16. Shay

SIXTEEN

Shay

" G oddess's tits!" Leigh swore as Gael dragged her back from the charging wolf.

I stood frozen in horror as Dirge leapt for the unshifted Iaoin's throat. Time seemed to slow, every ripple of his fur in the wind clear and outlining the deadly muscle underneath. Something inside me snapped.

My own wolf ripped free of my body in one hot wave, taking control as she had so many times before. When I needed her most, she never, ever failed me. She was already in motion before my conscious mind had caught up to the need. My relief at her reappearance was strong, but I didn't have time to dwell on it.

The impact of my shoulder slamming into Dirge's left me breathless, but did as intended, knocking Dirge's deadly flight off course. We both landed roughly off to the side, and somewhere in the dim distance, I heard gasps and shouts, but none of those mattered. Because for the first time, I was standing nose to nose with my mate, in the same form.

His eyes glowed a startling green, more vivid in this form. We stared each other down and paced in a circle. Was he going to leap? Attack, unable to stop now that he'd been triggered by Iaoin? I stopped pacing, lowering my front end, ready to spring if he made the wrong move.

But he did the only thing I wasn't ready for. He threw his head back and yipped, a joyful, celebratory sound. When he pounced, it was playfully, tail wagging like a pup instead of a full-grown man. Wolf. Whatever .

My wolf took over then, dancing with his and exchanging yips and playful swipes. A rush of warmth suffused me as I connected with him on a new level. I froze midcircle when I realized we had an audience, the human side embarrassed at such an unfettered moment being witnessed by strangers. As I cast a look over my shoulder at the gathered crowd, though, Dirge didn't stop. He took full advantage and pounced, knocking me onto my side and then following as I rolled over onto my back.

It was the most vulnerable position for a wolf, and mine didn't like it one bit. But then he was there, over us, eyes glowing a merry green. I held his gaze, staring deeply as we shared the moment. He broke eye contact after a moment to lean down for a better angle to lick my muzzle. First one tentative swipe, then another, and another.

It took me longer than it should have to realize what was happening. He was grooming me. Emotion swelled in my chest, even in this form, at the primal rush of connection that flowed between us then. He might not have been able to speak to me, not in human form, but the intent here was crystal clear.

He cared for me. Wanted to take care of me.

And my human heart broke just a little bit, even as the wolf reveled in the attention from her mate.

I couldn't say how long we stayed in fur, as time passing rarely bothers wolves. All I knew was that the crowd wandered off, night fell, and the only human who stayed with us was Leigh. Well, not the only one. Gael hovered fifty yards back at the corner of the building, keeping an eye on all three of us.

That male was confusing most of the time and then painfully clear at others. Their plight was far from my mind, though, by the time the urge to shift back finally came over me. Hunger gnawed rabidly on my belly, but I didn't want to risk hunting on lands where we were guests. So, with regret, I shifted back.

The cold night air hit me at once, sending goose bumps flying over my skin as a violent shiver racked my naked body. Dirge whined, pressing himself against my now-human legs.

While we were no longer in the same form, I could still feel his sorrow at the loss of familiarity plain as day. It was anchored in my chest like one of my own ribs.

"Here, I thought you might need these," Leigh murmured, offering me a pair of thick, lined leggings and a hoodie to pull on. I accepted them gratefully and dressed, the familiar scent of my bestie's clothes settling around me like a cloud.

"Better?" she asked at my contented sigh, and I nodded.

"Thank you." I paused, the ramifications of my afternoon-turned-evening interlude hitting me afresh. "Is Brielle mad? We messed everything up." My voice was small, faint in a way it usually wasn't with my best friends.

Shame pulled at me, the dereliction of my duty to someone who'd been nothing but loyal to me like a crushing weight over the fragile high of shifting with my mate. Everything with Dirge felt fragile. We had no mating signs, not truly, and if he couldn't shift, we might never.

The sorrow of that realization gutted me worse than any bullet, and I sank to my haunches, right there in the middle of the village .

Violent sobs racked me, and Dirge tried to push in, lick my face, but I shoved him away. He wasn't what I needed, couldn't be what I needed. Leigh's arms came around me in a tight hug, and she rocked me right there in the grass, on the cold ground under the waning moon.

Only after the tears stopped did Leigh's words come. "She's not angry at you, Shay. She's thrilled. Thrilled, do you hear me?" Leigh shook me lightly, making sure I didn't miss her meaning. "No one begrudges you this time with your mate. I mean, Iaoin was disgruntled, but Ilana tore him a new one for trying to lay claim to you when we're on a diplomatic mission. I like her." She said the last bit with an impish twist to her lips.

But I found no joy in it. "We're supposed to be at the feast. It's bad enough that I'm not there, but I took you from her too. She needs your support right now— our support—as much as I do. It's just… our lives were so simple before. How did they get so messed up so fast?" I scrubbed at my scratchy eyes, trying to erase the evidence of my breakdown.

She shrugged, unperturbed. "Shit happens when it's supposed to. Maybe lover wolf is important to all this. Maybe he has a piece of the puzzle we need to fix Bri."

"I hadn't even considered that," I murmured, sparing a glance for Dirge, who lay not ten feet away, a mournful expression clear on his wolf features as he watched someone else comfort me. But I hardened my heart and looked away. "We should go now. The feast is probably going to go on all night."

My stomach chose that moment to rumble, and Leigh laughed, throwing her head back, face tilted to the moon, soaking up the rays.

"I'm sure it is," she said once she could breathe again. "But what about Fluff Butt? Isn't he going to take issue with being around Iaoin?"

I thought about it, really thought about it. I didn't know how or why, but I knew in my soul that he'd been pulled free of his feral state. He could shift back.

He was choosing not to.

And I wasn't sure I could forgive him for that. I needed some space to process.

"I think it's time we're honest about where this is going." I swallowed hard, speaking difficult even as I felt the rightness of what I had to say. "The feast is for human participants. If he's unwilling to shift, he should wait in our rooms."

Leigh's jaw dropped as she glanced from me to Dirge, then back again. "I don't know if you've noticed this, but, uh, he's unwilling to leave your side. And anyone who tries to separate you two is in danger of meeting the business end of those canines. Droolius Caesar is determined ."

"Are you ready to shift?" I met his gaze, lifting my chin in challenge when I delivered the question.

He dropped his eyes, and my broken heart turned to shards. Tiny fragments that could blow away with the faintest wind.

"Then I don't need you by my side this evening," I said, the words leaving me hollowed out.

He threw back his head and howled, the mournful sound raising the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck.

Gael appeared from his position by the nearest building. "I can see him to a room." The offer was a pleasant surprise, and I nodded, even as Leigh tensed at my side. I gripped her fingers tighter.

"Thank you, Gael. You can take him to whichever room I'm assigned to."

He nodded and turned, not wasting any time, but Dirge hesitated. I wouldn't meet his eyes this time, keeping mine firmly fixed on the inoffensive blades of grass that were tinged silver by the moon.

"Come on, then," Gael murmured to the wolf. "She's not going to change her mind." Then, more quietly, he added, "Neither of them is."

I could tell he didn't mean for us to hear that last part, uttered under his breath. But we did, and Leigh leaned against me as if I were a raft, and she was adrift at sea.

The two of us were quite a pair as we watched the men we shouldn't love walk away into the night.