Chapter 27

Iflop to my back, staring at the wood beams protruding from the ceiling.

He said he loved me, and I couldn't say anything back.

A door slams shut across the house. I squeeze my eyes shut, opening my senses, searching down the mate bond for him. A snarled web of emotions flares against me. Love. Anger. Frustration. Most of all, frustration.

Oh, Ras.

I didn't mean to hurt him. I even wanted to say it, to tell him I cared for him back. I just needed to process. I shut the bond down, visualizing doors closing.

He'll come back, I tell myself, slipping under the covers. The bed is beyond soft, a revelation after the hard floor of the cave. It smells like sex, like Ras and me. My insides clench as I remember how he felt inside me, how I could hardly breathe for needing him. I've never experienced anything as all-consuming as the way I feel about him.

"It was only sex," I say aloud, my eyes snapping open. I sit up abruptly, my hair drying in dizzy curls around my shoulders.

I know I'm lying. The words sour on my tongue, and I fidget with the cover, staring out the sole window of the room. The sky is darkening, the light fading.

I yawn, stretching my arms over head. I should go after him. Get dressed, put on clothes, and tell him how I feel about him. Sleep drags at me, and I yawn again.

I love you, Lana Kit.

I smile to myself. The memory of his words play on repeat in my brain until sleep claims me.

I wake with a gasping breath, my mouth full of ashes. My heart's pounding a mile a minute, and nausea wrecks my stomach. I pat the behind me, expecting to find the solid body of Ras.

The bed is cold. Rosy moonlight glints off the windowpane, and I bolt out of bed.

Ras is still gone.

I love you, Lana Kit.

My gut sinks, and I throw open the carved armoire. Something is wrong. Ras is gone. I close my eyes and feel down the bond for him.

Nothing.

"Fuck," I exhale, leaning my head against the wood. Ras is gone. I broke the fragile thing between us because I was too much of a coward to tell the man how I felt. Irritation sparks, igniting full-fledged anger.

No. He does not get to run out on me, he does not get to think I don't care about him.

I rummage through the armoire, picking out things and throwing them on the bed: soft leather leggings, a blouse in a color I can't make out in the darkness. My hands fumble on something hard, and I pull out a pair of thick leather boots. A pair of woolen socks is stuffed inside.

Score.

I tug on the clothes, braiding back my hair as best I can. The cool doorknob turns under my hand, and I pull it open. I'm determined to find Ras and make things right, and I stalk into the hallway... and nearly run straight into Dabin and Danielle.

"Ras is gone." My voice comes out high-pitched. "He left me."

They exchange a knowing look, and I push my hair behind my shoulders.

"Where did he go?" I grab Danielle's arm. "Tell me, please. I have to find him."

"Did you consider he might not want to be found?" Dabin asks. He says it kindly, but it slaps me across the face.

"Did you consider that I don't fucking care? He's my mate, and I will find him. He is mine." The words tear out of me, sharp and angry, and power flares to life all around me.

"It's like that, then." Danielle's face scrunches, like she's come to a decision but doesn't like it at all.

"We don't know where he went, Lana," Dabin says.

I swear, clenching my fists, and look down in surprise when I find something hard in my hand. My eyes widen, and I raise it to get a better look.

Danielle takes a step back.

It's a knife, ice-blue and with a wicked, jagged edge. I squint at it. "Is that a Bowie knife?"

"I think so?" Danielle answers, her gaze wary. "Looks like you figured out your powers."

"I… did I?" I open my hand, and the knife dissolves into blue sparks. I close my fist, and it reappears. "I don't know how to use a knife."

Danielle crosses her arms over her chest, and Dabin steps in front of her. He's protecting her, like Ras would with me, if he were here. But he's not, and it hurts so bad I could scream.

"I wouldn't worry too much about what you know. The knife knows how to use you," Danielle says from behind Dabin. "Best Dabin and I can tell, Ras tore out of here in his lion form. Something pissed him off."

I swallow. "He told me he loved me."

It's Danielle's turn to swear. "What the hell did you say to him?"

I clench my other fist, and a second blade appears. "I didn't say anything, and that's why I have to find him. I have to tell him I love him too. I can't feel him down the bond."

Dabin pushes Danielle back further, putting distance between us. "He looked to be headed to Ulsone."

"That doesn't mean anything to me."

Danielle steps out from behind Dabin, casting him a quieting look. "Lesath. If he's on the way to Ulsone, he's headed for Lesath. He must have wanted to find your sister for you."

Goddammit, Ras. I close my eyes. "He made an oath to me, soon after we first met. My mark flared on my back. He promised to find them."

"That explains it." Dabin scratches his chin absently. "His high emotions must have triggered the oath sooner than later."

"That explains absolutely nothing, but I don't really give a fuck." It's rude, but it's true. "I need to find him. I have to find him." I shift on my feet. "Tell me how to get there."

"It's madness to go after Lesath alone, in the night, at his home, when he has a mate to protect. And Ras was spent after running all day," Dabin continues.

"Not helping," Danielle says, punching him in the shoulder. "She needs us, Dabin. Don't make it worse. She needs a horse. Lana, do you know how to ride?"

"Er. I can manage it."

"So that's a no," Danielle says, shaking her head, her dark brown hair falling out of her topknot. "Damn, it's going to be one of those nights, isn't it? Dabin, go get the horses for us. Looks like we're going with."

"You don't have to do that." My voice shakes.

"I'm not about to set my new friend loose in a vampire infested countryside as she runs after her mate to a giant scorpion. Lesath is a bad bitch. You're going to want backup, trust me." She's switched to English, and Dabin is already gone. Danielle reaches for me, and I release my magic, the knives disappearing. She folds me into her arms, and I hug her back. A sob wracks my chest.

"I messed up. I've been so wrapped up in trying to figure out who I am without my controlling ex and thinking that having a partner would keep me from being myself, that I didn't even stop to think that maybe he'll help me figure that out. That Ras won't stop me from being me, and that he isn't my ex, and I should stop acting like he's the same." I'm babbling, and she pats me between my shoulders.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lana. You didn't tell the big idiot you loved him, and he ran off to go fight a monster on your behalf. That's on him. Also, the mating bond is weird thing. Real weird. You'll get used to it."

I nod again, sucking back another sob. My chest shudders as I wipe my eyes.

"You love him, huh?"

"Yeah." A shaky laugh tears out of me. "I think I do." I don't need to know what I'm supposed to do with my life to know that I want him in it. I can figure that out with him at my side. I have been such a coward.

She squeezes my arm. "Then let's go get that big furry himbo. Clothes look cute on you, by the way." With that, Danielle tugs me down the hall, and gratitude swells in me.

It's still not enough to eclipse the pit of worry for Ras.