Chapter Ten

Sense without reason

Moments of doubt

It was that evening, as Hope was washing the dinner dishes, that she realized she was completely mad.

"Pardon, I am very thirsty. Could you please bring me a drink?"This time the mental contact with the wolf felt almost natural, as if it had been there all the time, only now choosing to use words.

"What?" She gasped aloud as the words sank in and she realized the animal was again speaking into her mind.

"Juice would be nice."

Deciding that she might as well go with the madness, she got a glass and filled it with orange juice. She could feel his thirst. It made her fill a second glass for herself before walking to the clinic recovery room.

"Thank you,"he said into her mind as she entered the room.

"I am not talking to you. Wolves don't talk."

He chuckled to her in a low, sexy tone that raised the hair at her nape. Unlike a voice heard aloud, this mental touch vibrated through her whole body.

"They don't do that either." The sensation that had passed through her left her off balance and started a strange ache she couldn't quite name.

His next thought showed he understood just how much this situation unsettled her. "Would you rather I pretend to be only a wolf until I can leave?"

She thought about what he meant by the offer. They could act as if he was a nice, normal wolf, and once he was well, he would leave without causing any more strangeness in her safe little world. But her curiosity and fear won out. She needed to know more. What if he was one of those who had attacked the girl, or he knew who had done it? If he was actually a werewolf, he might have the answers she needed.

"Maybe that would be a good idea," she said. "But I want to know what you are first."

"A man, mostly."

"What does that mean?" Was he being deliberately vague?

"I am not sure how to explain."

Yep, he was being vague. Maybe if she asked him specific questions, she would get more details. "If you are a man, why do you look like a wolf?"

"I can change into wolf form."

Her guess had been confirmed. She was suddenly very glad he was behind the wire. "You are a werewolf," she said in an accusing tone.

"I can feel your fear, but there is no reason for it. I will not hurt you."He paused. "Werewolf is one name we have been called, but it's not one I prefer." He gave a mental shrug. "So, do you plan to kill me now?"

Shaken by his question, she studied him as he sat before her. His expression was more one of acceptance than of fear. He actually expected her to try to kill him, after she had worked so hard to save him. The thought dampened her fear and brought her curiosity about him back to life. "Well, as I don't have a pitchfork and torch handy, no. I don't plan to kill you at this time."

"Then may I have the juice? It is not poisoned, is it?"

"Oh, I forgot. Sorry. And no, it's not drugged." To prove her point, she took a sip from the glass before pouring the juice into a bowl and sliding it past the wire.

He drank it gratefully. The juice was soothing and cool to his tender throat. "Again, I thank you, Hope." He drank the rest of the bowl. "I may have a slight fever, despite your excellent care. I believe my body is trying to purge the poison I was given."

She refilled the bowl with her juice. "How did you wind up under the wheels of Steve's station wagon? And how were you injured so seriously to begin with?" She sat down on the upturned box.

Athair wondered about how much he should tell her, and decided she deserved to know the truth, or at least most of it. He would have eventually died from the poison and injuries if she had not found him. Considering the strength of the poison, even he would not have healed after losing so much blood. She had saved his life and he wanted to speak with her honestly. But where should he start the story?

"I was poisoned by members of another clan. When I did not succumb quietly, they attacked me. I had no choice but to flee. They chased me until I met with your friend's wagon."

"By clan, you mean… there are more werewolves? If you don't prefer to be called werewolves, what should I call you?"

He nodded. "I am a Valàfrn. And yes, there are others."

"Why have I never seen one of you on the news before? Where do you live? How do you stay hidden?"

Should he even try to answer that? Even if he did, it wouldn't be true for any but his own clan. "I do not really know what the others do. I have had little to do with your people or other clans in a long time."

"Do you hunt people? Or howl at the moon? Will you let me watch you change? Oh, wait." Her face reddened. "You'd better not. You don't have any clothes."

Well, she'd certainly warmed to the subject! Her curiosity was better than her earlier fear. Then again, maybe it wasn't. Fear simplified so much and allowed for a little dignity. Maybe he should show her his teeth just to remind her. He considered that, and then rejected the idea doubting it would have much effect on her through the thick wire cage. Well, maybe he could do something about the cage eventually. For now, he wanted her trust.

She waited impatiently for him to tell her more, giving him a chance to look her over. Her light brown eyes never quite met his. She radiated uncertainty and reservation like an injured doe. Hope was pretty in a soft, gentle way. Although her heart-shaped face had beautiful features and perfect balance, he guessed that she would probably not think so. She wore slacks and a long sleeved blouse with a neckline that hugged her chin. Nearly all her skin was covered. Hidden, protected. Why? He sensed the reason was important, if only to her.

"Why do you hide your skin?" But he regretted the question as soon as he saw her withdraw. Like prey hiding her vulnerability from a predator? Instantly, he sent her soothing waves of healing. Healing was one of his stronger talents, but in his weakened state he could do little more than soothe her.

Hope sat very still. "I was burned many years ago. I cover the scars," she said simply.

"Maybe I can heal them for you in return for your healing me."

"You can heal others?" This time she looked into his eyes with excitement. "Please, tell me how." Somehow, he knew it was her interest in healing others that drew her attention. She didn't believe he or anyone else could ever make her whole again.

"Most of my people can do some healing magic. I am the second strongest healer of my clan."

Hope thought this might not be an understatement, considering his wounds were healing many times faster than she'd expected. Could he teach her any of his skills? Certain illnesses or injuries were sometimes beyond her abilities. If a scrap of knowledge could save even one life, it would be worth her time and risk to learn more about it.

Perhaps he really could help her scarring or better yet, repair the ravaged muscles in her damaged legs. It was a wish she had given up on long ago. Or at least, she thought she had. She was getting ahead of herself. She needed to know him better before she allowed herself to build any dreams. "How can I hear you? Are you telepathic?"

"A few of my people are true telepaths and can speak to anyone in the silent language."He hesitated and looked at her with a canine form of a puzzled frown. "I am not one of those. I can only speak to those to whom I have grown close. Mainly, my family."

"I can hear you. And we just met." She brushed aside this strange occurrence. It was no odder than believing she had been attacked by a werewolf or was now holding this polite conversation with one. "Is that how I could tell you were awake and hungry?"

"We are nearly all empathic. Most of us are very empathic."He went on to explain the difference. "Telepathy controls thought. Empathy controls emotion."

"That explains a lot." Hope said thinking about her irrational behavior of late. "You have been controlling me." With a grin she said, "That will have to stop."

"I have not controlled your actions. I never took your choices from you; I only encouraged your help." This seemed a fine line to Hope, but he must have thought the difference was significant.

"Will you let me out of this wire room?"Athair asked, He was in rather serious need of a place to relieve himself. He may be trapped in the body of an animal, but he still had the sensibilities of a man. "I will not hurt you. You may trust me in that."

"I recently saw an attack by one of your kind, I think. How can I trust you? How do I know it wasn't you who killed the girl or one of your friends who attacked me?"

"All I can offer is my word. But it was not my family, nor I."She had met those of the Valàfrn before. Who would dare to attack humans? Was this what the clans now chose to do with their powers? How could he convince her of his good intentions? "We only left our forest about three weeks ago. We spent that time traveling to this area, which is the territory of another clan. I have never done harm to any innocent, and I will not hurt you. Please trust me."

"I don't think that would be a good idea just yet." She stood and paced across the room with her slow, limping gait. "I mean, you have admitted to being a werewolf or a vala-whatever."

She paced back again. "You could be lying about not hurting me. And what about other people? Will you hurt anyone else?" She shook her head. "What if you are just a wolf and I am imagining this whole thing?"

Athair gave a toothy smile at that comment. He was thoroughly enjoying her inner debate, as she talked herself into letting him out.

"Is that better or worse?" She paced back. "I like talking to you."

"I will not hurt anyone, and I promise I will be a perfect gentleman in your home. We are people and do not act like animals often. But even we have certain personal needs. Needs that will not be so pleasant in this small room."

"Ohhh," she said on a flowing breath. "I guess if ever there was a good reason, that's it." Looking desperate for another option, she studied the cage and mumbled what sounded like, "Driven to bravery in search of a toilet."

Then looking more resigned, she turned to him. "If you are to have "humane" treatment, you will have to eventually leave the cage. All right, but we need to have some ground rules."

He nodded.

"One. You will hurt no one. Not me. Not anyone else." She shifted her weight. "Two. You will stay out of sight. I don't want you to scare my grandmother, or anyone else. And three. You will return to this cage if I say so." She stared at him expectantly.

"I will agree to that for as long as needed or possible." Her rules were silly. The kind to commit any of those problems, wouldn't have an issue breaking such a promise. The last rule almost made him laugh. Seeing as he technically could open the cage whenever he wanted and was only asking her to make him appear less threatening.

She was obviously not reassured, but she showed her courage by releasing the latch on the kennel run gate. She gave a startled laugh and looked at him. "You could have opened this gate any time. Couldn't you?"

"Without too much trouble."Had she come to that conclusion on her own, or was she better able to read him than he thought? He stepped from the cage and walked slowly across the room toward the doorway. "Where would you like me to go? Where is your privy?"

"There is a bathroom on the left side, first door. It's not quite done, but it is functioning." She had been following him at a distance and her directions were little more than a whisper.

He figured having a sudden and unexpected chat with a wolf was probably too much for her to accept, especially if she already had reason to fear his kind. With a deep breath, Athair went into the small room and pushed the door shut behind him.

Hope decided she was insane. Any way she looked at her recent actions, she was definitely crazy, completely ready for a padded room. After all she had been through and seen in her life, she had just turned a werewolf loose in her home. A very polite werewolf. A werewolf with a sexy mind voice, who made promises to heal her mess of a body. This werewolf didn't prefer the term werewolf. She would have to get the right pronunciation for what he called himself. Of course, it all would be a moot point if he decided to eat her as his evening snack.

Worse yet, what if she had imagined the attack, and now all this? What if he wasn't a werewolf at all? Then she was more than a few bricks shy of a load. After all, she had enjoyed their conversations, which may have been only in her head. If she was honest, and she was trying to be, she liked him. Even more when she was not facing his wolf-shaped body. The low, masculine voice that filled her mind sent her body tingling in surprisingly feminine ways. That she was attracted to a werewolf was just too weird to consider.

She had to at least try to be honest with herself. She wanted to forget the attack and his possible link to it. She wanted to pretend he was no more than a man. Not a wolf, and certainly not a werewolf.

The only way she would get through this would be to simply stop thinking. Logic no longer applied. For now, she would just go with the flow. And thinking of flow—how would a wolf use a toilet? Could he lift his leg that high, or would she catch him drinking from it?

The soft whoosh of the toilet's flush answered one question.

Then the bathroom door reopened, and Hope watched cautiously as the wolf came back to the hall and sat before her. She saw that he was already limping less than before, but his left foreleg still didn't support his weight. "Feel better? If you're hungry, I can fix something."

"I am very hungry. You won't poison me again, will you?"

"No, but I should give you some antibiotics to prevent infection and maybe something for your fever. Will medicine work for you?"

"They may help, but I have no way of knowing. I have never needed them before."

She motioned for him to follow her and turned to walk down the hall that led through the breezeway to the house. She stopped before the entry and turned to Athair again. "I should tell you that we have several cats living in the house with us. If that will be a problem, you can stay here on the clinic side."

I do not mind cats too much. If they object to me, I can leave the house. That wasn't exactly the truth. Most of the cats he'd met, both the normal and the were-type had been down right obnoxious. Not bad personalities, just difficult because of their differences. In the past, he had avoided them whenever it was convenient.

"All right then." Hope continued through the door, past the living room, and into the kitchen. She went directly to the icebox, where she pulled out more of the beef and rice meal and prepared and heated it for him.

From the doorway, he took his time looking around the kitchen. It was decorated in warm, natural shades that appealed to him. He moved to one side of the room, where a sliding glass door led to a covered porch. Past the porch he saw a wide lawn, a field, and the edge of a forest. A strong, wild longing filled him. Called to him. He could feel the distant trees inviting him beneath their sheltering limbs. Suddenly the house closed in on him, threatening him. Even the spacious, warm kitchen was too confining. He had to get outside. Get to those woods. Get to safety. A barely audible growl vibrated through the quiet kitchen.

Hope turned and faced him uneasily from the stove. "Are you about to lose it? Is now when I should be running?"

He shook his head. "No. But I need to be outside."

"Did the bathroom not do the trick then?"

"Hurry. Please."

She approached him cautiously and opened the door. He moved quickly across the porch and onto the grass.

Standing still on the lawn, he closed his eyes and accepted the night into him. The night was what he needed. The soft breeze brought his sense of smell alive. The night sounds were a reminder of what freedom meant. The crickets with their merry chirps. The wind rustling leaves. The night soaked into him and calmed the beast within him. The call of the woods continued, but it was bearable now that he was not confined within the house. How easy it would be to run through the woods and fields and forget the pain of his injuries. Forget that he was hunted. Forget that his clan needed him.

His clan.

Athair had forgotten about the problems that came with remaining in wolf form too long. Those problems being that he would become less human and more wolf.

Still, it tempted him away from his responsibility, away from his family, and his children. Rath and Dàn were possibly still in danger, and he needed to recover so he could go in search of them. But first he needed to have control of his magic again.

He heard Hope's soft step on the porch behind him. Athair forced his legs to take him back, and he lay down near the top of the steps. Once again facing the woods, it took all his strength to resist its appeal. He stared out for several more minutes and then, with a Herculean effort, he turned from the forest with a sigh to face Hope. He almost smiled when he saw she held a large knife slightly concealed in one hand and stood with the other one on the door handle. Despite her fear, she had come out into the night with him. But she had not come unarmed.

"What was that all about?" she asked.

"I am having some difficulties with my wolf form."Again, she deserved the truth, even if it led to her asking him to leave.

"In what way?" Her body was still tense, and she was ready to fight or flee as needed. Still, her voice held steady, and she appeared close to calm.

"The longer I am trapped as a wolf, the less I will feel like a man. I will turn feral."Already he felt and thought more as a wild animal would, sensing animals as either prey or predator, instead of by personality or even species.

She looked startled by this. Athair breathed in the scent of her fear. His own body tightened with the sense, preparing to take advantage of her weakness. He gritted his teeth against his wild instincts.

If I cannot regain control of my magic, I will continue to become wilder and eventually will lose my human self. If that happens, I will even forget I was a man at all. The simple act of forming his thoughts swept out the wild senses and focused his civilized mind.

"You would be dangerous."

"Most likely I would run for the hills and not be seen again. Other options are not ones I want to consider." Too much rested on his responsibility.

"Is there any way I can help you regain control of your…magic?" She stumbled over the word magic, but otherwise seemed to be dealing with the situation rather well. "Have you tried to change back since you woke up? Maybe you've improved enough."

"I have not tried. If it won't scare you, I can do so now."At her nod, he stood again and concentrated on the ritual of change. He allowed the soothing chant to fill his mind and flow over his body. The electric tingling that signaled the change surged through him as his body shimmered. Then the energy dissipated. He failed to complete the change or hold his form as a man.

Discouraged, he lay down again. Hope let out her breath, as though it were her own failure. "Is it the poison that keeps you from changing?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. It is a toxic compound that disrupts our magic. I was probably a fool to have allowed myself into this position."Although he did not know the exact compound, he could guess the base ingredient was wolfsbane by its violent effects.

She retrieved the bowl from the kitchen that she had prepared for him and placed it on the porch near his feet. "Your dinner is warm. Maybe that will help." She then pulled out a chair set slightly off to one side, several feet from where Athair lay.

"Thank you. It smells delicious."It was delicious. Hope had a very giving soul, to be willing to help him like this. To care enough to accept the strangeness he was imposing on her human life.