Chapter 15

Zara

If anyone else would have said the things to me that Kyler did and made me feel the way he had, I would have kicked them in the balls. But beneath his apology I had felt his deep pain. Something caused him to act like a jealous jerk.

Amelia always said I could hold a grudge better than anyone, but this is my mate. My husband. The person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Having an open line of communication is important. Even when I’m angry. But mostly, really hurt.

Kyler sighs heavily. “Syler was much younger than me. For the longest time, my nene and baba believed I would be their only kit. Until I was not. As he grew older, it became obvious there was something different about him. He was always angry. Cruel. To the rest of the tribe, he hid it behind smiles and laughter. He was sly in that way.”

I’ve known those kinds of people. The ones who have a public persona in vast contrast to their private self.

“As I said before, healing became my passion,” Kyler continues. “I trained as a warrior because I had to, not because I wanted to. Of all the males in the village, I have always been one of the leanest. I do not have the strength and power the warriors and hunters do. Syler did. In fact, he was one of the strongest males in the village and never let me forget it.”

Already I don’t like this guy. “He sounds like a giant tool.”

Kyler cocks his head. “Is that another human figure of speech?”

I chuckle. “It’s a derogatory name for someone. Basically, he sounds like a shithead.”

“Ah, yes. Excrement is a proper enough description. Syler was a ‘shithead’.”

I press my lips together, trying not to laugh, because as hilarious as it is to hear Kyler call his brother that, this is a serious conversation that holds a lot of hurts. “Go on.”

He pauses a second and glances away before meeting my eyes. “There was a female once.”

“A female?” I croak.

“Yes. She was ten warm seasons younger than me, and we became friends. She had an interest in plants and roots. As we grew older, I had great hopes that one day she would be my mate,” he says slowly as though softening the blow.

“I see.” How I manage to sound normal is beyond me. Suddenly Kyler’s possessiveness and jealousy doesn’t seem so petty anymore. “What happened? I mean, obviously you two weren’t fated mates.”

“My brother.”

Ouch. “Was she his mate, then?”

He shakes his head. “No, but he knew how I felt about her. Soon, he began spending time with her, especially after I became the village healer. I grew busier and he took advantage of the fact. He would also remind her how much older I was than both of them and that if I hadn’t found a mate yet, it must be because Deeka did not find me worthy. It was not long before she looked at him the way I, no doubt, looked at her. As though she wished for nothing more than to be his mate.”

What a dick. “He tried to make you jealous.”

“That is it,” Kyler says, “I was not. I was hurt and angry, but I was not jealous. Not like I was today when you looked at Alik the way Mera looked at Syler.”

I wince, because I had ogled the Bohnari. He is absolutely gorgeous, and I’m not dead. Of course, that doesn’t mean I want to get into a relationship with the dude, but I can see how that makes my mate feel. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you feel like I was in any way interested in him, because I’m not .”

“Humans do not feel the mate bond like Tavikhi do, so I can understand if you might experience a want for another male.” Kyler hisses in pain and rubs his side where I’d pinched him as hard as I could. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I don’t like the fact you made an assumption that just because I think a guy is hot that I want to have sex with him. I can see an attractive man and not want to fuck him or be his wife, thank you very much. Especially when I already have a mate. Just because I’m human, doesn’t mean I’m a disloyal bitch.”

Kyler shakes his head. “I do not think you are disloyal.”

“Sure could have fooled me.I may not have a soul light, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel a bond with someone—with you . It’s called love, you big jerk.”

He blinks rapidly and draws back a fraction. “Are you saying you love me?”

“I’m saying I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.” That had been easier than I thought it would be. “That’s not going to stop because I lay eyes on a good-looking guy or one talks to me. I’m not that shallow. Looks are great and all, but there are far more important traits. Besides, gorgeous guys become ugly if they’re terrible people.”

Kyler palms my cheek. “No warrior is as lucky as I to have a mate as kind and forgiving as you. I have made many mistakes in my life, but none I have regretted more than hurting you.”

I cover his hand with mine. “Just try not to do it again, please. I’m not sure my heart can take it.”

“The rest of my seasons will be spent making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that. Just continue being a good mate.” I’m not going to hold this over his head for the rest of his life. I’m not that big of an asshole.

Kyler leans in and pauses before brushing his lips across mine. Maybe to make sure I’m going to let him. When I don’t stop him, he kisses me softly and sweetly before pulling back enough to meet my eyes. “I will make sure to be the best of mates.”

“I’m sure you will.” This time, I kiss him.

He slips his tongue between my lips like he’s been kissing his entire life, and the mint flavor of his mouth fills mine. Still totally unfair . Kyler deepens the kiss and all thoughts of fairness disappear to be replaced with pleasure and need and want. The urge to take my mate to bed rises up full force.

Eloise’s words come back to me. Use your feminine wiles . Right, I’m supposed to have those. Being extra cautious so I don’t bump myself, I slowly rise up to my knees so I’m eye-level with Kyler. I use my good hand to push against his chest, so he’s forced to lie back. He does so carefully. I climb on top of him, straddling his waist, before he can guess my intent.

“Zara,” he says my name in a rough, ragged tone, but doesn’t ask me to get off. In fact, his hands go to my hips and grip them tightly.

“I want you to touch me.”

“You are still hurt.” There isn’t too much protest in his voice though. It’s gruff, like he’s struggling to hold back his need.

My response is to roll my hips and grind myself against him. “I don’t hurt, Kyler. I ache . For you.”

He groans and shifts his hands until he’s palming my ass. It’s a start, but definitely not enough. I gently take my arm out of the sling, pull the length of fur over my head, and toss it off to the side. Needing more, I reach for his hand and slide it beneath my shirt to place it on my breast. I’ve never been generously endowed so most of the time I don’t even bother with a bra. A fact I’m more than happy with at this very moment.

There’s nothing sexier than seeing my man with a look of awe on his face. Okay, maybe getting felt up by said man is sexier, but it’s a close race.

“ Keeshla .”

Nope, that is the sexiest thing, because the raw need in that single word has my panties soaking wet. “Touch me, Kyler. Any way you want.”

It’s as though I’ve unleashed a beast. He releases the grip he has on my other hip and palms both breasts. For a species whose females don’t have them, he certainly knows what to do with a pair of boobs. A zing of pleasure zips through me as he rolls my nipples between his fingers and I rock my pelvis against his washboard stomach, trying to get some friction against my throbbing clit.

Kyler’s hands are the perfect size, and he uses them exquisitely. I’ve never thought I was particularly sensitive, but holy shit, was I wrong. The pleasure from every caress, every nipple tweak, every gentle squeeze is amplified by a thousand. I could almost maybe orgasm from the tit play alone. Something that has never happened before.

A full body shudder wracks me and sends a sharp vibration to my lady parts. I roll my hips hard and gasp as a small tremor rips through my core. Fuck me. Score one for Kyler. The first man to make me lose my shit from second base alone. That’s my mate.

Wanting him to get to this point with me, I lean slightly back and reach behind me to stroke his cock through his hide pants.

“ Keeshla ,” he growls the word and the sensation travels through me.

Another ripple of pleasure hits my pussy, and I clench down as the feel of it registers. I trace the raised bumps that line his length, and dampness leaks through the fabric. This must the mating fluid my friends have talked about. It’s some type of stimulant or aphrodisiac that makes amazing sex fucking explosive sex. My own wetness leaks out of me at the thought of something better than this. Because I already feel pretty damn good, and Kyler’s not even inside me yet.

Together, we continue pleasuring each other—his hands on my breasts, and me stroking his cock—and I keep doing my best to rub my clit against his stomach. The pleasure is a slow build like a geyser that gains momentum with each tiny bubbling eruption.

“Fuck, you make me feel so good.”

Out of nowhere, a bright light illuminates inside my chest. It warms me without burning, and the most powerful emotion travels through my entire body as though it’s in my bloodstream. I glance down at my mate, and my heart nearly stops beating. His gaze is locked on me and the same light shines from within his eyes. He blinks and it’s gone, but something else remains. I don’t know how, but there’s a knowledge inside me of exactly what it is. It’s the love I still feeling coursing through my veins.

If there was any doubt before now that Kyler’s my fated mate, it’s been obliterated. A sense of peace fills me and on its heels is the strongest orgasm I’ve ever had. I cry out as I hit my peak and beneath me, he goes still, but the tendons in his neck tighten and flex. Warm liquid spreads across my hand that still holds his cock and my thighs are slick with my own wetness.

Kyler slides his hands down my ribs and settles them around my waist. Wrung out, I collapse onto his chest, ignoring the pain shooting through my arm that lands on the furs at his side. Both of us breathe heavily, gasping and pulling in air. My hair around my forehead and nape sticks to my skin from sweat. Beneath my cheek I can feel the pounding of his heart that I’m sure matches the rhythm of my own. It’s like I’ve been running a race. We lay there until our breathing returns to normal and the ache in my arm can no longer be ignored.

I push myself upright and stretch for the discarded sling that’s just out of reach. Kyler grabs it instead.

“Thanks.”

Carefully, he helps me put my arm back in it and adjusts the fit. It’s really hurting, but I don’t regret what he and I just did. I move to stand, but he stops me with gentle hands on my face.

“I love you,” Kyler says. “It is all right if you do not feel the same yet, but I could not go another beat of my heart without telling you.”

Emotion wells up inside me. The only person who ever told me they loved me and meant it was Amelia. A part of me has always thought I’m unloveable. Even now, after hearing Kyler say it, I want to dismiss it. That he’s only telling me that because I made him come. But the part of me that has hungered for it—craved it—wants to believe he truly means it.

I open my mouth to say…I don’t know what, but he stops any words I might have uttered with a soft and gentle kiss. He draws back and climbs to his feet.

“Come, let us go to the healer’s tent. I will tighten your splint again and get something for your pain.” He holds out his hand and helps me up.

I’m not going to question how he knows I’m hurting, but I hold tightly to him as we leave my tent and step out into the sunshine.