CHAPTER 16

Nika

Ryker explained thatas animal guides, as they called themselves, they retained previous lives lived—the stories of generations. Unlike souls rebirthed, they kept their memories and were a great deal more knowledgeable about the magical world than even Bear Claw was. Which explained how he and Tometi knew about Fae with powers like mine. But as animal guides assigned to a host, it was their duty to keep Bear Claw alive—to guide him towards redemption.

In a candid retelling, Ryker described how Salvator had once been kind of heart and fought for the betterment of his tribe. In their tribe, animal guides were assigned to the strongest hosts who protected the future of their people.

Bear Claw was the son of the tribe's chief. Like his father and his father's father, he earned the honor of protecting his people as their Soul Warrior. Salvator was the first in several generations to be protected by two separate animal guides, and it was considered at the time to be a sign of immense prosperity and good fortune.

Salvator didn't let Ryker finish when the wolf went on to say that not long after they came to guide him, Bear Claw's people were killed—his mother and father, his wife and two children, and all the people he'd spent twenty-five years with. Bear Claw was the only survivor.

I was impossibly curious to hear the entire story told from Salvator's perspective, but it'd take a small miracle to get him to freely tell me about it. The man couldn't emphasize his hatred for me more than he already had. But hearing about Bear Claw's past, it was the first time I felt genuine sympathy for the man who tried to kill me.

In the destructive years that followed, their voices quieted in Bear Claw's head. Tometi cut in precisely, adding with a scoff, "Not that he would've listened if he could hear us better." His comment painted a picture of how little they could do as Bear Claw's heart continued to darken. And as Ryker put it, Salvator grew increasingly hateful and greedy. Until they could escape him, they were trapped. In a way, when I collected their souls, I saved them from his growing darkness.

Ryker's earliest memories were five hundred years old, from back when he wandered the Americas as a wolf. He'd seen tribes rise and fall. Wolves were worshipped among the magical tribesman, often drawn to the warriors in ritual-rich tribes who worshipped the wandering animal souls.

"Seeing so many of my hosts die..." Ryker had murmured inside my head, his voice tainted by grief, "it never gets easier. Most of the warriors I guided were brave and true to their kind hearts, so being there as they took their final breaths has always haunted me. I wonder if one day I'll be reacquainted with one in another body. Would I know them as I once did? It's something I ask myself more and more often as the years go on..."

"And what about you? Have you ever wished for your own life again, free from the limitations of your host?" I couldn't stop myself from asking, wondering if the wolf ever wished for a new life where he wasn't tethered to another.

Ryker didn't respond. I heard his soft sigh, but he went silent afterwards. The feeling I got, though, was Ryker yearned for his own life—maybe even dreamed of a future where he lived as a wolf again—and I vowed that if there was a way to do it for him, I'd find it.

Tometi was the oldest, wandering the world for nearly one-thousand years. He said in a quiet moment to me that he'd "seen a world rise and fall to the same darkness and greed," so he'd stopped hoping for things to change. I listened to the bear's gruff voice allude to a pain centuries old, and a strong urge to cry hit me out of nowhere.

Luckily, Silas was there to make me laugh against my will when a tear traveled unbidden down my face. "Which one of those parasite wankers made you cry?" Silas bellowed angrily, hitting a fist into his hand and cranking his head from left to right like he was about to start a fight. It was ridiculous the Fae thought he could do anything to something that didn't have a physical body, but I'd come to expect nothing less of the mercenary. "Right. I'll find a way to kill that bastard, I will. Uh, again. Just give me a day, princess. I'm sure there's some obscure ritual or artifact I can try—"

Unable to stop myself, I laughed, and the sound instantly silenced Silas's rageful rant. It wasn't clear what possessed me to reach out to him, but I quietly leaned in and wrapped my arms around the Fae, taking him by complete surprise. Silas went stone-wall stiff, the muscles pressed against my body rigid.

The bulky troll was a far-cry from Lev, but ironically, I didn't mind how firm he was. Because unlike my barely-warm friend, Silas was unnaturally hot—as in temperature and not looks, though the latter was true too, despite how many times I pretended it wasn't.

I giggled again when I heard Bear Claw murmur, "What is he, a virgin? This playboy asshole has had more women in one night than our group combined. Is he for real right now? Why's he gone all stiff and quiet? Did you break him, Soul Collector?"

It was evident now that whatever I saw and experienced the other three were unfortunately privy to as well, so I'd need to find some way to block them out. I didn't want intimate moments watched by the trio, and while I rued the thought that I'd give into Silas again, I no longer refuted that it was an inevitability. I was drawn to the oversized Fae. Even found myself touching him without understanding why. I couldn't fight the facts. I'd want him again.

One taste, one night, that would never be enough.

Ryker promised earlier that he'd teach me how to create barriers in my head so I could talk privately with one or two, maybe even leave Bear Claw out entirely, but until then, they'd see it all. Which, even as a Fae taught to use her body to overpower a foe, that idea was a step too far. Three men in my head watching, commenting on everything, as I had sex with someone else wasn't my idea of a good time. Even just thinking about it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Ignoring the petulant assassin in my head, I laid my cheek against the mercenary's chest and permitted myself a small moment to inhale his rich scent and hold onto him.

"Little rebel...?"

"Shh." I huffed at him, refusing to let his mouth ruin everything this moment was.

"Right. Shutting my bloody mouth. I'll be as quiet as a mouse, love," Silas whispered, taking in a sharp breath.

The ridiculous brute struggled for several minutes with how to proceed. One might think it was his first interaction with a woman by how his bulky arms moved comically at my sides, battling whether or not to embrace me back. It took the mercenary what felt like forever to finally wrap his arms around me. And even then, Silas held me like I'd break into tiny pieces if he hugged too tight.

When I withdrew, Silas stared at me like he couldn't believe I was the same person he met that first night in the pub. And to his credit, a few weeks ago, I would've never believed I could do something so...vulnerable. But around the silly mercenary, I found myself unintentionally letting my guard down. Around Silas, I felt free to indulge in things I never knew I wanted, let alone needed.

Clearing my throat and avoiding Silas's wide-eyed stare, I turned and closed my eyes. Tometi found his way through me. The electric sensation taking hold of me stole my breath for a second. It wasn't clear how I knew what to do, but the sensation grew in my body, and I was already shifting into Tometi's bear form.

"This power..." Tometi whispered in my head, "You are extremely formidable with it, Nika. I've never felt anything like it. You must be careful wielding it. A power like this can do as much harm as it can do good."

"What does it feel like, Tometi? Argh, I should've gone first. You always get to do the fun transformations," Ryker complained, his wolfish voice rumbling through my head like he was right next to me.

"The two of you are seriously gross. Enough simping. Get a whiff and then go away. This entire evening's giving me a massive headache," Salvator grumbled.

If I hadn't been worried about getting what we needed and leaving, I would've asked how a spirit living in my head managed to suffer from a headache. But I left it alone. Instead, I moved through the hallway, unfamiliar with the feeling of a body that wasn't mine. It was a marvel how Tometi's body could even fit in the narrow corridor and hadn't already pierced through the floor with his nearly nine-hundred pounds of weight. But for a massive creature, Tometi was a nimble thing.

The powerful scent of death was something I noticed registered differently right away. In Tometi's bear form, it didn't make my stomach twist and bile come into my throat. It made me...

A growl echoed down the hall, the word "hungry" replaced with the thunderous sound of a Grizzly Bear.

I turned my head to catch sight of Silas, whose golden gaze had already gone silver. "I'm having a lot of mixed feelings here, little rebel, so make this quick."

I snorted, and Tometi was in my head again. "Do you smell that?"

"All the death, yeah. It's hard not to. Why does it make me hungry, though?" I couldn't help but complain to the bear. It made my head sick thinking a dead woman's body appealed to my stomach in this form. It was a distressing thought I couldn't shake.

Ryker snickered in the background, and Tometi let out a sigh. "It's an animal thing. Just be glad it doesn't make you sick. I don't think your companion would be very happy to experience the fearsome sight of his darling vomiting in bear form."

The wolf's laughter filled my head, and I rolled my eyes, the bear's huffing grunts full of my sarcasm. It might not speak, but even I could hear the sassy note to the sound.

Groaning, the beast's sounds foreign to my own ears, I paddled closer to the room. Through the smell of decaying flesh, I picked up on a feral scent of mold and mildew, but deeper, more resonant and alarming. I scrunched my nose, lifting my enormous head in disgust.

"That's the smell of dark magic, Nika. I'll know his dark magic's scent now. You have my thanks."

I sighed, grateful it was over. "And you have mine, Tometi."

The same way the feeling of transformation crept through my body was how it now receded. I shivered, feeling stripped to my bones and naked for the world to see. Then I stumbled on numb legs, unable to carry my weight like I did before I turned into a bear.

Silas swept in and saved me from hitting the ground. He put my clothes right with a whisk of his wrist, blue magic clothing my body in seconds. "I know this is going to make you glare daggers and whip your tongue at me, love, but I think you should let me carry you. It's not safe to stay here any longer, and I can't risk your legs going all wobbly on me."

With a subtle tilt to his mouth, the mercenary scooped me up into his arms. I glowered at him but said nothing. I was a little lightheaded after taking the bear's shape—something I was promised would get easier the more used to it I got.

"Look at me all cute and huffy like that, little bird, and I might forget what we're doing and find a little private place for you and I—"

"Just get going, asshole. I'm already regretting this entire fucking night, so don't make me regret trusting you on top of it," I hissed.

The mercenary's eyes danced with amusement. "Ah, fuck. You growling in that sassy timbre of yours is hotter now that I know you can change into an actual bear."

"Oh yeah, he's a grade-A pervert," Ryker commented in my head, laughing loud enough to drown out all other sound.

Silas didn't returnto the motel. He took a beaten path out of the city, veered right and recovered a car parked in a random business lot. I was helped into the front seat before my oversized companion put us back on the road. Too tired to crack a joke about the overprepared mercenary, I let my head fall to the side and listened to the silence in my head. The voices went quiet after the transformation.

I called out to Ryker, but the wolf chastised me and angrily commanded that I rest. It seemed a little odd that every time one of the voices in my head worried about my safety, it reminded me of Lev.

I missed my friend, and I wasn't sure if he'd escaped Yuma's clever insight about who might've let the prisoner loose. He did a good job of hiding our relationship, so I had to hope that Lev stayed under the radar after I came up missing. But it was really anyone's guess.

"So, what next?" I asked, watching the dark world outside the glass window.

Silas kept his eyes on the road as I rolled my head back so I could look at him. "It's best to get out of the city for the time being. I have a few places I bought after I left the Brotherhood that we can huddle up in. They won't know where they are, not unless they're tracking us. We'll hold position for a few days in one place until I can figure out who they summoned in that circle."

Sighing, I dragged my eyes over to the dark road ahead, battling the urge to fall asleep. "Bear Claw said something I've been thinking about a lot," I started, and Silas's hands gripped the wheel a little tighter. "He said I better get to soul collecting if I wanted to beat the person Reaper summoned. That the After magnifies someone's darkness. He said the asshole they summoned would want revenge against you."

When I finally cut my eyes over to Silas, the mercenary's jaw was clenched so tight I could see the muscles forming his cheek. "I had a twin brother," the Fae said out of nowhere.

I was suddenly no longer sleepy. I sat straight up and listened intently to what he was about to say.

"Rilas. He and I joined the Brotherhood together, but Rilas..." The other Fae's eyes danced over the horizon, traveling deep into his memories. "That power-hungry wanker wanted more. He started to dip his toes in dark magic—the kind you saw in that room."

I held my breath, fearing that if I breathed too loudly it might make Silas stop talking. So I kept my eyes on him and watched the usual devil-may-care asshole slip into a place of pain and regret. It was a face I'd worn enough times to know it well.

"Your dad said I'd need to make a choice one day, he did. One that would alter my life forever. And he was right, the riddle-crazy geezer." His gold eyes had gone silver, and my heartbeat was in my ears. "I killed him. He'd gone mad as a hatter, and I was his last earthly tie. That nutter brought our father's dagger to do it, too. A poetic irony not lost on me, love. I felt it in my bones something was wrong the day my brother carried our father's dagger."

Something about the way his face cried but his eyes didn't hit harder somehow. I wanted to touch him and soothe the hurt, but I kept my hands firmly in my lap. I let him finish because I wouldn't be able to breathe until he did.

"Rilas wanted a power no other person could overcome so he could one day rule. Like I said, the prick had lost the plot. Worse, those Brotherhood bastards were in on it, too. They knew—you fucking knew, you wanker!" Silas yelled out of nowhere, and my brow knitted together in confusion. "Not you, little rebel. The gormless wanker in your head."

"I didn't know..." came the voice of the gormless wanker in question, and my skin prickled with the sudden presence of Bear Claw in my head. "Reaper, that bastard knew. Maybe the others, too. But I didn't know. I might be a lot of things, but dark magic killed my family—killed my entire fucking tribe. I'd rather die a thousand times than ever use that shit."

I couldn't decide if Salvator was telling the truth or not, but I'd worry about it later.

Silas continued his story after raking a hand through his silver hair, "Once he killed me, he could summon the kind of terrifying power he wanted. I was his last earthly tie, princess. But Rilas was never as good as I was. Anger went to his head. He always got sloppy, and he never once beat me. He wanted it too much, and that made him lose his edge."

The air in the car was charged with the emotion wading through silver eyes, and it kept my mouth shut. When I needed him most, Silas was there for me. I'd be here for him now.

"I never thought I'd have to kill my own brother, but that cockwobble wouldn't see reason. Wouldn't listen to a bloody word I said when he attacked me. His eyes were already tainted by the blood magic he'd used in order to kill me that day."

With a deep sigh, Silas dropped his hand from his hair, and his entire body grieved the loss of his brother. The muscles forming his chest were strained and visible everywhere I looked.

That sort of grief, I'd been hit with it the day my father disappeared—the day my mother died. It was a sadness that soaked into every part of you. It never disappeared, only faded into the background until something brought it back to the surface. I could only imagine what killing one's own brother would do to a person. What that sort of sadness might do with guilt wading in and out, knowing he didn't have any other choice. It was either let his brother kill him and get a power no one should have, or kill his brother, the only person I assumed he had left in his life.

Silas's pretty moon eyes wandered back over to where I was, his face more tired than I'd ever seen it. He hadn't cried, hadn't even gotten misty-eyed, but the anguish swam in every look he offered me. "Even with the blood magic he used, Rilas couldn't win against me. The second the dagger cut through his chest, I knew I'd never be the same; that I'd need to turn my life around. If not for me, Rilas would've never joined the Brotherhood. Maybe if I hadn't encouraged it, he'd be alive...different."

Silas went quiet, then he smiled in self-deprecation. "He wasn't always like that, princess. Rilas was the good one. He may not have been the strongest or most powerful Fae, but he was bloody kind. Kinder than most. I'd always been the bad one. I never thought Rilas felt smaller...weaker around me, love, but that's what ultimately drove him to want more power. And he changed after we joined the Brotherhood. He lost all of his goodness. He got greedy, and I didn't talk sense into him. I didn't pay attention because I'd gotten greedy, too."

His laugh was humorless as the mercenary licked his lips. "Your dad said it, my life changed forever. I needed to be a better man. It wasn't fair Rilas didn't get a chance at redemption like I did. I don't deserve the second chance I got, little bird, but I'm making the most of it for him."

The candid window into Silas's past struck me in a way nothing ever had. It burrowed deep in my chest and hurt when I thought about the many nights the mercenary must have spent in self-loathing after killing his brother—the brother he argued was the good one. What the guilt must've done to him. It was something I knew a little about, but nothing near his level.

I hated it, but the story endeared the stone-cold killer to me. Made me desperate to learn more about him, to see what shaped him into the man he'd become. I never expected how powerful the feeling would be when I thought he was risking his life to keep me away from the Brotherhood.

I didn't offer empty words of sympathy. If it were me, I wouldn't want to hear them. Instead, I reached out and touched the hand Silas had dropped at his side. Without saying anything, I slipped my fingers between his and squeezed.

The mercenary's eyes jerked over to me, and then down to our hands. His lips twitched upwards when his silver gaze met mine again. "You never stop surprising me, princess."

"Shut up, Silas. Don't make me regret this," I sassed, hiding a smile.

The other Fae grinned from ear to ear. "Oh, aye. I'm going to keep my daft mouth shut."