Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

I was all packed and ready for Barbados. Last night, after spending hours debating what to bring, I finally decided on my shortest shorts, several tank tops, and, of course, my white Speedo. Cass was so funny, telling me not to pack it, and suggesting I should bring something larger . Just thinking about it made me laugh.

I looked terrible in baggy swim trunks. My butt was so small it was almost nonexistent, but it did have a nice bubble… if you didn’t mind that it could fit in the palm of your hand. With room left over.

Cass wouldn’t look at me like he did on the pink sand beach if I wore my board shorts with flamingos on them.

Outside, a car horn honked, and I knew Cass had arrived. I hurried out the door and climbed in the back seat of his pickup .

“Morning Cass. Hey Sam.”

I didn’t know he’d be here. Had they driven together? Or had they spent the night together? Since Cass had admitted they were occasional lovers, I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibilities. Did they hook up on our last trip right under my nose? Were they together last night?

Both men were gorgeous, so thinking about it definitely got me hot, but also… jealous? Yeah, I was feeling a little jealous. I wasn’t used to sharing Cass’s attention with anyone. When he was with my dad, I spent more time with him one-on-one than in the company of them together. One of them was always working. After they split, my time with Cass was intentional—meeting for lunch, seeing a movie, a day at the beach, or fishing. I always had his undivided attention. But now, I had to share his attention with Sam, his best friend. His sometimes lover. How could I compete with that?

“I spent hours last night reading up on Barbados. Did you know they have an extensive coral reef system, and they have all these strict rules about it, like, there are certain types of sunscreen you can’t wear if you’re going snorkeling? And, of course, no standing on the reef or touching it. And if you get caught with a piece of coral, there are steep fines.”

“No, I didn’t know that. That’s fascinating,” Cass replied. “Did you know that, Sam? ”

“Fascinating,” he replied in a less-than-fascinated voice.

“Anyway, they sell pieces of it in the street markets and boutiques, but only the stuff that washes up on the beach during storms. Maybe I can find a neat piece to buy and bring home as a souvenir!”

“I’ll help you look for one,” Cass promised. He winked at me in the rearview mirror, and my stomach felt warm and gooey.

“I also want to try Fried Flying Fish! Have you ever tried it?”

“Can’t say that I have.”

Sam laughed, shaking his head. He had a way of making me feel two feet tall sometimes.

“What?” I snapped, trying not to lose my patience.

“I’ve been going to Barbados for years, and I’ve never tried the Fried Flying Fish.”

“Well, it’s a delicacy there. It’s what they’re known for,” I informed him haughtily. “That and the Cou-cou.”

“What’s a cuckoo?”

“Not the bird! It's made of cornmeal and okra. It tastes like polenta.”

“I’ve never tried polenta either,” he said obstinately.

“Well, it sounds delicious. We’re all going to try it for the first time,” Cass said, smoothing things over. “You have to taste their rum cake. Rum originated in Barbados, and they have the best anywhere. We’ll pick some up to bring back home.”

“The rum or the cake?”

“Both,” they said in unison. Then they looked at each other and laughed, and that ugly green monster reared its head again.

Feeling flushed with jealousy, I unzipped my windbreaker and laid it over my duffel bag beside me. Cass eyed me again in the rear view mirror and I felt the truck swerve, narrowly missing another car.

“That’s not one of the shirts I gave you to wear.”

The navy blue polo with the Harlowe logo on the breast looked exactly like the shirts he gave me. The only difference was this one fit much better.

“It is, kind of. You gave this one to me when you first ordered the T-shirts for the company.”

His face scrunched adorably as he did the math in his head. “That was years ago. Weren’t you in, like… eighth grade or something?”

“Something like that.”

“I guess that would explain why it’s so…”

“Tight?” Sam suggested. He turned in his seat, smirking at me. “You know, I can’t decide if you’re the most na?ve boy I know, or the most clever.” He looked me up and down, and I was beginning to realize I hadn’t fooled him for a second. “I'll let you know what I decide,” he finished, smiling.

Cass shook his head, as if to clear it, and turned his attention back to the road. “Our clients are Jack and Barbara. We’ll be gone for ten days, with two full days in Barbados. They asked us to book a glass-bottom boat ride for them, and we’ll also take them snorkeling. So you’ll get to see your reef,” he promised, smiling at me in the mirror. “We’ll have the boat mostly to ourselves because they’re staying with a friend on the island. If you'd like, I can take you sightseeing in our downtime.”

“I’d love that!”

I don’t claim to have much experience with men, more like zero, but even with my limited knowledge, I was doing my damnedest to catch Cass’s attention.

When he said, “Coil that line, Nicky,” I did, but I probably didn’t have to bend at the waist and stick my ass out, especially since he was standing directly behind me. Cass didn’t back up either, which said a lot… I think .

When he asked me to raise the flag, I reached for the line above my head, and my too-tight shirt from the eighth grade rose, showing off my midriff. It drew Cass’s attention.

After our guests disembarked in Bridgetown, Barbados’s capital city, we dropped anchor in Carlisle Bay. But first, we had to go through customs with Jack and Barbara, a boring and nightmarish experience that took about two hours.

Then I had him all to myself while Sam made a supply run. “Come with me. Let me show you my Barbados,” he said.

Yes, please! I wanted to see his everything .

Cass paid the admission into Hunte’s Garden, a magical botanical garden that was too beautiful to even be real.

“Pretend like you’re twelve,” he reminded me as he paid for my ticket. It was something he used to always do when I was younger. Given my baby face, Cass always got away with paying a child’s admission for me, even years after I aged up. He didn’t do it to be cheap, more like a game that had become nostalgic.

“Yes, sir, Daddy.” I gave him my best doe-eyed look, batting my lashes and smiling sweetly. There was no way I could pass for twelve any longer, thank God.

But Cass stalled. I thought he was just tucking away his wallet, but he wasn’t. He just stared at me, looking as if he'd been punched in the gut.

“Come on, show me your garden,” I teased, tugging on his hand.

We stopped at a reflecting pond, surrounded by birds of paradise flowers in the boldest shades of reds, oranges, and purples I’d ever seen. Every inch of this garden was filled with lush beauty. Lily pads the size of serving trays floated lazily over the water. Beneath the glassy surface, the enormous gilded koi moved gracefully.

Plopping down on the soft grass, I kicked off my shoes and dipped my toes in the cool water. I folded my arms behind my head and laid back in the grass, feeling the sun shine down on my face. My shirt rolled up, exposing my flat belly, and when I peeked at Cass, his gaze rubbed over my tight nipples harder than my fitted shirt was.

A lazy sigh snuck past my lips. “Do you think you’ll live out here when you retire? Just hop around from island to island?”

Cass folded himself into a sitting position beside me. He stroked his fingers through my messy waves. “I'm a little young to worry about retirement, aren’t I?”

“Heck.” I snorted. “I’m ready to retire here right now.”

Cass laughed. “You haven’t even begun to work yet. How can you retire?”

Fighting against the sun’s glare, I peeked up at him. “This place just makes you wanna quit life and be lazy every day.”

“Maybe someday,” he chuckled. “But I know one thing for sure.” He cradled my head in his big hands, his fingers sweeping over my temples in a gentle massage. “There’s no one I’d rather quit life with than you, little one.”

Little one. He’s always called me that, so why does it feel different this time?

“Are you ready to get out of here and go get stuffed with Fried Flying Fish and Cou-Cou?”

I sat up so quickly that I felt dizzy and splashed my feet one last time before putting my shoes back on. “Let’s go!”

“…And that’s when he said, ‘Because it’s Tuesday!’”

With his mouth full of fried fish, Cass laughed at my joke so hard that it dribbled down his chin onto his shirt. That just made both of us laugh even harder.

“This was delicious. I’m so glad you insisted we try it. I’m stuffed,” he complained, rubbing his flat, toned stomach. “Let’s go walk it off in the street market. We can hunt for the perfect piece of coral.”

This day—no, this entire trip—just kept getting better and better. Even with the guests and the boat and Sam, I felt like I had his undivided attention, and each minute that he gave me made me want another hour.

Cassidy Hart was becoming a habit I couldn’t break.

The market teemed with cruise ship passengers bustling around for a souvenir and a bargain. Cass bought me a rum cake, another stalk of sugarcane, a keychain that said, ‘ I left my heart in Barbados ,’ and finally, the most perfect piece of red coral. There was a vendor who sold nothing but coral and painted seashells and conchs. Most of it looked bleached and colorless, which happened after the coral died, but the red coral… It was out of this world!

“Cass,” I breathed in awe. “I’ve got to have that red coral.”

The vendor, an older man with beautiful dark skin and braids in his hair, the ends capped with tiny seashells, pointed to the prettiest piece. “It is said to guard against negative energies, like a talisman. It will protect you from harm, and the bearer shall have enhanced confidence and courage.”

“I’ll take it,” Cass insisted, unfolding a wad of money from his pocket. He didn’t even try to haggle with the man’s price. The man wrapped it carefully in paper and handed the bag to Cass, who, in turn, handed it to me. “I hope you always stay safe, and that you feel confident and courageous every single day.”

I didn’t need red coral for that. Cass made me feel confident and courageous, and, of course, he kept me safe. He was my talisman.

We continued walking, past stalls filled with exotic fruits and vegetables, T-shirts and tote bags, flip-flops, and people offering to braid your hair.

“Hold up, Nicky.”

Cass stopped at a booth of handmade jewelry. Earrings made of shells and tiny enamel starfish. Rings carved out of coral. Abalone hair combs. Did Cass have a woman in his life I didn’t know about?

“This one is perfect,” he declared, his fingers resting on a white puka shell necklace. He handed the man cash, and then carefully fastened the necklace around my neck. “This is for you.”

“For me?” I asked, touching the necklace.

Cass leaned in close, his words a soft whisper in my ear that sent shivers dancing down my spine. “All the boys on the island who like other boys wear these.”

For a moment, my heart stopped beating, and I felt hot all over. He pulled back and looked into my panic-stricken face. I grasped the bag in my arms tighter, clutching the red coral to my chest.

I am courageous. I am strong.

“I wanted to tell you, but I have to tell my father first.”

“And why haven’t you? Are you afraid of what he might say?”

“No,” I swallowed hard. “Maybe.”

“I promise you, Nicky, your father will be proud of you. He’s always proud of you. He loves you.”

“How did you know? Is it that obvious?”

Cass chuckled. “What makes you think your father doesn’t already know?”

Oh God. Did everyone know?

“Cass?” He just continued to stare into my eyes, smiling. “I-I like boys.”

Slowly, the smile fell from his face as the minutes ticked by in silence, and it felt as if we were the only two people in the world as the hustle and bustle around us faded away .

He drew closer, making my heart beat louder, my blood pump harder, and my breathing become shallow. I licked my lips. That drew his attention.

Cass was going to kiss me. My first real kiss.

I swallowed again. Someone bumped into him, and it shook him from his spell. He pulled back and then took a step backward, looking a little bewildered.

Hell no! No, no, no! This was my moment, and I wasn’t letting him get away that easily. Stepping forward into his space, I leaned up on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. Just a quick peck, but it was better than nothing. Cass’s eyes widened. Had I shocked him?

“Nicky,” he breathed, touching his lips.

“Thank you for my necklace. And, you know, for seeing me. Really seeing me. But then, you always have.”