3. Calista

Chapter 3

Calista

" C alista?"

I've never wanted to run away so badly in my whole life.

Of course I realized that there was a possibility I would see Orion when I came to the store. But it's mid-morning. Normally, people with jobs are at said jobs by now.

I assumed that Orion would be included in that category. Instead, he's… here. Standing in front of me, looking at me like he's seen a ghost.

Well. To be fair, I feel the same way about him.

I have so many memories of him. We were together all through the two years of graduate school and a year after, when I lived with him in Alaska. I've seen him in a thousand different contexts, and I thought that because I have so many memories of him, it would somehow… make me immune to his presence. Like, if Orion is a virus, the fact that I've been around him so often inoculates me from feeling anything for him.

I was so wrong.

Now that he's in front of me, my reaction to him is even more powerful than what I remember. I can smell his woodsy, citrusy smell, which is the same after all these years.

He's… bigger. That should be impossible. Orion's always been a tall, muscular guy. But any trace of softness or the happy-go-lucky guy that I knew seems to be gone.

He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. There's nothing groundbreaking about this outfit. Except for the fact that when he moves his arm back off of the box of cereal, I can not only see every muscle in his forearm work, but I swear there's somehow more in there than there should be.

Like, I've never seen that many muscles on a man.

"Calista, is that really you?"

His voice is deeper, too. His blue eyes peer at me, and my heart clenches when I see them. They're Juniper's eyes.

It's one thing to look at her and know that she got her eyes from her father. It's another thing entirely to look at him and see the trait he passed on to her.

I clear my throat again. "Hi. Yeah. It's me," I respond.

I sound like such an idiot.

Yeah, it's me?

"What… what are you doing here?"

Shoot. This is absolutely not the time or place to tell Orion that I'm here to tell him about his baby.

Instead, I do the worst possible thing, and I might hate myself a little bit for it.

I lie.

"I'm visiting Amara," I say.

It's a half truth. The part that I don't say would make it actually real. I'm visiting Amara, and she's watching the kid that you and I made five years ago. Also, you're a dad. Surprise!

There's a heartbeat where Orion looks at me like he's going to say something.

I brace myself, ready for it to hurt.

"That's awesome," he says, the two words more shocking than anything I could have heard. "You two kept up?"

Ugh. Now it's going to be really awkward. "Yeah. A little."

Orion shrugs. "Hey, that's great. Amara has always been a great friend, and it's nice that you two kept in touch. And, even though this isn't the best place or whatever, it's great to see you today."

Oh. That's so… mature. So Orion.

How could I forget about this?

Orion isn't just eye candy. He's also genuinely… nice.

I could shut this down right now. I could agree and grab the cereal and go.

But I've already done so much to hurt him. So much that I'm not proud of, and that he doesn't deserve. Was it awful to hear that he didn't plan on being my mate? Yes. But it's probably not any harder than when I tell him that he has a daughter he doesn't know about.

I need to start rebuilding that bridge somehow. At the very least, I can count on the fact that Orion won't be mean to me about Juniper. He's nice. Fundamentally, he's a kind person, and even though I'm about to shatter his world as deeply as he shattered mine, I know he won't speak to me in a disrespectful way.

He never did. Even when he told his mom that he would never be my mate, he told her. Not me.

I give him a very, very small smile. "What brings you to this particular aisle today?"

Orion's face goes from being tight to shocked. I can see him think through the next couple of seconds, and then he gives a little nod before he continues. "Custom ordered some steaks for dinner, but I missed Tom's window."

I laugh. "He still takes a nap in the middle of the day? He did that back in Alaska, too. It's a little early for him," I say as I glance at my phone.

Shoot. My background picture is Juniper playing in the sand. Hastily, I shut it off.

Orion grins at me, apparently not noticing the quick shutdown of my phone. "Oh, it's gotten worse. Now there are multiple naps, and none of them align to a consistent schedule."

"Why doesn't Sandra just find a new butcher?" I ask.

Orion gives me a look, one of his thick eyebrows raised. "You know this pack better than that, Calista."

The way he says my name… it makes goosebumps ripple over my skin.

"Yeah. But you never know; things might change," I say.

It's an offhand comment, mostly made to deflect from the feelings that I'm having after he said my name. But the words take on a whole new meaning when I put them out into the world.

Orion's blue eyes soften, and his shoulders drop slightly. "Yeah. I guess they do."

It's awkward between us, then.

I look away, but my eyes snap back to his when he speaks. "Listen, this isn't the time or place. But it's been five years. I'd like… no, I'd love to catch up. I have some things that I need to tell you. If for nothing else, then just for closure. But Calista…" He lets out a huge breath, like he's been holding it in. "Can I take you somewhere? Just to talk? For old time's sake?"

I hesitate. It's the chance I've been looking for. I can tell him about Juniper, and we can clear the air. Part of me is dying to ask why he told his mom that I would never be his mate, but part of me doesn't want to know.

Either way, I can take the opportunity that he's offering me.

I give him a quick nod. "Yes. I… I'd be happy to do that."

"Tomorrow night?"

Night makes it sound like a date. "What about tomorrow afternoon? Coffee?"

He nods. "You can come to my place."

I bristle.

Orion must notice, because he gives me a wry grin. "I don't live with my mom anymore. Moving up in the world, you know?"

It's a poor attempt at humor, but it does make me feel just slightly better. And even more curious. Why did he move out?

"Okay," I say slowly. "Where?"

"Stay here."

Orion disappears for a second. I take the chance to step forward and grab the Cocoa Krispies off of the shelf for Juniper. When he comes back, he's got a paper with an address scrawled on it. "Here. Tomorrow afternoon?"

"Okay," I whisper.

"Looking forward to it," Orion says with another smile. He looks down at the box in my hand. "You have great taste."

"What?"

"In cereal. That's my favorite."

"Oh, it's not…" I stop. He's looking at me, and I force a smile and nod. "Yeah. Cocoa Krispies are great."

He grins. "See you tomorrow, Calista."

"See you then."

Clutching the cereal to my chest, I turn on my heels.

I have a date. With the father of my baby. But, even scarier than that, I realize something else that makes my heart sink and my head pound.

I think I still have feelings for him.

"Yay! Chocolate cereal!"

Juniper's enthusiasm is a little extreme, but I diligently pour her the cereal and add oat milk to it. Once she's happily crunching, I look over at Amara. "Porch," I mouth.

She follows me outside, eyes wide. Once the front door shuts behind her, she waves her hands. "Spill."

"I saw Orion at the grocery store."

"No!" she gasps. "What did you do?"

"Um. He asked me to come over for coffee tomorrow?"

Amara's jaw drops. "Stop. For real?"

"Yeah. So. I guess tomorrow's the day. I'll tell him about her, and?—"

"And you're going to ask what the hell happened, right?"

I snap my jaw closed, refusing to answer that question, and Amara shakes her head.

"No way. Girl, you have to ask him. Don't you want to know?"

"I do."

She throws her hands up in exasperation. "So, ask him what happened!"

"I can't!"

That was too loud. We both look up and down the street, but there isn't anyone out.

"I can't," I continue, my voice just above a whisper. "I don't want to know the answer to that question."

"Why not?"

Because it will hurt too badly to feel it all again. Amara doesn't know that I overheard him telling his mom that we couldn't be mates. She just knows that I found something out that made me run.

She sighs. "Look. I know that it feels terrible. I really do. But you have to get some closure, Calista. He did something that made you dislike him so much, you moved back to your pack in Florida. You had his child and never told him. Don't you want to know why he did that?"

"I don't know," I say finally.

She shrugs. "Okay. Well. If you find out…"

"Mom!"

The scream, which is louder than I've ever heard before, gets both of us up off the porch swing. I rip open the front door, dashing in to the house.

Water splashes around my ankles.

Juniper is up on the kitchen chair, holding her bowl of cereal above her head. It looks ridiculous, but the kid will do anything to keep her cereal safe. She looks at us, her blue eyes wide. "I didn't do it. The sink barfed," she says.

Amara and I look at each other, then we sprint for the sink.

"So it's like the entire system that's messed up?"

Amara and I are staring at the plumber, who nods sadly. "Yes, ma'am. Tree roots can do that, especially around here."

Neither one of us can really believe that tree roots did this. Amara shifts, her eyes hard. "Tree roots ruined my entire plumbing system?"

"Yep. Happens all the time. These big pine trees are old, and they're strong. The pipes that folks used to lay down just ain't all that good, and with the harsh winters, they deteriorate faster because they expand and contract with the ground. Get that, a little crack, a root hair nearby, and boom!" He claps his hands together, making both Amara and I jump. "Root's in, and the pipe is shot."

"The pipe is shot," Amara echoes, her voice ringing with disbelief.

"Yes, ma'am," the plumber says with a grin. "Shot like a target on a range."

His cheerful demeanor is going to drive her to murder. I jump in before she growls at the very human plumber. "So, what do we do now?"

"Well, I need to do a full scope of the damage, but my guess is you need a total system rebuild." That doesn't sound good. I stare at him, and he elaborates. "Basically, you need to take everything out. Rip up all the pipes outside of the house, put new ones in, cover it back up, put the whole system together. Y'all connected to the town system out here, or you have septic?"

We exchange a glance, and Amara sighs. "I have no idea."

"If it's the town system," the plumber says, scratching his ear, "that'll be easier. Septic?" He whistles. "We'll have to put a whole new tank in and seal off the old one, too."

"How long is this going to take?" Amara demands.

He shrugs. "Five, six weeks? Depending on the crew I can get up here, and how much you're willing to pay for the equipment."

Amara pinches the space between her eyebrows. "Let me make some calls."

The plumber nods and heads back to his truck. While Amara is on the phone, I sit on the porch swing next to Juniper. She's sadly staring at her cereal.

"Hey, kiddo."

She looks up. "Mommy, did I break the house?"

Oh, poor thing. I hug her close. "No, sweetheart. The trees broke the house."

She gasps and peers up. Oh, dear. In order to evade nightmare fodder, I explain that the trees are normal, they just have very strong roots. They can't move or attack her. Begrudgingly, she accepts this, and by the time she's eating her super soggy cereal again, Amara is done.

"Sorry," she says. "I had no idea."

"Of course not. How could you have known that the trees around here are thirsty for plumbing?"

Barking a laugh at my feeble joke, Amara shakes her head. "Nolan told us that we could stay at his place."

Oh. Amara's brother is great, but I didn't exactly prepare for a public announcement around Juniper. If Nolan knows, then it's really only a matter of time before he tells someone. He's a great guy. He can keep a secret, but this is a pack.

Minimizing exposure is the only form of gossip control.

I look down at Juniper, then back at Amara. "I don't know that I was… ready to talk to everyone about… this," I say quietly.

She nods. "I think there are some places in town to rent."

I don't have the money for that. I sigh, shutting my eyes. "I think we can transfer our bus ticket to leave sooner."

"Calista…"

"I don't want to bother you, Amara. I know that this is a lot for you."

Amara's eyes mist a little. "I'm fine."

Coming so soon on the heels of a nasty breakup, I don't think she is. "Let me change the bus tickets."

"Nolan's fine if we stay."

"I know. But if Nolan knows, then Jasper is going to know, and the rest of them," I add.

At the mention of her brother's best friend, Amara's cheeks turn a little pink. "Jasper doesn't live here anymore," she says quickly. "He took a job in New York ages ago."

"Ah," I say. "Is that a good thing?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I always thought you had a crush on him," I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.

Amara snorts. "Yeah, well. Don't all little girls get a crush on their brother's best friend?"

"What's a crush?"

Juniper's question makes both of us blush. "It's when you think someone is really, really special," I offer, looking at Amara.

She shrugs and mouths, Good enough.

"Auntie Amara, I have a crush on you," Juniper announces.

Amara laughs, finally. "That's sweet, Junie."

I stand. "Let me just call the bus people, and we'll pack our bags."

"Just stay with me at Nolan's tonight," Amara says. "So you don't miss your d-a-t-e tomorrow with O-r-i-o-n."

Juniper looks interested, but she luckily can't spell yet.

My heart sinks. "Sh—shoot. You know what," I say, my mind whirring. "Can you take Junie with you for a bit? I'll head over to… that place and take care of it."

Amara's eyes widen. "Now?"

No. Yes. Maybe. "I'll at least let him know that I can't stay."

I owe him that. I left without a word last time. Ghosting him again… I'm not that mean.

You just want to see him again.

I snort. Okay. Maybe I do just want to see him one last time. Even if I don't tell him about Juniper right now, I at least can tell him that I have to go and can't stay for our date.

I can be courteous. I can see him one more time.

I can do this.

Before I lose my nerve, I stand up. "I'll go now."

Amara's eyebrows pinch together. "Okay. If you're sure, then I think there's no better time than now. Nolan is going to come talk to the plumber, so Juniper and I can take his car and go stay at his place."

"Who is Nolan?" Juniper pipes.

While she's questioning Amara, I grab the keys and head for my friend's truck. I start it up, then pull out the piece of paper with the address that Orion gave me in the store.

My chest feels tight. Is this a good idea? Is it a bad idea?

I have no clue.

But I do know that I'm not ready to walk away from Orion again.

Not without at least saying goodbye.

Not this time, anyway.