22. Nikolai

22

NIKOLAI

“ H ave you seen Jessa?” My hands are clasped by my back, my wings pinned back, and my face expressionless as I wait for Lev to turn around. My forced apathy doesn’t change the anger roiling through me that I have resorted to asking him where she is.

It gets under my skin that another male would know her more than me.

He turns around me with eyebrows raised. Besides the one time I told him to teach her, I’ve never acknowledged her existence. “Not since yesterday.”

I nod and turn on my heel, no longer interested in talking as panic seizes my gut. The sun is setting, and I haven’t caught a glimpse of her all day.

It didn’t surprise me when she didn’t come to morning sermon. Though that didn’t stop me from unleashing so much pent up frustration on another two vrakken in the training ring.

And she seemed to avoid the courtyard all day, too, which wasn’t shocking either. Though I didn’t see her in the dining hall or around the plants, I assumed she was in her room.

But now that she has missed the evening sermon, too, and no one has seen her, I’m growing paranoid. Last night’s events may have me on edge, especially since she’s never locked herself away just because she’s mad at me.

I stride the halls, growing unease gnawing at me with every room I find empty. Jessa's continued absence after our fight shouldn't drive her into such seclusion.

By the time I reach her vacant room, dread is creeping down my spine like icy tendrils. I'm turning to leave when her roommate Alina enters, stopping short at the sight of me.

"Oh! Hello, Nikolai," she says in surprise. "Are you looking for Jessa too?"

I freeze, pulse spiking at her words. "Too? You can’t find her either?" I demand sharply.

Alina frowns, taken aback by my tone. "No, but it’s not that abnormal. She’s usually in the temple or checking on the crops before I’m even up or after I’m in bed…” Her expression creases. “Though if you’re here, I’m assuming that’s not the case.”

I shake my head sharply. “It’s not.”

Rocking back on her heels, Alina says, “You know, Jade was just telling me that she thinks she saw her this morning. That’s why I wasn’t worried.”

I saw her this morning, too, though I’m not about to tell Alina that. “Where?”

“Around the northside of the base. She said it looked like she was leaving, though. I thought she was just getting water for the plants or something. But if you haven’t seen her…”

My jaw tightens, mind racing wildly. Leaving the base alone? What was she thinking? Fear and frustration wars within me. I shouldn't care what the reckless girl does, and yet...

“When was this?”

"About midmorning, I think." Her voice rises in concern, eyes searching my face. "Nikolai, is everything okay?"

"I'm going to find out," I grit out. I'm already striding for the door, pulse thundering in my ears. I should have known Jessa would do something foolish and dangerous. But if she still hasn’t come back and it’s already dark – especially with the kind of creatures in the wildspont…

I shove down the clawing anxiety as I stalk across the grounds, headed for the shadowy tree line. She couldn't have gone far, I reason. I just need to track her down before trouble does.

Because if anything happens to that stubborn, reckless girl, I'll never forgive myself.

I hurry to the scouts' post, barely restraining myself from a full on sprint through the woods. As soon as they are in earshot, I pin the nearest scout with a piercing glare.

"Did any of you encounter a human girl with curly brown hair and hazel eyes today? She was near here in the woods?" I demand, careful to keep my voice low, my hands clasped behind my back as they ball into fists, and even despite the anxiety churning within me.

The scouts exchange uneasy glances, shifting on their feet. One finally clears his throat awkwardly. "We, uh, may have caught someone matching that description. She slipped into the tunnels behind us before we realized and was taken before the Council for punishment."

For a moment I'm too stunned to react, torn between white-hot fury and ice-cold dread. She followed them alone into the tunnels? Confronted the Council without guidance or permission?

As the shock fades, stark fear settles like a stone in my gut. I've heard the horrific fates that await humans who stand defiant before the Council uninvited. And one as bold and reckless as Jessa...

My hands clench into fists, nails biting into my palms. I grab the nearest scout by the front of his tunic, wings flaring wide in undisguised threat.

"And you did not think to stop her from leaving the base?" I snarl through clenched teeth, face inches from his.

He holds up his hands placatingly, eyes wide. "We didn’t catch her until it was too late. Once she entered the tunnels, her fate was out of our hands."

Cursing under my breath, I roughly release him. As much as I long to unleash my fear and frustration on him, my anger matters little now. Somehow I must find Jessa and bring her home before the Council's judgment can be carried out.

I turn on my heel, fighting the icy panic rising within me. I can only pray I'm not already too late.

I race through the winding tunnels, desperation fueling my speed this time. My lungs burn but I push harder, Jessa's life potentially hanging in the balance.

Skidding to a halt outside the Council's chamber, I slip inside the tunnel and try to calm my racing heart. With my wings pinned up and back, hands clasped behind my back, and my features schooled into a neutral expression, I enter the room.

Brinda’s eyebrows as she spots me. “Something wrong with the base?” she asks as she takes me in.

I shake my head. “No, Matriarch. My plans continue to restore the balance of the base.” I am careful to keep my tone slow and bored. “One of my accolades does seem to run off. You haven’t happened to see her, have you? Little human with curly brown hair?”

Brinda leans forward, bracing her elbows on the stone table as she surveys me with piercing eyes. Her gaze sweeps my state, assessing me in a way I don’t care for.

"You come all this way for a mere human girl?" she remarks, one eyebrow raised.

I clench my jaw and then catch my reaction, correcting it. Based on the way Brinda’s lips are curling, she saw it before I could. I curse inwardly at letting volatile emotion rule my actions. "She’s been training in the temple and it would be a waste if all the work had vanished," I hedge through gritted teeth.

Brinda smiles slowly, venomous fangs glinting in the torchlight. "I see. The defiant girl proved quite bold in arrogantly demanding we make her one of us.” A bitter taste taints my mouth at her words, and I’m already fighting to push away my emotions as she adds, “I was amused, so I gave her a chance to prove her worth."

My wings rustle and my muscles tense before I can mask it. They indulged Jessa's arrogant demands? Relief wars hotly with apprehension within me.

"You offered her a trial?" I ask carefully, unsure whether to be grateful for the opportunity or fearful of the danger Jessa now faces.

At one point, the trials were designed to prove the worth of a human who wanted a vrakken mate. If they had been utilized, it might have been good for our race. But without the Council’s watchful eyes, so many humans were Made without undergoing the test of the trial, many not even surviving the Change.

If Jessa survives it, she’ll be Made as one of us – a fact I’m not sure how to feel about – but if she doesn’t…

"Indeed. As we speak, she’s infiltrating a dark elf camp for intel." Brinda fixes me with her piercing gaze. "Unless you believe your human pet is incapable of succeeding?"

I meet her eyes unflinchingly, ignoring the subtle barb in her words. "And should she fail this trial, what fate awaits her?"

Brinda examines her nails indifferently. "Failing means she was caught, so she’ll be left with the dark elves for whatever they see fit.” Her eyes rake over me. “But perhaps such a demise might move you to take a mortal mate, goddess-blessed?" She smirks. “The First only knows what your venom would create.”

I stiffen, sensing the probing suspicion underlying her words. But I merely bow my head in acquiescence. "I pray only that the girl proves worthy of your generosity in this chance."

But my nails bite into my palms behind my back, giving away my deception. I cannot let the Council glimpse how deeply clawing fear for Jessa's safety has taken root within me, poisoning my heart with helplessness.

Brinda's gaze bores into me a moment longer before she sighs, waving a hand dismissively. "Very well. You may take your leave to return to the surface."

Relief floods me in a dizzying rush and I bow deeply before turning to go. I have to find Jessa before someone else does, and I can’t dare waste anymore time.

But Brinda’s next words freeze me in my tracks, blood turning to ice.

"However, the girl must complete her trial without any interference or she forfeits this chance. Not even you will be permitted to assist her. Or she might find that breaking our regulations is more…severe than if the dark elves caught her." Brinda fixes me with a piercing warning glare like she could hear my thoughts. "Are we clear?"

For a moment I see only red, fiery rage flooding every sense. How can they bar me from trying to save Jessa's life? She'll be slaughtered!

I rein myself in sharply, though my entire body trembles with the effort. I cannot argue without making things immeasurably worse for her.

Jaw clenched near breaking point, I give Brinda the barest inclination of my head in forced acceptance. Then I turn on my heel and stalk from the Council's presence before my tenuous restraint shatters completely.

Their foolish decree may have just condemned Jessa to a horrific death at the hands of the dark elves. And the blinding fear of never seeing her defiant smile or hearing her teasing laugh again threatens to engulf what little hope remains in my heart.

Especially because I have finally come to terms with something I should have recognized instantly…

And now I might not get the chance to tell her.