22. Ananda Diaz

Jhene Aiko played in my AirPods, touching on exactly how I felt at the moment, as I waited backstage to go on in a few.

I watched Solene from across the room, laugh and joke with another stripper, and just wondered how she could be so cool with this life. Well, I knew how. She had Ross Lemon in her back pocket, so Cemone was just extra.

I used to believe that if I sat back and let Solene dig her own grave, Cemone would like me more and maybe try to be a family, but it never happened. He wouldn't even sit and have a conversation with me unless it was about Blakely.

As for me, I didn't have another nigga who would front me some money or pay my bills. All I had was Cemone and the little ass fifteen grand he gave me every month that seemed like so much at one point but now was so minimal.

I thought of downsizing my life and amenities so I would no longer have to work and deal with people asking me, Aren't you Cemone Compton's baby mama? What you doing here? It was embarrassing and frustrating at the same time. But then I would remember that having humble surroundings would make people ask the same questions. I couldn't escape the humiliation.

Cemone was just an embarrassing nigga period. It was one of the main reasons Solene and I had rekindled our friendship, after being estranged upon her finding out that I had fucked Cemone, someone she'd been plotting on for months. From there, we helped each other secure our futures, but it still hadn't panned out in our favor.

Once we both recognized that Cemone wasn't going to be the typical rich baby daddy, the stress and shame of it all brought us closer.

"Wish me luck." Solene strutted past me in little to nothing as she went to the stage.

"I got you." I tucked the earphone back in after speaking, before turning to look in the mirror.

Here I was, thirty-seven years old, still hunting and chasing rich niggas, hoping each one would be my big break, and I felt pathetic. I just knew Cemone was going to be it and he was one of the richest men I'd dealt with, too, but here I was, still swinging around a pole and nowhere closer to retiring and living the lavish lifestyle I was meant to.

Before I got pregnant, my life was actually better. Sure, I didn't have the extra fifteen in my bank account, but I could move how I wanted and do what I wanted. Now I needed to clear shit with my cousin or mom first, and when they couldn't watch Blakely for me, I was stuck at home, watching my childless homegirls jet set and party on yachts.

Even worse, my cousin would ask for payment to watch Blakely, figuring that since I had a rich baby daddy, I could afford it. That was partially my fault since I'd led her to believe that Cemone was still fucking me, spoiling me, and paying my way, because I didn't want to admit that I'd done all this only to still be living child support check to child support check.

More than a few of the designer items I bought, I told my family he'd bought them. I explained that I was only still dancing because I enjoyed the fast money and attention.

I should've been in Yolani's place, at Cemone's side with his name inscribed on my lower back and plenty of diamonds hanging on my body. And I knew the diamond necklace and bracelet she'd been wearing nonstop was from him. I was a Yolani fan before all of this, and she typically wore different jewelry all the time. But right when the rumors of she and Cemone began to hit waves, those pieces showed up, and she had yet to remove them, even when she would post on her story of her at home or doing something regular. Solene had been right; Yolani had Cemone in a place I never thought he could be put.

His comment on her, that she was his best friend, his baby, and future wife , replayed in my mind on a consistent basis.

I'd previously been banking on that singer Milaysia's comment she shouted to everyone about how Yolani said she'd never fuck Cemone, feeling like it was true. However, pre tattoo-gate, someone posted a somewhat grainy video they'd taken in the club of Cemone and Yolani in a VIP section. And in it, they were kissing and not the regular kind. It was a this-is-how-we-kiss-when-we-be-fucking type, and I knew right then either Milaysia had lied, or Yolani had gone back on her word. And I'd never even seen Cemone kiss someone until her.

I'd only spent maybe four hours with the man total, and I felt like I was losing the love of my life. Could you blame me though? That was the best dick of my life, and I hadn't been able to get it again.

"Shit is live tonight!" Solene came to the back, body damp from being out there.

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound excited despite my depressive thoughts. My life seemed to decline once I saw the word pregnant on that stick.

"Girl, yes." She patted her wet face, watching me put my AirPods in the case. "I still can't believe that nigga dissed us while holding our children for all the world to see." She started up.

"I know. It's like he always finds a way to make us look stupid." I shook my head as I put mascara on.

"Yep. You shouldn't stand for this shit, Ananda." She scooted closer to me to talk since the music from the club was bleeding loudly into the back room. Not to mention, the ladies were hollering and talking loudly as hell.

"I didn't. I got on his ass when he dropped Blakely back off. And you know what he told me?" I felt tears well up, and Solene began to rub my back. "How much better Yolani was than me and how much he wanted to change for her, all this shit."

Handing me a tissue, Solene dabbed my face and said, "I told you once he got too close with her, shit would get worse. Now I have Ross, but you don't have shit. You too busy worrying about how Cemone will feel, so you haven't hopped on any new dick lately, but you need to."

I wasn't fucking as much as I used to pre-pregnancy, but I wasn't as abstinent as Solene thought.

"I don't want none of these niggas. They're not as rich and usually only want to fuck. I've aged out of getting wifed. They want to fuck me because they recognize me from their high school years, but they wanna settle down with the young hos.

"You nabbed Ross at the perfect time."

"Then you need to get your man back." She turned my chair to face her. "We didn't work this hard for neither of us to win, right?" When I nodded, she continued. "Remember, Yolani may like Cemone, but let her think that career is gonna decline, and she will drop him. You gotta turn your crazy up and realize this sad shit ain't gonna work, like I been told you."

"She got his name tatted, Solene."

"Yeah, because she sampled that dick, and we both know how high it will have you feeling!"

We guffawed and slapped hands in agreement.

"You right. I would be dizzy, too, if I got that shit consistently because one night has had me spiraling."

"Exactly. It's a wonder she doesn't walk with crutches with the way that nigga will have your legs weak." We laughed. Solene's smile faded before she said, "Now switch shit up. Show that nigga you not no doormat, and Yolani is eventually gon' peep game. She's been having a good time because we haven't been making noise for a minute, but you need to wake her ass up."

"So what should we do?" I inquired because Solene was always coming up with ideas.

Shaking her head, Solene sighed. "Ross is on my ass about bothering Cemone. He's jealous, feeling like I'm doing all this to be with him. He's been watching me all close and shit, so it's not much I can do. I can't lose for sure dick for something I probably won't get. Nigga been driving me to work at night and everything." She rolled her eyes. "Cemone likes you more than me anyway."

"Then that means he's free and clear to be mine and mine only?" I asked, feeling a renewed sense of hope. Knowing Solene would let me have Cemone made me feel a lot better, considering she always used the fact that I followed in her footsteps with him against me. That wasn't true, and she knew why, but I let her tell her tale to people anyway.

"Go ahead, girl." Solene waved me off as another stripper, Franky, walked over and sat on the other side of her, placing a mirror down and dumping a white substance from a baggie on it.

I watched in shock as Solene took the dollar from Franky and did two lines, before tossing her head back and pinching her nostrils.

After Franky did hers and then reached the tray out to me, I shook my head and waited until she switched off.

"When the fuck did you start this?" I asked Solene, who was still sniffling and pinching her nose.

"Recently. It's why I'm so calm and haven't been giving a fuck about all the bullshit going on. You should try it."

"No, I'm good."

"Suit yourself." She stood. "I think you up in a little bit." She sauntered off, and I watched her, wondering if maybe I should've tried the shit because Solene was much more laid-back than usual.

For now, I would get this money, then put and keep my foot on Cemone's neck.

" M mm," I fake moaned, laying my head on the pillow as Ross went to work behind me.

He was pretty okay in bed, but his downfall was constantly going soft and having to restart again. I didn't know what the nigga was up to, considering he was only in his thirties and shouldn't have been having erectile dysfunction, in my opinion. Anyway, the constant stopping and starting would dry me up, and for the remainder of the session, I would be hoping and wishing for him to finish or give up.

Even though I was fucking my best friend's man, I was pissed with her for lying all these years about how good in bed Ross's ass was.

When they first got together, she would be telling me how the nigga had her legs shaking and even had her squirting before. Fast forward years later, a little after their daughter Novie was born, Ross was giving me the eyes and making little comments whenever I would come over to see the baby. Maybe it was because he couldn't fuck Solene while she was healing, who knows, but the nigga was thirsty as hell behind her back. And since at the time he was a million-dollar nigga, playing in the NFL, I proudly gave in.

We fucked around until Solene got better, and then shit stopped for a while. We picked back up after both Solene and I had babies with Cemone, and I assumed the sex would be better, but it wasn't. Thankfully, most times I was able to cum before he went soft, but it wasn't anything brag worthy. It was a regular orgasm that brought on no shakes or quivering of any kind. Cemone's young ass had done far better than Ross could ever dream of.

"Fuck!" Ross growled as he gripped my hips, emptying his seeds into the condom.

Before, I used to beg him to go in raw, hoping to trap him, but he never would until once. I was young, so that was all it took for me to come up pregnant. However, I was also dumb and broke, so when he offered me fifty grand to abort the seed, I took my ass right down to the clinic and did it, providing him with the paperwork proof. I'd never told Solene about it.

In hindsight, I thanked God I took that money and did it, because he was injured shortly after, and them contracts kept shrinking until he eventually retired.

Now the tables had turned between Ross and me, because it seemed like every time we linked up, his ass was trying to convince me that he only went soft because of the condom. I wouldn't budge though. Only niggas clocking millions could get that opportunity, unless it was for a greater goal.

I knew it was fucked up to keep going behind Solene, and especially to fuck the nigga she was actually claiming, but it wasn't like Solene loved him. She cheated on him with Cemone, other niggas as well, and had been telling me months beforehand how once she trapped Cemone, she was gonna make him lock her down and she would leave Ross. Hell, the only reason I was fucking him at this point was because he threw me money whenever I did to supplement that measly ass child support I got from Cemone.

Additionally, once Solene fucked my high school boyfriend that I was obsessed with, it became clear to me that niggas were fair game no matter how serious we were with them.

"That was good." I complimented Ross as he lay next to me, coated in sweat.

"I know." He smirked, and I wanted to roll my eyes, but I wanted that money he was going to give me so I could go to Vegas with my girls.

After paying all my bills and shopping for the trip, I only had five hundred dollars left from Cemone's support. All my strip club money had been spent on childcare for my cousin to watch Blakely. I thought of asking Cemone to pay for that but didn't want to alert him to just how much I had my family watching Blakely. It wasn't all the time, but occasionally, I would leave her with my people for a week straight. Add to that all the money I'd spent on Blakely's half birthday, and I was broke as fuck and in no position to go parlay in Vegas in a penthouse suite with my girls.

Cemone always said I didn't know how to manage my money and made stupid ass financial decisions, and I was starting to think he maybe had a point. At the end of the day, though, I should've been getting one million a month from him.

"So you think I could still get that cash?" I turned onto my side to face Ross, smiling salaciously.

"Oh yeah." He turned to go in his drawer and pulled out a roll of hundred-dollar bills.

Happily, I took it and removed the rubber band to fan out the money. I eyeballed it quickly, not wanting to look too excited, and it appeared to be the forty-five hundred I'd asked for.

Ross was a sucker if I'd ever seen one. He would constantly cry broke to Solene, making her use Cemone's money to pay for the expensive ass rental and most of their daughter's needs, but would easily trick on me and, according to some street gossip, a few other bitches too. Solene may have done him dirty, but she was his daughter's mother and was essentially keeping a roof over his head, so for him to be selfish with her but not us was insane.

A part of me believed he was only with her to make her miserable and punish her for making him look like a fool by not only popping up pregnant by another nigga, but then proceeding to chase behind Cemone and act a fool like she didn't have Ross at home. In that case, I couldn't say I blamed him.

"You think I could get like five hundred more?" I quizzed, wanting a little more cushion so I could really show my ass in Vegas.

I constantly told my girls that Cemone was tricking on me, despite how he acted publicly, and I wanted to prove it when I got there. Solene and I were on the same page, agreeing not to burst one another's bubble. Her story was, Cemone did nothing for their son, but he would often gift her when he wanted some ass, and she would accept.

I wasn't sure if they believed it over the actual truth, which was that Cemone barely fucked with us, had never so much as bought us something to eat, and we couldn't even get him near a bed, let alone get him to fuck us. And most of all, that he was a great father, always on time, never missing his weeks, never missing a payment, and anything they needed outside of it, he would made sure they had it, but he'd secure it himself and not give us the money to.

"Nah, that's all I got. My daughter is doing ballet now, and the class is expensive," he replied.

I wanted to ask since when was he paying for Novie's shit and not making Solene do it, but I kept it cute.

"I get that." I watched him. "I mean, after the way Solene did you and is still doing you, I'm surprised you're not making her pay it."

"What you mean still?" He glowered.

Shrugging, I replied, "Just that she's still trying to be with him is all."

"Oh, and you not?" He sat up, throwing his legs off the bed.

"Yeah, maybe I am, but the difference is that I'm single. Not only that, Cemone actually fucks with me. He can't stand her," I half lied, watching him as he got himself together. "I would never do you like she's doing. I would respect you. Most niggas don't even forgive bitches for cheating, let alone having a baby on them."

I wanted to lay it on thick for several reasons. For starters, I wanted more money and figured I could get as much as I wanted if Solene was out of the picture. Secondly, I hated that Solene had Ross to fall back on, while I couldn't get a nigga to even attempt to make a home with me.

The few celebrity niggas I did fuck after Cemone only wanted just that. They didn't ignore me as much as Cemone had, but when we did talk, it was always about when they could fuck and nothing else. They'd even get girlfriends and still hit me up for sex. I wanted something real, even if only halfway real like what Ross and Solene had.

"Solene is just something I'm fucking for the time being." He chuckled it off.

I didn't believe that for a second. No, not with the way that nigga was crying when he found out she was pregnant by someone else. And he could easily be with another woman, but he chose to live and make a home with Solene. Clearly, he had true feelings for her.

"Oh? Then why she tell me you clocking all her moves and how she can't even go pee without you following her or asking where she's going."

"She a damn lie," he fibbed… obviously.

I was jealous of how much he cared for her, and I couldn't explain why. Ross was the last nigga I wanted, but it just bothered me that he wanted her ass so badly.

"Whatever." I got out the bed, seeing I wasn't about to get that extra cash. "I have to start packing for my trip."

"Remember, keep this a secret."

"Why do you need to remind me of that?" I asked, halting my steps toward the bathroom.

"You just talking a little different, so I wanted to be sure we still had that understanding." He slipped his shoes on and kissed me on the forehead as he bypassed me, heading to the front door of my house.

I watched him, shaking my head at how lucky he was that I was too focused on breaking Cemone and Yolani up to end his world.

" W hooo! Happy half birthday, Blakely!" The whole party shouted after we all sang to my baby.

The party was in full swing, and all my homegirls had come, the ones with children bringing their kids.

"Where is he, Ananda?" my mom asked, slicing the cake and putting them on plates for everyone.

"I'm not sure. Hope nothing happened to him," I said, pretending to be worried as if Cemone hadn't told me weeks ago he wasn't coming. He was adamant on having separate parties, and then on top of that, this wasn't her real birthday.

My mom shot me a sidelong glance as she handed off a plate to one of my friends.

"Oh, he's just fine." My friend Jira showed me her phone, and I quickly noticed it was Cemone's story.

He'd posted a photo of Yolani's toes in some heels she'd had on. There was a tongue emoji, and I noticed he'd shared it only moments ago. Though I knew the nigga wasn't coming, I didn't need everyone else noticing. He rarely posted on social media, yet he posted right now, and I felt like he'd done it on purpose.

That shit infuriated me. Solene was right that I had been acting like a doormat when it came to Cemone, and I was done doing that shit. This party was his last chance to not embarrass me, and he'd failed.

Jira, before I could even respond, began showing the other girls. While I did call these hos my friends, they weren't really. We hung out together in clubs, took pretty pictures, and jersey chased together, but that was all it was. The term friend was used loosely. By saying that, I knew they weren't looking at his story feeling bad for me; they were gawking and gossiping.

Solene caught my eyes from across the room and shook her head as she held Callen on her hip. I knew what she was saying or repeating for that matter, and I agreed.

The party went on, and I did my best to forget about Cemone's story, but it was virtually impossible. I was so elated when it was over and I was able to take my ass home with a sleeping Blakely.

As I settled into a bubble bath, candles lit and phone in hand, I checked my notifications. When I saw the hundreds of mentions, it was easy to guess what the fuck was up.

Tapping the photo anyway, I saw a blog had posted the party of mine, and all the comments were ragging on me about how Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see Cemone before I could and how Solene and I didn't exist to him. They kept nicknaming us ghost baby mamas, and how Cemone probably told Blakely and Callen they were delivered by stork. Mixed in were comments asking what the point was in getting pregnant by Cemone's fine ass if he paid us no mind. That one hit me because Solene and I stated this to each other on several occasions and how this situation with him didn't go according to plan.

They were relentless, and after realizing I had no allies in the comment section, I locked my device.

I never thought I would hate Cemone, but right now, I did.