Chapter 16

Maeve

I haven't been this warm since before we arrived on Tavikh. The scent of the sweet pungent wood mixed with cocoa tickles my nose. Why does it smell like cocoa? There's no chocolate on this planet. I shift and register a heavy weight draped over me. A feeling of being trapped hits me and I breathe in deeply. That's when I realize a large hand is palming my breast. I stiffen. Just keep breathing and think.

"Maeve?" The hand is gone and cold air hardens my nipple.

Most of the tension in my body releases at the sound of Benham's voice. God, I must have fallen asleep. I open my eyes. The torch has gone out and the fire needs more wood so it's nearly dark inside the tent. I roll over to face him.

"Please forgive me," he says as soon as I'm all the way around.

I scrunch my forehead. "Forgive you? What did you do?"

"I did not mean to touch your chest mound without asking first. There is no excuse for it."

"Hey," I reach up and stroke his face. "It's okay. I'm going to assume you fell asleep as well."

Benham nods. "I only mean to rest for a moment."

"It's all right. I promise." As comfortable as I am, I should probably leave. I'm actually surprised I fell asleep in the first place. I hold the fur to my chest and sit up. He does as well. I glance over at him. "Thank you. For tonight."

"It has been my greatest pleasure."

I snatch up my shirt, and keeping the fur in place, slip it over my head. "Morning will be here soon, so I should get back to my tent."

"Would you like me to walk with you?"

When Zara asked me that the other night when I left the central fire and came here to Benham's tent, I'd been annoyed. It doesn't feel the same when he asks. I get the sense he's asking if I want to spend even just a little more time together. When she had, I'd gotten the impression she asked more because I needed a babysitter.

I lean over and kiss him. "Thank you, but you should get some more rest. It's not far. But I'll see you in the morning?"

"Jodah has asked me to join him and Evren on their hunt for a luani they may have found. We will be leaving before the sun rises. If we are successful, I hope to return before the evening meal."

My stomach twists. "Please be careful."

"I shall."

After one more kiss, I wrap my fur around me and exit Benham's tent to make my way to mine. Only a few torches are lit along the way making it hard to see in the dark. I'm rethinking my decision to walk back alone. Every noise makes me jump and I glance about searching for any danger lurking. Shadows move about, but no one approaches. I look over my shoulder, but all I see is the inky black night. My pace quickens until, finally, I get to the tent I share with Zara and Sage.

I sneak in through the entrance and slowly let the flap close behind me trying to be quiet. Inside is dimly lit from a fire that needs stoked. I cross over to it and add another piece of wood. Once it takes the flame, I find my pallet and climb under all the furs spreading the luani one over the top of them all.

My head hits the bundled fur I tried to craft into a pillow. It's ugly, but it does what it's supposed to.

"Didn't think you were going to be home tonight," Zara says softly from her spot closest to mine.

I jump and suck in a breath. "You scared the crap out of me."

She doesn't apologize. "I was worried about you."

"Why? You knew I was with Benham. I'm a grown woman, you know?"

When Zara remains quiet, the guilt creeps in. I didn't mean to snap at her.

"I used to have an older sister," she says before I can tell her I'm sorry. "You remind me a lot of her, actually."

A sister? She's never said anything before about having a sister. Just shitty parents. My heart hurts at the tone of her voice. It's filled with so much sadness.

"Her name was Amelia. My parents thought it was cute to have daughters with names that started with the first and last letters of the alphabet. She was nine years older and more of a mother to me than my actual one. I used to follow her everywhere when I was little. Not once did she ever make me feel like I was bothering her. She always had time for me and gave the best hugs I'd ever had. The only hugs I ever had. I loved her more than anyone on Earth."

Is this why Zara gets so twitchy when we give them to her?

"When I was ten, she came home one day a completely different person. She would spend days locked in her room. If she did come out, she always kept her head down and barely talked to anyone. Not even me." Her voice cracks slightly and she pauses. "Slowly she got better. Never really back to her old self, but she at least talked to me. Asked me how my day was. What I learned in school. Had I made any new friends. Until about six months later, when she just disappeared without a word. Not even a note. One minute she was there, the next minute…poof. She was gone."

This time, there's no mistaking the fact she's crying.

She sniffles and in the pale firelight I can see her wiping her face. "Every day I worried about her. Wondered if she was doing okay. Or if she was gone because of something I did or didn't do. I know you're a grown woman, but Amelia was too when she disappeared. So, yeah, I'm going to worry. Even if you're with Benham. I don't want to lose another sister."

Zara's going to have to suck it up, because I scramble over to her pallet and hug her. Which isn't easy with her lying down, but I do my best. "You're not going to lose me."

When she shifts, I just hug her tighter. And then her one free arm drapes across my back and she squeezes me back. We stay like that for several seconds. I can sense Zara's reached her limit so I loosen my hold and sit back on my heels.She stares up at the roof and looks like she's miles away.

"Did you ever find her? Amelia?" I ask quietly.

"Some kids from the bottom tier found her body along the shoreline of the river and called the guards. Because my parents were rich and influential, they actually performed an investigation. According to security video footage, they discovered she jumped from the bridge." Zara huffs out a soft breath. "I don't think they would have even told me. I overheard them talking. To this day, I still don't know why she did it, although I have my suspicions."

God, I can't imagine what she's gone through to lose her sister so horribly. "I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry."

She turns her head toward me and the firelight makes the tears in her eyes sparkle. "Thanks, Mae."

"I'm sorry I was gone for so long and made you worry."

Zara reaches out and grips my hand. "He hasn't made you do anything you don't want to do, has he?"

"No. I'm finally realizing that he wouldn't. Benham hasn't once touched or kissed me without getting my consent first." Except waking up with his hand palming my entire breast. But that doesn't count.

A slow smile creeps up from her. "Kissing, huh? Has he discovered all the really good places to kiss you, yet? What about the naughty, wicked tail?"

My entire face heats. "We've only kissed on the lips and the closest his tail has gotten to me is when he looped my waist with it. Although…"

She jackknifes up when I let the silence hang. "Oh my god, Mae, you can't just stop there. Although what? I want all the details."

"Since I'm not going to stay sleeping with you guys talking, I want all the details, too," Sage grumbles and slowly pushes herself upright while wiping one of her eyes.

Zara and I look at each other and wince. "Sorry, Sage."

Sage waves a hand. "It's fine. Now, what's this?"

I've never had girlfriends to share this kind of stuff with. Of course, my only sexual partner had been David and I never wanted to tell anyone about that. So many regrets fill me. I wish I could have come to Benham a virgin.

"We don't mean to be so pushy," Zara says. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to."

I rattle my head. "No, that's not it. I was just thinking that I've never talked about…you know, with anyone before. It might just take some getting used to."

"You only have to tell us what you're comfortable with," Sage adds. "It's okay to keep things private."

Zara nods in agreement. "Yep."

It'll be good to tell them. Maybe it will help me get out of my own head. "Okay, we did a little more than kissing. I wanted to make sure I could, you know…do more. So, I put Benham's hand on my boob. First over my shirt. Then under. It felt good, and I didn't freak out or anything."

"Go Maeve," Zara cheers, making me snort.

"After that, we laid down together, just to kiss and touch a little, and I got the courage to take my shirt off. It was a lot, so he just held me. We both fell asleep, and I woke up to him spooning me and his hand on my breast again, except I didn't know it was his at first. For just a second, I panicked a little until Benham stopped touching me and said my name. That's when I realized it was him." I flop my hands. "So, there."

"Should we assume this means you accepted the mate bond?" Sage asks.

I pause for a second and consider it. Slowly, I nod. "Yeah, I think it does. God, this is terrifying, but not like in a bad way. Benham has been so patient with me. He's letting me set the pace which makes me feel like I'm in control. That helps a lot."

"I'm so happy for you, Mae." Zara squeezes my hand.

"Me too," Sage echoes. "I know London and Remi will be as well."

I glance between the two of them. "Thank you guys for being my friends. My sisters. I really do love you."

"We love you," Zara tells me and I know she truly means it.

Sage shifts. "Now that we got all the juicy details and declared our undying sisterly love, can I please go back to sleep now?"

"Yes, we're all going to sleep now." I crawl back over to my sleeping pallet while Sage and Zara both lie back down.

I make myself comfortable and bring Benham's luani fur up to my nose and breathe in the woodsmoke and cocoa that has permeated into the hide. I'm pretty sure I fall asleep with a smile on my face.