15. Emma

We drifted through space for a while, letting the minefield corridor direct us as the explosions snapped at our heels.

Vai clutched my hands in his as we watched the scene play out through the broad open window.

Iav's ship continued to open fire, blowing up the mines and laying waste to the surrounding area.

I daren't breathe a sigh of relief in case it jinxed us.

Iav's ship shrank smaller and smaller, and so did the bright bursts of light from the exploding mines.

They could have been distant lightbulbs at the bottom of a deep and unforgiving mineshaft.

Once we drifted far enough away, I relaced my grip on Vai's hands and realized as I did so that the entire time I had been looking out the window, he had been looking down at me, watching as if I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen.

I glowed red, blood rushing to my cheeks.

His interest in me was obvious and intense.

I felt that now-familiar rise emanating from deep inside me, that desire and thirst for him to take me right then and there, and for me to do the same.

But I didn't let it breathe.

I couldn't.

Not after him lying to me about how he had found me.

He was my fated mate as much as Iav was.

And the first one to stick me claimed me.

Well, I wasn't about to be sticked by someone I hardly knew—not when I had another option in the form of the Severing to free me from this shitshow once and for all.

By now, the spot that was meant to be our destruction had shrunk to the size of a pinhead.

I could block out the entire scene with the tip of my thumb.

I wished my entire memory of this place could be wiped out so easily.

"How long will it take to reach the Surgery?" I said.

"About five hours," Vai said absently.

I nodded and couldn't meet his eyes, the same way he couldn't meet mine.

I wondered why I had to be so petty and small-minded when it came to people telling me things.

It had always bothered me.

I was their ultimate goal, their prize for claiming me.

I had a right to know the truth about the whole thing, didn't I?

"I'll… go to my room," I said. "Let me know when we're almost there."

"I will," Vai said.

I felt his eyes on my ass as I approached the elevator.

Tell him to come with you, an internal voice said. Tell him you want him to be with you. You know it's the truth.

It might be the truth but it still didn't mean I wanted to spread my legs every time a guy turned me on.

I glanced over my shoulder as I drew up to the elevator, every sinew in my body telling me to make the same offer that internal voice had.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

But I wouldn't do it.

No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I thought I should.

I stepped into the elevator.

"My room, please," I said.

As the doors hissed shut, I figured I could cast one more glance at Vai without him noticing.

I peered up through my eyelashes and found he hadn't turned away.

He hadn't moved an inch and stared openly back at me.

He was hot, carved from marble, a model of how perfect God's design could be.

"We're there,"Vai's voice said over the speaker.

It took less than the five hours he had said it would.

I spent the entire time sitting on the edge of my bed running through the past few hours, asking myself to replay the events, only this time to take a different path, one that veered off to one side.

Not all of us were so fortunate to have their darker selves located outside their bodies.

One version of me could have shrugged off his lie—and was it even really a lie when he had simply omitted a piece of information?—and who knows, we might be bumping uglies by now.

Bumping uglies…

That might have cut Iav off but I would have been plunged into an even worse scenario.

I would be tied to Vai for the rest of my life.

My situation would have been both improved and made worse in a single fell swoop.

With no external dark Shadow, I had only myself to blame.

I couldn't escape myself, no matter how hard I tried.

Would I have reacted any differently if I knew sleeping with Vai would have had that result?

It was a big deal to me and I wasn't about to let go of it any time soon.

I splashed water over my face and headed out the door.

I missed a step.

Vai was there to greet me.

He smiled but it was distant.

No doubt thoughts about me had been haunting him as much as he had mine.

"I thought I would escort you to the Surgery," he said.

He extended an elbow to me and, as giddy as I was inside, I played it down so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

I took it and a smile curled my cheek.

I tried to stop myself from doing it but it was no good.

The damn thing insisted on curling itself into a dimple and, glancing across at Vai, I noticed he had a similar curl around his cheek too.

"I checked the scanners but they can't detect Iav at this distance," Vai said. "But the sensors can't reach as far as you can."

The same as our shared bond.

I'd felt Vai every minute of the journey to the Surgery and I couldn't help but prod and probe at that ball of light in my chest.

The more I prodded at him, the less he seemed to react to me.

He just floated there like a sun in the depth of space, unaffected by anything outside his sphere of gravity.

I turned my head to peer at the shiny white wall of the hallway and sensed a twin ball of light in the distance.

Iav was some way off.

Was he still in the minefield? I wondered.

It was hard to tell, but yes, I thought so.

There was no hint he was moving toward us, no sign he had even discovered the truth of our escape.

It felt good to imagine him approaching those empty vessels.

I imagined he would scream and gnash his teeth and blast them to hell in his overwhelming rage.

"He's not close," I said.

"Good."

He placed a hand on my arm that clutched his elbow close.

It sent pin prickles across the surface of my skin and over my entire body.

"What does it feel like to be… Severed from your fated mate?" I said.

His eyes tightened and drifted to one side, considering his response carefully.

"I would say not to worry about it. Focus on the knowledge you will soon be free from Iav and he'll never bother you again."

I smiled and tried to take some comfort in his words, but it was no good.

He would make a terrible poker player.

His thoughts and feelings were painted so clearly on his face that they might as well have been written in ink.

It's the most horrible thing imaginable, his expression said.

There was no point in sugar coating it, as much as he might try to.

"Will it be painful?"

Even I was aware of how small my voice sounded.

"I've… never had it done," he said.

"But you know people who have."

He nodded and was quiet as we marched down the hallway.

Finally, he said:

"Yes, it's painful. But with it comes a great deal of relief. If you want to silence that throbbing ball of light in your chest, there's no better way to do it."

He opened his mouth to continue speaking but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Except to consummate with me.

That was the best way to sever the bond with Iav.

But then I would feel Vai full force and I wasn't sure that was a whole lot better.

Vai came to a stop and turned to face a sheer wall.

I didn't know why we had stopped here of all places.

The ship sat down and I felt the solid thumps of the landing struts as they locked into place.

I turned to Vai but he didn't say a word.

A shard of light formed in the side of the ship and I hopped on the spot, suddenly taken aback.

The shard was a gap in the ramp as it eased down and lowered to the ground below.

The sky was waxy purple, the sunlight on the horizon a dull pink.

The trees were in bloom and the building consisted of half a dozen interlocked buildings, forming a large semi-circle around us.

I might have mistaken it for a European castle if it wasn't for the strange statues that ran along the edge of the path that led up to it.

Large statues stood frozen like guardian angels, each a different breed of alien warrior, faces curled in the midst of battle.

Or maybe they were fallen demons.

Vai moved first and took us down the ramp to the cobbled street below.