5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Emil

“You want me to do the lives with Vixen,” I repeat.

“If you’re amenable,” Jerome says, his foot kicked over his knee as he sits behind his desk. “It’s either you or Adonis, and I’m asking you first. Frankly, I don’t trust Tink not to say something he shouldn’t on a live stream. And Dix, Bruiser, and Teddy are all tops.”

I nod, strangely flattered that Jerome seems to consider me part of the core group here at Elite 8 Studios. There are other guys Christian could do the videos with, but Jerome wants me or Niko.

“Um, yeah,” I answer, heart kicking an extra beat at the idea of being paired with Christian. “I’ll do it.”

Jerome links his hands atop his flat belly. “Good. I’ll have you two do a test run next week. No sex, but we’ll make sure you’re comfortable, figure out camera angles, that sort of thing. We’re going to allow viewers the ability to comment in real time, so we’ll have to be on top of that. I’ll have an assistant monitoring the chat for anything that needs to be removed, but I’m leaving these videos unscripted, so the two of you can accept some direction from the viewers. Within limits, of course.”

Holy shit .

“Yeah, um… Sounds fine,” I manage to say.

Sounds like a goddamn wet dream .

Jerome gives me a short nod. “All right, then. You’re scheduled for Tuesday. Get on out of here.”

“Yep.”

Standing, I take my leave. The halls are strangely quiet as I walk, apart from the sound of a machine in the gym clanking. So quiet I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.

Christian is going to fuck me. Or do something with me. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter. He’s going to touch me live in front of who knows how many people. They’re going to see it in real time. Comment in real time.

Slinking inside one of the private rooms, I let out a breath. “Fuck,” I mutter, leaning against the door and squeezing my eyes shut. My hand slips down my stomach without conscious thought, curling over my cock through the material of my jeans. I’m shaking, so horny I’m nearly lightheaded. It’d be so easy to slide my hand inside my pants and rub one out. It wouldn’t even take long. Half a minute maybe; I’m that keyed up.

But I don’t.

I uncurl my hand, drop it to my side, and breathe long and low as I let all that burning need turn to a simmer. My therapist would be so proud that I’m choosing to practice self-control.

Once my body is in check, I head back into the hall.

“Hey, boo.”

“Holy fucking—” I grab my chest, pulse thundering. “ Jesus , I didn’t see you.”

Alex snorts. “Clearly. Soo , what were you doing hiding out in one of the private rooms?”

“I wasn’t hiding,” I shoot back, even though it’s a lie. I was.

Alex cocks his head. “I was kidding, but you’re being awfully suspicious, Kent. World-saving stuff again?”

I huff a laugh, my pulse starting to come down. “Yep.”

“All right, keep your secrets. For now .”

That’s not ominous.

“How are classes going?” he asks.

Alex graduated recently with a degree in art. He’s one of the only people in my life—apart from Christian—who asks about my coursework. Of course, thinking about that makes me realize, all over again, that Christian is my C. I’m still not over the fact that the maybe-octogenarian peeking through my window turned out to be a smoking-hot guy in his twenties with a belly button piercing and legs as long as a giraffe’s.

And fuck . Don’t think about that. Not about his legs. Not about the belly chain. Not about his mesmerizing eyes or the pitch-black hair that’s long enough to grab ahold of.

“Good,” I say loudly. “Classes are good. I’m, uh, doing some research this semester. Did I tell you that?”

“No, you most certainly did not. What kind?” Alex asks, giving my arm a little tug. I walk with him to the break room.

“It’s a clinical psych study on the effectiveness of cognitive training for memory retention in dementia patients.”

Alex’s eyebrows pop up. “I’ll pretend like I understood half of that. Why dementia?”

“I didn’t pick the topic,” I explain as Alex grabs a snack. He holds up a granola bar, silently asking if I want one, but I shake my head.

“What topic would you pick?” he asks, sprawling onto a nearby couch like a cat.

“All of them?” I answer with a laugh.

The thud of the door banging into the wall has me jumping.

“I did not ,” Dixon says, coming into the room in a huff.

“Did, too,” Niko counters, sauntering in after him. He shoots me and Alex a wink.

“What’s this about?” Alex asks, perking up. He’s never one for passing up potential drama.

“He said ‘I love you’ during our scene,” Niko says, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Alex snorts, and Dixon pinches the bridge of his nose, looking exasperated.

“You know I fucking love you, Niki,” Dixon grumbles. “But that’s not what I said.”

“Should we go check the footage?” Niko asks.

“You are the most insufferable man I have ever met in my goddamn life,” Dixon retorts, grabbing a drink and twisting off the cap.

Niko grins. “Yet you suffer me just fine.”

Dixon grinds his teeth together before stomping out of the room.

“Love you, too!” Niko yells, turning to us with a look of glee. “He is utterly incapable of admitting when he’s wrong. Excuse me.”

As Niko jogs out of the room after his boyfriend, saying something about how being grumpy only makes you hotter, you know , Alex chuckles. “I like watching their foreplay.”

“Is that what that is?” I murmur.

“Mm. So what do you think about our new costar?”

I choke on my spit, and Alex’s eyes narrow.

“Fine,” I eke out.

“Uh-huh. He’s very tall.”

“Sure,” I agree.

“And pretty.”

I don’t comment.

“ And ,” Alex says pointedly, “I’m fairly certain he has a seven-and-a-half inch dick.”

I cough. And cough again, my lungs seizing. “ W-what ?”

“I mean, not like that info will stay private for much longer,” Alex says, which is true. Dick sizes are listed on our bios, for Christ’s sake. “But he was in to film his intro, and I heard him talking about it.”

It’s not like it matters. Not really. A dick is a dick, and knowing how to play your partner is more important than the size of the instrument.

But.

“That’s, um…good for him,” I say.

And me. Very good for me.

Alex’s lips twitch. “Not sure where he hides that thing under his skirt.”

“Oh my God,” I groan. “I, um. Have to go. Yep. See ya later, Alex.”

“Bye, boo,” he calls, cackling as I leave the room to a flood of mental images I try my best to dispel.

It’s just a dick. Attached to a guy I happen to find very attractive. A guy who lives across the alley and watches me jerk off, and holy fuck .

This whole time, it’s been him . For three months. The guy I’ve been chatting with and, yes, at times flirting with, is a reality far better than any fantasies I had conjured.

I didn’t think that was possible.

And the fact that I get to have him, at least a little? At least within the bounds of these walls? It’s a thrilling, terrifying prospect. Because, as much as I don’t want to admit it to myself, now that I’ve met him, I could like him. I really could. But Lord knows, when it comes to intimacy, I’m more than a little screwed up.

When I get home, I kick off my shoes and head into my bedroom. Christian’s blinds are up, but he’s not in front of the window. My fingers itch to text him, even though I have no idea if he’s home.

I grab my phone before I can chicken out.

Me: Hey.

He appears in the window half a minute later, and I let loose a breath. He smiles, blowing a kiss from the tips of his fingers.

Christian: Hey, Specs.

Me: You free?

He knows what I’m asking. His smile widens, and he takes a seat, plopping his elbow on the windowsill, chin in his palm.

Christian: Watching.

Fuck . I have such a problem.

And yet acknowledging it doesn’t stop me from tugging my shirt over my head. I walk to my nightstand and look inside, contemplating my options. There’s a whoosh in my ears, the kind that drowns out rationality. I pull out a seven-and-a-half inch dildo and climb onto my bed.

My phone dings.

Christian: Are you going to fuck yourself for me?

Yes, that’s the plan.

I kick off my pants and underwear, eyes flicking to the window. My gut bottoms out as I catch Christian’s gaze. It’s the good kind of swooping, like when you’re riding a roller coaster and gravity has you spiraling toward Earth. It’s danger, but a welcome one.

I contemplate for only a second before asking Christian something I never have before.

Me: Can I call you?

He smiles, nodding, but before I can hit his number, my phone rings. I answer, turning it on speakerphone and setting it on the bed.

“This okay?” I check.

“Yeah, Specs. I’ll finally get to hear what you sound like.”

Shit .

I lick my lips, grabbing the lube and wetting the dildo. I lean back with it in hand, spreading my knees, letting Christian see all of me.

This is the one place where I can’t hide.

Notching the toy against my entrance, I exhale. The toy slips in, and Christian makes an aborted sound, as if he’s the one being breached. “Damn, Specs.”

“I’m going to be filming with you,” I say, inching the toy in further. “Talked to Jerome today.”

“Yeah? That’ll be fun.”

“Uh-huh,” I breathe, halfway there now.

“And you’re okay with that?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

Excited. Scared. Horny as fuck just imagining it.

“The fans will be watching live,” Christian says.

My breath stutters, the fake balls of the dildo coming to rest at my ass.

“It’ll be like they’re right there in the room with you,” he adds, and I groan, my cock jerking. Christian huffs a laugh. “You really do like that, huh?”

“What…gave me away?” I ask, pulling the dildo nearly all the way out and fucking it back in. My mouth parts, breath leaving me at that smooth glide. At knowing Christian is watching. I can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining it’s him sinking inside me instead.

“Not sure if you know this, Specs,” he says almost fondly, “but you seem to have a little thing for being watched.”

I choke on a laugh.

“You’re gorgeous like this,” he goes on. “Uninhibited. And don’t forget to stroke your cock. He looks lonely.”

I mutter a curse, hand flying to my dick.

“Mm, there you go. You’re like this in your videos, too. I watched a couple this week.”

Lightning crackles down my spine, and I dig my toes into the sheets, pace stuttering. “You did?”

“Mhm. I’ve never seen anyone as raw as you when it comes to sex. You’re completely devoid of artifice on that screen. Same way as you are right now, here in front of me. It’s stunning.”

My breath puffs out of me as I work myself over. Not only stroking my cock, but pumping the dildo in and out of my ass, again and again until it feels as if I’ll explode. Christian helps me along.

“I’m gonna enjoy being the one to make you come.”

With a muffled groan, my body twists, my grip on the dildo slipping as my hand flies over my cock. I jerk, my muscles locking tight, ass strangling the toy as sparking energy fires through my veins. My cum coats the sheets in front of me as Christian makes a sound that rivals my own.

“Fucking hell, Specs.”

I pant, catching my breath as I roll to my back. “Do… Do you jerk off when…you watch me?”

Christian hums, a quiet sound. “I haven’t.”

I crane my head to look up at his window. “Why not?” I ask, feeling almost…disappointed by that. “Does it not turn you on?”

“Oh, Specs,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “You turn me on so much it’s painful. Don’t doubt that.”

I grab the dildo, pulling it free and making a mental note to wash my sheets. “Then why?”

“It felt like one thing to watch and entirely another to participate,” he says simply. “And, frankly, watching you is kind of like looking at art. I’m okay with enjoying the view.”

I blow out a breath, sitting up. “You could if you want. I’d be okay with you participating.”

It looks as if his lips quirk into a smile. “Noted.”

“Um, Christian?”

“Yeah, Specs?”

“Thanks for watching.”

This time, there’s definitely a smile. “Anytime.”