43. Josie

43

JOSIE

One Month Later …

" Y ou can do this, Josie. It will be okay." I tried to give myself a pep talk in the mirror, but it wasn't really working.

I hated this day. I knew it was coming and tried to bury it, but of course that didn't work. Gripping the counter, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to stop the panic attack from building.

Does it ever get easier?

I knew it would eventually, but not today. A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I really didn't want to do this, but I knew I had to. I couldn't hide out in here all day as much as I wanted to.

Setting my shoulders back, I steeled myself for the day ahead. Giving myself one last nod I turned and opened the bathroom door.

"You okay?" My amazing boyfriend asked, reaching out and cupping my cheek. I leaned into his palm and closed my eyes.

"I will be," I answered truthfully.

"You sure you want me to come with you?"

As if I can't love him anymore.

"I want you there." And I meant it. I wanted him by my side today.

"It looks like it may start raining, we probably want to get going," Wyatt said softly as he brushed his thumb against my cheek. He knew just how hard this day was, and it meant the world that he was there with me.

"Okay." Threading our fingers together Wyatt led me out of my apartment and to the elevator. His thumb brushed the tops of my knuckles as we silently rode it down to the lobby.

As soon as we stepped outside, I looked up, the sky dark and stormy.

Pretty fitting for today.

I breathed in the smell of rain as Wyatt held the passenger side door open. Usually, I hated him treating me like I was fragile, but in this moment I appreciated it. He knew all I needed right now was him.

The car ride over was quiet except for the music playing softly on the radio as I gripped Wyatt's free hand in my lap. The closer we got, the tighter the ache around my chest cinched.

A few minutes later, Wyatt parked in front of the one place I hated coming to.

Park Lawn Cemetery.

A lump formed in my throat as I looked at the front gates. The fact I hadn't been there in a little while made me drown in guilt.

"Want to go in alone first?" Wyatt asked but I kept my eyes straight ahead. I knew the path by heart—40 steps straight, turn left for 10 steps and I'd be there.

"Would that be okay?" I needed to be alone at first.

"Of course, babe. Take as long as you need. Just text me whenever you want me to come in, or not," he squeezed my hand supportively.

Knowing I couldn't put it off any longer, I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Wyatt's cheek before slipping out of the car. The air was chilly as the wind slowly picked up. I wrapped my arms around myself, thankful for my thick sweater.

My feet moved on their own as I entered the cemetery, crunching on the dried leaves that coated the ground. I'd dreaded this day all year. The irrational part of my brain told me if I just ignored it then it wasn't real. But it was.

I passed headstone after headstone, heading for the one I knew by heart. It only took another minute for me to find the one I was looking for. Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at my father's grave.

I brushed the fallen leaves off his headstone, letting my fingertips trace his name and the words written on the bottom.

Anthony Scott.

Beloved father and friend.

Until We Meet Again.

"Hey dad, happy birthday," I whispered. "Can't believe it's your birthday already." It felt like yesterday he was with me, laughing at some dumb joke, yelling at the television, having Sunday dinner with me.

My dad always hated celebrating his birthday. He thought it was pointless at his age, but no matter what, every year I baked him a cake, and decorated with streamers and balloons. Dad always said he hated it, but his eyes always lit up when he saw them. The two of us would spend the entire day together doing whatever he wanted, even if that meant just sitting and watching television together.

"I'm sorry I haven't been by in a little bit." With everything that had happened, it'd been a few months since I'd visited.

God, I'm such a bad daughter. How could I have not made time to visit him?

My chin trembled as I squatted.

"I wish you were here, Dad. You should be here."

It was unfair that someone so good and loving was gone. Life was so unfair. I quickly squashed those thoughts. I knew if I let them take over, I'd end up drowning in grief like I had when he first passed.

"But you wouldn't believe who I met, Dad." A teary smile spread across my face as I thought of Wyatt. "A few months ago, I got stuck in my apartment building's elevator with a stranger and guess who it was…Wyatt Boone. Yep, Wyatt Boone from the Toronto Knights." In my head I could see my dad's face light up at hearing Wyatt's name.

As a diehard ice-hockey fan, my dad definitely knew who Wyatt was. I remembered the day the Knights drafted Wyatt and how my dad said the team would finally win a Cup Championship—the first in years.

Ironically, he once commented on how close in age Wyatt and I were.

‘Josie, he's near your age and he's quite handsome, you should try and date him'.

At the time, I waved him off, because how could someone like me end up with a guy like Wyatt? He was a celebrity here, and there was no way he'd give a nobody like me the time of day.

Yet, Dad had said the same thing almost every time we watched the Knights play. Now looking back, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd known something I didn't.

"You always said I should date him and I am."

Crazy how things work sometimes.

"And he is amazing, Dad. He is seriously the greatest guy on the planet. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure he's real and that he's mine."

Some days I do wake up and think I've dreamt it all.

But then I'll roll over and see him lying beside me with an arm thrown over my waist and our legs entwined.

"You would like him. He'd be the first boyfriend you approved of." I knew without a doubt Wyatt and my dad would get along the second they met.

He hadn't approved of my ex's, and I now understood why. He wanted me to find someone like Wyatt. Someone caring, funny, kind, and family oriented like I was. Someone who would challenge me but also keep me steady and catch me when I fell.

Wyatt was that guy for me.

"I'm happy Dad. I'm really happy. But I sometimes feel guilty because I shouldn't be happy, not with you gone and not here to see the reason why I am. You won't get to see me happy and in love with the man you knew one day would deserve me."

Tears ran down my face as I placed a hand over my mouth to silence my sob.

The breeze picked up and fanned across my face, the cold brushing against my cheeks almost like a hand caressing it. Closing my eyes, I let the wind wash over my face.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there with my eyes closed, leaning into the wind. When I finally did open my eyes, a sudden feeling of ease washed over me. The sadness was still there, but for some reason the guilt wasn't as strong.

Looking at my dad's headstone, I wanted to believe it was a sign from him. Letting me know it was okay to be happy. That while he may not be here physically, it didn't mean he wasn't with me.

Sitting for a little longer, I finally sent Wyatt a text asking him to join me. I wanted my dad to meet the man who had slowly put my broken pieces back together. And I wanted Wyatt to meet the man who'd raised me all on his own and worked so hard so I could have everything I needed growing up.

A few minutes later, I heard the sound of Wyatt's footsteps as he approached. I slowly stood, my legs almost giving out from squatting for so long. Seeing Wyatt hesitantly walking towards me I took a few steps until I could reach his hand.

Wyatt's eyes searched my face, I wondered how I must have looked to him, with my puffy, red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks from crying. As his brows furrowed with concern, my heart warmed.

"Wyatt, this is my dad, Anthony. Dad…this is Wyatt." I introduced the two. It was a bit odd and awkward introducing my boyfriend to my dad's headstone, yet Wyatt made it seem like the most natural thing in the world as he greeted dad with ease.

"It's nice to meet you, sir."

I squeezed his hand, feeling the tears return.

"I want to tell you how amazing your daughter is." Wyatt looked down at me as he spoke.

"I also want you to know that one day, I am going to ask your beautiful daughter to marry me. I promise you, I will give her the life she deserves and love her until my last breath, because she is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

There was no stopping my tears now.

Damn this wonderful man.

"And I promise she will never feel unloved when I'm by her side."

There were no words to describe how much I loved him. The man who made me feel like I was worth something. That I wasn't just some broken, used girl, who didn't deserve love.

I hoped he could see the love in my eyes as he talked to my dad, that he could see how much his actions meant to me. We stayed there a little longer before we felt the first warning drops of rain. I placed a kiss on my dad's headstone and said a soft goodbye.

"I'll be back soon, Dad. I promise."

Walking away from my dad, I felt a million times lighter than when I first stepped foot in the cemetery. For the first time since he passed, I felt…okay. I knew Dad watched over me and I knew he would approve of Wyatt. That alone eased the guilt that had built inside of me.

Wyatt and I only made it around the corner before the skies above us opened up, and we were caught in the torrential rain. Wyatt tried to make a run for it, my hand clasped in his, but I found my feet stuck to the ground.

"Hold on."

Turning, he looked down at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. "What's wrong?"

Despite the rain and the fact, we stood in a cemetery, a smile spread across my face; the rain pelting down, making our clothes stick to our skin.

Staring up at Wyatt, I knew without a doubt, without hesitation, that Wyatt was my forever. He was the person I'd searched for my whole life. The day we got stuck in the elevator was the day my life became complete.

"I love you."

"I love you, too…uh, this couldn't wait until we got in the car?" Wyatt looked at me with a mix of amusement and concern.

"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you now." I tugged my hand out of his and took a step closer. Bringing my hands up to his shoulders, I tangled my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.

"You, Wyatt Boone, are the most perfect man."

"Hmm, I don't know about that." His hands came down to my hips, softly squeezing, the rain forgotten.

"Yes, you are." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "You are my everything, Wyatt Boone. I hope you know that."

"I meant every word I said back there. One day I'll ask you to marry me, Josie Scott, because you are my everything too."

I pulled him down and pressed my lips to his. Before I met Wyatt, I'd feared I wouldn't find love. Afraid of giving myself to someone completely. That they would see the real me and my baggage and run the other way. But I knew that no matter what, Wyatt would catch me, and that maybe it wasn't so scary falling.

So, as I kissed Wyatt in the pouring rain, I realized I no longer had the fear of falling.