Chapter 10

Rojtar

It is difficult to withhold my surprise at Abby’s presence. While a tentative ease settled between us while out hunting, I have assumed since she left to go wash up that I would not see her again unless through another accidental encounter. Yet, here she is, seated beside me by her own choice and conversing with me. I have to wonder if I am perhaps asleep and this entire turn has been nothing but a dream. But I know I am not.

“Do you eat by the water often?” Abby asks. “I don’t remember seeing you around the central fire for the evening meal since we got here.”

My heart leaps that she has noticed my absence. As much as I do not want to remind her of my promise now that she is here, it is only right that I do. “I have not wanted to bother you with my presence since I said that I would not. So, I have been taking my meals either here or in my tent.”

Abby’s face changes color. “I’ve been pretty shitty to you, haven’t I? I’m…I’m sorry about that.”

“You do not need to apologize. It is as you said. I am the one responsible for you having to leave your home and start somewhere new surrounded by strangers.” Something I cannot regret and would do all over again, even if that means her being unhappy with me. “It is understandable for you to be upset and angry.”

Abby tilts her head and stares at me for several beats. “You’re really being serious, aren’t you?”

“Why would I not be?”

She laughs, but it does not sound humorous. “I guess in my experience, men don’t admit to being in the wrong. And they certainly don’t go out of their way to keep promises they made.”

“I do not know the kind of males you have dealt with in the past, but I am not afraid of taking responsibility if I have wronged someone, however unintentionally. How else am I suppose to learn and grow?” I no longer wonder why humans left their home planet. “As far as promises go, a person should not make one they cannot keep.”

“You’re probably the only person I’ve ever met who thinks that way.”

Then Abby has met all the wrong people, but I do not say this. “I am hopeful you meet more of us who think that way.”

One side of her mouth curls, and while I wish it were a full smile, I will take whatever I can from her. “You and me both.”

I glance around, surprised Carter still has not appeared. “Is your brother not eating with you?”

“I’ve been replaced, it would seem.” Abby chuckles but there is a hint of sorrow in it. “He’s hanging out with Talek and Cecily.”

Her sadness makes sense now. “It is difficult to watch kits grow and become independent, is it not?”

“More than I thought it would be. I’m not quite ready and yet it’s happening and there isn’t a thing I can do to stop it.”

A compulsion makes me speak. “Perhaps one day you will find a mate and have kits.”

Abby rattles her head. “Nope, not a chance.”

My heart sinks. “For a mate or kits?”

“Neither. Both. I have zero plans on marrying anyone or having children,” she says firmly.

Disappointment lies heavy in my belly. Not wanting a mate or kits is difficult for me to understand. I have not met a single Tavikhi—male or female—who does not want either of those things. Finding a fated mate is the single most wonderful thing to happen to someone.

“I take it you think I’m strange,” Abby says. “Based on your expression and lack of response, I mean.”

I choose my words carefully. “It is not something I have had experience with. A person not wanting a mate or kits. I thought it was what all beings wanted. To find that one person who is fated to be theirs for all eternity. Whose soul light is their perfect match. The male or female they are meant to spend this life and the next with. There is great comfort in that.”

“See. That’s where you and I think the complete opposite.” Abby shakes her head. “What’s comforting about being forced to be with someone not of your own choosing for your entire life? It sounds horrifying actually. What if you’re stuck with a person who treats you like garbage? Or beats you? No thanks. That’s not for me.”

“Deeka would never choose an unworthy mate for a female or force her to be his.”

Abby snorts. “I’m sure every guy thinks he’s worthy of a woman he doesn’t even have to work for. She’s just handed to him on a silver platter, and she’s supposed to be happy about it.”

There is so much bitterness in her words. It pains me to hear and makes me more resolved to never touch her. It would only make me selfish to see if she triggers my mating marks to appear. She has made it clear she would not welcome becoming my mate if that is what Deeka has chosen. I have done enough to hurt Abby already.

“Perhaps you are right.” The Njeri warriors were certainly not worthy males and tried to take one of our females from us to be a warrior’s mate.

She chokes and coughs. I glance around in panic, but she holds up a finger and her coughing slows as she reaches down for her water and takes several long drinks.

“Are you well now?” My racing heart has finally returned to its normal rhythm.

“I’m fine. It just went down the wrong pipe,” Abby says, although her voice is hoarse. She clears her throat and makes an amused noise. “You’re an unusual guy, Rojtar. Do you know that?”

“I am not sure what you mean. I am no different than any other Tavikhi male. At least not to my knowledge.” More and more I want to understand what has made this female the way she is.

She stares at me for many beats of my heart. It is like she is trying to learn as much about me as I would like to know about her. Her intense study does something to me until finally she slowly swivels her head side to side in tiny movements. “Do me a favor, will you?”

“Of course.” Anything Abby asks I will do for her.

“Don’t ever change.” With those words she stands and walks away leaving me to stare after her and wonder what she means by that.

I watch until she disappears from sight and then I take the last bite of the root vegetable before washing my platter in the river with the cleansing berries. When I return to the central fire, Abby is nowhere to be seen. I push down the disappointment and head for my tent. It is too early to sleep, but perhaps the other unmated young males I share a dwelling with will have some stories to tell of their hunting efforts or have knowledge of where game is plentiful.

Katem, Evren, Daveel, and Zalik are inside already. They are seated around the unlit fire pit in the center and pass a jug of the elder’s brew to each other as they laugh.

“Rojtar, greetings brother,” Evren calls out. “We are happy you could join us.”

I sit in an open space between him and Katem, and take the vessel. The scent of the liquid has a pleasant fermented fruit fragrance, but the burn it possesses while going down is always a jolt to the body at first. I turn to Katem and hand him the brew as a warm sensation settles in my belly.

“News traveled that you and the prickly female brought in two dreri today,” Zalik says.

I bristle at the description of Abby. Evren must sense my offense, because he claps my shoulder. “Easy, friend. He did not mean to insult your female.”

“Abby is not my female.”

He gives me a look I cannot decipher, but it is almost as though he knows I wish her to be. “Still, our tribe brother meant no insult. Is that not right?”

Zalik shows me his hands in defeat. “Peace, brother.”

Still not liking how he spoke of Abby, I loosen the tension I had been holding and nod. “Peace.”

“You did bring in a pair of dreri though, did you not?” Katem asks.

“Aye. I tracked them through the forest and happened upon Abby. Together, we found a small herd and were able to take down two.” It does not matter that I both found and killed the dreri, I will still make sure she is given credit.

“We’re heading into the hills tomorrow if you would like to join us,” Daveel offers. “There have been a number of dhibani spotted roaming about.”

As much as I would like to chance upon Abby again in the forest, the village would be better served by me joining the other experienced hunters to bring back more meat for our stores. I nod. “I will join you.”

“Excellent.”

We pass the jug of brew around twice more before finding our own beds. I lie on my back with my hands under my head and stare up at the hide above me. It is still just barely light enough to see. Images of Abby find their way out of my mind and project onto the tent surface. There is one of her in the forest the first turn I ever saw her as she squatted over the empty burrow. Another is her storming through the village searching for Carter and then turning her anger onto me. But the image that plays over and over again is the way she looked at me and asked me not to change.

I am not sure what it was I saw in her gaze, but it warmed me inside. There is something about being different than anyone she has known before that pleases me. So long as it remains a positive difference for her, then I will continue being exactly who I am. Perhaps then she will develop softer feelings toward me. If I am the luckiest of males, those soft feelings may even turn into love.