15

15

Fen didn't think he'd fall asleep easily but he was tired, the bed was warm and soft, the room smelt lovely and he felt safe. He'd not set his alarm and was shocked when he opened his eyes to see it was eight fifteen. Ripley had probably gone to work by now.Fen slid out of bed, pushed to his feet carefully and checked his balance before he went over to open the bedroom door.

"Are you still here?" he called.

When there was no answer, he sighed and limped back to check his phone. Voice messages from his mum and Ripley.

"Call me," his mum said.

Fen took his tablets first. When he swallowed one of the new pills, he wondered if it was going to help or not? Even if it was the real deal, he knew better than to expect some miraculous improvement. As he sat on the bed and did his exercises, he called his mum.

"Hi, Mum."

"How are you?"

"Fine. I've moved out of the flat and I'm staying with a friend."

"Oh, that was quick. Are you with Seth and Morgan?"

"No, another friend. One you've not met."

"Oh. Oh. Right."

"Just for a little while." Or maybe six months. Or longer. Shut up, idiot bit of me.

"Alistair wants to try and help you find work. What he suggested was he look for things you can repair and he'd pay you. You'd be doing what you did before, to a certain extent, but be self-employed."

"That's kind of him."

"He agreed you can come and live with us until you get yourself sorted."

"That's kind too, but I'm fine."

"You do sound… Well, not as upset as I thought you'd be." She chuckled. "So when do I get to meet your friend?"

"Mum! Not yet." Maybe never.

"Be careful, Fen."

"I will. Love you lots. Bye." He ended the call before she said something about condoms. It had been known.

Ripley's message was longer. "Sorry to leave before you were awake. I'm on my way to Bristol. I'll be back tomorrow. No throwing any parties. If you do, don't let anyone use the coffee machine."

Fen smiled.

"I've left a key to the house on the kitchen work surface. If you go out, press 1673 into the alarm and it sets. Enter the same code when you come back. This message will self-destruct…possibly. Help yourself to whatever you like. If you'd like to cook something for us to eat tomorrow night, that would be great. See you then. I can't wait. Did that sound pushy?"

No, it sounded perfect. Except he had to go out to the police later.

Fen went through his Tai Chi programme before he had a shower. He could have spent hours in that bathroom. The hot water never stopped. The towels were the softest he'd ever felt. There was even a freestanding bath. He hadn't had a bath for years. Not since he was a kid. Another day, maybe.

He cleaned up after himself and hung the wet towel on a heated rail. Another luxury. There were dark red bruises on his knees and thighs from where he'd been kicked and fallen last night. It didn't take much to mark him. He wondered what Ripley would think of his tattoos. Being tattooed when you had muscular dystrophy was painful. Because he lacked muscle mass, his bones were closer to the skin's surface. He liked the tattoos he had but he wasn't sure he'd have more.

Fen unpacked only what he might need and left the rest in the bags. There was enough room to put everything in the closet, including his case, so the room was tidy. After he'd made the bed, he carefully smoothed down the duvet. This wasn't a ten-pound cover from Tesco but something expensive.

While he was on his own in the house, he had another look around, though he didn't go into Ripley's bedroom.

As he was checking the kitchen cupboards, his phone rang.

"Hi, Ripley."

"It's all sorted with the police. They don't need to speak to you. There'll be no charges."

Fen couldn't hold in his gasp of relief. "Thank you."

"I've told my mother so she won't pester them for daily updates. Well, I hope she won't. I'm making enquiries about Scott Winn. I should be able to find out if he has gambling debts. It shows motive. You might be entitled to payment for unfair dismissal."

"I don't care about the money. I do care about my name being cleared."

"Let's see what my guy comes up with. Got an exciting day planned?"

"I thought I'd sell the contents of your house and redo it with stuff from Ikea. I bet you don't notice. Well, not until you lean on it."

Ripley laughed. "See you soon."

"I can't wait," Fen whispered and heard Ripley's intake of breath.

Fen called his mum and told her about the police not pursuing the theft case and she burst into tears.

"Thank God. Oh Fen, I was so worried."

"It's all okay now. Listen though, I need to make a meal for my friend. Will you send me the recipe for the parsnip linguini thing, please?"

"I'll do it now."

"Thank you. Bye."

By the time Fen left the house, slightly panicked as to whether he'd set the alarm properly, he had a good handle on what was in Ripley's kitchen cupboards and pantry—no mint sauce for a start—and had made a list of what he needed to buy. He looked up where he was on Google Maps and it wasn't too far from the main road where there was a supermarket. He could have made his way to a bus stop, but it wasn't much further to walk to the shops. There was no snow on the ground. What had fallen last night had melted and although the temperature had risen, it was still cold.

He bought what he needed at Sainsbury's Local. He was tempted by what he didn't need—mostly a whole lot of lovely-looking Christmas food—and slowly made his way back. Thinking about Christmas, which was only a few weeks away, why didn't Ripley have a tree? If Fen had been able to afford one, he'd have had one up in his bedsit on the first of December.

Fen promised himself a coffee and one of Ripley's shortbread biscuits when he got back. He couldn't afford to buy a drink while he was out. He had to be even more careful with his money now.

Unless I say yes on Friday.

Except would that alter his mindset about spending three pounds plus on a coffee? When you were rich, did you ever reach a point where you didn't even bother asking the price of something, but just bought it? Probably, but that would never be him. Memories of his mum struggling to make ends meet meant he'd always be careful with money.

Fen glanced through windows on his way back to Ripley's and saw Christmas trees in many houses. Some had wreaths on the door. He remembered one his mum had made that had been stolen. The next year, she padlocked it in place. Pretty sad thing to have to do.

As he reached the house next to Ripley's, the door opened and an old lady waved at him.

"Hello." Fen stopped walking.

"I saw you come out of Ripley's house."

"I'm a friend of his. I'm staying with him."

"Did he give you a key?"

"Yes." Why did she want to know?

"I didn't know he had any friends."

Really? "Well, I'm one of them."

"Do you know Alejandro?"

"No." Fen walked up the steps to her and held out his hand. "I'm Fen."

"What a lovely name. Not as exotic as Alejandro's, but still nice. I'm Annie."

"That's a lovely name too."

"Mum! What are you doing?"

A younger woman had come up behind the older one and was staring at Fen.

"Fen is staying with Ripley. He hasn't seen Alejandro. Where's he gone?"

"Mum!"

Fen held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

The woman shook his hand. "Sandra."

"I'll go and light the fire. It's chilly." Annie went back into the house.

"Mum! Wait!" Sandra pulled her fingers through her hair. "We don't have a fire to light. Her memory… Well, I think you can tell." She gave a short laugh. "She's more trouble than my three children. If you happen to see her on the street on her own, please guide her back home."

Fen nodded.

By the time he was putting the shopping away, including mint sauce, he was kicking himself for not having asked about Alejandro, even as he told himself that if Ripley had wanted him to know, he'd have told him.

Fen didn't dare touch the coffee machine so he made himself a cup of tea, helped himself to a biscuit and sat on the couch in front of the TV. After a few minutes trying to use one remote, then the other, he gave up and went to look for a book from Ripley's huge collection.

And found Alejandro. At least he suspected that was who it was. There was a photo tucked away on one of the shelves, Ripley standing with a dark-haired, good-looking guy. He had his arm over Ripley's shoulder. There was a sparkling blue sea behind them, and palm trees, and even though there were palm trees in the UK, Fen was pretty sure there were none as tall as these. Ripley was smiling. So was the man with him, but while Ripley was smiling at the camera, the guy's attention was solely on Ripley.

So where was Alejandro now?

Not around anymore, clearly.

How long had he been gone?

Stop thinking about him!

Fen picked out a Scandi thriller he hadn't read and went back to the main living area. Before he opened the book, he contacted his landlord to tell him he'd moved out and left the keys next to the cooker. And yes, he knew he'd still have to pay the rent for another month. Then he sent his readings to the energy provider and cancelled his account. The council tax situation was trickier, because he had no address to give them when they asked where he was moving to. So he gave them his mum's address, even though he knew she wouldn't be there much longer, then stopped the direct debits from his bank account.

At least he'd had the foresight to tick the box to pick up the passport he'd applied for, though unfortunately the post office was one near where he used to work. He'd need to amend his address on his medical records too but only when he was sure where he'd be living.

His life was changing whether he wanted it to or not. By how much… Well, he had a couple of days to decide. Going through reasons why and why not had got him nowhere. He might as well let things run and see what happened. But he liked Ripley. Probably more than he should.

Ripley walked into the house on Thursday at just gone six. He could hear music playing and smell something cooking. It had crossed his mind, more than once, that he might get back to find Fen gone. They'd not texted each other last night. Ripley had wanted to, but he didn't want to push too hard. He put his roller-briefcase on the floor, hung up his coat, and went to the kitchen.

Fen had his back towards him. He was barefoot, wearing loose grey sleep pants and a tight, short-sleeved black T-shirt, and he was dancing. Well, not dancing exactly, but holding onto the edge of the island unit and moving slowly to the music. Ballet. It reminded him of another time when he'd watched a young man dance. Fen was so graceful, his back arched, his arms held in an elegant pose, his hands turned in that particular way ballet dancers had. When he lifted one leg straight out, rested it on the granite and tipped his head forward to touch it, Ripley held his breath in case he fell, but he didn't.

And he has tattoos. Words on his arm and stars on his foot.Ripley's dick went hard. Fortunately, his suit jacket hid how turned on he was. He coughed, Fen dropped his leg and almost fell before he steadied himself.

"Sorry," Ripley said.

Fen turned and beamed at him. "I'd recognise that cough anywhere. I was just exercising."

"You looked…miles away."

"Take my picture?" Fen pushed his phone across the work surface.

Fen posed and Ripley kept taking shots.

"I won't be able to do this forever so…"

What a fucking cruel world… Ripley couldn't help himself. He set down the phone, put his hand at the back of Fen's head and ran his fingers through his hair. Fen stared up at him, his eyes wide.

"Hello," Ripley echoed.

"Hello," Fen whispered.

He caressed Fen's neck with his thumb, then pulled him in and kissed him. Fen clutched his jacket, gave a little sigh, then moaned into Ripley's mouth. Kissing his mouth wasn't enough. Ripley kissed Fen's eyelids, ran his tongue along his thick eyelashes, over his cheekbones, then his jawline before he settled back on his lips. He still had one hand on Fen's neck, but he hadn't even registered his other hand was stroking Fen's waist until he touched bare skin and Fen sucked a breath from Ripley's mouth.

On the way home, Ripley had told himself to wait, not to overwhelm him, but he'd discovered he wasn't good at following his own advice, not where Fen was concerned. When Fen groaned, Ripley deepened the kiss. Their bodies were wedged together now, their cocks hard and pressing against each other. Ripley rocked Fen into the work surface and felt his heart jump.

He wanted more.

He needed to stop.

Only he didn't.

More kissing, more touching, more quivering from Fen until Ripley was in danger of coming in his clothes. How long since thathadeven entered his mind as a possibility?

Calm down! Ripley let Fen go and stepped back. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Fen gave him a cheeky grin. "You didn't blow my socks off, but practice makes perfect."

"You're not wearing socks."

"Oh shit. You did blow them off."

Move before you take him right here and now. "I need to get changed. How long until we eat?"

"Twenty minutes?"

"Great. I'm starving."

Ripley almost ran up the stairs. He dragged off his clothes and locked the bathroom door. His hand was around his cock before he'd even stepped into the shower. It didn't take long before he was coming. He shuddered, leaning back against the wall as his cock sprayed over the tiles and his fingers. My heart. If he hadn't told himself he needed to wait to see what Fen said about his proposition, he'd have had Fen in here with him. It was Friday tomorrow. One more day.

Before he went back downstairs, he glanced into the bedroom Fen had taken and it looked untouched. Had Fen put all his stuff away? Ripley hoped that was a sign he was going to say yes.

"What are we eating?" Ripley asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Parsnip and bacon linguini. My mum's recipe."

"Would you like wine?"

"I think I'd rather have water."

"You can have whatever you want."

"I met your neighbours. Sandra and Annie."

Ripley raised his eyebrows. "Making house calls?"

"I was on my way back from the supermarket and Annie opened the door. Maybe she's neighbourhood watch or something because she'd seen me come out and asked me if I had a key. Then she announced she was going to make a fire and her daughter rushed off to stop her. Apparently, they don't have a fireplace."

"Oh God. So you went out?"

"Did I not need to go out? Were parsnips, bacon and sage playing hide and seek?"

Ripley smiled. "Do you need any help?"

"Nope. Sit down and I'll bring it over."

Ripley filled two glasses of water from the fridge dispenser and set them on the table—already laid by Fen. He'd even made a paper flower and put it in an egg cup. Ripley bit his lip. Cute and clever.

"Did you have a successful trial?" Fen brought over one of the plates of food.

Don't offer to help. Though he wanted to."I lost, but the guy was an arsehole and definitely guilty so… It was a win in a way."

"Do you get paid the same whether you win or lose?"

"Yes, in criminal cases."

Fen brought over the other plate and sat down.

One mouthful and Ripley's tastebuds exploded. "This is delicious!"

"Really?"

"Really, Fen! It's something I've never had before. I must admit I don't cook very often. I snatch food where and when I can. This is really lovely. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Are you going to say yes tomorrow? What could he do to make Fen's answer be the one he wanted? Not make. Encourage? "I've had an idea. I have to work tomorrow morning, but I'll be free after lunch. How about we go away for the weekend?"

Fen looked across at him.

"You can choose where we go. Up to four hours from London. We'd stay two nights and be back Sunday afternoon. You choose a place. Maybe better book us in for a meal on Saturday night." He took his credit card from his wallet and put it on the table. "Use that to pay."

"I have to decide where we go and where we stay?"

Ripley nodded. "Surprise me." If it was somewhere he wouldn't have chosen, so much the better. "And pack for me."

"What did your last slave die of?"

"He didn't pack my socks."

"Am I allowed in your bedroom, then?"

That brought Ripley up short. "I was sort of hoping you'd want to go in there."

"It's the one room I haven't been in. I was a bit worried there might be a hidden door and a torture chamber beyond."

"Really?"

Fen raised his eyebrows. "No, but there better not be now I've said that. It's your space. I didn't want to intrude. Sure you trust me to pack your clothes? Or is it shelf after shelf of black T-shirts and dark chinos, so there's no choice to make?"

"Find out for yourself."

"Okay. Is there a limit on how much this weekend should cost?"

"No." Then he worried. "Well…" Oh fuck it. "No. But four hours by car and not plane. Is there more of this?"

"Help yourself."

Ripley pushed to his feet. "Do you want some?"

"No, thanks. Finish it off. Oh look, it's snowing again."

Ripley emptied the pan onto his plate and glanced out of the window. "So it is." He came back to the table and sat down.

"I love snow," Fen said. "I wish it snowed more in London."

"The lightest fall brings everything to a halt in the city."

"Including me. But when there's no traffic, no noise, just feathery flakes fluttering down and covering everything, it's lovely. Unless you're homeless, I guess."

"Want to go for a walk?"

Fen beamed at him. "Yes. Round the block? I would love that."

"Then that's what we'll do."

Ripley could think of plenty he'd rather do but to see that look on Fen's face… He felt as if he'd have walked to the South Pole if Fen was by his side.

The look was still there when they set off from the house. Ripley was in his ski jacket, walking boots, beanie hat and thermal gloves. Fen wore what was probably his only coat, the Doc Martens he always seemed to have on his feet, and a hat and gloves that had seen better days.

"No crutch?" Ripley squinted as the snow flew into his face.

"Not good in the snow or on wet surfaces. If it snowed a lot, I'd buy a spike attachment for the end but tonight I have you to hang onto."

Without hesitation, Ripley crooked his elbow and Fen slipped his gloved hand through.

"I figure, as long as you don't slip, you'll catch me if I fall."

"I'll try not to slip."

"Oh, look at the lights." Fen aahed as they headed down the road. "Some of your neighbours have gone to so much trouble."

Ripley glanced into the window of the house they were passing. It was dominated by a tree smothered in white lights and silver stars. He'd been trying to forget Christmas was coming. Impossible, but he still tried. Though it made no difference to the pain he felt.

Assuming Fen agreed to be with him, would he think it odd if Ripley asked him to go and stay with his mother over Christmas? Probably not if he told Fen why.Except he didn't want to tell him why. Or I could lie, say I need to go to mine. There was no way Fen would want to go with him after the ring incident. Ripley's worries eased. He'd figure something out so he could spend Christmas alone—drunk.

As they turned the corner, Fen slipped and clutched at him.

"All right?" Ripley asked.

"Yes. Selfie time again." Fen held up his camera and leaned into him. "Smile!"

Ripley tried.

"A proper smile."

He tried again.

"Oh that's lovely," Fen whispered. "We could be in a ski resort."

The snow was falling less thickly now. There was hardly anyone around. Ripley had never walked arm in arm with anyone, nor held hands in public. He was out but not quite that out. The thought made him smile.

"We'll cut through the park and head back," Ripley said and they headed over the road.

"Alistair has suggested I set up as a self-employed restorer. He offered to give me pieces to work on."

"Do you want to do that?"

"I'd like to have something to do."

You could lounge around in the house in next to nothing waiting for me to come home. Fortunately, instead of saying that, he came out with, "You could work in the summer house. It has heating and an electricity supply. Do you need tools?"

"I have my hand tools. Are you sure? Would that be okay?"

"Of course." Ripley's heart was surging. Fen's going to stay. He kept repeating the words in his head. Was that all it had taken? The offer of his garden room? A little voice reminded him he'd offered Fen a large amount of money to be his lover, which deflated his enthusiasm a little, but he quashed his concerns. Everything was going to work out perfectly. There was no need for him to ask Fen if he agreed to his proposal. No need to mention it again.

"Thank you. I'll speak to Alistair."

Fen stopped walking and moved in front of him. He put his hands on Ripley's shoulders and for one long moment, they looked into each other's eyes. Then Fen kissed him. A sweet, soft kiss, just like Fen.

"Thank you," Fen repeated and kissed him again, but this time the kiss was hard.

Fireworks ignited in Ripley's chest as the kiss deepened. Fen slid his hands down Ripley's back and pulled him in. This kiss was far more than he'd ever expected. Fen ate at him as if he was starving. Had sweet and soft ever existed? This kiss was strong and punishing and desperate. Fen's tongue curled and twisted in Ripley's mouth, one moment teasing, the next pushing hard, and Ripley caught fire. He didn't want the kiss to end.

He wanted more than a kiss.

He wanted Fen writhing beneath him.

He wanted to bury his aching cock inside Fen's body.

He wanted Fen falling apart with his name on his lips.

He wanted…

Somehow Ripley pulled himself back under control. He whispered one word in Fen's ear. "Home."

He was barely aware of the return journey, but made sure neither he nor Fen slipped. He needed to buy Fen some walking boots. And a better coat. And… The snow stopped falling as they climbed the steps to the door. The moment they were inside, he kissed Fen again as he struggled out of his coat, then clothes, and at the same time fought to get Fen out of his. They kept their lips together, laughing as they tangled themselves up, then Ripley tripped, fell against the wall and banged his head.

"One kiss and I can't breathe," Ripley whispered.

"Breathing is overrated."

Their lips met again and they ground their hips together. Fen moaned and heat flashed through Ripley's body.

"Still too many clothes," Ripley mumbled and peeled off Fen's T-shirt.

His breath stuttered when he saw the tattoos, and he ran his fingers over the words on Fen's arm. "Strong. Brave. True."

"Possibly not brave enough to have any more. It hurts when your skin is close to the bone. But it was my fuck off to muscular dystrophy."

Ripley got it. Those words were Fen.

Fen dropped to his knees, unfastened the button on Ripley's trousers and pulled down the zip. The breath caught in Ripley's throat. Fen was right. Breathing was overrated. His trousers were tugged down to his ankles and Fen mouthed his cock through the material of his shorts, drawing a loud gasp from Ripley. No, breathing is fantastic. The feeling of Fen's warm breath was turning his already hard dick into something even harder.

Ripley threaded his fingers in Fen's hair. Then his shorts were down too and Fen was licking skin, licking him. Fuuuck! Ripley tried and failed to keep his eyes open. He wanted to watch but his lids kept fluttering closed. The hall echoed with his groans as Fen worked magic with his mouth and tongue, lapping up precome, enclosing the head of his cock, then taking more into the heat of his mouth and Ripley's balls tingled.

Fen wrapped a hand around the base of Ripley's dick and pumped as he sucked. Ripley forced his eyes open and his breathing quickened as he looked down at Fen staring up at him. Don't pull his hair! Ripley managed to loosen his hold, but his hand slipped to the back of Fen's neck and pulled him in. Fen gagged and Ripley let go.

"Shit. Sorry."

"S'okay." Fen gulped air. He licked a pearl of moisture from the tip of Ripley's straining shaft. "I won't break. You can hold my head, just remember I do need to grab a breath every hour or so."

He put his lips around the crest of Ripley's cock, ran his tongue around the tip, then pushed it into the slit.

"Oh fuck," Ripley gasped and pressed his back harder against the wall.

Fen tightened his hold at the base of Ripley's cock, pushed down on his balls with the heel of his hand and the need to come lessened. Not for long. When Fen licked and sucked and mouthed him, Ripley's control on everything slipped. He shifted his hips to fuck Fen's mouth and Fen let him. When Fen tightened his lips around him as Ripley pulled back, milking his cock, Ripley's vision blurred. A few hard and fast sucks at the head and there was no way Ripley could hold on any longer.

"Ah fuck," Ripley said with a groan. "I'm going to come."

Fen's finger slid behind his balls onto his taint and pressed, just as Ripley's cock hit the back of his throat. Ripley bit back his cry as his dick jerked, then erupted, come spewing from him in wrenching spasms. His knees trembled as he struggled to stay upright, to control his breathing, to stop his heart exploding.

"Fen," Ripley gasped.