Chapter 15

Abby

My knees quake as I try to calm my racing heart. What was I thinking kissing Rojtar? Once was bad enough, but it was fleeting. A brief thank you for showing me something so amazing. A place where all the colors felt right . Almost as if I were back on Earth, but the Earth that came long before me and before the upper and bottom tiers existed.

But the kiss just now was different. It was the kind that leads to places I’m not ready to go and don’t know when I will be. Which isn’t fair to Rojtar.Kissing him had been incredible. For the first time in over a decade, when he’d wrapped me in his arms, I actually felt safe. Secure. Like I’m not alone. What’s worse though—the thing that terrifies me deep down into my soul—is how much more I wanted than just that kiss.

Soft snores come from Carter’s bed. I take in a deep breath to center myself and carefully make my way across the length of the floor until I reach the basin of water. I splash some on my face and grab the cloth nearby to dry it off. Several seconds pass while I hold the thin hide against my skin and breathe into it. Finally, I set it down and crawl into my own bundle of furs fully dressed already knowing I’m not going to get any sleep tonight.

Faint light spills through the opening above me. I’ve lain here and watched both moons float across the sky and counted the hours. Anything to quiet my mind and stop myself from thinking about Rojtar and that kiss. If only it had worked. Even now I can’t get the memory of the way his lips felt against mine out of my head. Or the way he held me tight like he’s as touch-starved as I’ve been. A fact I’ve desperately tried to deny.

What am I going to do?

I’ve been asking myself that since I laid down last night and I still don’t have the answer. The hurt on Rojtar’s face when I pushed him away keeps flashing in front of me, even if I close my eyes. I groan and throw back the furs. Since I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep I might as well get up. I really don’t feel like going out hunting today though. Not after what happened yesterday. Rojtar said we’d go together from now on, but, like a coward, I’m not sure I’m ready to face him yet.

A noise outside our tent draws my attention. There’s a light scraping sound whose origin I can’t determine. I get up and head for the entrance. On the other side of it is Rojtar. In his hands is a spear. A small, human-sized spear. He lifts his gaze to meet mine. The same heat and fluttery sensation I’ve been experiencing every time our eyes meet hits me again. I rush out so we don’t disturb Carter.

“What are you doing here?” I wince at the unintentional accusatory tone.

“I did not mean to wake you.”

I shake my head. “You didn’t. I was already awake.” Hell, I hadn’t even been to sleep.

He lifts the weapon. “I said I would make sure you had a smaller and lighter spear for hunting. I was not sure if you would be going out hunting today, but I wanted to make sure you were prepared.”

A voice tells me not to, but I reach out and take it from him anyway. It’s exactly as he said. The weight of it is easy. The shaft is small enough I can wrap my entire hand around it and hold it tight. I heft it up near my shoulder with ease. If we weren’t in the village, I’d attempt to throw it, but I don’t dare risk it here.

I turn my gaze to Rojtar. “Thank you. How did you find one so fast?”

“How does it feel?” he asks instead of answering me. “Is it still too heavy?”

“Not at all. It’s almost too light. Then again, I suppose that’s the point.”

He opens and closes his mouth like he’s not sure he should speak. Another second passes before he opens it again. “I am sorry for whatever I did wrong. I did not mean to make you fear me.”

God, I hate making him think he’s the one I was afraid of when all along it had been the way he made me feel that scared the shit out of me. It’s not fair to let him continue thinking it was his fault. “I’m not afraid of you, Rojtar.”

“But last evening…?”

“It wasn’t you.” I heave a sigh. “Someone I loved a long time ago hurt me badly. Not physically, but in every other way. What happened last night made me remember what it could be like to care for someone, and that is what has me afraid.”

Rojtar cocks his head but remains silent like he’s absorbing the meaning of my words. He must parcel them out because a flicker of light shines from his vertical pupils. It’s the same light I swear shone from them when we touched last night by the river when I took his bowl from him.

“Are you saying you could care for me?”

Considering Rojtar has never once lied to me, I owe him the same respect no matter how it terrifies me. “I can’t—won’t—make any promises, but yes, I think there’s a very good chance.”

He straightens to his full height as though pride has made him that much taller. Ever so slowly, he raises his hand and lays it gently along the side of my face. He’s so warm I can’t help but lean slightly into his touch. Warning sounds blare in my ears, but I force them to quiet.

Rojtar won’t hurt me.

I have to keep telling myself that.

“You have made me the happiest of males. I do not take what you have said lightly, and I will do everything in my power so you do not regret sharing your honesty with me.”

I don’t move as he bends to brush his lips across mine. What he lacks in skill, he makes up for in tenderness. No one has ever kissed me with the emotion I feel coming from him. Rojtar kisses me like I’m his greatest treasure. Emotions well inside, and I have to break the kiss. He drags his hand down off my jaw and I feel it all the way in my core. “Thank you for your trust, keeshla .”

I nod since I’m not sure I can speak. As though sensing my struggle, Rojtar fills the silence.

“If you would like to try out your new spear, we can head up into the hills and search for either more dreri or another herd of dhibani.”

Maybe hunting will help me take my mind off of us and this new development in our…relationship. “Let me wash up and change my clothes. I can be ready in about ten minutes.”

“I do not know how long that is.” Rojtar chuckles. “But I will go to my tent and get my sword and spear and wait for you at the central fire.”

“Sounds good.” Before I can second-guess myself, I give him a quick kiss and dash back inside.

Carter is sitting up in his bed with his too-long mop of hair sticking up everywhere. He studies me with an expression I can’t read. “Why didn’t you ever tell me somebody hurt you? Who was it?”

I forgot how thin the hide walls are. The conversation with Rojtar wasn’t meant for anyone else’s ears. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It happened a long time ago.”

“Is that why you don’t trust or rely on people?”

It’s so much more complicated than that, but it’s not something I ever plan on talking with Carter about so I leave it at a simple, “Yes.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute so we merely stare at each other. “I’m glad you’re giving Rojtar a chance. I like him.”

So do I. “Do you want to go hunting with us?”

“And watch you two make googly eyes at each other all day? No, thank you.” He laughs. “Besides I’m sparring with Talek and Cecily today. There’s a tournament going on and I plan on winning.”

“Good luck. I’m sure you’ll be great.” Now that we have that talk out of the way, I feel a lot better.

Since I’m now running behind, I dash around the tent getting ready. The second I’m done, I grab the lighter spear Rojtar brought me and hurry toward the central fire. Not that I think he’ll leave without me, but I don’t want to be rude and keep him waiting too long.

He stands with his back to me and I can’t help but admire his form. His broad shoulders block my view, and the breeze blows his hair making it sway across his back and swirl up into loops before falling down his back again. As I close the distance, I focus on the tail that pokes through a hole specifically made for it in his pants. While it has to be more than two or three times as long, it resembles the one belonging to an old Earth animal found in Africa that possessed a massive mane of fur around its head, except without the pouf of hair on the end.

My pulse skips a beat, and my core throbs with arousal. As if sensing my intense study, Rojtar turns and my body burns with a slow, steady warmth at his perusal. In a similar way, he scans me from head to toe. His pupils flare, and he stalks forward, closing the distance between us. I’m ensnared in his gaze, unable to move. I should be scared, and yet there’s a part of me that wants to run—in the hopes he’ll chase me.

A primal need within me calls out for Rojtar. I swallow the saliva that’s pooled beneath my tongue. There’s an invisible tug straight in the center of me that drags me forward until we meet with only inches separating us.

“Hi.” My simple greeting comes out far toobreathlessly, but he’s captured all the air in my lungs.

“Hi.”

I can’t help but grin at the human word coming from Rojtar’s lips. It should sound weird—alien—but it’s actually adorable.

“I’m ready when you are.” If I stand here too much longer I might do something I shouldn’t. Like kiss him senseless.

“Come then, keeshla , and let us hunt.”

Together, we walk toward the front gate where two young warriors stand guard. They salute Rojtar, who returns it. The sun sits low in the sky, but the air is already warming. A small amount of fog hovers over the field, but the heat will burn it off soon.

“You know, you still haven’t told me how you found a spear to fit me so quickly.” I tighten my grip on it, amazed by how much better this one is than the other one.

There’s such a long wait that I’m not sure Rojtar’s going to answer.

“I made it.”

My mouth falls open. “What do you mean, you made it? When did you have time?”

“It was important that you have one and I promised I would get you one, so I began it when I returned to my tent after I left you last evening.”

I come to a complete and abrupt stop and stare at his back until he too pauses and turns to look at me. “Are you telling me you stayed up all night making this?”

“I made a promise.” Rojtar says it like it should be obvious.

Something moves inside my chest and an ache forms. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

My whole body buzzes when I start walking again and catch back up with him. It also almost feels like I could cry, but they would be tears of happiness. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Not only has Rojtar offered Carter and me a new home, he’s also offered to teach me how to hunt. He’s also protected me when I needed it. Most of all, though, is he’s made multiple promises and hasn’t broken a single one.

Can I really trust him not to break my heart? A part of me desperately wants to say yes.