Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I was pulling the French bread pizzas from the oven when I heard someone knocking on my front door. Tossing the oven mitt onto the counter, I went to answer it. The last person I expected to see standing on the other side of it was Nicky’s father.

“Brian,” I greeted, failing to keep the surprise from my voice. “Is everything okay with Nicky?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. He’s fine. Probably at home watching cartoons,” he chuckled.

He must have stopped by on his way home from work because he was still dressed in a suit and tie, looking like the sexy lawyer I remembered. The things I used to do to him with those silk ties.

“Come in,” I offered, opening the door wider.

“Thanks. I won’t stay long. I wanted to talk to you about Nicky.” My eyebrows popped up, and he was quick to reassure me. “He's okay. At least, I think so. I’m just worried about him.”

Brian followed me into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I just made some pizza.”

“No thanks, I’ll eat when I get home.”

I plated a slice of the cheesy French bread and leaned against the counter as I ate. “So, tell me what’s wrong with Nicky. What are you worried about?”

“I don’t know. He seems distracted lately, like he’s on cloud nine. Smiling, giggling, he seems happy.”

I was sure I looked confused as I asked, “Happy? Is that a bad thing?” Was it because of me? My ego swelled thinking of how happy I might have made my boy.

“I’m sorry,” he laughed, rubbing his face. “Of course it’s not a bad thing, I just wonder what the cause of it is. I was doing his laundry, and I found a pink thong and a tiny white Speedo bathing suit. Nick has never owned one of those. Is he dressing for someone?”

My heart thundered, and I worried it was loud enough for Brian to hear, which would give me away. The French bread stuck in the back of my throat. Setting my plate down, I turned to the cabinet and grabbed a glass, filling it at the sink with water to wash down the pizza. “I hadn’t noticed,” I lied, avoiding eye contact.

“Is he flirting with boys on the islands? Maybe he has his eye on someone in particular? ”

“Not that I’ve seen. But I’ll keep an eye out. He spends his time with me and Sam.”

Brian wandered over to the breakfast nook that was part of my kitchen. There was a basket of laundry on the table I hadn’t got around to folding yet. He sat down in the seat beside it, raking his fingers through his hair, and he sighed heavily.

“I don’t know. I feel like he’s growing up so fast, and with college looming, I feel like he’s slipping away. Like I don’t even know him anymore.”

“Brian, Nicky is the same boy he’s always been. You know him. Even though he’s growing up, the best parts of him will never change. It’s part of who he is. You’ve got to let go at some point and trust that he’ll make good decisions. Trust that you raised him right.”

“I know, I know. He’s just so… You know how Nick is; no matter how old he gets, I feel like he’ll always need looking after. I’m just glad he’s spending the summer with you and Sam, instead of God knows where.”

My conscience wasn’t just nibbling at me, it was taking huge bites. This man had been my partner for five years. I shared a life with him. How could I continue to lie to him? I stood there, debating whether I had the courage to come clean with him when the decision was taken out of my hands. Brian’s gaze fell on a pair of pink-and-purple plaid boxer shorts poking out from the laundry basket. He recognized them, and his eyes went wide, his face slack, before tightening in anger. He snatched them from the basket and folded them in his fist. When he turned his anger on me and my guilt was written all over my face, he knew. I knew he knew.

“You son of a bitch,” he growled, launching himself at me. His meaty fist landed solidly on my jaw, clipping my lip and busting it wide open. The pain in my jaw exploded along with the burning in my lip, and the coppery taste of blood bloomed over my tongue.

“Brian, don’t,” I pleaded, putting my hands up to block my face. He grabbed my shirt, tearing the collar as he twisted it in his grip.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now.”

I couldn’t even defend myself because I deserved his anger. “You should.”

That startled him enough to cool his jets for a moment. Brian let go of my shirt, but he didn’t step backward.

“Why, Cass? Of all the guys you could fuck, why Nick? Why my son?”

“I didn’t mean to,” I defended. “It wasn’t something I planned. It just…”

“Don’t say it. Don’t say it just happened. Shit like that doesn’t just happen. You don’t slip on the deck and accidentally stick your dick in my son's ass. It’s bullshit. Start talking.”

I moved around him to put some distance between us and struggled to drag a breath into my lungs. I was terrified to admit the truth to him, and pretty certain that he was going to hit me again.

“It was only supposed to be one night. Nicky came to me and…” No, I couldn’t blame this on him. I wouldn’t . As his Daddy, as someone who loved him, I couldn’t let him take responsibility for this. “I don’t know, Brian. I don’t know what to tell you. I love him. I always have, and I don’t know how to say no to him.” Looking him square in the eye, I finally admitted the truth. “I didn’t want to say no to him.”

“Is this about me? Is this some sort of way to get back at me for ending things between us?”

“No! It has nothing to do with us. I don’t blame you for the way things ended between us. I had as much part to play in it as you did. This is about me and Nicky. I wish I could explain it to you, but I will never be able to find the words to justify my actions. Things changed this summer, and, as you said, he’s growing up. We had all this… I don’t know, chemistry. It all happened so quickly, and before I knew it, I was in too deep to turn back.”

“You didn’t want to turn back,” he accused.

“No, I didn’t.” Brian did some deep breathing of his own, probably trying to get a hold of his temper. “You said he was happy?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Deliriously happy.” I risked a small smile, unable to hold it back. “You bought my boy that thong?” he asked angrily.

“No! God no.” I laughed, remembering my reaction to seeing him in it, and the white bathing suit. “I made him promise to leave them at home next time.”

Brian slumped down into the chair with his head buried in his hands. “I’m surprised Sam let you get away with such a stupid idea.” I stared at his brown waves, identical to his son’s, and watched as his head slowly rose, as he began to put the pieces together. “You and Sam? Sam didn’t stop you because he’s in on it.” Then he sprang to his feet, ready to kick my ass again. “That motherfucker touched my son?” His face was mottled red, and his eyes sparked with vengeance. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

I held my hands up to slow him. “Brian, nobody did anything they didn’t want to do. Nicky had a thousand chances to back out and he never once looked back.”

“So that’s it? You’re gonna pass my son around as your fuck toy all summer and then throw him aside in the fall when he goes back to school? With a broken heart?”

“No! Never. Nicky and I… I…”

“No! No, Cass, don’t you dare say it.” His eyes grew wet. He knew what I was going to say. “My boy is in love with you. I can tell, I can see it. I don’t know if it’s some silly crush, or if it’s more than that, but he’s in love, and if I try to talk sense into him, I’m afraid I’ll lose him.”

If I had any doubts about our future together, which I did—plenty of them—his assurance that Nicky was in love with me laid many of them to rest. He slumped down into the chair again, pinching the bridge of his nose, and wiped his eyes. I took the seat across from him.

“Brian,” I said softly, but he stopped me.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” I nodded instead of speaking. “What about next summer when you have to leave again and the summer after that?”

“He’ll come with me. We'll spend our summers together on the boat. And when he returns to school, I’ll be working at the marina, waiting for him to come home every day. I learned from my mistakes with you, and I won’t repeat them. The thought of jeopardizing my future with him because I put him second to the business scares the shit out of me. Nicky comes first, over the ocean, over the business, and even over Sam. Nicky is my priority.”

Brian sighed heavily. “I guess a part of me is relieved that it’s you.” Nothing he said could have surprised me more. “I’m relieved that he’s chosen someone who already loves him, that always has, and always will. Unconditional love. I’m relieved that he found someone supportive and understanding of the things that make him special, of his dreams for his future, and someone who will look after him and keep him safe.”

The breath I released was heavy with relief. Thank fuck, he was starting to come around.

“I just want you to know that this doesn’t mean I think what you’re doing is right. It’s gonna take a long time to wrap my head around this. I really don’t want to think about you doing to my son some of the things you used to do to me.”

I covered my face because I couldn’t hide my smirk, and I didn’t want to get punched again. Brian pushed to his feet, and I followed him to the front door.

“Let Sam know when I see him I’m gonna punch him in the fucking mouth, just like I did you.”

“I’ll let him know,” I said with a small smile. He deserved it just as much as I did. He walked out the door, but I called after him, “Brian.”

He turned. “Yeah?”

“I’m in love with your son, and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life looking after him, making sure that he laughs every single day, and that he’s happy.”

He gave me a single nod. “I'm gonna hold you to that promise.”

My mind was stuck on repeat, going over the potential consequences of coming clean with Brian. Besides Sam's imminent split lip, was there another price I’d have to pay for being honest with him? Would Nicky hate me? What if it changed his relationship with his father for the worse? That wasn’t something I wanted to be responsible for. The wondering and worrying were driving me insane. For the last hour, I’d been wearing a hole in my area rug, pacing in circles as I pulled out my hair. It was Nicky who saved me from spiraling with his text.

Nicky:

Want to meet for dinner?

When and where?

Nicky:

Shuckin’ shack, now.

Of course, he would pick that, his favorite restaurant. Grateful for the distraction, I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out the door. I arrived first and waited in the parking lot for him. A smile tugged at my lips when I saw him pull up in his red Jetta. It really was the perfect car for him—tiny and bold and bright, just like my Nicky. I rushed to open his door for him, and he sprung to his feet excitedly, wrapping his arms around my neck and planting a giant smooch on my lips.

“I’ve missed you so much!”

Untangling his arms, I laughed. “I missed you too, squirt.”

It’d only been two days since I had last seen him, but I missed him terribly. Starting my morning without walking into the kitchen to see him shaking his butt in his purple boxer shorts, or pink bikini underwear to whatever song was playing on his headphones was such a disappointment. I missed his run-on sentences and endless questions about ocean stuff and marine life. I missed his sunny smiles and even his giggling. After spending almost every day of the summer with him, I just didn’t feel like myself without him anymore.

When he pulled back and got a good look at my face, he gasped. “What happened to your lip?” he shrieked, looking concerned. “Did my dad do that?”

He knew. I wondered what Brian might’ve said to him. “It was nothing I didn’t deserve.”

“How can you say that?” he cried.

“It’s between me and your dad. I really don’t want to involve you in it.”

“How can you not? It has everything to do with me.”

“Nicky, I handled it. Your dad and I came to an understanding. It’s over. Let it go.”

“Well, now that he knows, at least we don’t have to hide anymore.” He popped up on his tiptoes to kiss the side of my lip that wasn’t scabbed and busted. “I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. ”

“You are? You told your father that?”

“Yep. Like I said, we don’t have to hide anymore.”

“And what did he say?”

Nicky scuffed the toe of his sneaker with the other shoe, averting his gaze. “He asked if Sam was going to be there.”

“Jesus Christ, he must think we are…”

“Wonderful,” Nicky cut in. “He thinks you’re wonderful because he knows you. So, is Sam going to be there?” he asked, looking up at me shyly with a wicked smile.

Only Nicky could pull off shy and wicked with the same expression. “Do you want him to be?” I asked, raising my eyebrows as I smiled.

“I mean, I’m not gonna complain if he is.”

I pulled his hips tight against mine. “My sweet boy is turning into a horny little brat.” I pretended to eat his ear, making him giggle sweetly. “You hungry?”

“I'm always hungry for conch fritters.”

“You seem extra excited today,” I noticed, smiling. “Extra bouncy,” I laughed.

“I just finished orientation! I can't wait to tell you all about it.”

Another relief—he was excited to start school. “I can't wait to hear all about it. Let's go order some food first,” I suggested, opening the door for him.

We snagged a table on the dock like always so we could watch the boats sail by and listen to the crashing waves. Nicky tossed bits of bread to the seagulls that dashed by, swooping low to catch their bounty.

“So, I have to take a bunch of boring classes before I can get to the good stuff. They're called prerequisites,” he informed me, as if I'd never been to college. I listened to everything he said, nodding and smiling as if it were all brand-new information. “My economics teacher, Professor Brantley, seemed really nice. He gave me a syllabus, so I know what to expect. I'm not great at numbers, but there's a couple of hands-on projects he wants us to work on in small groups, and I think it'll make it more interesting.”

“That's great. I know you're going to be great at this—like you are with everything,” I praised, earning a sweet smile. “Don't forget, me and Sam were also students once upon a time. If you need any help with your classes, you can ask us. I can't guarantee we'll have any answers for you, but you can try.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” he said quietly, so as not to be overheard.

I didn’t know what felt warmer, my chest or the fire those words ignited in my belly. I hadn't heard them since the last time I had my cock inside of him three days ago. Our waiter slid our plates in front of us and Nicky dove in, happily munching on his fritters while I dressed my blackened grouper sandwich.

“I can't believe this is going to be our last trip.”

“Yours, not mine. I have two more months before the season ends. ”

Nicky pouted. He was the only boy who could pull that look off and still look adorable. “I wish I could go with you. You're going to have all the fun without me. All those cute island guys.”

“Just think of all the fun you're going to have at college with all those cute frat boys,” I pointed out, smiling.

His eyes grew wide, and he shimmied in his seat. Did that idea turn him on? It seemed just about everything turned Nicky on these days. That's how it worked when you were nineteen years old with rampant hormones. What I hadn’t realized was how much I would enjoy exploring all the things that he found sexy, even if it was talking about other men. I never really wanted to see him in the arms of anyone other than Sam or myself, but the fantasy was hot as fuck. To ask him how it would feel or what he thought of it while I teased him made both of us hard.

Nicky stared out over the ocean, becoming quiet. “Tell me this isn't all just a dream, that it wasn't just one or two nights, and when I open my eyes, it'll all be gone.”

When he looked back at me, the smile slid from my face. He sounded scared, and I realized how much he wanted this, wanted me .

“It isn't a dream. It started that way, but not now. I'm in this for the long haul, baby boy, for as long as you want. ”

“So you're going to be my Daddy? For real? It’s not just a sex thing?”

“If you’ll let me. I'm not perfect, but I'm going to try my best not to disappoint you.”

“I don't think you could ever disappoint me.”

“That's not true,” I scoffed, thinking of all the ways I could completely trash this relationship. Probably without even trying. It was my usual MO. “But no matter how many times I disappoint you, I'm always going to ask for your forgiveness and do my best to make it right. That's my promise as your Daddy, and as the man who loves you.”

His face glowed like a switch had been flipped and someone turned on the light inside his head. “You love me? Not in a Cass way, but in a Daddy way?”

He was being serious, but he asked in such a Nicky way that it made me laugh. My boy was adorable. “Not in a father figure way, but yes, as your Daddy. As a man who loves another man. I'm head over heels for you, baby, and I hope to God you want forever with me.”

“I do, I do!” he squealed and then pushed out his chair, coming around the table to land in my lap. I squeezed him to me as he giggled and peppered his face with kisses.

“I love you, baby boy,” I whispered in his ear, pressing my lips against his warm, soft skin.

“Love you too, Daddy. And I love Sam, but not the same as I love you. Is that okay?” he asked, peering up at me, his face scrunched with concern.

I pressed a kiss to his sweet nose. “It's perfect, baby, just like you.”