Chapter 9

Zara

There’s a hazy mist blocking my view. I squint and scan in front of me from side to side, but it doesn’t help. There’s nothing but darkness all around me. My heart races and a sense of dread builds in my belly. The kind where I can tell something bad is going to happen. I don’t know what and I don’t know when, but it’s coming. I just have to wait for it. My stomach aches with the nerves, and I do the deep breathing techniques I read about to try and quell the anxiety that is quickly rising. A sharp, stabbing pain hits my chest like I’m having a heart attack.

I keep my breathing slow and even, mentally talking myself down, but nothing I’m doing is helping. The darkness is closing in on all sides. It’s like I’m trapped inside a glass cube whose walls grow closer together, pinning me between them. All the air is being sucked out and I can’t pull in a breath. My lungs won’t inflate, and I’m slowly suffocating. The glass panes move another inch and I’m crouched with my knees pulled to my chest as tightly as I can get them trying to make myself as small as possible. Still, the cube shrinks.

A drop of wetness hits my hand. Then another. And another. I glance down not sure what I’m expecting to find. To my horror, blood drips onto it. I lift my gaze and scream.

“Zara, wake up. It is only a dream. Zara, you must wake.” The words are firm, but a gentle touch brushes across my forehead.

My eyes fly open, and I jackknife upright, barely able to catch my breath. Pain engulfs me. My chest aches as I gasp for air. Soft, comforting words are muffled, but slowly become intelligible.

A warm body surrounds me. It should increase the sense of suffocation, but instead I feel safe. Secure. “Breathe, keeshla . Slow and easy. It is nothing more than a dream. Be at ease. Breathe. That is it. Breathe again.”

My brain finally puts the voice with a face as Kyler continues to whisper encouragement. I don’t know how long we sit there with his arms wrapped around me while I mimic his breathing until we’re completely in sync. Our chests rise and fall together and with each inhalation we make, my breasts rub across his hard pecs, and arousal stirs in my core. I want to rub myself against him more fully, but the remnants of my nightmare linger. The contradictory emotions play havoc with each other.

Finally, I shift, which Kyler takes as a signal to release me, because his arms loosen and he sits back. We continue touching, but I’ve lost his embrace. I glance around at camp, but like my horrific dream, I can’t see a thing. I strain to listen and can make out the sounds of several different people breathing. If I woke anyone, they don’t give any indication.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Kyler asks quietly.

Fuck no. I don’t want to relive that shit, but the image will continue to haunt me whether I talk about it or not. I’ve carried so many burdens for twenty-eight years. It might be nice to share the load with someone.

“I was someplace that was pitch black, and this weird mist surrounded me. It was so real, I could feel the dampness on my skin. I could even smell it, like rain on a spring day.” The memory of the clean scent comes back. “But it was like I was locked inside four walls made of glass. With every breath I took, the walls moved closer together until I was forced to sit and try to make myself as small as possible.”

A shudder rushes through me as the sensation of them closing in on me returns.

“You are safe, keeshla .”

That wasn’t even the worst part. Now that I’ve started talking, I can’t stop. “Just when I thought the walls would crush me completely, wet droplets fell on me. I tipped my head back to look up and an eviscerated body was above me dripping blood everywhere.”

I turn to face Kyler. “It was me. The body was mine.”

That had been the most horrifying part. To see myself covered in blood and my own eyes staring blankly down at me.

Vomit churns in my stomach and I swallow it down.

“Here, drink this.” He passes me the skin of water and I take several sips until the queasiness settles.

A harsh breeze kicks up and the cold air nips at my skin. My arm aches, but I do my best to ignore it. I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back to sleep. Not after that. But knowing Kyler is here makes me feel better. I’ve had to rely on myself for more than half my life. Ever since Amelia left. Up until Bryce, I kept everyone at arm’s length. Even with him, I never allowed myself to be completely vulnerable.

Watching my friends open themselves up entirely to their mate has been a learning experience. Tavikhi males are nothing like human males. Still, I surprise myself when I ask my question.

“Will you hold me? I don’t think I’m going to be able to get back to sleep.”

“It would be my honor, keeshla ,” Kyler says.

Taking care with my arm, he lifts me onto his lap and cradles me against his chest. He’s so warm and solid beneath me and I rest my head on his shoulder. His sweet eucalyptus scent fills my nose and I breathe it more fully in. Like before, it’s a soothing fragrance that eases some of my tension.

I close my eyes and savor it, along with the heat that seeps into me. My muscles relax, and my breathing evens out.

“What made you decide to become a healer?”

“My nene became gravely ill when I was a kit. We all expected her and my baba to travel to the lands of the goddess,” he says. “I approached the healer and asked to apprentice with him, because I wanted to learn whatever I could to try and help Nene. He taught me everything he knew, and together we nursed her back to health. When he passed on, I took over as the village healer.”

“That must have been scary for a young boy. Watching his mom get sick like that.”

Although I can’t see it, I get the distinct impression he nods. “It was probably the first time in my life I had been truly terrified. But it was my nene who helped me see that death is nothing to be feared.”

I’m not sure I’d go that far, but I’m not one to shit on someone else’s beliefs. “I’m glad you were able to save her so you had more time with her and your dad. I take it you all were close? Your brother, too? What was his name?”

“Syler. I believe most Tavikhi families are extremely close, and ours was no exception. Even more so as fewer matings and births occurred,” Kyler points out. “Perhaps because we knew that we could soon see the end of our people.”

“You all don’t have to worry about the end of your people with us humans now, do you? Of course, one of us has to get pregnant first.” The minute I give voice to the idea, thoughts of just how to make a baby pop into my head and I’m acutely aware of where I’m sitting.

Kyler must also be distinctly aware, because he shifts beneath me as though suddenly uncomfortable. He clears his throat. “Yes, that does have to happen first.”

From what the girls have said, the Tavikhi warriors are virgins, since they don’t have casual affairs. As for me, there hasn’t been anyone since Bryce. Of course, after what he did there wasn’t a chance in hell I was trusting another guy. There also hadn’t been many opportunities for any action—even if I’d wanted to—since I left Earth for Tavikh less than two months after all the shit went down. I’d spent the whole time just trying to survive until the ship arrived.

I’m cursing the shit brain Njeri for not only kidnapping me, but for breaking my arm because as much as I’m feeling a little frisky, I’m not in any condition to do so. Certainly not with an audience. My body has other plans anyway. I groan in annoyance.

“I’m going to need some help again.” Might as well get over the embarrassment now. “Please.”

Like the last time, Kyler helps me to my feet and since I can’t see two feet in front of me, he carefully guides me deeper into the forest. I don’t bother trying to undo my pants. Instead, I let him take care of it. Thankfully, I’ve regained enough of my strength I’m able to stand on my own from my squatting position once I’m done. He pulls my pants back up, and together we make our way back to camp.

Kyler pours water on his hands and my uninjured one, which will have to be enough, since we don’t have any of the berries that serve as soap.

“Come, let us try and get some more rest before the sun rises. We have a long day of travel ahead of us.”

As much as I’m not really tired, he’s right. I’m already a liability. The more sleep I get, hopefully the more strength I recover. I’ve held us up enough. I nod and take his hand so he can guide us back to the spot we vacated a few minutes ago. I hold onto him for support while I lower myself to the ground. Kyler doesn’t let me lean up against the tree though. Instead, he situates himself behind me and carefully tugs me so I’m lying against his chest. It’s like I have my own personal lounger.

“Remember, you are safe. Nothing can hurt you again,” he murmurs in my ear.

I force myself to fully relax into his light embrace. My eyes close and I try to push all thoughts out of my brain and only focus on his words. It isn’t long before I feel the pull of sleep. I don’t fight it, but rather, let it take me under.

My pallet has never felt this comfortable before. No matter how many furs I stack on it, there’s always a lump somewhere beneath me. My tent doesn’t smell like eucalyptus either. It has the distinct scent of the fire pit. The thing doesn’t have to be burning for the smell to fill the air. It’s always just…there. This scent is different. It’s soothing and makes me want to snuggle farther into the bed. Which I do.

Except the movement brings a whole new awareness. One of pain, and one of a distinct hardness against my lower back. It’s then that everything comes back to me. The kidnapping. My broken arm. Kyler’s mating marks. The nightmare. Falling asleep against him. Slowly, I open one eye, then the other. Occasional beams of light filter through the trees and everyone is breaking up camp.

My brain registers what exactly is pressing against me, and I manage to sit upright and twist to look at Kyler behind me. A pained expression flits across his face before he quickly erases it. Against my will, I glance down. An impressive bulge is outlined by his leather pants. I squeeze my thighs together, because now isn’t the time. It doesn’t help. I jerk my gaze away and meet his. Pupils have darkened color and are dilated. At least I’m not the only one affected.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Kyler’s greeting comes out on a husky rasp. “Did you sleep well?”

I guess we’re ignoring the charge between us. “I did. Did you?”

“Not in the slightest.”

My eyes widen at the admission. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It was exquisite torture having you in my arms all night,” he continues. “Holding you. Smelling you. Yet not being able to do all the things I have dreamed of doing to you. Every time I closed my eyes all I could picture was you turning in my arms and kissing me and then lying beneath me so I could pleasure you.”

Every drop of saliva in my mouth dries up. What the fuck happened to Kyler? This isn’t the same guy from yesterday. The one who lacked confidence and approached me with uncertainty. This is someone new. My tongue flicks out to try and wet my lips. His heated gaze drops to it and for a second, I imagine him claiming my mouth in a fierce kiss. Except he doesn’t, and I nearly groan in disappointment.

He blinks and the heat in his gaze disappears. In seconds, he’s on his feet and reaches down to help me up. Trying to convince myself that the last two minutes weren’t a dream, I clasp his hand and stand. He pours more of that nasty shit powder into a water skin and passes it to me. I drink without him having to tell me. By the time I’m finished, everyone appears ready to head out.

Remi walks over and passes me some meat. “You good to go?”

I’m going to have to be. I’ve already put us so far behind. “I’m good.”

She nods, casts a quick glance in Kyler’s direction, and then she returns to Zydon’s side. I take a deep breath and start moving.

Kyler will be right next to me the whole time.