Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

“ S eriously?”

Maggie stared in disbelief at the empty armchair where she’d seen Jake sitting on the few occasions she’d managed to open her eyes. But this time, he was gone, and something told her he wouldn’t be back. Uncle Sam must have crooked his finger, leaving Jake with no choice but to comply.

With a whimper of desolation, Maggie stared at the ceiling she had glimpsed now and then while floating in and out of consciousness. She’d wanted desperately to converse with Jake, who never left her side, only she’d been too sick to find the strength.

This time, her eyes stayed open. Even so, it took her a while to notice her warped, water-damaged passport lying atop the wheeled tray next to her. She extended a hand to pick it up and found a note tucked inside, written in Jake’s vaguely familiar handwriting.

Welcome back, Beautiful. I wanted to be here when you felt good enough to talk, but I’ve been called back. Please remember what you said to me. We’re going to make it work.

P.S. Your dad is on his way.

P.P.S. Here’s my phone number. Call when you can.

Maggie memorized the number, then reread Jake’s message before clutching the note to her chest and studying her surroundings. Where was she, exactly?

The sterile room was like any other hospital room, double occupancy with an empty bed next to hers. But the signs on the wall were all in Spanish. Peering through the wide window for clues, she caught sight of a distinctive, decorative panel mounted to the exterior of the building. The panel brought to mind El Hospital Universitario Nacional in Bogotá. Lifting the note again, she realized the letterhead said just that. She was back in the city where she’d done her first tour.

Maggie tucked the note back into her passport, laid that back on her wheeled table, and then took stock of herself. An intravenous tube snaked out of a vein on her right hand, while a PICC line disappeared into the underside of her left arm, delivering antibiotics straight to her heart. The infection must have been a bad one.

A peek under her hospital gown revealed monitors stuck to her bare chest, which explained the quiet beeping of a machine near her head. It also revealed how shockingly underweight she was. Gosh, she’d only been in the wilderness for what?—two weeks and a day?

An abrupt knock at her door had her looking up. “Come in?”

The door cracked six inches, allowing her caller to peek at her before pushing his way inside. Recognition flooded her, along with relief and affection. Tall, dark, and distinguished, with silver hair at his temples and green eyes identical to hers, Drake Ellis commanded respect wherever he went. He crossed to her bed with a pained expression.

“Hey, Daddy.”

He leaned over and hugged her fervently. “Oh, Mags.”

“Gosh, do I look that bad?”

His chuckle sounded more like a sob, and his eyes were damp when he finally straightened. “You look wonderful. And you’re alive, which is all that matters.”

The words confirmed what Maggie had guessed: She’d come pretty close to dying. A memory niggled of Jake pleading with her while the helicopter swept them away from El Castillo’s summit. “Don’t you dare die on me, Lena.” She’d had no intention of dying.

“I feel pretty weak,” she admitted, if only to explain why she hadn’t hopped out of bed to greet her father.

“The doctor said you had a serious infection. They’ve been pumping antibiotics into you for four days now.”

“I’ve been here for four days ?”

“Yes, and I would have been here sooner, but I was in the middle of a big case. Besides, your boss said you had someone staying with you?” He looked around pointedly.

Maggie glanced at the empty armchair. “He just left. Remember Jake Carrigan, Dad, my boyfriend in France whose number you blocked on my new phone?”

Her father’s expression turned wary. “What about him?”

“He’s a SEAL now. He saved my life in Venezuela and again in Morocco. We were partners on this latest assignment. And I’m in love with him.” She astonished herself by blurting the last part on a defiant note.

“Well!” Her father looked stunned. “I’m delighted to hear that.”

“You are? I mean, you’re the reason we lost touch for twelve years. Aren’t you worried that he’s going to ruin my career?” Again, she sounded angry, blaming him for something that was ultimately her decision. “Sorry.” She briefly closed her eyes. “I hate feeling helpless, and I’m taking it out on you.”

“That’s okay, Mags.” He looked her over, then glanced around the room. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“Can you get me out of here?”

“Well, that’s the plan, but you’ll have to be cleared by your doctor first.”

Maggie sighed. “How long will that take?”

“Not too long. We spoke over the phone. He said he’d release you in a couple of days.”

“Days!” Maggie whimpered.

“Are you hungry? You look like you could do with a good meal. How about pizza? We could get it delivered.”

Searching herself, she discovered she did have a bit of an appetite. She didn’t want to be a stick the next time she saw Jake, so she’d better fatten up. “Sure, pizza sounds great.”

“I’ll order us some.” But her father didn’t move. He stood over her with a pensive expression. “So you really love him?”

The question brought a wistful smile to her lips. “Yes.” She ached for Jake. “He’s my best friend and such a decent person.”

“Sounds like a great guy.” Her father hesitated. “But you’re not going to see him much if he’s a SEAL.”

“Right. I’m aware. Thanks.”

Dad nodded several times, looked around, and slid his hands into his pockets. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to forget him. A good career is satisfying, Mags, but when there’s nobody to share it with?—well, it’s a hollow reward.”

Maggie raised her eyebrows. Miles, her half-brother, had tried telling her months ago that Dad was a different man now that he’d reconciled with Karen, her stepmom. He must have learned that lesson from their two-year separation.

“Nobody would blame you if you resigned. I mean, look what you’ve been through.”

She didn’t want to resign. But if the only way to have a future with Jake was to give her notice, then maybe she ought to. The realization sank into her consciousness like a rock falling to the bottom of a pool.

“On the other hand, your boss is thrilled with your accomplishments?—not that he could tell me what they were.”

With that, her father stepped toward the phone, switching seamlessly into Spanish after dialing the operator.

Accomplishments. The words stayed with Maggie. Her accomplishments were many. Jay Barnes was probably at home, deliriously happy to be reunited with his family. Mike Howitz’s body was resting in peace on American soil by now. The U.S. Navy and the CIA had apprised the Colombian government of Venezuela’s alliance with the FARC. Since they knew exactly where General Rojas was hiding, it wouldn’t take long to topple that man’s ambitions.

So, job well done. But her father was right. Her satisfaction felt hollow without Jake around to share it.

She would have to make a decision, obviously. She couldn’t be in Jake’s life always if he was a SEAL and she was in the CIA. One of them would have to give up their career. She gulped. Maybe she could try her hand at consulting or training, something that wouldn’t take her overseas since Jake’s tours would keep them apart enough as it was.

The math was pretty simple. So I’ll resign, she decided, waiting for a flood of relief to hit her. All she got was a trickle.

“Good morning, Beautiful.”

“Jake! I was hoping it was you. Good morning!”

Jake could hear the scratchiness in Lena’s voice as she answered his 7:00 a.m. phone call, along with delight that they had finally connected after a week of playing phone tag. The initial message she had left on his cell phone this past Saturday told him she was back in Arlington, taking leave to recover her strength.

The desire to crawl into bed with her right then and hold her as he had on El Castillo made him ache with unfulfillment. But since he was sitting at his desk in the Team Building on Dam Neck Naval Annex in Virginia Beach, 210 miles away from her, his yearning was pointless. “I’ve missed you,” he admitted, glancing through the crack in his door hoping none of the guys heard him.

“Oh, Jake.”

She went silent, making his breath hitch with sudden consternation. Was she changing her mind already? Would she push him away as she had in Paris, even though she’d accepted his ring?

“I miss you, too. So much.”

The breath came flowing out of him. Thank God . She still wanted to be part of his life. “Well, listen, I’m heading your way this weekend, and I thought we could meet up if you’re free. I’ve got the whole weekend off, so maybe we could take the Metro to the National Mall, visit some museums, eat in China Town, whatever you want to do.”

“Really, a whole weekend?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t going to tell her what he’d be doing on Friday morning before they met.

“Okay. What day is today?”

He heard her sit up and pictured her rubbing her eyes while her silky black hair slid over her shoulders. Her room would be decorated with the mementos of her travels. He had a framed photo of her on a boulder in Fontainebleau for her to add to her décor. “It’s Wednesday,” he answered.

“Oh, wow, already.”

There was something in her voice, something she was thinking about but not telling him. When she kept quiet, he added, “Seems like months since I saw you last.” It had only been a week, not that she was conscious when he’d reluctantly left her side. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. I’m getting my strength back and putting on some weight. My sister-in-law’s been cooking five-course dinners ever since I got home.”

“Good thing, since you probably wouldn’t cook for yourself.”

She scoffed. “You don’t know how I spend my free time.”

He loved how easily he could provoke her. “Yeah, but I know you. Tell me I’m right. You never cook for yourself.”

She tsked her tongue. “Fine, I never cook for myself, but I could still learn.”

“Well, lucky for you, I can MacGyver any delicious meal with the barest of ingredients.”

“Of course you can.” The words were sarcastic, but her tone was admiring. “What else have you mastered as an adult?”

“Eh, besides French and Spanish, not much more than how to protect myself and kill bad guys.”

“Well, you know, there’s a need for people like you.” The wistfulness in her tone suggested she was jealous of the Teams for having such a claim on him.

As if to prove that fact, a brisk knock sounded at his door. “Hold on a sec.” Jake covered the mouthpiece on his desk phone as Senior Chief McLeod edged his door farther open. “Yes, Senior?”

Icy gray eyes conveyed McLeod’s current displeasure with him. “The CO wants to see you in his office right away.”

“Thank you. I’ll be right there.” Water off a duck’s back. Jake didn’t care how peeved his superiors were at him at the moment. Once Amos vanished, Jake growled his frustration. “I’m sorry, Beautiful, but I have to go.” The time was soon coming when he wouldn’t have to jump every time his commander summoned him. “I’ll try calling you tonight. If you can’t answer, look for my texts. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Can’t wait to see you either.”

There it was again, that peculiar thread running through her voice telling him something was up. Too bad he didn’t have time to find out what. “I love you, Lena.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

He savored the words, aware that this was the first time?—ever?—that she’d admitted to her feelings. With a smile of true contentment, he added, “Bye, Beautiful” and ended the call.

In her bedroom on Friday morning, Maggie donned a different outfit than the one she’d worn to the clandestine CIA offices in New York City earlier that month. For one thing, that dress didn’t fit her right as she was still twelve pounds underweight. For another, this bright-purple pantsuit with its lightweight, breathable fabric represented freedom and change. Wasn’t purple the color of reincarnation? But some things never changed, like the emerald ring gracing Maggie’s left hand, a reminder of why she was doing this.

It still felt unreal, being back in Arlington, and not slogging through mud on El Castillo. Despite how unpleasant so much of that assignment had been, it had felt so real that she still woke up in the middle of the night expecting to be there, sleeping with her head on Jake’s chest.

Being apart from him now, even in this safe apartment, surrounded by artwork and artisanry that reminded her of her assignments to Colombia, Venezuela, and Morocco, she felt adrift, aimless, ungrounded. Her body was back in the States, but her thoughts were still with Jake on El Castillo.

If only she didn’t have to give up her career to spend her future with him. But she did. Even then, his job as a SEAL and a SOG would pull him away, sending him into dangerous situations that would keep her on edge until his return. But at least they’d be together sometimes?—versus never , if she stayed in the CIA.

Slipping amethyst earrings through the holes in her ears, Maggie contemplated her reflection. I’ll be fine. I’ll find something else to do . What she didn’t want to do was spend more time apart from Jake. They’d lost twelve years as it was.

Plus, he was coming up to Northern Virginia tomorrow to see her. What better way to display her commitment to their future than by telling him she was all his? She would be Mrs. Jake Carrigan for the rest of their lives, if Jake still wanted that. She knew in her heart he did.

She had to admit, regarding her appearance in the full-length mirror, that despite being underweight, she looked better?—less overwrought. The taut expression that had been on her face since Morocco was gone, replaced by a little smile that came from having the hope of Jake in her life, not to mention a meaningful relationship with God, who had whispered to her spirit on El Castillo, who’d kept Jake from dying and brought her safely home. She had been a fool for thinking she could handle whatever life dished out to her.

Nodding at her reflection, Maggie turned from the mirror to slip into a pair of comfortable white sandals. No point in bringing her Ruger along, since she couldn’t take it through the gate into Langley anyway. She left it in her bedside drawer without a second thought and strode out of her bedroom, through her well-appointed deluxe, high-rise apartment to the hall tree by the door. Miles and McKenzie were away at work?— Miles at FBI headquarters, where he basically answered to their father. And McKenzie was painting another of her beautiful murals in someone’s home today. Neither one of them?—and especially not her father?—knew what Maggie was up to today, aside from driving to CIA Headquarters to be debriefed on her last assignment.

After today, her world would never be the same.

Twelve minutes later, Maggie guided her blue Lexus SUV along the George Washington Memorial Parkway. In August, the forest was nearly as lushly green as El Castillo. Exiting into the CIA complex, she slowed at the gate to show her CAC card to be admitted.

What a relief not to be reporting to the office job she loathed! Even so, uncertainty knotted her stomach as she drove through the raised gate and over the directional spikes. Her palms felt damp. Gordon wouldn’t like what she had to tell him after her debriefing. He might even try to talk her out of resigning, in which case, she would have to dig deep for the will to turn her back on everything she’d worked for, everything she’d ever known.

Shelving her doubts, she pictured Jake’s face when she told him they didn’t have to be apart anymore. He would be dumbfounded by her sacrifice, then grateful, maybe even humbled. She didn’t want to dwell on how she would be feeling.

Finding a lucky spot in the shade in the front parking lot, Maggie made her way toward the original CIA building, where Gordon had his office. Most employees parked in the side parking lot, which gave access to the new building at the back of the complex. But Gordon, being a stickler for tradition, preferred to work in the original building.

The grand portico with its many columns never failed to stir Maggie’s pride, followed by a sense of honor as she swiped her CAC card and stepped into the lobby, where her steps lagged.

The granite CIA seal, a mosaic on the lobby floor, measured sixteen feet across, catching Maggie’s eye every time she went by it. How many times had she walked around it, finding it disrespectful somehow to walk right over it? As she followed its curved edge, her gaze alighted on the eagle’s head, the shield, and the sixteen-point compass star.

Her steps slowed as her thoughts flashed to the moment she and Jake had stepped onto the ridge of El Castillo , giving her a sudden sense of vertigo followed by awe at the immensity of the heavens. The sequin-like stars pulsing in the sky were just like this one. They meant the same thing, though she wasn’t sure what?—something to do with honor, struggle, sacrifice.

Checking her watch, Maggie roused from her insight and started forward again. She only had a minute to get to Gordon’s office on the third floor, and he was a stickler for punctuality.

The two analysts who shared her elevator wrangled over the viability of a new software. Their quarrel kept Maggie feeling unsettled. Was she really going to resign today? What if she was making a huge mistake?

Sooner than she wished, she was forcing a smile for Gordon’s secretary. Gordon’s door was shut. Maggie could hear him through the thick mahogany, his voice louder than usual, making an argument to which another male voice reacted in a steady and certain tone.

Wait. Maggie pricked her ears. No way was that Jake. She had to be projecting her thoughts onto someone else. Jake wasn’t even in the area until later this afternoon. Well, no?—he hadn’t said that in so many words. He’d said they would get together this afternoon. And wouldn’t Gordon want to debrief Jake as well as her?

A cataract of emotions rushed through Maggie. She wasn’t ready to see Jake yet?—not without accomplishing what she’d set out to do today. At the same time, every nerve in her body went taut in anticipation that he might step out of that door. It did feel like a month since she’d seen him last.

The door popped open, and there stood Gordon with a scowl of resignation on his face. He shook the hand of the man leaving. Jake’s broad shoulders came into view. He wore the same heather-gray suit he’d worn to their briefing in New York City. As his head turned, their eyes met, and the same joy that had made her sob on the slope at Arriba winged in her again, reaffirming her intention.

“Take care, sir.” Taking polite leave of Gordon, Jake crossed straight to her, folding her in a quick embrace. “Lena.” As he straightened, his blue gaze raked over her, taking in every detail of her appearance. “You look great.”

All the doubts that had been stacking up in her head blew away like dry leaves in an autumn breeze. “Thanks.” Being with Jake meant more than protecting the country she loved.

“I guess you’re next.”

“Ahem.” Gordon cleared his throat, not so patiently.

“Yeah.” But doubts hovered on the periphery of her mind.

“Meet me in the courtyard after?” Jake suggested. “We’ll catch up then.”

“Sure.”

With a glance at the ring she was wearing and a satisfied smile, he strode away, all confidence and contentment, leaving Maggie standing there, having no idea what she was going to say to Gordon.

When her boss raised an eyebrow, she marched dutifully into his office, aware of the pity that entered Gordon’s dark eyes as he assessed her physique. She sank into the nearest seat, pleased to feel Jake’s residual body heat on the cushions. She could do this for him.

“So.” Gordon made his way behind his desk. “I’ve heard Lieutenant Carrigan’s version. Now let me hear yours.” Lowering himself into his large chair, he picked up a pen and held it over the notepad in front of him.

Gordon was surlier than usual. What had Jake said to upset him? Apart from Mike Howitz having succumbed to illness, their mission was a rousing success. She delivered her report without once having to consult the notes in her purse. Her memories were crisp and vivid, making them easy to recollect.

As she came to her conclusion, describing the conditions at Arriba and sharing the names of the three JUNGLA who deserved commendation for their assistance, she prepared herself to tack on her resignation. Gordon would assume, no doubt, that her imprisonment by the FARC had broken her.

To her dismay, she began to stammer as she described David and Jake’s rescue. The moment was finally upon her. With a deep breath, she opened her purse, discovering a tremor in her fingers as she pulled out the envelope containing her official resignation letter.

“Gordon, I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll just give you?—” She began to hand it across the space between them.

With an astonished expression, Gordon slammed his pen down onto his notepad. “He said you would do this!”

“What? Who said I would do what?”

Her boss gestured angrily at the door. “Lieutenant Carrigan. He said you would hand in your resignation letter unless he got to me first.”

“What?” Maggie blinked her confusion.

“Didn’t you hear me in here yelling at him? That man just handed in his notice. He’s quitting the Teams and walking away from the Agency so he can follow you around the world.” Gordon’s eyes bulged. “Don’t you dare hand me that envelope, Maggie. I know what’s in it, and I’m not about to lose another field operative today.”

Maggie remained speechless. Jake had tendered his resignation with the Agency? He was quitting the Teams so he could go wherever she was assigned? Astonishment kept her speechless. Second by second, relief eased the stricture in her chest. She didn’t have to quit! Jake had beat her to it.

Very slowly, Maggie withdrew the envelope, slipping it back into her purse. It took a moment to find her voice. “Well, in that case, I’ll just await my next assignment.”

Gordon nodded several times, the whites of his eyes still visible. “You do that. And Maggie”?—he stood, looking down at her from his impressive height?—“don’t you ever think about quitting again. You’re one of the best case officers I’ve ever had. This country needs you.”

Her heart swelled with gratification, pride, and contentment. She couldn’t wait for her next assignment. She could still give her best in the struggle and the sacrifice?—more so with Jake’s support. Pushing to her feet, she stood tall. “Yes, sir. Can I go now, sir?” She and Jake were about to have an earnest conversation.

A reluctant smile crinkled the corners of Gordon’s eyes. “Tell the lieutenant I said to take good care of you.”

“Yes, sir.” With those breathless words, Maggie let herself out of his office, tore past the secretary, and flew down the hall. She couldn’t get to the courtyard fast enough. Jake had better be there like he said he would. Of course, he would be there. Jake’s word was his bond.

To think he’d quit his career so they could be together! She had nearly done the same. My goodness, if Jake hadn’t gotten to Gordon first, they would both be unemployed!

Maggie drummed her fingers as she rode the elevator to the ground floor. Leaping out, she headed straight for the courtyard between the old CIA building and the new one. She’d eaten many a meal alone in the covered picnic area off to her right. The rest of the courtyard was a large semi-circular lawn, comprising shade trees, picnic benches, landscaped gardens, and even a koi pond bookended by stone sculptures, ironically reminiscent of little mountains.

Spotting Jake admiring the crimson-colored fish in the pond, her heart gave a backflip. “Jake!”

Her tone had him whirling with a wary expression. Several people at the picnic tables watched her descend on him. Conflicting urges seized Maggie as she got closer. Falling back on her default mode of a tough girl, she punched him in the arm. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“Ow!” But he was trying not to smile as he rubbed his arm. “Which part?”

“You resigned from the Teams. You turned in your notice to the Agency. And you told Gordon not to let me quit!”

“So, all of it.” Jake searched her face earnestly. “Did you quit?”

“No!”

“Phew. I’m glad I got to him first.”

Maggie marveled at his selflessness. “Jake!”

He pretended to flinch. “Are you going to hit me again?”

“No.” She softened abruptly, took a step closer, and wrapped her arms around his neck, her heart swelling with gratitude. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.”

She blinked back sudden tears. “How’d you know I was going to resign?”

Glancing at their audience, Jake lifted a hand to stroke her cheek. “Because I know you, Lena. When you say you want something, you give it 110 percent. But I also know you were born to do your job. And I don’t want you quitting it because of me.”

She wrested his hand from her face but held on to it. “So you quit instead.” She shook her head at the irony. “You gave up your career…for me ?”

He cocked his head, his gaze watchful. “Can you still love me if I’m not a SEAL?”

She rolled her eyes. “Jake, I loved you when you were a scrawny linguistics major. But what are you going to do now?”

He smiled smugly. “Number one, protect you. Consider me your personal bodyguard.”

PTS would never cripple her again.

“Number two, I’m starting up a nonprofit that brings food to those who don’t have enough. Between the Peace Corps and the Teams, I’ve learned a lot about acquisition, distribution, and sustainability. I’ll set up the infrastructure wherever you’re assigned and hire locals to run it, so the company keeps working after we relocate.”

Desire overwhelmed all decorum. Lifting a hand to the back of Jake’s head, Maggie pulled it down so she could kiss him. He obliged with a smile on his lips, kissing with the same promise that she’d tasted under the trees on El Castillo.

The sound of clapping tore them apart. They both regarded the picnic tables where their all-male audience was just finishing up their coffee break. At Maggie’s stern glower, they suspended their applause and got up hastily, taking their trash with them.

Her gaze fell on the briefcase one of them had left behind. Suddenly, she was back in Paris, staring at the Adidas backpack with dawning horror. No way. Her gaze flew to Jake’s, who must have read her mind.

“It’s okay.” He raised his voice to address the departing employees. “Hey, one of you forgot your briefcase.”

They all turned around. A chubby male threw his hands up, then hustled back to collect it.

As he toted it off, Jake pulled Maggie close again. “There, see. We’re safe. We have our whole future together.”

Her gaze locked on his lips. “Where were we?” She wanted that kiss to continue forever.

“You were about to propose to me,” he stated with certainty.

That startled a laugh out of her. “Oh, I was?”

He sent her an injured look. “You weren’t?”

“Well, I mean…” She blinked, wondering where he was going with this, but then narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re teasing me.”

He gave a little shrug. “Possibly. But I tried proposing to you before and that didn’t work out so well.”

Again, her thoughts flashed to the Café du Jour , but they weren’t there anymore. She was older and wiser, and she wanted to spend her life with Jake. Tugging his ring off her finger, she thrust it at him. “Ask me again.”

A flame ignited in his steady gaze as he took it. “Okay. I will.”

Maggie glanced around. The courtyard stood empty. They had the place to themselves.

With a slow grin, he sank deliberately down on one knee.

“Oh, you don’t have to get grass stains on your pants!”

But he ignored her, seizing her hand and gazing at her just as he had in Paris. “Lena, what we have doesn’t come along every day.”

He’d said those very words to her just seconds before the bomb in Paris detonated. “I know.” That had been her answer then, and it still held true today. It would always hold true.

“Would you marry me?” His voice thickened. “Not someday, but very, very soon?”

“Yes, Jake. I would be honored to marry you.”

He briefly closed his eyes, kissed the knuckle of her left ring finger, and slid the ring back where it had been. Then, with a whoop, Jake surged to his feet, snatched her up in a bear hug, and spun her giddily around.

The green grass and the glistening pond called to mind the green pastures and still waters from Psalm 23. It really was true. He restores my soul.