Chapter Twenty-Five

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FIVE

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F INNIAN PLACES ME DOWN AT THE CENTER OF A ROOM that's just as magnificent as the exterior of the home. It's hauntingly beautiful with the colorful glass windows depicting some of the designs I spotted from outside along with a stormy sea. Dark wood furniture covered in rich fabrics is littered throughout the space.

I spring forward when the backs of my thighs brush against the edge of the bed and scrub my hands over my face while I begin pacing the floor. If I sit down, I'll fall asleep and succumb to the sedative. I can't lose control of my body. I need to stay awake.

"Elowen." Saskia appears in front of me with a comforting smile and a thick navy blue sweater in hand. "I'm going to help you out of your clothes, and then I'll get a damp cloth for the blood."

"I can manage, but thank you." Saskia ignores my attempt at feigning that I'm unaffected and is already getting me out of my boots before working on my corset.

"I'll step out." Finnian kisses the top of my head before exiting the room. Saskia slips through a different door and the faint sound of running water follows. I remove my base layers and throw the sweater over my head. It's far too large on me but the comforting scent that follows makes me want to rip it off. This place is making me feel too at ease. I should be taking an ice bath or running the drug out of my system.

"Why don't you lie down?" Saskia gently offers once she finishes wiping the blood off my face and then taking care of my hands.

I shake my head. "I think I'll go for a walk. Where exactly am I?"

"You're in Cayden's private chambers. I don't want you to hit your head."

"I can't fall asleep. Not like this." Anxiety makes my throat tight, despite everything else about me feeling loose.

"You'll be okay," she promises.

I need to calm down. The lack of oxygen is only adding to my spotty vision. My legs wobble, but Saskia shoots her hands forward to steady me. I find my pacing pattern again. "I can wake up. I'm fine."

"Nothing will happen while you're asleep. I—" She cuts herself off when a loud bang rises from downstairs.

"She was fucking drugged !" Cayden's voice booms like thunder. "Did your brain crawl out of your ear and die or are you perpetually dense?"

"No," I whisper as the day comes rushing back to me. His footsteps bound up the stairs when he should be walking away from me. Sharing a suite in the castle as my guard is one thing, but I don't know what will happen between him and Eagor if he finds out I'm staying in his house. Vareveth is rampant with rumors of us. This will only add to it. Will that endanger the alliance?

My legs give out under the weight of everything on my shoulders, but strong arms wrap around me before I hit the ground and my face is shoved into a chest covered in black leather. I'd be able to recognize Cayden by the scent of his skin and the way his hands grip me like a lifeboat in a storm.

"You came," I whisper with relief I didn't realize I'd feel from his presence.

"I'll always come for you, angel." I missed the sound of his voice. I let myself have this moment in his arms, with his fingers weaving through my hair to pull me closer to his rapidly beating heart, before I shove away as panic settles in.

"You shouldn't be here, or maybe I shouldn't." Another wave of dizziness washes over me, and I force myself to begin pacing again. I'll force myself to be fine if I must.

"Why?" It's such a tiny, insignificant word, but the way he says it makes me feel like he'd love nothing more than to know the name of the person who put that thought in my mind.

"There are rumors about us," I settle on saying.

"If you have an issue with false gossip, then I humbly offer you my services to make it true." The hit I land to his chest feels more like a pat and sends another wave of dizziness washing over me. Cayden grabs my hands, but rather than stopping me, he treads backward. Saskia must have slipped from the room when he came in—there's no sign of her other than a turned-down bed. "What's going on in your head?"

"I can't lose control," I mumble. The knot in my throat tightens. I experience fear more than I'll ever admit, but it's never like this. This fear stems from fighting against the inevitable. "I'd rather face down an army than not have control over my own body."

"You're safe with me, always." Cayden gently slides his arms up and down my trembling frame. "Trust me like you did in the prison. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I don't care how long it takes, you have me."

This is the version of himself that Cayden will never show the world, and I'm greedy for it like a dragon guarding their trove in the stories I used to read. I know he guards me because he needs me to achieve his goals in the same way I need him, and maybe it's the sedative, but he's looking at me differently. It's like now that his eyes are on me, he can't even contemplate looking away.

"And if it takes me five days to wake up?"

He scoops me into his arms and gently places me on the bed. "Then some new rumors are bound to start."

I cover my eyes and release a groan that turns into a faint laugh as the feared Commander of Vareveth adjusts my pillows before sitting beside me. When he thinks I'm not looking at him, his face morphs through anger that burns so hot it radiates off him. It's an expression that I'd classify as a promise of death and makes me want to drag my finger down his scar. But my heavy hand lies motionless on the blanket, and Cayden is out of my reach in more ways than one.

He blinks away the expression when I shift in place, pulling him out of whatever darkness lives within him. "I like the flowers in your hair."

I blush, having forgotten I braided some of the purple flowers into the crown of my head and down my braid. "Thank you for them. They're beautiful."

"No thanks needed."

"I'm sorry for interrupting your schedule."

He huffs a laugh. "Your letters were the highlight of my days, and seeing you in person is incomparable."

My cheeks burn hotter. His letters were always the best part of my days, but I'll never tell him. My eyes slip shut for the final time, and I let myself trust someone that I know I shouldn't.

"Cayden?"

"Yes, El."

"I think I missed you."

I feel the bed shift, and something soft presses into my forehead. "I missed you more than I should have, love."

***

Cool water laps against my body while I float in a lake. My dark brown hair fans out around me, and my satin night-slip clings to me. I let myself revel in this unfamiliar peace before opening my eyes.

The night sky stares down at me as bright stars make the inky black void shine. I push the water back and forth, gliding my hands through the silky surface. To the left is a mountain range; snowcapped mountains kiss the stars in ways I never could.

A loud voice booms from the sky just as I'm about to reach forward to grab a star. "Did you see who the fuck did this?"

Lightning litters the sky, and I shoot up in place, now wading in the water rather than floating. No, I realize, while staring into the sky, it's not lightning—the stars are falling.

"I'm going to find them and make them suffer in ways they never thought possible," the voice snarls again.

The stars splash into the lake around me and rain down on the shore. Some even ram into the mountains, making them shake. A mixture of snow and rocks tumbles down from the peaks and crashes into the lake. Fear spreads through my chest when enormous waves barrel toward me. My arms cut through the water while my feet swiftly paddle, but there's no outswimming the waves. They soon overtake me and sweep me under. Water burns my throat as I descend deeper into the endless pit below me. My hands keep clawing their way to the surface, but I feel like I'm swimming through thick syrup. I keep pushing and thrashing my limbs until I break the surface, gulping in large breaths.

"Elowen!" My head turns toward the shore; I hear someone calling my name through the waves, avalanche, and falling stars—it's as if the voice is right in front of me. "Elowen, please ."

The waves calm around me, and I feel something feather-light brush against my cheek and slide through my hair. I wrap my hand around something, leaning my head into the warm touch on my cheek. The voice along the shore is the same voice that made the stars fall, and the mountains shake, but now it's beckoning me to come closer.

It breaks through the chill the lake injected into my bones and embraces me like a blanket, reaching deep in my body and igniting something I've never felt. It's a feeling I don't know how to describe, but I want to feel it more.

I want to be near that voice. Something is tugging on the back of my mind, imploring me not to get closer because the voice is dangerous. I should swim away and hide in the mountains, but I can't ignore my desire.

The shore is even colder than the lake. My satin night-slip and hair are soaked; they stick to my cold body as the wind whips around me. A shadowed figure that looks like they're spun from the night sky approaches me, and wraps me in their arms just as green, lavender, silver, red, and blue streak across the sky. I watch, mesmerized, as five dragons appear. Not quite solid, more like a shimmering outline similar to the darkness that clings to me.

They twirl and tumble through the sky, their mighty wings stretching wide as they circle the lake. I reach toward the shimmering blue dragon that lands before me and am met with the solid texture of scales. "Delmira," I breathe.

Each dragon lands upon the shore of the lake; they look so real. The darkness moves with me, flowing behind me like a shadow while I walk between their towering frames, running my hand along their scales. Sorin nudges my calf with his snout. I turn back and his expression is almost . . . playful.

"Sorin." It's never felt so good to say a name. "Do you want attention?"

A humming noise rumbles in his throat when I walk closer, and he nudges my arm with his snout again. It's strange how he feels so real, and yet I can see through his body. I wrap my arms around his neck and yelp when he straightens up, taking me with him. The other four dragons take off into the skies, and a scream tears from my throat when Sorin flaps his mighty wings and joins them.

I soak in my dragons flying together like they own the skies. Sorin continues his path, holding me in a way that doesn't put too much strain on my arms. The bond tenderly throbs in my chest, and I note the slight gold glimmer on their scales.

This feeling is pure bliss.

And it's not real because I know I'm dreaming and yet it seems so familiar.

"I'm going to kill every single person who stands between us," I vow against his neck, not knowing how much time we have. "And once you're free, it'll be your turn to bathe Imirath in flames."

Sorin roars, mighty enough to shake the mountains and cause stars to flee across the sky. It's like he's also aware of our limited time and wants to keep us here forever.

In the skies with my dragons, I feel the sense of home and belonging that I've longed for. But I want Sorin to have full control of his body, to enjoy this moment without considering me, so I urge him to leave me on the shore. I press my forehead to his when he sets me on my feet, and he makes that same humming sound.

"Soon, sweetling," I whisper.

He nudges me one last time before joining the others again, and I'm left on the shore, unable to tear my eyes away as violent shivers rack my body. The darkness returns and offers me a shred of warmth.

"Demon?" I ask once the shivers subside.

"Yes, angel."

A name disappears as quickly as it came. Darkness wraps around me and settles me beneath a tree where I can watch my dragons and rest. Most people would run from darkness, but I can't shake the feeling that it's exactly where I need to be. It should be cold and uninviting, but this darkness is anything but that. My cheek presses into something warm while I wrap my arms around the figure beneath me.

"Don't go," I whisper. I stay here, perfectly content, while darkness intertwines with my hair and dances down my spine. I never want to leave the realm of dreams and dragons.

Another voice comes from over the mountains. "The reports . . . downstairs . . ."

"I don't want to leave her."

I tighten my hold. I don't want my darkness to leave me, either. A chuckle vibrates my cheek.

"It'll only take ten minutes." The feminine voice speaks again.

Much to my dismay, the darkness starts to shift. I curl my body toward the fleeting warmth, but it soon disappears. The only warmth that remains is a feather-light touch on my cheek. Tree roots wrap around my wrist when I try to reach forward. Come back, I want to say, but the words die in my throat.

"I should have assumed you'd be fussy." Something is placed next to me and I tug it closer, inhaling the familiar scent. "I'll be right back, beautiful. Don't go anywhere."

Loneliness wraps around my heart when my dragons are drowned out by the sun, their roars a distant sound that cracks my heart open. I yank my hand free of the tree roots that restrain me so I can follow them, but the light blinds me once I get to my feet.