23

23

Fen ached when he got up on Friday morning. Not because of his BMD, well maybe because of that, but more because of what he and Ripley had been doing. How could sex get better and better? Fen had sort of assumed the initial encounters were the most exciting and it went—well, not downhill exactly, but you settled into it.

That wasn't what was happening. Ripley kept finding all these places on Fen's body that drove him wild. My ears… Fen had thought he was going to pass out with pleasure when Ripley played with those. When Ripley bit his nipple—ditto. Sucked his balls—ditto. Ran his fingers up the inside of his thigh—ditto. Fen wondered if there was anywhere he didn't like being touched. Well, Ripley hadn't found it yet.

And what Ripley did to him, Fen sort of did back. They were exploring and learning, joining together in more than the physical act of sex and it sent Fen into the stratosphere with excitement and scared him witless at the same time. He couldn't let himself want this to last. He had the end date in his head. He had to remember that or he'd get his heart broken.

Hmm. Probably not a lot he could do about that.

He had tons to do today. Ripley had told him to order food for the party but it wasn't that simple. Fen had to decide what he needed to make and in what quantity so he knew how much to order. Between twelve and sixteen people were coming, none of whom had allergies, two of whom were vegetarians and the rest ate anything, according to Ripley. It was going to be a buffet. Ripley said he'd handle the alcohol.

Fen wrote it all out, then sent the order on Ripley's account. It was so expensive! He wanted to give Ripley something towards the cost. Fen didn't want him to object. Delivery would be before eleven tomorrow. For the items he needed to make today, he'd have to go out and buy what he needed.

So far, he'd managed to resist looking in Ripley's box of things from his mother's. But before he went shopping, he sat down for a coffee and happened to sit right next to the box, and the top was part open and it didn't take long before he gave in to temptation. Though he did make a mental note about putting things back in the same order.

The contents almost broke his heart. At the top were things to do with Alejandro—a lot of photos and other bits and pieces. Fen didn't go through those. But the rest… It felt as if Ripley's mother was ridding herself of everything she'd ever had do with Ripley. Speech day programs, school reports—fuck he was clever—certificates for exams, medals for tennis, skiing, swimming, a project on Iceland, done when he was nine, paintings he'd drawn, essays he'd written…

There were photos of him at school, ones of him with his dad, a couple with his mum. Ripley wasn't smiling when he was with her. Had she taken the ones of him and his father? Because the ones with his dad… Fen's throat closed up. Ripley looked so happy. Him and his father building a dam across a stream, eating ice cream, playing cricket in the garden, on a sail boat, on the beach… Then the happy pictures stopped. Well, family photos stopped and there were ones of Ripley growing older in a school uniform. Not smiling.

Fen found three envelopes addressed to Santa. He opened up the first expecting to see a list of things Ripley wanted but that wasn't what he read.

Dear Santa

I am very disapointed. I know you work hard but I only asked for one thing. I want my daddy back from heven and when I woke and he wasn't there I cried. Can you bring him back now please or do I have to wait until next Chrissmas?

Thank you

Ripley Belmont age 8

PS thank you for the football, though I don't like football

Dear Santa

I'm sorry for complaining last year that you didn't bring back my daddy. I understand now that you can't. He has to stay in heaven. But you could have left a note to tell me. This year I asked for a robot and some space Lego. Remember? You left two books that I have on my bookshelf already and a itchey jumper. I don't want to sound ungrateful but you can take them back to give to someone else. Until last year, you always bought me SOME things I asked for so what's changed? I have been a good boy.

Yours sinceerly

Ripley Belmont age 9

Dear Santa

Another complaint. Are these letters getting to you? This year I asked for a marble run and space Lego. AGAIN! You left me a chess set and shoes. I have been good. Please read my letter!

Yours sincerely,

Ripley Belmont age 10

PS If you're real, prove it. If you don't reply, I won't write again.

Fen carefully put everything back into the box and arranged the lid just as it was. He had to sit for a while until he was sure he wasn't going to cry. He was a little surprised Ripley had still believed when he was ten, but then Fen understood the need to hang on to what made you happy. There were some things Fen could put right. Most, he couldn't. But he went shopping.

Before he went to the supermarket, he walked up the high street. The shop windows looked so pretty, many of them decorated by stencil art: Santa on his sleigh, deer in a wood, polar bears, trees… Fen would have loved to have sprayed designs on Ripley's windows. Stencilling didn't require much artistic skill. But…Ripley wouldn't like it.

He couldn't help wondering if Ripley was really going to his mother's. His relationship with her wasn't good. Why would he even want to go there over Christmas? Still, it didn't matter. Ripley didn't want him around.

By the time Fen went into the supermarket, he was already carrying too much. He'd get an Uber back.

Fen spent the afternoon baking while he listened to Christmas music. His mum had enlisted his help on several occasions when she'd had big orders from the café. Fen had chosen to make things he could do well and made a chocolate roulade filled with whipped cream and toasted hazelnuts, and almond cheesecake meringue nests he'd put together tomorrow and the same with a caramelised walnut and coffee pavlova. He also made lots of nibbles: cheese straws, ginger chicken meatballs, honey mustard sausage rolls and baby crabcakes. More ingredients would arrive tomorrow, but for things quick to make.

By the time Ripley came back, everything was in containers or the fridge, the kitchen was pristine, and the Christmas music was off. Dinner was going to be sausages and home-made gnocchi, with pesto sauce and sage butter. Fen had baked some sage leaves to sprinkle on top.

"What can I smell?" Ripley came up behind him and pulled him back against his chest.

"Sage?"

"And?"

"I've made all the desserts and some of the nibbles for the party. I can make the rest tomorrow when the delivery arrives."

Fen didn't think it was his imagination that Ripley tensed. What have I done wrong? He turned round. "What is it?"

"I'd intended you get someone to do all the food. I obviously didn't make it clear."

You didn't think I could do it?Or you thought it wouldn't look right?

"I didn't want you to have to do so much work."

Fen melted. Oh. "It's done now. Most of it."

"Just as long as you're not trying to compete with Matthew and Cressida."

"They're not coming, are they?"

"No. I've only invited friends. Is there anyone you'd like to invite? I should have asked. I'm sorry."

Fen thought about Seth and Morgan. "I have two good friends. I'm not sure if they'd like to come."

"Ask them if you want. They're welcome. I don't know everyone who'll be here. Some of my friends switch their partners quite regularly."

"I'll ask them."

Ripley hugged him.

"Ripley, I want to pay a bit towards the party. Can I transfer you some money?"

There was a pause but Ripley nodded. "I'll give you the details. Once I've changed, I'll help you with dinner. Oh, and did you see that email from Gordo? He found a few more vertebrae and sent a picture."

"I'll look."

Fen started the sausages cooking, then sent the money before he checked the email. The finds were amazing. Fen wished he'd been there. Then he called Seth.

"You okay?" Seth asked.

"I wondered if you and Morgan would like to come to a party tomorrow night."

Complete silence made Fen think he'd been cut off until Seth said, "A party?"

"Yes."

"Bloody hell. You've never invited us to a party."

Fen sucked in his cheeks. "That's because I've never had a party to invite you to."

"Is it a special occasion? Your guy's birthday?"

"No." He didn't think.

"Just a Christmas party then."

"Not a Christmas one as such, but friends around for food and drinks."

"We get to meet your bloke?"

"Yes."

"See where you're living?"

"Yes."

"Can we bring Daniel?"

"No. Definitely not."

"We can't leave him here on his own. Anyway, if he sees you with someone, he'll stop pining for you."

"I don't want him to come."

"Fine. What time and where?"

"I'll text you."

"Fen? Thanks for inviting us."

"Don't let me down. And I don't just mean by not coming."

Seth laughed.

Ripley knew he'd come close to upsetting Fen about the food. It wasn't just that he hadn't intended for Fen to do all the work, it was more that he wanted everything to be perfect. Someone to come, set it all out and then clean up. High quality food from an experienced caterer. But he'd not been clear so it served him right. At least Fen could cook so hopefully everything would work out okay.

When he opened the fridge to get out the white wine, he saw a chocolate roulade and felt guilty for ever doubting Fen. It was only one thing but it looked fantastic.

"No, you can't have a slice until tomorrow," Fen said at his back.

"Just a tiny slice?"

"No."

Ripley poured the wine and they sat at the table to eat.

"My friends are going to come," Fen said. "Morgan is a junior doctor. He's graduated but he's not yet qualified to work without supervision. Seth wants to be a fashion designer. He works at a tailor's. I met them at sixth form college."

"Do you have any friends from ballet school?"

"No. It hurt that I couldn't do it anymore, so I didn't try to stay in touch. I felt bad about it but I knew it would be better for me in the long run."

Ripley reached over and stroked his hand. "This is really delicious, Fen. I'm impressed with your cooking skills."

Fen smiled. "I'm impressed with your kitchen. I couldn't do much in my bedsit. I've never cooked for anyone but my mum before now. Gnocchi is easy though. I can't debone anything or cook meat very well. Mum had to be inventive with food. We didn't have much money."

"She really didn't try to pursue your father for maintenance."

"Not that she ever told me. She said she wanted nothing from him. And don't assume that means she'd hidden me from him. She didn't."

"He should have supported you."

"I know. It crossed my mind she lied to me about it all. That my father isn't who she told me he was, but some man she had a one-night-stand with when they were drunk. But she's never lied to me. The way it is, I feel sad for her and not bitter. Doesn't matter anyway. Whoever it is, I don't need him."

"Film when we've cleaned up?"

Fen nodded.

Once the dishwasher was loaded, Ripley grabbed the remote and sat on the couch. When Fen came over with a slice of the roulade, he licked his lips.

"I thought I wasn't allowed any."

"If it doesn't taste good, I'll make something else tomorrow."

"The slice is wafer thin," Ripley said. "How am I going to tell?"

"Try it."

Fen settled beside him and Ripley forked some into Fen's mouth, before scooping the rest into his. It's delicious.

"Not bad," Fen said. "Maybe I should have toasted the hazelnuts a little longer."

"I need another slice to check."

Fen elbowed him. "I'm not falling for that. Have you seen Home Alone?"

"Not on purpose. What about this one?" It was some sci-fi techie thing.

"Fine." Fen cuddled up to him. "I'll try to stay awake."

He didn't. Well, he might have tried but Fen was out within minutes. Ripley smiled as he watched Fen sleep. He drew invisible pictures on Fen's face with his fingertips and wished he could fall asleep so easily, though he had slept better since he'd been with Fen. Ripley wondered if Fen's power naps were down to his muscular dystrophy. He wished Fen was watching the film with him, but second best was lying next to him and what trumped all of it was once he got Fen upstairs, he'd be like a little tiger.

Ripley woke with a start in the morning to find Fen half lying on top of him on the couch, landing minty kisses on his lips and giving a cute little sigh that always warmed a place deep inside him. Ripley slid his fingers into the back pockets of Fen's jeans and held him right where he wanted him, their hips slotted together. Fen lifted his head to grab a breath, then exhaled against Ripley's neck, a long, slow, sweet sigh of pleasure.

"Were we on the couch all night?" Ripley asked.

"Unless we sleepwalked back down again."

"Are you okay?"

"You were very comfy."

Ripley was amazed he'd spent the night there and not woken. He rose to his feet, taking a squirming Fen with him. They were both hard.

"I need you right now," Fen whispered.

"We'll freak out the people who live at the back. Talking of that, the hot tub is arriving on Sunday morning."

"What! And you're sending me away the next day?"

"It takes a while to heat up. It'll be ready when we get back."

"Are you going to make it snow as well?"

"Maybe I'll make you see stars."

"I can't wait that long."

They got as far as the door before Ripley wove his fingers in Fen's hair, and their lips were together again. He pressed Fen against the doorframe and kissed him for so long he began to think he didn't care if theyfreaked out the entire neighbourhood. He dropped his hands to Fen's hips, grinding against him. We're like teenagers. Fen wasn't long out of his teens, but Ripley was. He'd missed this. Missed it as a teenager and not had this with Alejandro. Love and affection yes, but not like this. He was giddy with the joy of it.

Not just him. Fen was glassy-eyed, his face flushed, his hair messy. Ripley lifted a hand to smooth down his locks and kissed him again.

"Stairs," Ripley said.

They made it to the bottom, then Ripley was on his back, Fen between his legs. Fen was struggling with the button on Ripley's jeans so Ripley undid it for him. As Ripley's jeans and shorts were pulled down, his cock sprang out. Fen gave one of those gentle little sighs and Ripley groaned.

"Everything off," Fen ordered and between them they shed their clothes.

"Can't you wait?"

"No."

Fen swirled his tongue around Ripley's cock as if it were a melting ice cream. Watching him was almost enough to make him come. Fen's hand replaced his mouth and he tightened his hold at the base as he licked the crest.

"That's so good." Ripley kept gasping.

"I love how you taste. You know that, right?" Fen was fluttering the tip of his tongue over the slit now and Ripley curled his toes against the stair carpet. "I like it when you're soft and the way you go hard. I like making that happen. Put your feet higher."

"I'm not a contortionist like you."

"I'll make it worth your while." Fen tipped his head back and looked at him through his thick eyelashes and Ripley would have wrapped his legs around his neck if he'd been able to. Then Fen was licking at the base of Ripley's cock and over his balls and beyond and Ripley's lungs locked. The noises Fen was making were hitting Ripley straight in the gut. It felt so good.

Then when he thought it couldn't get any better, Fen slid a finger inside him too, curling it and feeling for his prostate and finding the thing and caressing it until Ripley was making sounds he didn't recognise and couldn't have held back even if he'd wanted to. Somehow Fen was still massaging Ripley's cock and doing all this…stuff at the same time and Ripley knew he was going to come.

In an act of perfect timing, Fen pulled his finger free, came up on his knees and wrapped his slender fingers around both of them. As they came within seconds of each other, Ripley pulled him down for a kiss.