1. Calista

Chapter 1

Calista

" M om. What's the white stuff over there?"

I chuckle. It might be summer, but in Colorado, the snow-capped mountains are year-round. "That's snow, baby."

My daughter, who at the ripe age of four years old has never once seen snow, looks up at me with wide blue eyes. "Like in the movies?"

"Yes. Just like in the movies," I respond while I peer around, looking for our ride.

"Wow. That's so special," she breathes.

At four, everything seems special. I love this age for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that Juniper's vocabulary is expanding so much. She's also taken to repeating things, such as my mom's expression, when Juniper shows her one of her many treasures. My mom says it to make my child feel special while also trying to get her to move on, a tried-and-true parenting trick that I use myself sometimes. But, luckily, Juniper thinks it actually is special.

"I know, Junebug."

Juniper looks up at me, eyes widening more. "Is this where Auntie Amara lives?"

"It's where she's going to pick us up to take us to her house, yes."

We're at the bus station in Steamboat Springs. There's probably another hour or so to Oakwood, but after the plane from Fort Myers and the bus from the Denver airport, we're both exhausted. Juniper did great, all things considered, but taking so many different forms of transportation alone with a four-year-old can really grate on the nerves.

I'm a fairly patient person. But if I watch one more episode of the stupid talking dogs on her tablet with her, I think I might scream.

"Is she here yet?"

I grit my teeth. Juniper's voice is bordering on a whine, and I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to handle it if she goes into a full-on meltdown.

Luckily, however, I hear a horn honk. My eyes snap to the road, and I sigh with relief when I see Amara waving at us from behind the wheel of a battered-looking green F-150.

"She's here," I inform my child.

The cheer she gives is exactly how I feel.

The truck stops, and Amara comes out, shutting the door behind her with a rusty scream. "Hi, stranger!" she says as she leans in to give me a hug.

"Mommy, you said you were friends," Juniper says accusingly as I wrap my friend up in a hug.

I laugh as I pull back. "We are friends. Amara was just teasing me because I haven't seen her in so long."

"Not since you were a teeny, tiny baby." Amara smiles, crouching down to address Juniper. "Look at how big you are! How old are you, Junebug?"

Juniper tucks herself into the back of my legs, peering out at Amara. "Four," she says quietly, like she's divulging some kind of state secret.

"Wow!" Amara gives her a big smile. "Four whole years old? Are you sure you're not fourteen?"

"No," Juniper pokes her head out indignantly. "I'm four!"

"Well. I happen to know that four-year-olds really don't like ice cream. Which is a bummer," Amara says with a mock sigh as she stands up and gets Juniper's suitcase. I give her a look, and she winks at me. "I bought all this ice cream, and there's no one who wants it…"

"I want it!" Juniper practically shrieks.

I shake my head. "I think you broke the sound barrier on that one, kiddo."

"What's a sound barrier? Is there ice cream in the car? I like it; I'll eat it!"

The torrent of words flowing from my kid is at a pace and volume that could truly shatter eardrums. After we get her in, I buckle and look at Amara. "You had to?"

"I don't get favorite auntie status by being lame. Besides, I've missed out on four years of spoiling her up close."

"You send her a new toy, like every six weeks."

"I said up close." Amara shakes her head as she starts the truck, and we pull out into the road. "It's different when I get to see the in-the-moment reaction."

Juniper is still chattering in the backseat, and I wave at her. "Well. Here it is. You did it. Are you happy with yourself?"

"Immensely."

I shake my head. But the truth is that I feel incredibly lucky that Amara loves Juniper so much. She's one of only a couple of people in Oakwood who know about her. She was the only one until about a month ago, when Ember Greene sat me down and convinced me to go to Oakwood.

I don't know if I'm regretting my decision yet. Seeing Amara with Juniper makes me think that coming here was a good idea.

Then, part of me remembers that Amara was never the reason I stayed away.

"So," Amara says cautiously. "Are we going to talk about?—"

"Not now," I cut her off with a meaningful glance back at my kid, whose nose is pressed against the window as she takes in the scenery. "Later."

"Okay. I'm going to hold you to that, though. None of your trademark Calista evasion tactics, please."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. I promise we'll talk about it later."

"Good." Amara nods. "How's your mom?"

"She's fine." I think of the argument my mom and I had in Fort Myers before I left. "Didn't think this was a good idea, but fine."

"She just likes having Juniper all to herself out there in Florida."

That's the truth. I left Orion's pack with a broken heart almost five years ago, when the pack still lived in Alaska, and didn't find out that I was pregnant with Juniper until I'd already cried all the tears I possibly could onto my mom's shoulder. Juniper really was, and is, the best light I have from that dark time.

And you're walking right back here, like an idiot.

"She does, but she's just protective. She trusts that I'm making the right decision," I say.

That's a little bit of an understatement. She trusts that I'm making the right decision, but doesn't believe it.

I don't think I believe it myself.

Amara looks over at me, then back at the road. "We'll talk later," she says quietly.

"Yeah," I sigh.

"Junebug, your mom tells me that you're really into Elena Arti," she calls into the backseat.

The mention of Juniper's favorite singer causes a whole new squeal.

Amara puts the familiar song on, and she and my daughter sing at the top of their lungs. I smile, but I'm quiet as the mountains roll away around us.

All the doubts that I've been ignoring claw at my mind.

They mostly focus on one thing.

When I left the pack, it was because the man I thought I was in love with, the man who is the father of my child, rejected me. Now that I'm back, I have no idea how he's going to take it. And I don't know what he's going to do when I tell him about Juniper.

Orion Alderan rejected me once. What's keeping him from doing it again?

Back at Amara's place, the ice cream is consumed. There's more dancing and singing along to Juniper's favorite artist.

It takes forever, but eventually, my tiny tornado collapses, and she's just a pile of drool and snores that Amara and I tuck into her spare room.

We shut the door, and Amara gives me a meaningful look. "So. Talk?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I guess."

"Good. I have wine. We can talk with wine," she announces.

Meekly, I follow Amara to her living room. Moments later, she's pouring two very large glasses full of white wine, and I'm staring into mine, trying to gather the courage to talk.

"Start at the beginning," she says.

I nod, taking a sip of my glass. "I saw Ember at the first Blue Moon Bash she hosted with the Fort Meyers pack."

"I heard that she's going to be their alpha," Amara says with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, but can you think of anyone better suited to the job?" I sure can't. Ember's tough, no-nonsense, and strong enough to fight off any challengers who try to take the pack from her. The Fort Meyers pack is her dad's, and she didn't know about him, or he about her, until recently.

Leander, her mate, is also a solid beta, and I have no doubt that she's going to do great.

"True. But it's still crazy. A female alpha?"

"Not crazier than fated mates being real," I whisper.

I still can't get over that. It's easy to sense the bond between Leander and Ember, much easier than with a regular mated pair. However, every time I recognize it, my heart usually aches with longing. I thought Orion and I would have something like that.

"Fair enough. So why come back now? What did Ember tell you?"

I shut my eyes. "Ember… Finding out about her dad like she did, it sucked. She never knew her dad wanted to be in her life. She pointed out to me that while Orion and I might have our differences, he should be the one who decides whether he wants a relationship with Juniper. She's never really asked about having a dad, but she's starting to notice, and when she starts school next year, she's definitely going to notice," I say softly.

Amara nods. "And you want to be able to… what? Tell her about her dad?"

"I don't know," I say honestly.

Ember's story made me feel guilty. When I left the pack, it was because Orion rejected me. When I found out afterward that I was pregnant, it didn't even cross my mind to tell him. All I heard, and all I still hear when I think about it, is his voice echoing in my mind.

I'd never have her as my mate, Mother.

"I just need to let Orion know."

Amara sighs. "Well, whatever you want to do eventually, I think you're making the right choice here. I already talked to Thorne and explained that you'd like the time to tell Orion something without making your visit a big deal to the pack."

Typically, outsiders are allowed to visit as long as they check in with the alpha, but petitioning the pack for sponsorship is a lengthier event. Since Orion is an enforcer, usually, he'd hear about someone checking in to visit.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"He agreed. He's assigning Evander as your check-in liaison, and every week, Evander will come by to see how you're doing."

"Wow." I smile. "That's pretty official."

"Ever since we started taking in more pack members petitioning for sanctuary, Thorne had to make the process a little more formal," she clarifies.

Ah. That makes sense. When I stayed with Orion and his pack in Alaska after grad school, I just had to let the alpha know I was there, and then it was my responsibility to find an enforcer if I needed one.

"What are you going to say?" she asks gently.

"I don't know."

I have no idea how to tell someone that I had their baby four years ago, and I've kept it secret ever since.

My phone works. I know Orion's number. I've had it since we finished our masters' degrees together, since he gave it to me when he was assigned as my lab partner the first day of the program.

I used to call him all the time.

But since I left his pack? I just never did.

Hopefully, he didn't change his number when the pack moved from Alaska to Oakwood, Colorado.

"I'm happy you're here, Calista," Amara says sincerely. "I missed you."

I look up at her and smile. "I missed you too, babe."

"You stayed with us for so long after you and Orion came back from that program. I really thought the two of you would?—"

"I know," I cut her off. "I thought so, too."

"You know, you never told me what happened."

I shake my head. "I probably won't. I just can't."

Hearing him tell his mom that he would never mate someone like me? It killed me. Especially because I thought, for certain, that he was the one for me.

Amara nods. "Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're doing this. I'm here for you. And I'm happy to spend some time with Juniper."

"Oh, trust me." I smile. "She's happy to be around you, too."

"She's a sweet kid."

I grimace. "They're all sweet… until they're not. Just wait."

Laughing, Amara sits back. "Come on. She's four. How bad can it be?"

In the morning, Amara finds out exactly how bad it can be.

Juniper is not a morning person. Never has been. As a baby, she slept through the night like a champ, but she's never been fond of waking up.

When she wakes up, I realize in the worst way possible that I forgot to get her cereal. The one and only type of cereal she will eat. The only one that transforms her from a horrible gremlin into a somewhat reasonable child.

There's a two-second lag when I realize that I forgot it. And then, the screaming begins.

"Okay," Amara says, taking her hands from over her ears. "This is pretty impressive."

"It's actually gotten better. When she was three, she used to melt down without telling me what she needed. At least now I know," I say back.

We're outside on Amara's porch. Inside, my kid is shrieking bloody murder.

"How long does it last for?"

"At this point, she'll probably just exhaust herself and fall asleep on the couch," I say. "She's overstimulated and tired and hungry, and she's going to shut down in about…" I glance at my watch. "Somewhere between one and two minutes."

"How do you know that so well?"

"Kids," I shrug. "I may not know all of ‘em, but I know mine."

True to form, in two minutes, the crying stops. Amara and I peer inside, and Juniper is flopped out on the couch, her brown hair in a huge ratty nest, her bright blue eyes shut. There's a little wrinkle between her eyes, like she's still thinking about how angry she is about the cereal.

Amara looks at me. "Anyone who sees her is going to know she's Orion's kid."

"Yeah. I know," I sigh. "Can you watch her for a little while? I'll go to the store and pick up the cereal she wants. We'll just start over as soon as she wakes up, and it'll be like this whole situation never happened."

"Of course. Jealous of the fact that she can just shut down and power up again, like it's all good."

I laugh. "Same. Nothing keeps the kid down for long, that's for sure."

"She's tenacious. Like her mom."

I roll my eyes. "She's four and doesn't have a good sense of time. When she wakes up, it's literally like she's starting over. It's all in the brain science, my friend."

"When I have kids, I'm calling you for everything."

I give Amara an eye raise. "Is that a possibility?"

She blushes. "Story for another time. Short answer, no. But I do want them."

"I'm ready to hear it."

"Go to the store, get the cereal, and maybe if you bring home an adequate amount of chocolate, I'll tell you."

I roll my eyes at my friend but take the keys she fishes out of her pocket. I start up the truck, wary of the noise waking Juniper. Amara gives me a thumbs-up, though, so I pull out of the driveway.

Going to the store alone is probably a risky idea.

But I have to go. I tell myself that it's not like I'm part of Oakwood's pack. I know people well enough to be polite, but it's unlikely anyone will recognize me, and if they do, they won't care that I'm in town.

Alone time is just what I need. Somehow, I have to figure out how to tell Orion about Juniper.

And I have no clue how to do it.