35. Dirge

THIRTY-FIVE

Dirge

W e were led to a private corridor with two doors on either side of the hallway and one at the end. As soon as our bear guide left us with the sheet of purification instructions, we all stood awkwardly in the corridor until people started heading into the five available rooms.

It was clear that they intended each couple to room together, but I wasn't sure that was a good idea, given how things had gone with the bear sleuth. Shay probably still wanted her space, and I didn't want to push. This day had been a complete clusterfuck, not to mention a roller coaster of emotion. She died in my arms, I was human again, we flew straight to a new pack—sorry, sleuth —of shifters who then reacted to my mate…

It was a lot, even if we weren't in the middle of the mate bond taking hold. Which we were.

Goddess, I didn't even know if her mate marks finished filling in. I didn't appear to have mine, but it wasn't the sort of thing you asked in a hallway, even one with glittery walls.

Damn, I wasn't sure I should ask. Especially not given the nagging fear that the Fetya's price was still unpaid, without considering the new complication that my half-fae mate couldn't die. So how would they be paid?

I shook my head, trying to shake off the unknown. I couldn't do anything about those things right now; all I could do was speak with my mate and prepare for the purification rituals.

Shay stood with Leigh, both of their heads bent over the purification instructions Jada had provided for us.

"Shay, can we talk for a moment?" I stayed a few feet away so as not to spook her.

Her head flew up in surprise anyway. She swallowed hard, but nodded, handing the paper to Leigh before stepping halfway toward me.

The distance stung—my wolf was pacing unhappily in my mind, demanding we close that distance and make her see that she should stay close by our side. We would protect her, not hurt her. But I ignored it and forced a smile I didn't really feel.

"It seems like they gave us enough rooms for the couples to pair up, but if you'd feel more comfortable rooming with Leigh, I'd understand. Or I can room with one of the guys, if you two would both like your space." I worked to keep the smile steady, ignoring my wolf's angry protests.

"Oh, I—" She quickly took stock of the number of doors, and I could practically see her doing the mental math. She shook her head. "I would like to room together, unless you don't want to? We should talk before we dive into all this." Shay hesitated. "About earlier."

Ahh.

"Yes, I'd love to room together. If you're ready…" I glanced over at Leigh, who was waiting to see how it all shook out.

Shay spun back to her friend with an apologetic expression.

"Go, make kissy-kissy with Fluffy. I'm going to lie in the middle of the bed like a starfish and stare at the ceiling for the next forty-five minutes before we have to start this." She shook the paper and turned to leave, but I called after her .

"I'm human now. Don't you think you should call me Dirge?"

"Nah, you'll forever be my pet, wolf-man." She flipped me the bird over her shoulder, then shut the bedroom door.

I just laughed.

"Sorry about her," Shay murmured, a pink flush staining her cheeks. "She grows on you, I promise."

I had an intense urge to throw my arm around her shoulder as we walked to the only remaining empty bedroom, but I held back. "Don't apologize. I like her fine. Not as much as you, obviously, but it's hard not to like someone who's so devoted to your other half." I winked at her as I held the door open.

She ducked her head as she slid in past me, and the need to touch her, run my fingertips along her cheekbones, and see how far down that blush extended rode me hard, but I just took a deep breath in through my nose as I shut the door and steeled myself.

I could not get handsy after this morning. Could not, would not .

When I turned back toward her, she was walking around the room, running her fingertips over everything. Ours were smaller, less opulent quarters than Jada's sleuth's had been, but they were still the nicest we'd been in so far on this journey, and not just because I was actually human to enjoy them.

Our room was equipped with its own private hot spring, with steps into the steaming water carved right out of the sparkling stone, worn smooth. A single, king-sized bed loomed against one wall, carved out of beautiful, dark wood and spread with sumptuous, white blankets. And of course, the walls were rough-cut gemstone, casting a pinkish-purple hue over everything where the light reflected off them.

Mostly, though, it was Shay who took my breath away. She was quiet as she perused the room, the buckles on her shoes making soft music as she walked. But even in silence, she was music personified. Every motion a graceful note that added to the symphony. The air around her bloomed with her scent, soft and inviting. Her profile was stunning, from her perfectly straight nose and soft cheeks, down to lips kissable enough to make a man do stupid things.

She was perfection, in every sense of the word.

When she spoke, it caught me off guard because I'd been so wrapped up in studying her.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

I rocked back on my heels in surprise. "You have nothing to apologize for, muzic? mea. Absolutely nothing. You don't owe me your body, and I hope you know that. Mates or no, you owe me nothing."

She shook her head. "No, that's not—" She broke off with a sigh, then sank to sitting on the end of the bed. "I'm not good with words."

A chuckle escaped before I could stop it as I crossed the room to sit at her side. "I've been stuck in wolf form for years. I guarantee you're better than I am."

She snorted, but her gaze flitted quickly up to meet mine, then skittered away. She was still nervous, and I hated that. I wanted her to trust me enough to be comfortable, as she had been before. Though, it hadn't escaped my attention that she was nervous around men and often silent in mixed company.

"Do I make you nervous now that I'm a man again?" I asked the question, even though I suspected I already knew the answer.

She ducked her head, and my suspicions were confirmed. But I still wanted to hear it from her lips, to understand her. I craved knowing her, every little facet that made her who she was. I would never get tired of listening, of learning my mate. But I had to be patient.

Luckily, we had a lifetime.

"A little," she finally admitted .

I thought for a while before slowly extending my hand, palm up. She stared at it for only a second before carefully placing her hand over mine and lacing our fingers together.

"I would never, ever hurt you, Shay. And just because we've experienced some things, doesn't mean I expect?—"

"Please, no. Don't… don't backtrack or apologize. I'm not afraid of you, not really. My wolf knows you won't hurt us. It was just instinct, if that makes sense?"

I froze, not wanting to move or breathe or do anything that would stop her from talking to me, even though my wolf was howling about the fact that her past had been terrible enough to give her instincts to flinch away from us.

When I realized she was waiting for an answer, I nodded.

"Dax grabbing me like that…" She shuddered, then forced herself to continue. "Him grabbing me brought back some bad memories. And in that headspace, I wasn't here, safe with my mate. I was… there, then. A little girl whose wolf had to save her from the bad men."

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about that, really. I just… I just wanted you to know that I don't think you'll hurt me, and I'm sorry. Sorry for letting the past get in the way of the present. And I hope you can understand that it might happen again."

Shay bit her lip when she finally looked up and held eye contact with me.

I moved slowly as I reached up and freed her bottom lip from her teeth, and she didn't pull away. Her skin was smooth and soft beneath my thumb, and I had to resist the urge to shudder at the heat that ignited inside me at the small touch.

Resisting my mate was going to be sweet, sweet torture.

"You never have to apologize to me. All I see is a strong, gorgeous woman sitting in front of me. And if you'll let me in, we can conquer those bad memories together. On your terms. "

She gasped as my thumb traced the shape of her mouth, tongue darting out to tease the tip.

I growled low in my throat then. I couldn't help it. She was playing with fire, and I was desperately holding on to my control, trying to ignore the halfie already pressing against the zipper of my borrowed jeans.

"I would like that. A lot," she added on a whisper. We leaned in, each of us subconsciously closing the distance as electricity seemed to crackle in the air around us.

But the air had nothing on Shay. When our lips met, it was like the world tilted on its axis. Everything that mattered in the world faded in comparison to the woman in front of me, whose lips tasted like the sweetest pomegranate and who smelled like home. Her small hands landed on my chest, fingers twisting into the front of my shirt as I buried my fingers in her curls, anchoring myself so I couldn't lose her.

Our heads tilted in perfect synchronicity, and when her lips parted, I plunged in, sweeping through her mouth, tasting, teasing. She matched me stroke for stroke, still holding me tightly as I devoured her.

When an insistent knock at the door interrupted us, I groaned, but didn't let her go. We pulled apart just enough to let our foreheads touch, our heavy breaths mingling as I took a second to compose myself before calling out.

"Yes?"

"If you don't start showering now, you won't be ready for the ritual start time. If you two are coming, that is?"

There was a question as well as a suggestion in Reed's voice, and Shay blushed again, ducking out from under my touch.

"I'll go hop in first," she murmured, darting for the bathroom door.

I walked to the door of the room and pulled it open so I could see my brother face-to-face. "We're coming."

Reed nodded, but took a step back, waving his hand in front of his face. "The pheromones in that room are enough to knock me on my ass."

"Say that to Shay and I will knock you on your ass. She's shy."

Reed grinned. "I know, and I wouldn't dream of embarrassing her. Your wolf picked a good one."

I nodded, gravely this time. My wolf had picked the best one, and I needed to keep my head on straight and protect her instead of getting caught up in the physical. We still needed to talk about the news regarding her parentage, if for no reason other than to tell her it didn't change a thing for me. But we had time. Time to talk and figure out what to do about the Fetya's curse.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Reed asked, concern immediately replacing the good-natured teasing from a moment before. "Is she still upset about Dax? I've been assured by Jada's people that they were removed from the island and won't be a problem again."

"That's good," I said as the shower flicked on. "But everything's fine."

"Why do I not believe you?" Reed asked as I shut the door and turned the lock.

He'd better believe it, because I was going to make it okay, whatever it took.