Chapter 8

Maeve

I stare after Benham in a weird state of shock. So it had been him. How did he know I'd been worried? I hadn't said anything to Alanda. In fact, the only people I told about my mini freakout were my friends. I suppose it doesn't matter, since I'm still processing his apology.

"That was nice of him," London says. "To tell you he's the one who did it and had only been trying to help."

Turning back to the fire, I tighten my grip on the bowl I'm holding. "Yes, it was."

Zara, who's on the other side of me, puts her hand on my arm. "What has you worried?"

I jerk my head in her direction. "Who says I'm worried about something?"

She drops her head toward her shoulder and widens her eyes. "Mae, no offense, but you're almost always worried about something. It's just how you are. A worrier. There is nothing wrong with it. We all have our thing."

Zara's right. Except I didn't used to be a worrier. "I guess I'm just worried I'm going to be forced to be mated to Benham before I'm ready. If I'm ever ready."

Remi leans around London. "No one's forcing you to do anything. I won't let them."

"We won't let them," London adds firmly. "If I'm the shefira of the village, then I'm going to have something to say about it. You can guarantee that Zander will regret every second of his life if someone tries to force you."

"What will I regret, and who is forcing someone to do anything?" the shefir comes from behind London and wraps his arms around her.

She turns and pokes him in the chest. "You'll regret making Maeve mate with Benham."

Zander pulls back and straightens to his impressive height that already towers over all of us. He still isn't as tall as Benham. He looks at me. "I swear on my honor that no one will force you to do anything."

"Thank you." For as long as we've been standing here, more and more tribespeople have arrived, and they're staring at us. Whether because we're holding up the line or for curiosity's sake. Either way, I'm ready to get my food and sit away from them all looking at me. "We should probably keep moving."

We finally all get our food, and by that time, Zydon and Zedam have arrived for their mates, leaving Zara, Sage, and me to sit together. The three mated couples are cozy together and talking amongst themselves while Sage is telling Zara about the balm she's trying to make out of paste and oils and whatnot. I suppose I'm included in the conversation as well, but I never really have anything to say. Sitting here, watching all of them, makes me miss the time on the ship together. We were a team, the four of us.

I quickly finish my meal since I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to go. My stomach is a little…"

"Do you need one of us to come with you?" Zara move like she's going to stand.

I wave her down in a sudden rash of irritation. I'm a grown woman who doesn't need anyone to walk me back to our tent. I don't know who I'm more annoyed with. Zara for asking or myself for giving her a reason to. "No, I can make it there alone."

"Okay, if you're sure."

I get to my feet and dust off my butt. "I'm sure."

Avoiding looking at anyone, I set my bowl with the other dirty ones to be cleaned and head for my tent. Before I reach it, though, I take a small detour until I come to a stop in front of another one. I take a deep breath, tighten the fur around my shoulders, and smack my hand on the hide flap that serves as a door. The silent seconds stretch, and no one answers. I hit it again, this time a little harder.

Finally, there's a rustling sound and the flap is pushed open. Reflex makes me take a step back as Benham fills the whole space. My stomach lurches with the movement.

"Thank you for helping me today. I appreciate it." I get it all out before I second-guess my decision to come here. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I'm sorry for bothering you."

I hurry and turn away.

"You were not bothering me," Benham says softly making me stop and slowly face him again.

He's still standing inside his tent, which eases some of my nerves. The firelight behind him puts everything in shadows, but in the fading light of the day, I can still make out the dark lines that mark his skin. A reminder of what they mean. My hands grow clammy and my mouth dries up taking with it anything else I might say. I haven't been alone with a man—a male—since David.

"Would you like to come inside?" Benham asks.

My head rattles fast and I clutch the fur around my neck. "No." The sound of my voice echoes it's so loud. "Sorry, I mean, no thank you."

He continues standing there with his tail swishing side to side. Staring. Waiting. I suppose because it would be rude to close the door on my face. Do something.

"Um, would you like to take a walk?"

"A walk?" Those bony ridges over his eyes shift. "Where are we walking?"

I wave my hand around in a general direction. "Just, you know, around the village."

Benham takes so long to answer, I'm about to tell him never mind and run and hide in my tent. My muscles tighten, but he finally nods. "Yes. I will walk with you. Give me a moment please."

He disappears back inside. He's only gone for a few seconds and the door opens and he steps out carrying a large fur. I didn't think the Tavikhi got cold. It's already freezing and they're all still running around half naked. At least the hunters and warriors are.

"That fur is not enough to keep you warm. Here." He holds it out to me.

I blink. He brought it for me? Why does that make my chest flutter? Slowly, I reach out. My fingers brush against it and I almost gasp. Oh my god, it's so soft. I slide off the fur I've been using as a cape and stick it between my knees while I throw the other one over me. The sweet, pungent scent of firewood mixed with cocoa tickles my nose. I have to hold back a sneeze. It's so big it hangs to my shins. I lift my head to look at Benham.

"This is way warmer than my other one. Thank you."

He nods. "It is the hide of the very first luani I ever helped take down when I was a young warrior, perhaps only fifteen cold seasons. My blow was the killing one, so I took its fur as my prize."

Now that it's around me, I'm not sure what to do with my smaller one, so I tuck it under my armpit. "I'm ready."

Together, we walk. I'm extremely aware of the male beside me, although he keeps a comfortable distance between us. I don't feel crowded at all.

The light given off by the central fire shines bright in the darkening sky, and every once in a while, it's visible when we pass the various tents that make up the village. A light breeze brings with it the scent of burning wood and meat, along with the voices of those still lingering around it.

The silence between us is a little uncomfortable, but I'm not ready to break it. I still can't believe I tapped on his door in the first place. A guy some goddess says is my mate. My husband basically. I can't help the shiver that runs over me.

"If you are still cold we can return."

I shake my head. "No, I'm fine."

We pass a few humans returning from the central fire heading toward their tents. They stare as Benham and I walk by. I can't help but notice the way they look at him, with quick side glances as though making sure he's staying where he is.

Is that how I look at him?

"Do you miss your Earth?"

I jump at the broken silence. "Not really. There might be a few good memories, but there are more bad ones. After my parents died, it got a lot harder. I was alone with only a few friends." I glance over at Benham. "I'm not sure how much you've been told about Earth, but where I came from, you didn't have much. I had to earn enough money to pay for everything, and the work was hard. Long hours with very little pay. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did."

"I no longer have my baba and nene either. They have been gone for five cold seasons, but the pain of their loss is still strong."

Five years. "That's how long ago my mother died as well. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. My father as well, although he died several years earlier."

We wander past the healer's tent, and the memory of the other night when I crashed into Benham comes back, along with my reaction.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted." I point in his direction and wag my finger. "You know. To that."

He dips his head. "You do not have to apologize. And you have nothing to fear from me. I will not force you into a mating. We can both continue as though this did not happen."

I should be relieved, right? And I am. Except…. "That hardly seems fair to you."

"There are many things in this life that are not fair, Maeve." He points out a little sternly. "It is not fair that our parents are dead. It is not fair that the Krijese have killed so many of our people. It is not fair that humans have had to leave their homes and travel to an unknown planet. It is not fair that there are many worthy warriors who may never get a mate. I have learned to live without things being fair and will continue to do so."

We come to a stop, and I realize we're back in front of my tent.

Benham fists his chest and bows. "Thank you for the walk. I enjoyed it."

He turns and leaves, his tail flicking almost erratically. Say something. Stop him. But I don't. I stand there—watching him—until he disappears behind another tent.

I step inside. Zara sits on her pallet rolling a hunk of metal in her hands. She looks up and scrambles to her feet.

"Holy shit, where have you been?" She smacks my arm. "London and Remi are out looking for you."

"I was out for a walk."

She stares at me. "A walk?"

"Yes."

"Alone? You don't ever walk alone."

I'm not sure why I want to keep the time I spent with Benham private. But I know she'll harass me until I tell her. "I wasn't alone. I was with Benham."

Zara gapes. "Benham? Are you serious?"

My cheeks heat. "You're making it sound weird."

"Are you kidding? This is awesome. C'mon." She tugs on my arm, pulling me down to her pallet. "Tell me everything."

I tighten my fur around me and the faint hint of cocoa hits me. Crap. I still have Benham's fur. Another realization comes to me. Not once on our entire walk was I cold.

"Earth to Maeve." Zara snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Tell me about your walk. No, don't. We should wait until everyone gets here. Eloise was going to stop by later, too, for a game of Pebbles."

"There's nothing to tell. Really." I ignore her side-eye. "I went to his tent to thank him for helping me, and I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. That's it. See? No story."

"I've never seen that fur you have wrapped around you. It's way bigger than any of ours." She quirks her lips like she's daring me to make something up.

The door flap swings open.

"We can't find—!"London snaps her mouth shut. "There you are. Are you okay? She's in here," she says over her shoulder and steps all the way in.

Remi enters right behind her. "Christ on a cracker, Maeve. You freaked us all out. We thought someone had kidnapped you."

"Maeve was on a date," Zara says smugly.

Both London and Remi's jaws drop, and I'm about to burst into flames. "It wasn't a date."

"It was a date."

"It wasn't?—"

"Enough, children," London scolds and looks down at me. "Who was this not a date with?"

Zara opens her mouth and London jerks her arm up with her index finger pointed to the sky and Zara zips it. I sigh.

"I went to thank Benham for his help today. We ended up going for a walk and now I'm here. That's it."

London and Remi take a seat next to us, and we form a circle like we used to on the trip here. I've missed this.

"Does that mean you've accepted the mate bond?" London asks.

"It means we walked around the village and talked a little. You guys are my best friends, and I love you, but I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Sorry, Mae," Zara says and her posture deflates.

"Yeah, we're sorry," Remi adds. "We'll keep our mouths shut, but if and when you do want to talk about it, you know we'll be there for you."

I reach over and squeeze her knee. "Thank you."

"We just don't want to see you get hurt," London says. "We love you, you know."

"I know." My shoulders straighten and it feels weird to not make myself smaller. "Now, I thought Eloise was coming and we were going to introduce her to Pebbles. And where's Sage?"

Zara jumps up since her bed is closest to the door. "I'll go find them."

"We need it to be warmer in here." Remi gets up and puts another log on the fire.

Except I'm already warm. I press my nose against Benham's fur, and that same cocoa scent I keep smelling is buried within the hide. It reminds me of him. Is this from his own bed?

I draw it tighter around me and take in another deep breath.