumbs over my cold cheeks. “Your father has been building a cabin since the day you left, just in case you ever decided to come visit. We know omegas need their own space, and we even had someone come in and decorate it just how you need it. But if anything is not suitable, you just let me know and I will have your brothers get it fixed for you.”

My heart physically hurts at her words, the organ thumping heavily against my ribcage. I expected to be put in my old bedroom, the room most likely completely untouched since I was a teen. Posters are probably still on the walls, my favorite deep purple sheets on the bed, everything serving as a memory of a time I would prefer to forget.

She threads her fingers through mine, pulling me around the side of the loudly decorated house. Fresh, white snow covers the beautifully manicured space, the frozen-over pond in the center of the backyard glistening with each flash of the Christmas lights. One of the boys, likely Felix, blasts carols as loud as he can from inside, warranting a very loud fuck off from Dad before he slams a door. Just like old times.

“Those boys will be the end of him, I swear. It’s so peaceful when they are at their own place, but they decided to come back for the few weeks you’re here. Lucky us,” she laughs as we enter the woods, following a small, cleared pathway through the trees. I inhale deeply, taking in as much of the rich pine and damp moss as my lungs can handle.

We walk in silence for a minute or so, words sitting on the end of my tongue, unwilling to break free. There are only so many times I can say I’m sorry, and she has heard it more times than I can count in the last few weeks alone. One more time can’t hurt.

“Mom, I'm sorry for hurting you,” I breathe, the low whisper barely audible with the loud crunch of our footsteps over the snow-topped gravel. Before I have a chance to continue, the sweetest little cabin comes into view, all dark wood and glass, the same style of lights draped across the low rooftop. It has a deck with a double hanging seat, filled with enough cushions that you can barely see underneath.

“I know why you left, love. I understand. It hurts to not have you close, but I would have done the same. One of the boys will bring over your suitcases, but this place is yours for as long as you want to stay here. Your own space. We’ve been airing it out so no unwanted scents are clinging to anything.”

She drops a key into my hand before leaning in to kiss my cheek. Unshed tears glisten in her eyes, reflecting my own, the haze blurring my vision a touch. They did all of this for me.

Mom takes one last long look at me before she turns away, making her way down the winding path to the house. Then, just like that, I’m alone again. It’s just like my home in the city, only freezing cold and lacking the salt air I’m used to.

The scent coming from the cabin pulls me in, warm and sweet with hints of vanilla—my absolute favorite. Making quick work of the lock, I push open the heavy wooden door and almost drop to my knees. Every single thing in here is coded to me. That’s completely unmistakable. Intense guilt begins to claw its way up my throat, forming a ball that makes it hard to suck in air. All this time, they have been working on this, and I left them for years.

Fuck.