9. Nikolai

9

NIKOLAI

I am so thirsty.

It’s the only thought echoing through my pounding head as my senses pick up the smell of a human. The First has blessed me after all.

But as my fangs snap down, my body begging for a mouthful of blood, her voice breaks me out of my trance.

“Let me help you.” Those fierce hazel eyes sweep over me, not holding pity or triumph, but concern. Why should she care? “Please.”

I’m salivating for a taste of her. But now that she’s shoving the fogginess from my brain, the logic part of me is screaming to get away. I’m not in the state to make decisions, and I need to put distance between us.

I need some rest and some fucking blood.

I try to scramble back, but I can’t move. Instead, I let out a long, low groan as pain lances through my body and I feel fresh blood trickle down the shredded skin of my abdomen.

“You’re making it worse.” She still hasn’t come closer, and I see a flicker of fear dance across her features. “I can help.”

But she waits for me to agree to it before she tries to reach for me again. She’s put a little distance between us since replacing my bandage, and I wonder if she doesn’t trust me.

If she sees me like the other spineless vrakken.

That thought is enough to soothe my desire to drink from her. I manage a soft nod, and relief floods her features as she comes closer. I let my head droop back against the cool rock.

“You shouldn’t have flown,” she murmurs as she gets a closer look. “It’s made your wounds worse.”

I grunt in response.

Suddenly, she stands, walking away. I can hear her outside the cave, muttering to something – herself, I suppose – though I can’t make out what she is saying. I wonder if she’s going to come back as time runs together and blackness edges into my vision.

But then her footsteps pull me back to the moment, and when she kneels next to me, I see the leaves of healing plants in one hand and a makeshift bowl of water in the other.

“I’m Jessa, by the way,” she murmurs as she sets both down.

Jessa , I think. What a beautiful name.

She moves slowly, making sure her actions are clear as she inches closer. I force my body to remain still, fingers curled tightly into fists to resist lashing out instinctively.

Gently, she peels away the already soiled bandage around my abdomen she just wrapped there. I can't hold back a grimace as the pressure pulls at torn flesh. But her touch remains light, clearly trying not to cause me more pain.

Her brow furrows in concentration as she cleans the gashes as best she can. The care in her ministrations surprises me. She has no reason to show me such kindness. I search her face for any sign of disgust or lingering fear, but find only compassion.

Once the wounds are wrapped securely with a fresh binding of cloth and leaves, Jessa sits back on her heels, gaze tentatively meeting mine.

"Try not to move too much. You've lost a lot of blood." Her voice is soft but firm.

I give a small nod of acquiescence, taken aback by this human who selflessly aids a monster like myself. Perhaps she possesses a purity of spirit I have not encountered before.

A wary instinct still whispers to me to be alert, but her healing touch eases some of the darkness clouding my mind. For now, I will allow this unexpected respite she provides. My body needs rest to recover, and her presence seems to grant that.

“Do you have a name?” she says as silence wraps around us.

I shift slowly, finding it in myself to pull up into a seated position. “Ni–” A cough shudders through my body and I have to fight through it as it racks me. My body is healing, trying to clear the blood from my lungs but I am still too weak. I need blood.

“Nikolai,” I wheeze once the fit is over.

A small smile spreads across her face, and my heart stumbles. “What a lovely name.”

Before I can reply, another coughing fit pushes through me, and I hunch forward, sliding back to the cavern floor, unable to support my weight any longer. Jessa rushes to my side, but can do nothing as I struggle to breathe.

She turns, grabbing the bowl of water. "You need fluids," she says, bringing it to my lips.

I turn my head away sharply. "I don't drink water.”

“You don’t...” She shakes her head. “You need to replenish your fluids,” she says again sharply.

“I drink blood.” The words slip out before I can restrain them. I don’t have the energy to keep arguing with her or bother with edging around the reason.

Jessa pauses, eyes widening briefly. But she doesn't press for an explanation. She simply sets the bowl aside. I'm grateful for her tact.

Then, to my shock, she holds her slender wrist in front of my mouth in offering. "Take what you need," she says steadily, though her pulse flickers rapidly under her skin.

The temptation proves immense, my concentration fractured by thirst and pain. I can nearly taste the sweet metallic tang as my fangs elongate instinctively. But I clench my jaw tightly shut.

"No." My refusal comes out as a hoarse rasp. "I cannot." To bite this innocent human who has shown me nothing but kindness would be unforgivable. I had to save her from another’s bite, and I know I can’t restrain myself right now. I barely did before.

With immense effort, I turn my head away from the proffered wrist. A low noise of frustration escapes my throat, but I will not give in to weakness.

Jessa withdraws her arm slowly, nodding. "Then I'll find you something else," she says after a moment's thought.

Before I can protest, she slips out of the cave into the forest. I'm too weak to call after her, anxiety swirling that she'll meet danger out there unprotected.

But she returns swiftly, holding a small furry creature with tiny horns - a suru, I realize. My fangs lengthen as the scent of blood hits me.

"It was already dead," Jessa explains quickly, seeing my reaction. She holds it to my lips.

I clamp down on the suru's neck, warm blood filling my mouth in a dizzying rush. Power thrums through me with each swallow, the very cells of my body rejoicing. I can feel my torn flesh start to knit back together, healing finally started – marginally – by the vital fluid.

The blood coats my dry throat like honey, making a small difference in a bone-deep thirst. Small drops of strength seep back into my weakened limbs. But my mind is still clouded by pain and hunger.

I drain every precious drop from the suru, before reluctantly releasing the small carcass. Jessa watches silently, making no comment on what she's witnessed.

"Thank you," I rasp, meaning it deeply. But my head lolls back, strength still evading me.

It was enough to staunch the bleeding in my abdomen, but the blood is already used up, my magic trying to ring out every bit of strength I have as soon as I get it.

“You need more,” Jessa says.

“No-” I can barely open my eyes as I reach out for her but she’s already gone. “Wait.”

It seems the little human is stubborn, though. She comes back with another suru, a caesin, and a small iypin. She claims they were all already dead, which is lucky for me, at least.

With each animal, I feel the smallest shift in my body, but it’s not enough. I’m still thirsty, still in need of more, and I think Jessa can see it. After the fourth carcass hits the ground, she takes a seat next to me, peering at me with an analytical gaze.

“What?” I say, my throat still rasping. My blood has clotted, my leg somewhat healed, but my body is still weak and defenseless.

“You need more,” she muses.

I’m about to protest when I realize she’s right. I’ve never been so badly injured, and I have always heard that human blood is the best for us. It makes us the strongest, and I know that as little as I want to give in, I’m going to have to.

Otherwise, it could take weeks to heal and I can’t keep Jessa and I out here. Already, the accolades must be wondering what delayed me a day. It’s making my position look shaky, and if I don’t show up – or worse, someone finds me injured out here – it will only make my mission harder.

Not to mention I fear what will find us if we stay here too long.

What will find Jessa.

I stare at the pile of drained carcasses, knowing that hunting could be just as dangerous. She can’t keep going out there. But Jessa is right – I need more blood to properly heal.

A lot more.

As much as it pains me, I know what must be done. I meet her steady gaze and give a small nod.

“I won’t heal without it,” I acquiesce.

Jessa extends her wrist once more without hesitation. But still I hesitate, fear and self-loathing rising within me. She does not understand the risk. One misstep, a second of lost control, and I could end this innocent life.

I close my eyes, praying that I will have enough restraint. When I open them, Jessa waits expectantly. With a shuddering breath, I take her slim wrist in my hand. Her pulse flutters against my thumb, but she does not pull away.

Leaning in, my incisors snap down as the mouthwatering scent of her skin fills my scenes. Breathing deeply, I close my eyes.

Please, Akeladama, I beg silently. Don’t let me indulge too much.