Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

“I can’t believe it’s been ten years already. Happy anniversary,” Samson cheered, tilting his bottle in the air. I tapped my bottle of rum against his in a toast.

The aged sweetness of the Rhum JM XO we picked up in Martinique made it the perfect drink to celebrate the success and longevity of our business. I took a whiff from the bottle, the toasted nut, lemon, and sage, making my mouth water for a taste. Bringing the bottle to my lips, I took a long pull; the flavors bursting over my tongue—sweet mango, nutmeg, and cinnamon, as well as the brightness of the passionfruit and the smokiness of the caramel.

“To Harlowe Charter Adventures.” Samson laughed. “I can’t tell you how many times people refer to us as Mr. Harlowe instead of Hart and Barlowe.”

“It happens to me, too. Seems like yesterday we were just a couple of dumb kids; dreamers with a college degree and a half-baked idea of starting a charter business. Now we own two boats and we’re busy almost every day from April through September.”

“Feels like a dream, doesn’t it?” he asked, tilting his bottle to his lips.

I watched his throat slide as he swallowed. It always turned me on watching his Adam’s apple bob in his long, slender neck, covered with a shadow of dark stubble. We were like night and day, and not just our personalities. Where Samson was dark, I was light. Sandy-brown hair highlighted by the sun, hazel eyes, and my skin, though tanned, was still shades lighter than his olive tone.

“We’ve been all over the Caribbean and the southern hemisphere. We’ve seen Mother Nature at her most terrifying and her best. We spend our days under the sun, fishing, snorkeling, and scuba diving, and our nights under the stars, bouncing from one bar and nightclub to the next. I can’t even count how many gorgeous men we’ve entertained or the amazing memories we’ve made on our adventures.”

“We’re pretty lucky, that’s for sure.” He took another swig from the bottle.

The moment was blanketed in peaceful serenity. Waves lapped at the sides of our boat, creating the most relaxing soundtrack. The boat rocked me gently as I lay on my back on the deck, looking up at the glittering stars in the endless night sky .

“Do you ever feel like something is missing? Like maybe there’s more out there that we just haven’t experienced yet?”

“Don’t start with your bullshit,” Samson sighed.

“What bullshit? I’m serious.”

“What haven’t we accomplished that you feel we’re missing out on?”

I swallowed the rum and blew out a weary breath. “I don’t know… maybe you’re right.” Sometimes my wandering soul got tired, and I just wanted to stay in one place longer than a handful of days.

“Of course, I’m right. I’m always right,” he joked. “This is living, Cass. We’re living.”

Yeah, what could be missing? Apparently, we’ve got it all.

I shifted in my seat for what felt like the hundredth time and wished I were wearing looser pants—anything but these dress slacks and a button-down shirt. I lived on a boat for six months out of the year, and even when I was home in the off-season, I was never invited anywhere that I couldn't show up dressed in shorts or jeans and flip-flops. But I refused to be the guy that showed up at his kid’s graduation looking like I decided to stop by on my way to grab a burger. Nicky deserved better than that.

Not that he was actually my kid, but sometimes it felt like it. He was the closest thing I'd ever have to becoming a parent. Nicky really belonged to my ex, Brian. After five years with him and Nicky, he began to think of me as his second dad. I’d waited a long time to see him graduate.

Thank God I didn’t lose him when we split.

“Nicholas Laurent,” the dean announced. His name echoed throughout the auditorium.

“Yeah,” I cheered, fist-pumping the air. I spotted Brian six rows over, giving his son a standing ovation. He gave me a small wave that I returned with a smile.

Damn, he still looks good after all these years.

Nicky inherited a lot of his father’s looks. Dark, wavy hair that was always falling into his cinnamon-brown eyes, pale skin, freckles scattered across his tiny nose, delicate cheekbones, and plush lips. Nicky was… Pretty —and small. Maybe that’s why I connected with him so easily. I always felt like he needed the extra protection. Or maybe it was just because we had so much in common.

Nicky developed a love for the sea because of me. He spent plenty of sunny summer days on my boat, learning how to fish and swim, collecting a riot of freckles, and highlights in his hair.

He walked across the stage, accepting his diploma, and shook his principal's hand before turning to wave at the crowd.

My heart squeezed. I’m so fucking proud of him in his black cap and gown.

When it was all over, I met up with him and Brian outside the auditorium. Brian held a camera, taking pictures of his kid.

“Here, let me take one of the two of you together.”

“Thanks,” he returned and handed me the camera. “I'm glad you made it.”

“Me too. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

And then Nicky was in my arms, hugging me tightly. I squeezed him back, knocking his cap askew. He looked up at me and laughed, the freckles across his nose spreading wider with his grin.

“I’m glad you’re here, Cass.”

“Me too, kid.”

He always smelled like sandalwood and vanilla, his favorite body spray.

“Here, Dad, get a picture of us together.”

I slid my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into my side, smiling big for the camera. Then a group of his friends descended on him, claiming his attention.

“Hey, I’m going to go, but come see me soon. I’ll take you to lunch and we can celebrate your graduation.”

“Thank you for coming. I’m so glad you’re here.” He reached up on his tiptoes to kiss my cheek.

Short little squirt . I had close to six inches on him. I waved to Brian before heading to my car.

“So, how’d it go?”

Samson shuffled around me as I stood at the sink, washing our dinner dishes. My home was small, just big enough for me, and the tiny galley kitchen was barely big enough for the both of us.

“I ran into Brian. I guess it went fine.”

“What was fine, the graduation or Brian?”

“You’re hilarious. He barely said two words to me, just waved, and I took a picture of him and Nicky.”

“I bet he was glad to see you.”

“Who, Brian or Nicky?”

Sam gave me a cut-the-shit look. “Nicky.”

“Yeah, he looked pretty happy. Did he really think I was going to miss his graduation?” I scoffed. Ridiculous .

“Well, the season is underway, and we’re pretty busy.”

“I’ll never be that busy. You should’ve seen him. He looked so good in his cap and gown, all smiles,” I mused, smiling to myself. “I can’t believe he’s graduated. Next, he’ll be going off to college somewhere.”

“Has he said where he’s planning on going yet? ”

“No, not yet. I told him I’d take him out for lunch this week to celebrate. I’ll find out what his plans are then.” I picked at a burnt glob of cheese stuck to the plate with my thumbnail and sighed.

“Here we go,” Sam sighed dramatically. He did dramatic well.

“What?” I asked, glancing at him over my shoulder.

“You’re gonna get all weepy.”

“I am not.”

“Yeah, you are. Next, you’re gonna start with the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.”

Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes at my best friend. He thought he knew me so well. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not. You are.” He leaned against the painted, wood-paneled wall with his arms folded across his chest. “I’d bet ten bucks the next words that were about to come out of your mouth were going to be something about how maybe you could have made it work.”

“No,” I laughed, “I wasn’t going there. Brian and I… He’s a great dad and a great man, but he was never?—”

“The one?” Sampson supplied.

“Yeah, he wasn’t the one. But Nicky,” I dropped the dish in the rack and dried my hands on the towel. “I couldn’t walk away from him. He was such a cute kid,” I recalled, grinning. “With his mop of dark hair and big, round eyes, holding his fishing pole upside down. God, the way he wormed himself into my heart right from the beginning. Yeah, I couldn’t walk away from Nicky. He’s such a good kid. Not really a kid anymore, though,” I realized with a heavy sigh.

“Is he dating anyone?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Has he said anything about who he’s interested in?” Sam pinned me with an inquisitive look. “About his sexuality?”

My head snapped up, and I dropped the dishrag on the counter. “Do you think he’s gay?”

“Come on,” Sam laughed. “You don’t think so?”

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it.” Is Nicky gay? Would it matter if he was?

Yeah, it would definitely matter. Thinking of him with a girl felt… safe ? But thinking of him with a guy, a bigger stronger man that could maybe prey on him, or do the things to his tiny body that I do with my partners? Fuck no! The idea kicked my protective instinct into overdrive.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. You’ve known that kid as long as I have. He’s always been a little?—”

“A little what?” I asked, my tone sharpening.

“A little soft. Don’t get pissy with me. I know you’ve seen it.”

“What do you mean by soft?” Now I just sounded defensive.

“Oh, come on, Cass. The kid can’t wipe his own ass without your help. It was always Cass this, Cass that. ”

My anger cooled. Sam was right; Nicky had always looked up to me and relied on me way too much. And I never complained because… I loved it. I loved how he made me feel needed and appreciated. I loved being a part of his life.

“Brian had to work, and if I wasn’t busy, there was no reason I shouldn’t have helped out.”

“Please, you went to every parent-teacher meeting, every soccer game?—”

I couldn’t help but laugh, recalling how badly he sucked at soccer. Nicky was more interested in picking the dandelions from the field than playing the game.

“Anyway, I think I’ve made my point,” he finished, looking superior.

“I’m not making any assumptions about his sexuality. I’ll wait until he confides in me.” I realized he was staring at me, and when I looked up, his expression had changed. It was softer now, more genuine.

“I’m glad you had him. Sometimes, and I’m not saying that I wish I lived a different life, but sometimes, it can get lonely being out on the water. Maybe it would be nice to feel like someone’s waiting for you at home, like Nicky.”

Yeah, it's a nice feeling.