Epilogue

Three-and-a-Half Years Later

Emil

“So, tell me. Have you had any recent concerns over your urge to be watched?”

I smile at the tactful way in which my therapist worded that. She could have said my kinky exhibitionist lifestyle , and I wouldn’t have batted an eye.

“No,” I tell her honestly. “My job at the studio is keeping my impulses in check, and Christian…” I blow out a breath. “He’s great. He helps reinforce my boundaries.”

She gives me a warm smile. “That’s wonderful, Emil. I’m going to be honest with you. We’ve been seeing each other less frequently these past couple years, and I think you’re at a point where you might not need these sessions anymore.”

I nod because I know she’s right.

“I’ll always be here if you want to check in,” she goes on, “but you’re immensely self-aware when it comes to your own psyche, and with your insecurities about your exhibitionism and the tension with your family having all but resolved, I’m not sure I’m offering anything more than a listening ear at this point.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I tell her.

She leans forward slightly. “This is a good thing, Emil. It’s always a good day when I can tell my patients goodbye and know it might be for the last time. But again, my door will remain open, okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you, Rose. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

She gives me a gentle nod. “Take care, Emil. And congratulations. Are you excited to start your doctorate next semester?”

My grin is swift. “Can’t wait.”

Rose sees me out the door, and I let loose a breath. It feels like relief, almost, to know how far I’ve come in the past several years. I’ll miss Rose’s gentle encouragement, but she’s right; I’m in a good place. Christian and I are solid. My relationship with my family is better than it’s ever been. And my studies are progressing exactly as I’d hoped.

There’s not a single thing I have to complain about, really.

When I get home, Christian isn’t inside the apartment, but Arthur and Hermin greet me from their terrarium below the sprawling cherry blossom tree on the wall. The three of us moved into Christian’s place not long after we celebrated our first New Year together. I haven’t regretted the change once.

“Arthur. Hermin,” I greet, dropping down to a crouch. Arthur is barely in sight, just the tip of his shell exposed. But Hermin is in the water dish, his little orange legs propelling him around. “Glad to see we’re behaving. I have something special for you guys tonight. They had watermelon at the store. Are you excited?”

Neither crab answers.

“Yeah, yeah, keep it contained, fellas.”

As I stand, I notice a flash of blue in my periphery. I follow it into the bedroom, where a gorgeous velvet jacket is hanging from the dress form I gifted Christian for our first Christmas together. His craft has expanded in the three years since. Not only is he officially a business owner now, but he’s had a steady stream of commissions ever since his picture was taken at the awards ceremony. When people found out he made that skirt himself, it was game over. He picks and chooses his clients now, and he’s been thinking of expanding and hiring an employee or two.

Christian still works at the studio, but he’s cut down his hours to part-time. I don’t mind. We get plenty of chances to enjoy one another on video, the live streams still being our favorite. Our fans haven’t gotten sick of watching two guys in love get it on for their viewing entertainment. And my boyfriend knows exactly how to push my exhibitionist buttons, ensuring the both of us love it, too.

“Specs?”

I smile, heading back out into the living room. Christian is standing just inside the door, his hair a little windswept, pieces falling from his bun.

“Hey,” he says warmly. “Wanna take a walk?”

I cock my head. He’s up to something. “Sure. Where are we going?” When Christian opens his mouth to answer, I cut in. “Let me guess. It’s a surprise?”

His smile turns into a grin. “Bingo.”

Shaking my head, I shove my feet into shoes, and the two of us head out the door. It’s warm and sunny out, the summer season having kicked off a couple weeks ago. We walk hand in hand down the sidewalk, Christian updating me about his grandma. I was bummed to miss out on today’s visit, but I know I’ll see her soon.

When we reach the entrance to the meditation garden, Christian tugs me to a stop. “Feel like enjoying a little inner peace?” he asks.

“With you? Always.”

Christian unlatches the gate, and we walk through. A few birds chirp amongst the gentle noise of traffic as we wind down the narrow path toward the center of the garden. The grass is lush and green underfoot, and when we reach the manicured lawn, I follow after my boyfriend, stepping stone to stone.

He’s the first to take a seat at the bench in front of the pond, and I lower myself down beside him, our legs pressed together. Christian sets his palm on my thigh.

“No ducks today,” he notes.

“They’ll be back.”

He hums. There’s a slight breeze, and it makes it feel as if the mural on the wall across the water is alive. I could almost imagine the flowers blowing in the wind, the smell of pollen carrying over the air.

“I saw Noel earlier,” Christian says.

“Yeah? He and Max doing okay?”

He nods. “Yeah. They sent in their application for adoption.”

“That’s great. They’ll be awesome dads.”

“Yeah,” Christian says, a faraway look in his eyes. His lips twitch into a smile. “I never thought much about kids, you know?”

I do know. We’ve talked about it before.

“I never thought I’d have someone of my own,” he goes on. “So imagining anything beyond that was a moot point. I feel like…like my world opened up when I met you, Specs. Like I started living.”

“Christian,” I say softly.

He slips off the bench, going down on one knee. I let out a gasp.

“Emil,” Christian says, his voice whisper-soft over the wind. “There was a lot I never knew was possible before I met you. I didn’t know how it could feel to love someone so fully that you wanted to spend all your time with them. I didn’t know a single person could be capable of inspiring hope, that they could make you into a better person and help you to grow. I didn’t know I wasn’t dreaming until I met you, and suddenly, every day was a dream come true. And no, you’re not allowed to tell me that was cheesy.”

I huff a laugh, and Christian pulls something from his pocket. I swear I stop breathing. For a moment, there’s nothing but him and me and the space between us, wide open with possibilities.

“If this world really is chaos,” he says, opening his hand to reveal a ring, “then you’re the most fortunate improbability I’ve ever encountered. I don’t want to spend a single one of my remaining days without you, Specs. You and David Attenborough.”

I laugh and swipe at my cheek.

“Plus Arthur and Hermin, of course,” he adds, lips twisting. “The four of you… You’re it for me. Would you be mine, Specs? For the rest of our lives?”

“What’s that saying?” I ask, my voice sounding wet. “The husbands who play together stay together?”

Christian’s grin is blinding. “Is that a yes? Are you saying yes?”

“Yeah, Christian,” I huff out, dropping to the ground in front of him. “I’m saying yes. I’ll be your husband.” I pick up the ring, slipping it onto my finger. The silver gleams in the light, a promise, a beautiful declaration. “For as long as my brain is capable of electrical impulse, you’ll be on my mind, in my heart, weaving through my body. I’ll be yours, and I’ll be proud to call you mine. My beautiful voyeur. My fellow crab dad. My fiancé. Soon, my husband.”

“Shit, Specs,” he rasps, fingers drifting over the metal on my finger.

“I think I was yours from the beginning,” I tell him truthfully. He always made me feel good, safe , even before I knew his name. Even before I saw his face or felt his lips against my own. “Thank you for choosing to be mine.”

“I didn’t really have a choice when it came to you,” he says, scooting closer in the grass, his hands coming up to frame my face. “I fell in love with you, piece by piece. This brain. This heart. Even these glasses.”

I laugh, and Christian strokes his thumbs over my cheekbones.

“I love you, Specs. And I’ll keep on loving you for as long as I draw breath.”

Never in doubt, I press my lips to his. It’s wintergreen and warmth and trust. It’s a fluttering in my stomach and resolution in my chest. It’s the feeling of the man I fell in love with loving me right back.

And, in the end, isn’t that what we’re all searching for? Our great big love? The real-life story we’ll tell those who come after us?

I know I found my happily-ever-after.

And like hell will I ever let go.

The End